Always Come Home (Emerson 1) (19 page)

Could he?

He breathed her in, kissed her into oblivion. And
when she cried out with her release, he was with her in his own way. The only
way he could be.

She was still breathing hard as he lay down beside
her and pulled her head onto his chest. He reached for the nearest clothing –
hers, he believed, but was beyond caring – and covered her with it. She lay
boneless in his arms and though he was harder than he’d ever been, he gave no
thought to going further. Being with her like this was enough. It had to be.

“Colin,” she whispered, as she pulled a shaky hand
up to caress his cheek. “Colin, what was that?”

“Something it was my pleasure to give you, love.”
Love
.
It felt so right to call her that. “It was something I wish I could do
forever.”

“But you did not…I mean, there was no pleasure for
you.”

“On the contrary, I shall dream of this night for
the rest of my life. It was sublime.”

She must not have believed him, for he saw her hand
reaching for him. Her slender fingers were about to press against his cock,
when he caught her hand.

“I would love nothing more,” he said, barely able to
get the words out, given the way his body was rebelling. “But I am afraid I
will not be able to stop if you do. And I will not do that to you. To us.
Please let us remain as we are. A moment frozen in time. Before regrets. For
it would be more lonely than I could ever imagine to make love to you fully,
then never do so again.”

For a moment, she remained as she was. Reaching for
him, but held back by him. Then she slowly pulled her hand away and once again
placed her head on his chest. They were silent for several minutes. He could
not be sure, but he believed he felt one of her tears drop down to his chest.

It was just as well, since he was crying himself.

The days following Christmas were busy in the dower
house. Ava sent inquiries to employment agencies in London and even one in
Scotland. Colin tried not to take it personally that she would try to move
that far away from him. Though he also knew he would always be tempted to find
her, no matter where she was.

Colin sent a few inquiries of his own to London, to
a few men he’d gone to school with. While the vast majority of the students at
Eton and Oxford had been from the aristocracy, there had also been a few sons
of solicitors and other men of business. Colin had always made a point to make
them feel welcome, especially since he knew Clayton and his ilk loved preying
on anyone they considered beneath them.

And they’d considered everyone beneath them.

But perhaps one of those men now engaged in commerce
could help him by offering employment. Perhaps it was possible to restore his family’s
finances without having to marry for money. Perhaps a future with Ava was
possible.

Dear sweet, passionate Ava. By unspoken agreement,
they’d avoided being alone with each other since their night in the library. Ava
had begun her lessons with Letty, so they could usually count on his youngest
sister being an unwitting chaperone. Rose, however, was another matter. She was
intent on matchmaking, for whenever Rose would come upon the three of them, she
would find some excuse to draw Letty away. A part of Colin applauded her
actions, for the more time he spent with Ava, alone or in company, the less he
wanted to be apart from her. And he suspected Rose knew that.

It was ironic, then, that it was Rose herself who
inadvertently convinced him he must marry for money.

A week after the interlude in the library, Colin had
entered the sitting room to find Ava preparing Letty’s lessons. She’d been
avoiding the library, just as he had. Neither needed a reminder of what had
transpired there.

“Ava,” he said.

She looked up and the moment their eyes met he was
seized by the urge to kiss her senseless. To run his hands over every part of
her. To make her his.

“Ava,” he said again, for he couldn’t think of
anything to say other than asking her – no, begging her – to let him make love
to her.

But just then Rose entered the room. “I’m so glad
to find you both here. I am done with Letty’s new gown and she would like to
show it to you.”

Letty entered, beaming from ear to ear and wearing
her new gown made from the fabric James had sent from America. The green was
the perfect complement to her hair. Colin noticed this gown was much longer
than the ones she’d previously worn, perhaps even too long. No doubt Rose had
left plenty of material since this one would have to last a while.

“You look beautiful, Letty,” said Colin.

“Yes, you do,” said Ava. “And Lady Rosemary is an
accomplished
modiste
.”

“Perhaps I should have my own shop on Bond Street,”
said Rose. “’Twould be an easy life if all my customers were as beautiful as
Letty.”

“I can hardly wait to see the gown you make for
yourself,” said Ava. “If you need any help, I’ll be happy to assist.”

Rose straightened the bow on Letty’s dress. “Thank
you for the kind offer, Ava. But I am sure I can muddle through.”

“Rose doesn’t have the material anymore,” said Letty.
“She sold it to Mrs. Watkins in the village.”

“You what?” asked Colin.

“Oh, dear,” said Rose. “I was hoping you wouldn’t
find out. It was terribly generous of James to send it. But the fabric was so
fine, I decided we would get much more use out of it in credit from Mrs.
Watkins. And when would I ever have an occasion to wear such a grand gown?”

“At your come-out!” said Colin.

Rose sighed. “Letty, why don’t you go show Maude
and Stemple your new gown? I am sure they would love to see it.”

When Letty left, Rose turned to Colin, once more the
voice of reason and practicality. “A Season is such a waste of money.”

“It is your birthright!”

“Perhaps I should leave,” said Ava.

“Ava, please stay,” said Rose, “and help me talk
some sense into my stubborn brother. The cost of a Season goes well beyond one
dress. We simply cannot afford it, Colin, regardless of how hard you have
worked to get us out of dun territory. Furthermore, I do not want a Season.
At least not right now. There’s nothing to say I can’t have one another year,
if you still feel it is necessary.”

“But you deserve the chance to have fun like other
girls.”

“I have never thought the Season sounded even
remotely fun. Have you ever enjoyed it?”

For a moment, all Colin could do was sputter like a
fish, though an elegant one. “That is not the point. Ladies are supposed to
enjoy the Season. Gentlemen merely tolerate it.”

“So the best I can hope for would be to find a
gentleman who would barely tolerate my existence.”

“You would have gentlemen swarming all over you.
Which, now that I think of it, isn’t at all to my liking. But how will you
meet a husband if not in the social whirl of the
ton
?”

“How will I meet one in an atmosphere where a proper
lady is never supposed to speak her mind or act as she normally does? I
daresay any husband I would capture under such circumstances could surely sue
me for luring him into a contract under false pretenses. And what makes you
think I must go to London to find a husband? Perhaps I have already picked one
out.”

Colin did not know what to say. It was hard to
argue about the artifice of the
ton
. It was one of the things he hated
the most about the world they’d been born into. But what the devil had she
meant about already picking out a husband? And it wasn’t just Rose’s
declaration that had been odd. There had been a speculative look on Ava’s face
that made him think she knew his sister better than he did. Colin made a mental
note to ask her about it later.

There he was again, trying to find ways to be alone
with Ava when Rose was sacrificing her own future. He’d seen her admiring the
white silk, yet she’d selflessly sold it to that gossip Mrs. Watkins to help
provide for the family. Colin had to do his part, which meant seriously
considering Miss Babcock as a bridal candidate.

Mrs. Babcock had already made her plans for his
future clear. Not a day went by that she didn’t send a note inviting him and
Rose to the house for one event or another. Rose had told Colin she had no
desire to return. While she’d liked Miss Babcock during the little time she’d spent
with her on Christmas, a visit to Nora would mean time spent with Richard and
Myra. Rose felt the unpleasantness of the latter more than cancelled out any
pleasure in the former.

Colin understood – and shared – Rose’s views about
Richard and Myra. But he had every reason to accept Mrs. Babcock’s
invitations. For, as prospective brides went, little fault could be found with
Nora Babcock. At least from what little he knew of her.

Yes, she was American, which meant she would receive
snubs from some of the haughtier members of the
ton
. But Colin had
never cared about bloodlines. Her heritage would not bother him in the
slightest.

Her family, however, was slightly more problematic.
He didn’t know if there was a polite way of inquiring whether her family planned
to return to America on a, hopefully, permanent basis.

But as Ava began sending more and more queries to
employment agencies with almost insulting haste and his own to London had so
far gone unanswered, Colin began the process of getting to know Miss Nora
Babcock. He wanted to see if they could form a friendship that would be the
foundation of a marriage. For, while he knew he would never find a love match
when his heart would always be Ava’s, he could never enter into a marriage with
someone he did not even like. Perhaps he would discover some hidden fault of
Miss Babcock’s that would so repulse him that he could put from his mind any
type of courtship.

He knew he should not wish for it, but could not
help it. For, after all, he was a besotted fool for Ava.

*

“Stemple,” said Rose, as she entered the kitchen to
find him and Maude laughing about something even as Maude prepared dinner and
Stemple polished the silver. Rose was quite fond of them both. She hoped they
would stay even after they married, though a betrothal had not yet been
announced.

Men could be such slowtops.

“My lady,” said Stemple. “How may I be of
assistance?”

“There is a favor I must ask of you. Please stop
posting Miss Conway’s letters. At least the ones to employment agencies.”

Stemple looked a bit uncertain. “But, Lord Ridgeway
gives me the post to take to the village nearly every day.”

“Yes, and while you may certainly continue to post
his correspondence, please refrain from doing so for Miss Conway.”

Stemple grew only more confused. “If I might ask,
my lady, has Miss Conway done something to anger you?”

“Not at all. I like her very much, indeed. Which
is why you must stop posting those letters.”

“We don’t want Miss Conway to leave,” Maude
explained to Victor. “If you keep posting those letters someone will hire her
and she’ll be forced to go.”

“But his lordship asked me to do so.”

“I know you are very dedicated to Lord Ridgeway,”
said his sister. “But the last thing my brother needs is for Miss Conway to
find employment in London or anywhere else. The next time Miss Conway hands
you a letter for the post, simply give it to me, instead. They’ll both thank
us in the end. I like the way you are doing your hair, Maude. It is very
pretty. Don’t you think so, Stemple?”

“Uh, of course, my lady.”

“And you’ll do what I ask?”

“Yes, my lady.”

“Excellent!” said Rose as she smiled at both of them
and departed.

Stemple could only watch her go. “I don’t feel right
disobeying his lordship,” he said.

“But you want Ava and his lordship to end up
together, don’t you?”

“Yes, but…”

“There’s no ‘but’ about it, then. Do as Lady
Rosemary says.”

Maude turned back to her work as Stemple was left to
wonder once again about the complexities of love.

*

Colin did not know what was wrong with him. He was
alone with Miss Babcock in the sitting room in the manor. Her mother had left
them alone with the door cracked only the slightest amount. Nora was a
beautiful woman, dressed in a gown that showed off her features admirably. Myra
wasn’t the only one in the family with an impressive bosom, though Nora’s was a
good deal more covered.

A man intent on marrying the beautiful heiress at
his side would have tried to kiss her by now. He might even have tried to
compromise her. With her eager mother hovering just outside the door, he had a
feeling it could be done easily.

But Colin didn’t feel like kissing her. All he
wanted to do was go back to the dower house and kiss Ava. However, he had to at
least try to get to know Miss Babcock. He would start with simple conversation.

“Do you miss America?”

Nora angled her head as she considered the question.
The afternoon sun draped her features in a dazzling light. “I miss some of the
people and the country itself can be most beautiful. But I daresay I am quite
happy here in England, as well.”

“My brother has written of the resilient American
spirit that believes no obstacle is too great to overcome. It is an admirable
trait.”

“But there is also something to be said for British
traditions. I imagine there are doors open to you for no other reason than
your birthright.”

“That is true and I will be the first to admit that
being an earl does give one advantages. At the same time, there are activities
which are harder to undertake when one is in the peerage, such as having a
profession.”

Miss Babcock’s lovely eyebrows rose in surprise.
“You would like to have a profession?”

“Quite frankly, I never thought about it all that
much before discovering the extent of my family’s financial difficulties. The
closest I ever came was when I was a soldier. I joined primarily because I
felt it was my duty, though I must admit I gained some satisfaction from
knowing just how much it displeased my father. But I found I did not care for
war and certainly would not have wished to make a career of it.”

“I imagine it would be dreadfully difficult work.
But, you were an officer. They had a much better time of it, did they not?”

Colin thought back to his service. Yes, the
officers had a much better time of it than the rank and file. There were some
officers who were so far back from the front lines they might as well have been
in England. But he had not been one of them. He’d preferred being with his
men, leading them into battle. The greatest hardship had not come from the sleep
deprivation or terrible food or the filth and disease. It had not even come
from the risk of dying or being horribly injured. No, the worst part of being
an officer had been watching the men in his command mowed down in battle, dying
agonizing deaths.