All Roads Lead Home (45 page)

I said goodbye to Wendy and walked back into the stables and sat with She-devil. I sent Tenley a text telling her I would be home soon. She responded back a few minutes later telling me to take my time, and she would be there waiting when I got home. Her words alone had the ability to make me weak in the knees. I didn’t know how she was feeling after reading Jamie’s letter, or maybe she didn’t read it at all. No one knew more than I did how Tenley felt about Jamie. They were extremely close and protective of one another.

With another deep breath let out, I tore the envelope open and began reading my letter.

Dear Jagger,

Let me begin by saying Thank you. Thank you for loving and not giving up on my sister. If you’re reading this letter, then I’m going to say congratulations, brother, on marrying the love of your life. I always believed in my heart that you two would find your way back to each other. I know what I asked of you all those years ago, and I know what it cost you, but you’re a good man, Jagger Parrish, and I am very proud to call you my brother in law.

If I could ask one more favor of you, I swear it will truly be my last. I know I don’t have to give you the big brother speech: “If you hurt her, I’ll kill you and make it look like an accident.” I won’t be around for that…but my daddy will, and you know what an extensive gun collection he keeps at the house. Okay?! I hope you know I’m kidding. You love my sister too much to ever hurt her, at least not intentionally. She’s an amazing person who lost her way after I died. It wasn’t too hard to figure that would happen if you knew the true Tenley. I’m just forever thankful that she found herself again, the real girl that she closed off for too many years to count.

Am I a mind reader? No, I’m not. I’m still very much alive as I write this letter to you, but my time is short, Jagger, and I feel God all around me. The letters I wrote to Tenley, it was me being hopeful and just wanting the very best for my sister. If Wendy carried out my last request in handing you this letter, then know, my brother, I am at peace and will be up here in heaven keeping protective eyes on the ones I love. You are my best friend, and it was an honor to be yours. Be happy, Jagger. May you and Tenley be blessed every day of your shared life together.

Yours,

Jamie

I folded his letter and placed it in my coat pocket. Here I was, a grown man never one for crying, but after reading Jamie’s letter that’s all I could do. He’d been gone for more than five years now and his words felt like he was still here with us.

We were the same age, but his soul was older and filled with wisdom beyond his years. On the outside, Jamie was pure cowboy. He worked from sunrise to sundown every single day on his ranch and side by side with his father. On the inside, Jamie spoke as if he was a philosopher of a different time. He was smart as a whip and got straight A’s. He saved our asses more times than I could count when Shane and I decided to party in college, where he stayed behind to study. I got my share of good grades, but Jamie was the most responsible one out of our group, and when my eye turned to Tenley, I’ll never forget what he said to me.

Tenley and I were keeping our new relationship a secret until we could figure out how we would tell Jamie about it. It was mine and Shane’s job to keep all the assholes away from his sister within a 50 mile safe zone. He never expected one of his closest friends making a move on her, but she wasn’t just any girl, Tenley was
the
girl, and I was going to make her mine. I wanted to come clean, but she wanted to wait. He was her hero and she didn’t want to disappoint him.

It all changed the day he walked in on us making out, yeah it was quite the compromising position. I was never so scared in all of my life. We matched in height, but Jamie was a bear and could do some serious damage if he wanted to.

Tenley worked her magic on him and shouted out that she loved me. I nearly passed out upon hearing the words. I loved her too, but to actually hear it was an amazing feeling. The shock wore off, and he gave us his blessing. Tenley and I had been through so much to be together, and here was Jamie helping us all along. His friendship was a gift. Our brotherhood was a blessing.

I made my way to my truck and looked up toward the sky. I saw a shooting star and felt the wind blow on my face.

“A shooting star? Seriously bro? You were always a show-off.”

I smiled as I thought of my friend. I took out my letter and held it in my hands pointing to the sky.

“Thank you for this, Jamie. Thank you for believing in us. I promise you, brother, I will never let you down and will love her for the rest of my life.”

I tucked the paper back into my coat and made my way home…home to Tenley.

THE DAY I read Jamie’s last letter was the day when I closed the page to the living diary of my past. When I was younger I thought I was somewhat invincible. I could saddle my horse and ride like the wind and chase the blue sky looking over the Grand Teton Mountains. I never felt more alive than when I was riding and never felt so alone after Jamie died. Time had stood still the morning of his passing with the ring of my phone and the shrilling cries I let out after I hung up on my mother. That was the day I had fallen and didn’t rise again until five years later when his letter arrived.

It took reading Jamie’s words and deciphering the messages to get me to open my eyes and take a real hard look at myself in the mirror, and an even harder look at the life I had been living. My brother’s life was tragically cut short from something greater beyond our control. He made me promise to move forward with my life and to live every day to the fullest. To not get lost in my grief and to celebrate life and his memory, but I didn’t keep that promise. Career, money, fancy clothes all looked great on the outside, but if your spirit had no light shining through it, you truly had nothing.

My daddy always used to tell me that he was the richest man in the world, and I would say to him, “Because of where we live and what we have.” I was young at the time, my answer was appropriate for my age. He shook his head and laughed at my answer. My father was just as strong in his thinking as Jamie was. You could stare at a painting all day and just see the image, but they would always look beyond the canvas. They looked at what the artist was trying to convey in his work and the meaning behind it. After a few moments of pause, my father lifted my chin so I could look into his eyes and he said:

“I am the richest man in the world, because I found love here on this land. I found love with your mother, and then I found love again when we were blessed with the most amazing children. Love is the strongest emotion you shall ever know in your lifetime, and it’s one I hope my little Tumbleweed will find one day. It will confuse you, make you crazy, and then incredibly happy all at the same time. You will know it when it happens, and then, my sweet baby girl, you will be rich too.”

I could feel the heat radiating all over my face from smiling and remembering one of many beautiful moments spent with my father. I kept my word to my brother and took my parents along with Jagger to visit his grave. It was a beautiful sunny summer day in July. The flowers were in bloom and not a cloud was in the sky. We all joined hands in a circle and prayed together. We each shared a story about Jamie, and then laughed together, smiled together, and then shared a few tears too, but all happy ones.

As my family and Jagger made their way back down the mountain, I stayed behind to have a private chat with my brother. I could not see him, but I felt a strong presence surrounding me, and I knew he was watching from heaven. I had written him a letter and I read it out loud, hoping he would hear my words to him.

Dear Jamie,

To say thank you to you for everything you did for me doesn’t even come close to the thousand words I want to say. You always believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. You said you didn’t have a crystal ball to see the future, but you were wrong, you did, big brother. Your amazing, beautiful heart served as your magic window to all of our lives. Through your words, you gave me the greatest gift one could ever receive, and that was giving me my life back. I will always be grateful to you Jamie for the gift you gave me. I will never waste a moment, and I promise to live life to the fullest. To be happy with the man I love. To have babies with the man I love, and move forward hand and hand with Jagger, always and forever. This I promise you, brother, with all of the beats in my heart.

I’ll love you always and smile every night up to the stars where I know you’re shining brightly.

Love,

Tenley

I folded the letter and placed it in a tin box. I wanted my words close to Jamie, so he would know that I was okay and would be for the rest of my days. I buried it under a bed of flowers, where it would always remain.

My new life began the minute Jagger asked me to
stay
with him. I could never go back and change my past, I could only live in the present where we spent our days working the ranch, spending time with our family and friends. We witnessed another love story on the day Shane married Shelby. Our friend finally got his happily ever, and we couldn’t have been happier for him.

I looked at the calendar, and it was once again the anniversary of my brother’s death. There would be no sadness today, only tears of joy when I would share my news with Jagger. I had gone into private practice and worked from the comforts of our beautiful home. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be the gladiator I once was, but it was okay because I was happier with the person I was now and the life I had made here with Jagger.

I asked him to come home early, and he did with no question. He thought I may have been sad because of the day and what it represented, but no, I wasn’t. Today was for Jagger. When he walked through the door, my knees went weak at the sight of him. He was just beautiful…my husband, my world. I watched him hang his hat and kick off his boots, and then he saw me and caught me staring. He winked and asked me if I liked what I was looking at. I winked back, and I told him I liked it very much. He picked me up and lovingly kissed me and twirled me around until we were both dizzy.

He put me down, but not until he showered me with kisses and told me how much he loved me. I took his hand and asked him to follow me. He said, “Always love. You lead and I will follow.”

Damn! My cowboy sure knew what to say to make my heart melt.
We sat in our favorite spot in the living room. Our view was spectacular with the mountains in our backyard. I handed him a note, because I didn’t trust myself to be able to say the words without falling apart into a heap of tears.

“A note? What’s this?” he asked as he began to unfold it. I took a deep breath and answered him.

“A gift.” Just two words was all I said.

“Oh, sweetheart, don’t you know I have everything I could ever want here with you? You don’t have to give me anything.”

“It’s not just for you, it’s for us.” I whispered. Jagger smiled and read my note.

Dear Jagger,

I’m pregnant with your child. I love you so much, husband, and I thank you for loving me.

Tenley…

His brown eyes filled with tears as he read the words out loud.

“You’re pregnant? We’re going to have a baby? And I’m going to be a father?”

“Yes, Jagger, you are. Are you happy?” As if I didn’t know, but asked anyway.

“Oh my love, I think we need a new word for happy. I am so beyond happy and so in love with you.”

He took me into his arms, where he kissed me until my eyes rolled back into my head. I was drunk on Jagger. He carried me up to our bedroom, and we made love until the night was upon us and the stars were shining through our skylight.

As Jagger held me in his arms, I reflected on this day a year ago where I was feeling the loss of my brother and the pain I still carried with me. Now, one year later, my life was completely changed. It took a letter from beyond the grave to help me stop drowning and come up to the surface. To breathe life back into my lungs, and to feel love again in my heart.

Jagger always told me that our story was written in the stars for us. I believed that with my heart and soul. My eyes found my star, and I knew it was Jamie once again shining down on us. My parents always told me that home would be here waiting for me when I was ready to come back to it. No matter what road I would take in my life, all roads would lead me home. It took a letter to make me finally believe what I tried so hard to forget. I wasn’t the same girl I was when I left all those years ago. I was found again through Jamie’s hope and Jagger’s love.

I’m not a runner anymore.

I was…
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