All of You (9 page)

Gah! Okay, I was being ridiculous. He wasn’t
going to hate me, and even if he did and never spoke to me again,
it was no loss. Except I really did like talking to him. I looked
at my phone again, willing it to chime with a text from Lincoln. I
waited a half hour before finally going to bed, falling asleep with
my phone in my hand.

~~~~~~~~

“Jillian? Hello? Did I wake you?” a voice
said in the darkness.

My head was foggy with sleep, and I didn’t
know who was talking. I was sitting up in bed and had my phone up
to my ear, having apparently answered it in my sleep. “No! I’m
awake. I’m awake,” I replied, trying to hide my scratchy sleep
voice. I rolled my eyes at myself. Why do people try to hide it
when someone wakes them up? “What... what time is it?” I asked into
the phone, still confused.

“It’s after midnight. I told you I would call
you Saturday morning.”

I shook the rest of the sleep from my brain
and realized I was talking to Lincoln. I flopped back into bed and
sighed into the phone. “Yeah, but I thought you meant like when it
was light out.”

Lincoln chuckled. “Sorry. We just landed and
I wanted to apologize for not texting you sooner.”

“So you decided to apologize by waking me up
in the middle of the night?” I teased.

He chuckled again. “You’re adorable when
you’re sleep deprived,” he said. I could only grunt into the phone
in reply. I felt stupid for being half asleep and trying to talk to
him. My brain just wasn’t awake yet. “Almost as adorable as you
were with that goofy face in the picture you sent.” Lincoln
continued.

My face broke out into a grin, my brain fully
awake now. “I wanted to cheer you up after the game,” I said,
rolling on to my side and snuggling down into my bed. I loved my
bed. I had a fascination with beds and bedding. I only bought the
nicest, most comfortable bedding I could find in my price range.
The fluffier the better in my opinion.

“Well, it worked,” Lincoln replied.

“Good,” I said with a smile. “I am sorry you
lost, though. It looked like a good game.”

“Thanks. You kind of get used to it. As much
as it sucks, you know you can’t win them all,” Lincoln said.

I picked at the fluff on my pillow. “So
you’re back in Chicago now?”

“Yeah, we just landed. I’m actually still on
the plane. I wanted to call you as soon as I could.”

“Oh?”

“What are you doing today?” he asked.

“Well, so far my big plans involve going back
to sleep for several hours.”

Lincoln chuckled. “And after that?”

“Not sure. Becca’s off, so I don’t have to
watch Tabitha.”

“The Winter Festival is going on downtown.
Brian’s out of town for work, so Kennedy asked if I would help her
take the kids. Would you like to go with us? I promise it won’t be
babysitting duty the whole time,” Lincoln asked hopefully.

I hadn’t been to the Winter Festival since I
was a little girl. My father used to bundle up all us kids and take
us to the festival, leaving our mother at home so she could have a
day off. I remembered the ice sculptures in the winter village and
the highlight of the whole festival—the shimmering ice castle. It
had a drawbridge, several spiral towers, and a grand throne room
and was completely made of ice. When I was a little girl, I was
sure a princess lived there.

“That’s sounds nice,” I replied.

“Yeah? If you don’t want to do that, we can
do something else…,” Lincoln trailed off.

“No, that sounds fun. I haven’t been to the
festival in ages.”

“So you’re free all day? Should I pick you up
at noon and we can get lunch and then go to the festival?”

“That sounds good. But, Lincoln—this isn’t a
date,” I said firmly.

“We’ll see about that,” Lincoln responded,
and I could hear the smile in his voice. “See you at noon,
Jillian.” He hung up without waiting for my reply.

I exhaled and laid back, closing my eyes and
trying to go back to sleep, but I was too excited about our plans.
Even if Lincoln was going to need reassurance that we could only be
friends. Part of me just wanted to let myself fall for him. It
would be so easy to let out the emotions that were bubbling under
the surface.

I frowned at myself and let my hand graze
under the bottom of my shirt. My fingers traced the outline of my
scars on my stomach and hip. I had always hated my scars,
obviously, but never so much as right now. I wanted Lincoln, I
admitted to myself. But I couldn’t have what I wanted. Once he
discovered my ugliness, he wouldn’t want me.

I huffed and rolled back to my side. I turned
my phone off and threw it across the room in the darkness. Pulling
the covers over my head, I embraced the darkness and waited for
sleep to immerse me.

Chapter Seven

Lincoln knocked on my front door promptly at
noon. I was hiding in my room, pretending to have a wardrobe
crisis. I could hear Rebecca call to me from downstairs as I tried
to contain my growing despair. I didn’t reply, and Rebecca must
have known something was wrong. When she came up to investigate,
she found me sitting on the floor in my closet with my head in my
hands.

“Jillian?” Rebecca asked with a voice full of
concern.

I sighed. “I’m all right. I’m all right. Just
having moment,” I said.

“Can you tell me what your moment is
about?”

“I don’t want to tell you. I know what you’re
going to say,” I replied, looking up at my sister.

“All right… If you know what I’m going to
say, then maybe you should listen to me. I’m usually right about
these things,” she said with humor.

“It’s just hard to hear it from you when I’m
the one that has to look in the mirror every day.” I put my head
back in my hands.

“Jillian…, “

“I know. I know. Blah blah blah. Beautiful
inside and out. Whatever. I just don’t know what to do. What am I
supposed to tell him? He’s here for a date. I can’t date him,
Becca!” I exclaimed with a touch a panic.

“Okay. Are you going to freak out every time
he comes over here?” Rebecca joked.

“Ugh! You’re not helping!”

She sat down on the floor in front of me.
“How about you let him decide if he can date you or not?”

“’Cause don’t you think he deserves to know
what he’s getting into?”

“No. I don’t,” she said plainly.

“What?!” I spat.

“It shouldn’t matter.” She shrugged.

“Of course it matters, Becca!” Obviously it
matters! He should know how unworthy I was.

“No, it shouldn’t. You are an awesome person,
Jillian,” Rebecca said, looking me straight in the eye. “And if he
honestly deserves to be with you, then it shouldn’t matter.”

I sighed deeply. “It shouldn’t. But it will.
And I don’t know what to do about it.”

Rebecca stood up, and I followed. “Don’t do
anything. Just let it play out, Jillian. This might be the best
thing ever.”

“Yeah, right,” I replied, full of doubt, and
walked out of my room.

I bounded down the steps, and Lincoln greeted
me with a big smile.

“Hi. Ready to go?” he asked as I shrugged
into Rebecca’s coat and grabbed my purse.

“Yeah. Bye, Rebecca,” I replied.

Lincoln held the door open for me. “Thanks,
Rebecca,” he said to my sister with a serious tone, and Rebecca
nodded at him with a meaningful look in her eye.

“Where do you want to eat?” Lincoln asked as
we walked to his vehicle.

“Oh, I don’t know. You craving anything?”

He looked at me with a smirk. “Yes,” he
replied and put his arm around my shoulders. “But I don’t care
where we eat either.”

I blushed bright red and knew I should not
allow him to keep his arm around me. I didn't want to give him
false hope over what our future could be. But before I could shrug
out of his embrace he squeezed my shoulder. “How about pizza?” he
asked me. “There’s a ‘by-the-slice’ place downtown near the
festival…”

“Sounds great.” I nodded as Lincoln opened my
car door for me and made sure I was settled before getting in on
his side. Despite my trepidation about Lincoln, I was excited to
see the Winter Festival again.

“How old are Kennedy’s kids?” I asked after
Lincoln got in and fired up the engine.

“Ben is five, and Madison is two and a
half.”

“Oh my. No wonder she wanted help,” I
joked.

Lincoln laughed. “Yeah. They can be a
handful, but they’re good kids,”

I smiled at the thought of Uncle Lincoln
playing with his niece and nephew. “What does her husband do?
Something political?”

“God, no. He’s a wildlife specialist with the
DNR.”

“That would be a cool job. Get to be outside
all the time?”

“Yeah.” Lincoln chuckled slightly. “Except
when it’s thirty below zero and you have the diehards out ice
fishing. He still has to go out in weather like that.”

“Ooh. Okay, yeah. I changed my mind. That
would not be a fun job,” I said with a laugh.

“He really does love it though. I think
that’s the only thing that keeps Ken from asking him to find a job
that lets him be home more—she knows he loves that job.”

“That sounds lonely,” I said softly,
remembering what Kennedy had said at the bar.

Lincoln nodded in reply. “She is really
excited you’re coming today, though,” he said with a big grin.

“Really?” I asked doubtfully.

“Really.” Lincoln answered. “And so am I.” He
reached over and grasped my hand. I swallowed hard but smiled up at
him. His hand felt so good around mine. It was tough and callused
from his years of hockey playing but felt warm and strong around
mine. I didn’t want to lead him on, but I couldn’t deny my
attraction to him any longer. He smiled back at me, and we drove
the rest of the way in quiet conversation while holding hands.

~~~~~~~~

“Hot chocolate?” Lincoln asked me with a
smirk. We were walking through the winter village, meandering
through the quaint touristy shops on either side of the path.

“Don’t even think about it, buddy.” I teased
back, and Lincoln let out a loud laugh. He grabbed my hand again,
and I felt a flutter in my stomach. I couldn’t contain my
smile.

We were having an amazing day. I had
forgotten how special this festival was, and I was glad I was there
with Lincoln. He truly seemed to care about me, although I knew how
easily that could be faked. He had held my hand throughout the day,
joking with me and teasing me in a charming manner. I was quickly
falling for him. It was so easy to do. Even though we hardly knew
each other, Lincoln brought out feelings in me that I hadn’t felt
in a long time. Feelings like comfort, acceptance, and security.
For now, I was going with the flow and allowing myself to have a
fun day with this man who made me feel so happy. I would deal with
the consequences of my actions later. This was just a crush. So I
temporarily let my guard down and teased him back with ease.

“I want hot chocolate, Uncle Linc!” the
five-year-old Ben said, tugging on Lincoln’s coat.

“Oh no, you don’t need any hot chocolate
right now, kiddo,” Kennedy told her son.

“How about we go through the ice castle
first, and then maybe we can have hot chocolate?” I suggested, and
Madison pointed at the ice castle. I let go of Lincoln’s hand and
picked up little Madison. “Did you know a princess lives in that
castle?” The little girl looked at me with wide eyes. “Do you see
the tower all the way up there?” Madison nodded. “That’s her
bedroom. She’s waiting up there for her prince. Should we go see if
she is up there?” Madison stuck her fingers in her mouth, smiled,
and nodded, and we all began walking toward the castle, Madison on
my hip and Ben holding Lincoln’s hand.

“You’re so good with them,” Kennedy said and
I smiled.

“Oh. Thanks… Comes from helping raise my
niece,” I replied while playing with Madison’s boot, making her
giggle.

Lincoln was unusually quiet as we made our
way up the ice steps to the tower of the castle. Once we reached
the tower room, Ben began pretending to wield a sword like a knight
in an attempt to fight off an evil force. We were the only ones in
the tower for the time being, so I carried Madison to one of the
four windows and looked out. Kennedy stood at another window with
Ben, pointing out meaningful landmarks. Ben eventually got bored
and ran toward Madison and me, waving his invisible sword.

“I’ll save you, Princess!” he cried, and
Madison squealed and shimmied out of my arms. Ben grabbed Madison
and began tickling her, causing her to squeal even louder. She
broke free from her brother and awkwardly cantered toward the ice
steps and started heading down them with Ben hot on her heels.

“Careful kiddos!” Kennedy hollered and went
after them, leaving Lincoln and me alone in the tower of ice. I
giggled at the kids and turned to look at Lincoln with a big smile,
but he wasn’t looking at me with amusement. His eyes were
smoldering into mine, and he took two giant steps toward me. I
gasped as he reached a hand up and cupped the back of my head. He
brought his other hand up and pushed a lock of hair back from my
face.

“You’re the princess, Jillian. You’re my
princess,” Lincoln said to me and lowered his lips softly to
mine.

I melted into the embrace and deepened the
kiss. Despite the cold from being surrounded by ice, I felt warmth
spreading through my body. I brought a hand up to his cheek and ran
my fingers through his scruffy beard. With the other hand, I
grabbed his coat and pulled him closer.

Our mouths moved in perfect rhythm together,
and I wished this moment would last forever, or at least long
enough to imprint this feeling in my heart forever, but all too
soon Lincoln broke the kiss. He stood close in front of me and
peered into my eyes. Lincoln brought his hand up and ran his
fingertips down my cheek. “Told you this was a date,” he said with
a smirk. I smiled back at his stubbornness, and he grabbed my hand
to lead me out of the castle.