American Buffalo (3 page)

DON
: They got their problems, too, Teach.

TEACH
:
I
would like to have their problems.

DON
: All I’m saying, nothing
personal
. . . they were probably, uh,
talking
about something.

TEACH
: Then let them talk about it, then. No, I am sorry, Don, I cannot brush this off. They treat me like an asshole, they are an asshole.

Pause.

The only way to teach these people is to kill them.

Pause.

DON
: You want some coffee?

TEACH
: I’m not hungry.

DON
: Come on, I’m sending Bobby to the Riverside.

TEACH
: (Fuckin’ joint . . .)

DON
: Yeah.

TEACH
: (They harbor
assholes
in there . . .)

DON
: Yeah. Come on, Teach, what do you want? Bob?

BOB
: Yeah?

DON
(to
TEACH
):
Come on, he’s going anyway.
(To
BOB,
handing him a bill)
Get me a Boston, and go for the yogurt.

BOB
: What kind?

DON
: You know, plain, and, if they don’t got it, uh, something else. And get something for yourself.

BOB
: What?

DON
: Whatever you want. But get something to
eat,
and whatever you want to drink, and get Teacher a coffee.

BOB
: Boston, Teach?

TEACH
: No.

BOB
: What?

TEACH
: Black.

BOB
: Right.

DON
: And something for yourself to eat.
(To
TEACH
) He doesn’t want to eat.

TEACH
(to
BOB
):
You got to eat (And this is what I’m saying at The Riverside.)

Pause.

BOB
: (Black coffee.)

DON
: And get something for yourself to eat.
(To
TEACH
) What
do you want to eat? An English muffin?
(To
BOB
) Get Teach an English muffin.

TEACH
: I don’t want an English muffin.

DON
: Get him an English muffin, and make sure they give you jelly.

TEACH
: I don’t want an English muffin.

DON
: What do you want?

TEACH
: I don’t want anything.

BOB
: Come on, Teach, eat something.

Pause.

DON
: You’ll feel better you eat something, Teach.

Pause.

TEACH
(to
BOB
): Tell ‘em to give you an order of bacon, real dry, real crisp.

BOB
: Okay.

TEACH
: And tell the broad if it’s for me she’ll give you more.

BOB
: Okay.

DON
: Anything else you want?

TEACH
: No.

DON
: A cantaloupe?

TEACH
: I never eat cantaloupe.

DON
: No?

TEACH
: It gives me the runs.

DON
: Yeah?

TEACH
: And tell him he shouldn’t say anything to Ruthie.

DON
: He wouldn’t.

TEACH
: No? No, you’re right I’m sorry, Bob.

BOB
: It’s okay.

TEACH
: I’m upset.

BOB
: It’s okay, Teach.

Pause.

TEACH
: Thank you.

BOB
: You’re welcome.

BOB
starts to exit.

DON
: And the plain if they got it.

BOB
: I will.
(Exits.)

DON
: He wouldn’t say anything.

TEACH
: What the fuck do
I
care . . .

Pause.

Cunt.

Pause.

There is not one loyal bone in that bitch’s body.

DON
: How’d you finally do last night?

TEACH
: This has nothing to do with that.

DON
: No, I know. I’m just saying . . . for
talk . . .

TEACH
: Last night? You were here, Don.

Pause.

How’d you do?

DON
: Not well.

TEACH
: Mmm.

DON
: The only one won any money, Retch and Ruthie.

TEACH
(Pause):
Cunt had to win two hundred dollars.

DON
: She’s a good card player.

TEACH
: She is
not
a good card player, Don. She is a mooch and she is a locksmith and she plays like a woman.

Pause.

Fletcher’s
a card player, I’ll give him that But
Ruthie . . .
I mean,
you
see how she fucking plays . . .

DON
: Yeah.

TEACH
: And always with that cunt on her shoulder.

DON
: Grace?

TEACH
: Yes.

DON
: Grace is her partner.

TEACH
: Then let her
be
her partner, then. (You see what I’m talking about?) Everyone, they’re sitting at the table and then Grace is going to walk around . . . fetch an
ashtray . . .
go for
coffee . . . this
. . . and everybody’s all they aren’t going to hide their cards, and they’re going to make a show how they don’t hunch
over,
and like that. I don’t give a shit. I say the broad’s her fucking partner, and she walks in back of me I’m going to hide my hand.

DON
: Yeah.

TEACH
: And I say anybody doesn’t’s out of their mind.

Pause.

We’re talking about money for chrissake, huh? We’re talking about cards. Friendship is friendship, and a wonderful thing, and I am all for it. I have never said different, and you know me on this point.

Okay.

But let’s just keep it
separate
huh, let’s just keep the two apart, and maybe we can deal with each other like some human beings.

Pause.

This is all I’m saying, Don. I know you got a soft spot in your heart for Ruthie . . .

DON
: . . . yeah?

TEACH
: I know you like the broad and Grace and, Bob, I know he likes ‘em too.

DON
: (He likes ‘em.)

TEACH
: And I like ‘em too. (I know, I know.) I’m not averse to this. I’m not averse to sitting down. (I know we
will
sit down.) These things happen, I’m not saying that they don’t . . . and yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I lost a bundle at the game and blah blah blah.

Pause.

But all I ever ask (and I would say this to her face) is only she remembers who is who and not to go around with
her
or Gracie either with this attitude. “The Past is Past, and this is Now, and so Fuck You.”

You see?

DON
: Yes.

Long pause.

TEACH
: So what’s new?

DON
: Nothing.

TEACH
: Same old shit, huh?

DON
: Yup.

TEACH
: You seen my hat?

DON
: No. Did you leave it here?

TEACH
: Yeah.

Pause.

DON
: You ask them over at The Riv?

TEACH
: I left it here.

Pause.

DON
: Well, you left it here, it’s here.

TEACH
: You seen it?

DON
: No.

Pause.

TEACH
: Fletch been in?

DON
: No.

TEACH
: Prolly drop in one or so, huh?

DON
: Yeah, You know. You never know with Fletcher.

TEACH
: No.

DON
: He might drop in the
morning . . .

TEACH
: Yeah.

DON
: And then he might, he’s gone for ten or fifteen days you never know he’s gone.

TEACH
: Yeah.

DON
: Why?

TEACH
: I want to talk to him.

DON
(Pause)
: Ruth would know.

TEACH
: You sure you didn’t seen my hat?

DON
: I didn’t see it. No.

Pause.

Ruthie might know.

TEACH
: (Vicious dyke.)

DON
: Look in the john.

TEACH
: It isn’t in the john. I wouldn’t leave it there.

DON
: Do you got something up with Fletch?

TEACH
: No. Just I have to talk to him.

DON
: He’ll probably show up.

TEACH
: Oh yeah . . .
(Pause. Indicating objects on the counter)
What’re
these?

DON
: Those?

TEACH
: Yeah.

DON
: They’re from 1933.

TEACH
: From the thing?

DON
: Yeah.

Pause.

TEACH
: Nice.

DON
: They had a whole market in ‘em. Just like anything. They license out the shit and everybody makes it.

TEACH
: Yeah? (I knew that.)

DON
: Just like now. They had
combs,
and
brushes . . .
you know, brushes with the thing on ‘em . . .

TEACH
: Yeah. I know. They had . . . uh . . . what? Clothing too, huh?

DON
: I think. Sure. Everything. And there’re guys they just collect the stuff.

TEACH
: They got that much of it around?

DON
:
Shit
yes. (It’s not that long ago.) The thing, it ran two years, and they had (
I
don’t know) all kinds of people every year they’re buying everything that they can lay their hands on that they’re going to take it back to Buffalo to give it, you know, to their aunt, and it mounts up.

TEACH
: What does it go for?

DON
: The compact?

TEACH
: Yeah.

DON
: Aah . . . (You want it?)

TEACH
: No.

DON
: Oh. I’m just asking. I mean,
you
want it . . .

TEACH
: No. I mean somebody walks
in
here . . .

DON
: Oh. Somebody walks
in
here . . . (This shit’s fashionable . . .)

TEACH
: (I don’t doubt it.)

DON
: . . . and they’re gonna have to go like fifteen bucks.

TEACH
: You’re fulla shit.

DON
: My word of honor.

TEACH
: No shit.

DON
: Everything like that.

TEACH
: (A bunch of fucking thieves.)

DON
: Yeah. Everything.

TEACH
(snorts)
: What a bunch of crap, huh?

DON
:
Oh
yeah.

TEACH
: Every goddamn thing.

DON
: Yes.

TEACH
: If I kept the stuff that I threw
out . . .

DON
: . . . yes.

TEACH
: I would be a wealthy man today. I would be cruising on some European yacht.

DON
: Uh-huh.

TEACH
: (Shit my father used to keep in his
desk
drawer.)

DON
: (My father, too.)

TEACH
: (The
basement . . .
)

DON
: (Uh-huh.)

TEACH
: (Fuckin’ toys in the backyard, for chrissake . . .)

DON
: (Don’t even talk about it.)

TEACH
: It’s . . . I don’t know.

Pause.

You want to play some gin?

DON
: Maybe later.

TEACH
: Okay.

Pause.

I
dunno.

Pause.

Fucking
day . . .

Pause.

Fucking
weather . . .

Pause.

DON
: You think it’s going to rain?

TEACH
: Yeah. I do. Later.

DON
: Yeah?

TEACH
: Well,
look
at it

BOB
appears, carrying a paper bag with coffee and foodstuffs in it.

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.

BOB
: Ruthie isn’t mad at you.

TEACH
: She isn’t?

BOB
: No.

TEACH
: How do you know?

BOB
: I found out.

TEACH
: How?

BOB
: I talked to her.

TEACH
: You talked to her.

BOB
: Yes.

TEACH
: I asked you you weren’t going to.