An Unexpected Cookbook: The Unofficial Book of Hobbit Cookery (14 page)

A rustic apple tart is a perfect pantry staple to have on hand if one happens to be friends with wizards. It’s fancy enough to feel celebratory yet easy enough you can honestly claim it was no trouble. Better yet, the vegetarian ingredients can be safely left out at room temperature for several days with nothing more than a clean cheesecloth draped on top to keep pests and dust at bay.

1 batch sweet pastry crust
(
from the Apple Hand Pies on pg 34)

4 tbsp quince jelly (fig or black cherry make acceptable substitutes)

1/2 c / 100 g sugar

1 tsp ginger powder

1 tsp cinnamon

½ tsp nutmeg

pinch cloves

pinch salt

finely-grated zest of 1 lemon

6 tart green apples, peeled, cored and sliced into thin wedges

1 tbsp molasses (or treacle)

1 tbsp hot water

2 tbsp butter

Country cooks were well skilled at using the same ingredients and techniques in interesting ways. Rather than conjuring a whole new type of crust, this uses the same sweet pastry dough as the Apple Hand Pies (pg 34) in the chapter on Elevenses
.
Instead of enclosing a bunch of little pies so they’ll withstand a small adventure, you’re going to serve this rustic beauty open faced as the last bite of supper.

Roll out the crust so it’s a large, 9-10 inch / 22-25 cm circle. Trim away the edges. Rather than throw away the extra dough, try turning it into a batch of Plum Heavies. (pg 81) for tomorrow's Afternoon Tea. .

Butter a baking sheet and arrange the neatly trimmed crust in the middle. (If you’re afraid of the tart losing shape during baking, you can arrange the crust in the middle of a springform pan. You’ll still have a rustic, open-faced look when you’re done without the distinctive pie-pan shape.)

Spread your quince jelly in the middle. If you can’t get ahold of quince jelly, you can always substitute fig or black cherry jellies. The flavors won’t be identical, but they’ll still be true to the limitations Tolkien placed on the Shire while also tasting wonderful. The outer 3 inches / 7.5 cm will be folded up and around the tart, so leave that area as clean as possible.

Mix the sugar, ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, salt, and lemon zest. Once the sugar and spices are well blended, add the green apple slices and toss them until every apple slice is well coated. Thin your molasses (or treacle) out with the hot water and drizzle that on top of the apple slices, tossing once more to ensure all the apples are as evenly coated as possible.

Neatly arrange your well coated apple slices over the quince jelly. Once you have an even coating of apples, cut the butter into cubes and dot it over the surface of the fruit.

Carefully fold the crust upwards and inwards to keep the interior from escaping. You can either finish the crust by painting it with an egg wash to make it shiny or keep it rustic and add a little flavor by dusting it with ¼ c / 50 g sugar mixed with 1 tsp cinnamon for a little extra shine, sweetness, and crunch.

Bake your tart at 350F / 180C for 25-30 minutes, or until the exterior is a deep golden brown and the interior apples just start to brown at the edges.

You’ll want to dig in as soon as it comes out of the oven, but resist your natural urges and let the tart settle and cool for half an hour before serving. It’s fantastic on its own, but even better with a dab of clotted cream.

Whatever is left of your tart after supper will stay perfectly good for a couple of days at room temperature. It makes a great cold breakfast the next morning or a nice treat to have on hand in case of visiting wizards.

VEGAN VARIATION

This tart is a couple tablespoons away from being accidentally vegan. Take it the rest of the way by substituting vegan margarine or coconut oil for the butter. Don’t exclude the fat completely or you’ll end up with something that looks and smells great, but just doesn’t have the right mouth feel.

This easy dessert bread will leave your home smelling like an English garden. If you’re feeling extra decadent, try substituting heavy cream for the milk. If there’s any left after dinner, try smothering a thick leftover slice with butter and toasting each side in a skillet for a quick breakfast. The texture change from toasting does surprisingly delightful things to the flavor, and will make you completely forget that you’re eating leftovers.

Batter:

½ c / 115 g butter, softened

1 c / 400 g sugar

3 eggs

zest of ½ lemon

juice of ½ lemon

⅔ c / 155 ml whole milk or almond milk

1 ½ tbsp dried lavender flowers

2 c / 260 g flour

1 tsp baking powder

½ tsp salt

Glaze :

1 tbsp dried lavender flowers

zest of ½ lemon

juice of ½ lemon

1 c / 130 g powdered sugar

Preheat your oven to 350F/180C.

Cream together the butter and sugar. Beat in the eggs, lemon juice, and lemon zest. Once you have a thick, delicious smelling paste, mix in the milk and lavender flowers until all the liquid ingredients are smooth. Let the mix rest for 1-2 minutes so the lavender will have a little time to absorb some moisture.

Meanwhile, whisk together your flour, baking powder, and salt in another bowl.

Once you’ve decided the lavender has rehydrated enough, add your dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and mix it all into a heavy batter.

Butter the heck out of two loaf pans. This isn’t health food. The butter will both add flavor to the crust and, more importantly, help the bread slide out easily.

Divide the batter equally between the pans and bake your loaves at 350F / 180C for 40-45 minutes, or until the top is a light golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

While the loaves bake, prepare your topping by whisking the powdered sugar and lemon juice together until free of lumps. Add the lavender flowers and lemon zest. If the mix is too thin for your taste, you can add more powdered sugar 1 tbsp at a time until it reaches your desired thickness. Remember, the goal here is a light glaze that will soak right into the bread, not a heavy icing.

When the bread comes out of the oven, immediately start jabbing the top with a sharp tined fork. Don’t rake into it. You just want to create some subtle holes in the crust so the icing can penetrate.

When you decide you’ve punctured your bread enough, pour half the glaze over each loaf. Let the loaves sit in their pans for at least 10 minutes while the bread cools and the glaze soaks into the top. Use a butter knife or thin spatula to loosen the sugar coated sides. If you used enough butter, the loaves should now slide right out of the pans. If you want neat, presentable slices, let the bread cool completely before slicing. Confidentially, it’s worth giving up a little presentation to rip into this while it’s still warm.

Most of the Supper recipes could be made in less than 90 minutes. Since Dinner was the last Hobbit meal of the day, it’s a fitting place for the slowest, most labor intensive recipes.

These dishes may take longer to cook, but they make up for it by being a lot less expensive. A whole chicken is not only more affordable than a rack of lamb, but also provides more meat. Oxtails are not only a small fraction the price of venison, but you can also make a delicious broth from the bones. These cheaper cuts of meat, which were common in Tolkien's day, have gone out of fashion in favor of more expensive boneless, skinless fillets with low fat and fast cooking times.

Some rainy Sunday when you have more time than money, it’s well worth indulging in one of these classic dishes. While your home fills up with the tasty aromas of an earlier time, you can indulgently curl up with a good book that starts in a hole in the ground.

A single roast chicken could feed a small family for days. On Sunday night, the parents might have a thigh each while the kids got a drumstick. The next day, everyone would have slices of cold chicken breast with plenty of pickles, mustard, and a chunk of bread. Once all the meat was gone, the rest of the carcass would go into a pot to be turned into broth for soup.

1 whole roasting chicken

½ c / 115 g room temperature butter

5 tbsp fresh garden herbs, minced

5 cloves garlic, minced

2 tsp coarse salt

1 whole head of garlic

2 large sprigs of rosemary

2 ¼ lbs / 1 kg carrots, peeled and cut into 2 inch / 5 cm chunks

2 ¼ lbs / 1 kg potatoes, peeled and cut into 2 inch / 5 cm chunks

Preheat your oven to 475F/245C.

While your oven heats up, mince five tbsps of your favorite fresh garden herbs. If you’re not sure what to use, try 2 tbsp rosemary and 1 each of basil, thyme, and marjoram. Don’t let that limit you, though. Use whatever grows in your corner of the Shire. If herbs are out of season, you can also substitute 2 ½ tbsp of any pre-mixed herb blend.

Mix the minced herbs with the butter, minced garlic, and coarse salt.

Once you’ve achieved a nice, chunky herb butter, set it aside. Now peel your carrots and potatoes. You can also add other root vegetables common to the Shire such as turnips or rutabaga (also known as swede). Just make sure they’re peeled and cut into 2 inch /5 cm chunks so all the vegetables will cook evenly.

Spread an even layer of peeled, cubed vegetables in the bottom of a roasting pan.

Now it’s time to deal with the bird itself.

Thoroughly rinse the interior and exterior of your chicken in cold water. Remove any gizzards or other internal organs. Use paper towels to pat it dry. A dry chicken bathed in butter will produce a nice, crispy skin. A wet chicken, on the other hand, will end up with limp, soggy skin. Do yourself a favor and dry it up.

Cut your whole head of garlic in half horizontally. Rub it all over the interior of the bird. This not only adds flavor, but also has a mild antiseptic effect. This combination of flavor and sanitation is why people commonly rub cut lemons on the interior of a chicken then leave the citrus in place while it cooks. However, since citrus would’ve been extremely expensive in the sort of rural English village that inspired the Shire, they would’ve saved lemons for recipes where they played a starring role. (If you’re not a stickler for period accuracy, feel free to cut a lemon in half, spike it with a couple of cloves, and rub that around the interior as well.)

Gently bruise your rosemary sprigs and stuff them in the cavity along with the two halves of the garlic. Tie the legs together to keep the stuffing in place.

Use your fingers to loosen the skin. Gently slide a tbsp of herb butter under as much skin as possible. Rub another two tbsps of herb butter over the entire bird. Try to coat it as thoroughly as possible. Dot the vegetables with the remaining butter.