Always In: The Shore Series Book 2 (37 page)

But she's not happy.

"My Turnip's not happy. What do I need to do change that?"

They all look at me, and smile. Max grabs his phone, dials, and speaks to the person on the other end.

"Yeah, it's Max. No...no, put the blender away, and the hatchet…and the hydrofluoric acid. The intervention worked, Willow. He's on board. Operation ‘get Turnip back’ will commence."

He presses end on the call and smiles.

"Intervention, huh. So that's what this was? You guys did a shitty job."

They all look pretty proud of themselves in spite of my remark.

"Okay, let's go get my girl.”

CHAPTER 20

It takes a couple seconds to say hello, but forever to say goodbye

Harlow~

Most of my stuff is packed. We have to be in England in two weeks. I’m subleasing my place so the furniture stays. All the pictures are down off my walls. Exposure from the sun has created outlines leaving their mark. I feel as though I have left my mark. I did what I set out to do while I lived here. While I lived in Princeton. I got to teach. I hope I’m leaving my mark with those kids. I hope what I taught them made a difference. My school does year-to-year contracts so there were no problems when Daniel and I said we were leaving. Only sad faces.

When I told my family I was leaving, they didn't seem too enthralled with the whole idea. They have been getting to know Daniel and Henry, too, but they think I’m rushing into this. My parents told me they feel I should give this more time. I can't though. How can I try and give this relationship a go if he lives in England and I’m here? This is my way of moving on. I'll be working as a reading aid at the school at which he is going to be teaching. It's a smaller job than what I have now, but it could lead to a better one. I’m just grateful for what I have.

Willow and Thea, well, they are worse than my parents. Willow mostly. She's over here every day trying to talk me out of it. I keep telling her at least she'll have some place to visit for vacations. Every time I say that, her response is for me to fuck off. I have to practically push her out the door most nights.

Daniel has a friend who is in real estate and he found several homes that fit our needs. We looked over all the ones he found and decided on a nice, three-bedroom home in Bollington, a suburb of Cheshire. He calls it a sleepy little town, full of family oriented activities and festivals, and for Henry, an excellent school. He'd know best.

My last session with Dr. Goldberg is today and this weekend everyone is taking me out for a goodbye dinner and night out. The new tenants move in before I go so I'll be bunking at Craw's. Daniel shipped a lot of Henry’s things so Henry is bunking with him, and Ally already moved into an apartment with a friend. My parents want me to go there, but my mom is an emotional mess. I can't go there with her like that. As much as I love her, I can't do it.

Big news around town: Chad Knox gets one year in jail and two years probation for aggravated assault and DUI of a marine vehicle. It was a long time coming. My parents fought very hard to convict him. Granny couldn't help this time. When people found out what she had done, she was pretty much isolated from her hoity-toity socialite friends. Even a bunch of snots she associated with thought what she did to her own granddaughter was pathetic.

Chad cried when they gave him his sentence. No slap on the wrist. He got what he deserved even though I forgave him. Facing him and his family in court was tough. Getting on the stand to testify was terrifying. Reliving most of what I could remember was difficult. Recalling what I have been through in the past year, I think, convinced the jury to find him guilty on all charges. Justice to me was served. Mr. Knox mouthed the words “I’m sorry” to my dad. He gave him a nod and that was it. He still can’t look him in the eye. Now that he knows how he treated his daughter and what transpired between us - I guess it’s hard looking someone who fathered Chad Knox in the eye. It's a shame, really, that a twenty-year friendship had to end because Mr. Knox’s son was an asshole and almost killed me.

As they handcuffed Chad to bring him to jail, he called out to me and said, "Harlow, I’m so sorry. For everything." Forgive yes, forget never.

***

This is the last time I'll ever be in Dr. Goldberg's office. It's odd but I’m ready to move on, feeling as though this is some sort of a graduation.

"Are you packed and ready?"

I nod and smile to him, my lips closed, but I manage to lift the corners of my mouth.

"And how are you feeling about the whole thing? The start of a new life."

"I feel good about it. I consider it the next chapter. I’m looking forward to some new scenery and culture. It'll be great.”

Even though I normally tell Dr. Goldberg the truth, I can’t help recite the words I have used so many times. It’s what everyone needs to hear.

Dr. Goldberg scribbles down words.

When he's done, he eases back in his chair, holding the tip of the pen in his mouth.

"And things with Daniel? Good? Getting to know more about each other?"

"Oh, yes. I mean I see him mostly at school and on weekends. I’ve been busy taking care of things here, you know, getting things in order, so there hasn't been any time to really spend together. Henry was sick with a bad case of bronchitis and strep throat, so I wasn't able to visit them for about a week."

"So has your time been a bit diminished over the last month or so? You know, because of things having to be taken care of?"

"I guess you could say that. We talk every day though. We have dinner with my family on Sundays. They like Daniel and Henry."

"Is your family still a bit apprehensive about the move?"

"They are, but I’m an adult, and I know they want what’s best for me, but they also need to understand I have to do this for myself. I need a fresh start."

The room grows quiet. Dr. Goldberg scribbles in my damn chart again and it's annoying me.

"Harlow, let me ask you, have you heard from Cruz? Do you know of his whereabouts?"

Cruz.

“Cruz is gone. No one has heard from him. No one has seen him. I talked to Bella, which you knew, only that one time. He doesn't want to be found, Dr. Goldberg. That he has made clear."

"Did you want to find him? Is that why you called Bella?"

"No! Dr. Goldberg, I gave him no reason to stay. I couldn't make up my damn mind, he walked away, I let him and that's the end of it!" My words come out like fire and I feel so bad for exploding like that as he's been so kind to me. I can't help it.

"I’m sorry, Dr. Goldberg. I’m so sorry I spoke to you in that tone. It's just that I’m constantly being questioned for my actions. I did and said what I did because they were my reasons, my decisions. It's my life. My family, my friends, they are all so taken back by this sudden move and I can't seem to convince them as to why, but I just know it's the right thing to do."

Dr. Goldberg leans into his desk, clasping his hands together, and resting them on the desk.

"How do you know it's the right thing to do? Is it your head telling you or is it your heart? Is it the allure of moving and starting a new life with Daniel and Henry that makes you think it's the right thing to do, or is it because you feel there are no other choices?"

"I have choices."

"We always have choices, Harlow, but the question is, do we make the right choices for the right reasons? No human is perfect and no human is without mistakes. It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to accept them and move past them. Everybody makes mistakes and everyone has their reasons for making them."

Dr. Goldberg gets up from his large leather chair, from his large mahogany desk that smells like lemon furniture polish, and sits in the chair next to mine.

"People make mistakes. They lie, they cheat, they steal. They have their reasons, their justifications for their behavior. What you need to think about is why those mistakes were made and if the person who made them had a valid reason for in fact making them. What brought them to their choice? What made them do what they did?" He pats my hand and smiles at me in a fatherly way.

"Harlow, I believe in clean slates, and I believe in taking chances. I believe we all have a sole purpose on this earth. To love and to be loved, no matter what. But I’m a firm believer in reality and what makes us truly happy. What fills our hearts and minds with wonder, love, and passion? What fuels us to be the people we were meant to be? Love is that answer, Harlow, and everyone should be so blessed to have it and to have had it. But the question at hand is, do you love Daniel?”

I'll miss Dr. Goldberg.

***

I’m trying to pack my winter clothes to have them shipped to England. The weather is getting warmer here and there's no need for them. I leave next week. My phone is ringing. It's Daniel.

"Hi."

"Hello, beautiful girl. How's the packing?"

I blow a stray hair away from my face.

"Oh, fine. Almost done with my winter stuff. I’m bringing it Monday to have it shipped."

"Excellent. Willow and Thea coming over for a girl’s night tonight?"

"Ah, hmm. Yeah, I guess."

"What's wrong, darling? You okay? You seem a bit distant lately. Is it that you're busy preparing?”

Even though we are intimate on occasion, sometimes I don’t feel like I’m one hundred percent present. Like in the moment. I feel like an outsider looking in. I can’t explain it. I just know I feel like sometimes I’m watching a movie - I’m watching something happening to someone else.

"Yes, that's it. I’m sorry. I’m just trying to get everything ready and trying to spend time with my family as much as I can."

"I understand, love. Well, listen. I'll let you get back to it. Have a nice time with the girls."

"Thanks. Listen, I have to go. Someone’s knocking at my door. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay. Till then."

I’m sure it's Willow at my door. She's early. Why didn’t she just let herself in? I put the last of my sweaters in the box and stick it in the living room with the rest of them. I’m sweating and in need of a shower. Twisting the knob, I open the door and there stands Cruz.

"What the hell are you doing here?" His striking blue eyes meet mine. I turn away quickly.

He makes his way inside, not waiting for me to invite him in. I stand with my back against the door, not shutting it. Why should I? I’m going to kick him out any second now. I’m angry and I want to know why he’s here. Why?

"Why are you here, Cruz?"

He looks at all the boxes, surveys them, touching each one labeled winter and fall. He looks up at my bare walls, which once held pictures of my friends and family.

"Going somewhere?"

I cross my arms in protest.

"That's really none of your business. You can't waltz in here after four months and ask me questions."

He stalks over to me, picks me up by my upper arms and with his strength, moves me to the side of the open door. He slams it shut and locks it.

"Tell me where you're going." I reach for the handle to unlock the door and he grabs my hand. Forcefully, he brings it above my head and against the wall.

"I’m not telling you. Leave my home immediately."

"Not until you tell me what’s with all the boxes. Spring cleaning maybe, Turnip?"

"Don't call me that," I say glaring at him.

"Why not? That's your name."

"Not anymore. Now leave me alone." He grabs my left hand and brings it up to meet the right. My chest is rising and falling and I feel a fire growing in my belly. He brings his body closer to mine.

He leans in my ear and whispers, "Tell. Me." I feel his hot breath on my neck spreading over my skin.

I swallow hard. "Eng...England." He moves his head to my other ear.

"I hear it's a beautiful country. Why are you going there?" My neck falls back slightly, bending my chin upward, and I shut my eyes. I can hardly speak. It's been forever since I’ve heard his voice or felt his touch on my skin. Their touches are so different - Cruz and Daniel’s. With Daniel’s it’s new and exciting. With Cruz, it’s new, exciting, familiar, and
oh God, his lips on my flesh
.

"I...I’m going...with...with Daniel." I feel his hot lips on my neck trailing tiny kisses from the lobe of my ear to my shoulder blade.

“With Daniel. I see...I see.... Can I ask you a question?"

Oh, God whatever he's doing is driving me crazy. Why? Oh, why does he make me feel this way?

"Y-yes."

"Do you love him? Do you love Daniel?"

My head rolls to the side, exposing more of my neck. Goose bumps cover my flesh from the feel of his mouth on my skin, which burns with every feather-light kiss.

"Why, Cruz?" My voice is hushed. "What does it matter?

His eyes find mine and he stops his assault on my skin with his lips and softly grabs my chin so that my eyes are just as focused on his as his are on mine.

"It matters to me because
I
love you. I love you so much that for the last four months when I thought I was breathing, I wasn't. When I thought you weren't there in my thoughts, you were. You were inside me. Always there. Always inside." He brings my hand down and places it over his heart and it rests there with his head hanging down.

I here him choke back a sob and he raises his head and I see the tears filling his eyes.

"I don't want to live another day apart from you. I thought I could, but I can't. Please just say that you'll forgive me for lying to you about my family. Tell me you don't love him. Tell me you love me. Me."

I can't look at him. My heart will break and I won't do it again to myself.

"I do forgive you, Cruz. I understand why you did what you did. I’m sorry you felt as though you couldn't tell me the truth. It doesn't change the fact that I’m leaving in a week and starting a new life.”

God, it’s not easy for me to say these things to him, but yet I want him to react more to my words. Why isn’t he reacting the way I thought he would?

"With Daniel and his son."

"Yes, with Daniel and his son."

He let's go of my hands and when he does, he blinks, and his tears fall down his face.