All My Life (26 page)

There was only one time I sat in a stylist’s chair and told her to “cut it.” They say that people make drastic changes to their hair when there is something major going on in their lives, such as a divorce, a death, or a new job. None of these things was remotely on my radar screen—I just wanted a change. So, I went to work in the morning with long luscious hair and came home that night with a new, very short cut I had seen on a model in Italian Vogue magazine. I did a lot of minor experimenting over the years, but that was my most radical change. Much to my surprise, both Helmut and I ended up liking the way short hair looked on me. I eventually grew my hair long again because I missed that style. As it turned out, I went through a lot of different looks as I slowly made the transition back to long hair, and I enjoyed that part of the change, too.

When it comes to my character, I personally like Erica’s hair to be moving. I don’t enjoy the up-dos as much as I like a good sexy, messy cut. I often ask the stylist to put her hands in my hair and really shake it up. Whenever I do that, the control room usually sends word to the set to have someone tame it a bit once I get there. Ever since we started shooting the show with high-definition cameras, there has been a tendency to coif my hair a little neater because it looks better when taping. Still, I like the messy look better. There are no mirrors on the set, so I rarely have the ability to “check” myself before doing a scene. I have to trust the experts to make sure everything is in its proper place. Thank goodness I have been lucky enough to work with some of the best hair and makeup people in television. They have made the process enjoyable and worthwhile day in and day out.

It is so much fun to go to work and get paid to play dress up. I sometimes think I am the luckiest girl in the world because not only do I get to have my hair and makeup done each day, I get to play in someone else’s closet, choosing between this gorgeous dress and that fabulous gown.

My wardrobe decisions for Erica are part of a collaborative process. Our costume designer, David Zyla, and I usually have the first discussion. But I also rely on the expertise of our wardrobe department and the amazing alterations they do. And when it comes to Erica’s wardrobe, David and I are always on the same page. He really understands Erica and knows what works for her. David’s job isn’t just to dress each actor in a way that makes them feel good and look good. He’s also concerned with storytelling. I sometimes think we should all get dressed in the morning asking ourselves, What story am I trying to tell? and What am I expressing? Ask yourself what image you are trying to present to the world. How do you want to be perceived by your boss, colleagues, that cute guy, and by the world at large? Doing this before you get dressed just might influence your decisions in a very positive and fun way. Try it.

I have never worked with a stylist outside of All My Children. My dress decisions are usually made in conjunction with David, my mother, and my husband. They all have exquisite judgment and each knows what looks good on me. Ever since I was a little girl, my mother has had a great eye and has enjoyed picking out clothes for me. She has wonderful taste and had a hand in choosing my last four Emmy dresses. She’s great to shop with and I still find it so endearing that she is so thoughtful and patient with me. David likes her taste so much he once told me that if my mother ever wanted a job, she could go to work at All My Children.

But there was one time that was an absolute fashion disaster. It was in the late eighties and I was on location in Toronto doing a film when I realized I needed to find a dress for the Emmy Awards. At that time most designers simply couldn’t put enough stuff on a garment at the same time. The dress I chose was a strappy number that had every extra a dress could possibly have—and shouldn’t have. It was black and silver, had lace, and was beaded, too. It was so busy, it was blinding—and in the end, it was a definite learning experience.

Once I’ve got my hair and makeup done, life can move pretty fast on the set. We shoot ninety pages of dialogue a day. To put that into perspective for you, a major feature film might shoot, on average, two pages a day. An independent film, maybe four or five pages a day. In fact, it took five weeks to shoot the chariot scene in Ben-Hur. Since I am generally in so many scenes, I am constantly playing a game of “Beat the Clock.” Our studio in New York was about a city block long. If you had to run across it, it would be the equivalent of running the length of a football field. One day, I was running to the hair and makeup room as fast as I could when the heel of my shoe got caught on some cables and I tripped. I fell on the hard cement stage floor, landing on my knees. Cables are usually on the floor, and sometimes taped down. For whatever reason, these cables were raised a couple of inches off the floor. I knew they were there, as I had been jumping cables all day making my way back and forth from the stage to the makeup room. I got up and thought I was okay to walk back to my dressing room. I didn’t feel great, but I was able to make my way back. By the time I got to my room, I was in so much pain I really could not take another step. I had heard that if you break your kneecap, you cannot walk. I could walk, so I thought I must be all right.

One of the producers came into my dressing room to see how I was doing. He offered to send me to the emergency room, but I declined. I thought I could shake off the pain. The producer was worried about me, but he seemed more worried about the four-hour delay an impromptu visit to the hospital would create in his shooting schedule, so I decided to tough it out.

As the day went on, I had a scene where I was supposed to walk down a flight of stairs to get to my table at a local nightclub. By this time, my legs had become Jell-O. Although the scene had not been staged this way, I asked the actor I was working with if I could hold on to his arm. I somehow made it down the steps, played the scene, and was finally able to call it quits, as that was my last scene for the day.

By the time I got home that night, I was in terrible pain. My mother was at our house for dinner. I was sitting opposite her at the table. When I tried to cross my leg, she could see that something was wrong.

“What are you doing, Susan?” she asked.

“Trying to cross my leg,” I said.

“If one of your children was sitting here hurt, you would be right to the doctor’s office with them. You are my child. You need to see a doctor now.” And she was right.

Fortunately, Helmut had a golfing buddy who was an orthopedic surgeon. Even though it was ten o’clock at night, we called Woody Greiner, who graciously agreed to meet us at a nearby hospital so we could have some X-rays taken. Woody looked at the films and immediately told me that I had fractured my kneecap. It hadn’t gone all of the way through, but I was going to have to stay off my feet for two weeks. There was no way that was going to happen. I was fully committed at the show. Woody agreed to give me a Velcro cast that I promised to wear whenever I wasn’t shooting a scene. The wardrobe department found the cutest silver metallic flats for me to wear. Those two weeks of healing are the only time in the history of All My Children that Erica Kane wore flat shoes.

My working days can last anywhere from eight to eighteen hours a day. If we shoot late, there is no pushing back the next day’s start time. It’s “see you in the morning” for everyone. The schedule is grueling and hectic, but the fast pace is part of what I love most about working in daytime. I never get the chance to become bored because things are always changing. I have a new script to learn every day because tomorrow we get to do it all over again. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’ve also had opportunities to help those less fortunate. Here I am in Africa working with Feed the Children alongside Tony Geary, Kelly Monaco, Erik Estrada, Larry Jones, Kyle Massey, Chris Massey, and Devon Werkheiser.

This is one of the beautiful children I met at a school we visited.

I was treated like a rock star for bringing them such simple things as lollipops and rubber balls.

Of course, my greatest blessings have been family and friends. This is my real-life leading man and husband, Helmut Huber, on our wedding day…

enjoying a quiet walk along the beach…

and renewing our vows in Vienna at the Hofburgkapelle, the Emperor’s private chapel, in 1994.

Courtesy of the Friars Club

Helmut and I love to dance. This is us taking a whirl at our summer home…

and again at Helmut’s surprise seventieth birthday party.

Photographs by Heidi Gutman/American Broadcasting Companies, Inc.

This is the one-of-a-kind invitation I sent to him to be sure he wouldn’t suspect a thing about the party! Of course there was no affiliate event that night.

Photographs by Linda Loeffler

Here we are in Alaska on our dogsled at the Iditarod.

We were there as guests of our good friends philanthropists and racing aficionados Marylou Whitney and John Hendrickson.

And this is us high above Lac Tignes in France, moments before Helmut saved my life…for the first time!

Photograph by Luis Martinez, courtesy of Getty Images

Here are my wonderful children Liza and Andreas. They accompanied me to the Ellis Island Medal of Honor Award ceremony.

This is adorable Liza, one year old, all bundled up in the snow. (I’m bundled up, too, in a cozy hand-knitted hat and sweater from the Norwegian mom who hosted me during my studies abroad.)

I love this photo representing three generations of women in my family—Liza, my mother, and me.

Here my beautiful mother and I are headed to a charity luncheon in Palm Beach.

And this is a picture of Liza and me on the evening she appeared as Miss Golden Globe. Doesn’t she look stunning?!

Courtesy of Getty Images

I tried to hide my real-life pregnancy with Andreas while opening a disco as Erica…

Photographs by Ann Limongello/American Broadcasting Companies, Inc.

but Andreas and I are happy to pose for the camera in this photo—one of my all-time favorites of the two of us together.

I adore being a grandmother. This is me with my first born grandson, Royce.

This is the pure white doe and her fawn spotted outside our window the day our youngest grandson, Brendan, was born. What magic the day held!

Here are my very handsome grandsons together…

and having fun with my wonderful son-in-law, Alex!

These are my best friends from college—Cathy, Patty, Linda, and Pat—who have been there for me throughout it all.

I call these fabulous friends from my hometown—Sandy, Kathy, Chris, Sue, and Mary—my “homegirls.”

This is my friend Mary whom I adore as well. Here we are celebrating our Christmas birthdays together.

Finally, my family would not be complete without Frida, pictured here with our dog, Oscar. She has cared for us all since Liza was a toddler.

This is the inside of my dressing room in L.A. I’ll just read my script now while
you finish reading my book!

Dancing with the Stars

The summer of 2005 marked the debut of a new ABC television show called Dancing with the Stars. Producers had approached me several times to participate in the first season of the show, but I didn’t feel as if I could take on the overwhelming task of shooting All My Children in New York while learning to dance and flying back and forth to Los Angeles twice a week. I watched the first season with great curiosity because I love to dance and I have a deep appreciation for those who can really move. I became an instant fan and continued to tune in every week. Despite my personal interest, I turned down the opportunity to participate for several more seasons.

I never even considered the possibility of doing Dancing with the Stars until the fall of 2007 when my costar Cameron Mathison joined the cast for its fifth season. Honestly, until I saw Cameron on the show, I didn’t even think it was doable for me. But once he was brave enough to try it, I knew I could do it, too.

I debuted as one of the contestants for season seven. I was paired with the wonderful, sexy, talented, and very patient Tony Davolani. Thankfully, the show sends your partner wherever you live, so Tony and I were able to spend five weeks preparing for our first appearance. For season seven, the producers had decided that in the first week they would add a second dance for each couple. The show had become very popular, so introducing new elements and shaking things up kept it interesting for the viewers. The producers are wonderful and very clever that way. There was one challenge, though—not only was I learning to ballroom-dance, I was now charged with having to learn two dances for my first week—the cha-cha and the quickstep!

Tony had to teach me those two dances complete with ballroom posture and technique. One of the reasons I was finally able to commit to the show was that the producers promised me that my dance partner would go wherever I needed him to be in order to rehearse—whether it was Manhattan, Garden City, or the Hamptons, where I spend my weekends in the summer. Tony went where I went. If I had to be in St. Petersburg, Florida, for a Home Shopping appearance, Tony came with me so we could dance. If I was doing an appearance in Altoona, Pennsylvania, Tony came with me so we could dance. Luckily, my schedule that summer wasn’t too bad, so we did most of our rehearsals out at the beach at the Westhampton Performing Arts Center. They offered us a gorgeous dance hall to use as our rehearsal space. That room was clean as a whistle. I swear that you could eat off the floor. The facility was perfect and everyone there was very accommodating.

Tony and I got to know each other rather well over the course of those many weeks we spent practicing as I learned proper postures, moves, holds, and style. It was a good thing that I do a lot of Pilates because at least I had excellent core strength to do the moves he was teaching me. They were all very foreign and surprising to me. I had no formal training as a dancer, but I had taken some modern dance back in college. Latin dancing is completely different from the smooth style of ballroom. I had no idea what an art form ballroom dancing is. I knew I loved to watch it and I always loved to dance, but I didn’t know that in addition to learning the steps, I would actually have to learn the language of movement. I was taught things I had absolutely no idea I was going to have to learn. I am that girl who loves to move when music is playing, especially Brazilian music. I’m out on that dance floor having a good time, dancing without a care, as if no one is watching. I was never thinking about pattern or choreography. I was just moving. Those days were over! I would dance, thinking I was doing a great job, and Tony would say, “NO!” Up until this experience, I knew I had rhythm and I thought that was the main thing you needed to dance. But according to Tony, you need so much more. And he was right. Once again, I was completely out of my comfort zone. Although I definitely wanted to grow, this time I might have been in over my head. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening.

All I wanted to do was dance! Who knew you’re not supposed to bend your leg in Latin dancing—Tony told me the judges consider that an “ugly” leg in routines. Apparently, you’re supposed to move from the hips—not the knees. As a two-time International Latin Ballroom Dancing champion, not only does Tony know what he’s talking about, he can swivel his hips unlike any man I have ever met—on-screen or off! He is an amazing dancer and a remarkable teacher and choreographer.

The show airs the dancing competition live on Monday nights and the results live on Tuesday nights. Cameron explained that it could be done as long as you plan out your time just right. He told me he’d gotten it down to a science. I really wanted to do the show, so I was willing to do whatever it took. I’d take the first flight out of JFK on Saturday morning, which would get me to the West Coast by nine-thirty, allowing enough time to make my first stop at the CBS Studio where the show is shot, go to my costume fittings, and then on to a dance studio to rehearse and dance—for hours. By Saturday afternoon, we had to perform our routine perfectly to record on camera so the shots could be set for Monday’s live show. I’d go to the CBS studio for my final costume fitting early Sunday morning, then head upstairs for the tanning process, then back to the dance studio for several more hours of rehearsal before ending up at the CBS studio again for our first opportunity to practice our routine on the stage.

Monday is showtime, which meant I was back at the CBS studio early in the morning to rehearse onstage and, for the first time, with the orchestra. By late morning, I was in hair and makeup so I could be ready for dress rehearsal at one o’clock in the afternoon. When we finished, I was back in hair and makeup for some final touches, and any free moments after that were spent dancing with Tony, preparing for the live show, which started at five o’clock Pacific time for the live broadcast on the East Coast.

As we stood backstage before the show, there was always a flurry of body makeup and sparkly powder that got sprinkled like fairy dust on us. The powder always matched my costumes. There were final tweaks to hair and makeup as the stage manager wrangled us up the long staircase so we could take our places before going on. The atmosphere was electrifying. The presence of the live studio audience and orchestra was exhilarating. When it was our turn, I stood poised with my dance partner, Tony Davolani, ready to enter, as the British announcer said, “Now, dahncing the chahhhh-chahhhh, Susan Looocci and her dahnce partner, Townee Davohhhlahhhni!” Every time I heard those words, sheer terror would take over my body. It took every fiber of my being to not let it take over! I had to go out there and just dance. At the end of the day, it was so much fun.

Once I finished with the Monday and Tuesday shows, I’d have to hop on a red-eye back to New York Tuesday night. After Tony and I left the studio, we stopped for a late dinner, usually at Maggiano’s for pasta, as it was on our way to Los Angeles International. We’d go through security, and then Tony would whip out his laptop in the terminal to play next week’s music while showing me a little bit of the choreography he was thinking of using. Occasionally, we’d continue working on the choreography after the plane took off, but only for a short while, as we both needed that flight to get some much-needed rest. We landed at five-thirty in the morning, headed home to get some sleep and take a shower, and then met at a dance studio in New York to start the process all over again and learn a new dance for the following week…

I ended up loving the quickstep but didn’t enjoy doing the cha-cha as much as I thought I would. I didn’t feel free enough during that first dance. The ballroom aspect was very easy for me, but the technique was surprisingly constraining. Although I love dancing to Latin music, I couldn’t seem to put it all together for the cha-cha—ballroom style. I memorize things for a living and I thought that would be a help, but in ballroom dancing, not so much. Tony reminded me often that I needed to let my body learn the movements. I didn’t understand what that meant at first. He tried to explain it like this. He said it was like driving. When you go to a new place for the first time, you look at all of the road signs, markers, and landmarks to make sure you’re headed in the right direction. Once you know where you’re going, you just drive, and suddenly you’re there. I thought that was a very helpful analogy because it helped me better understand what he wanted me to do going forward.

Even though I was able to get over my shyness while performing as myself onstage when I worked with Regis, I was somehow unable to do it as much as I’d hoped on Dancing with the Stars. I had a tremendous amount of apprehension going into the show. I knew I was physically up to the challenge, but I worried that I wouldn’t be able to put aside my fear of failure and the judges’ criticism to dance well. I didn’t want to make a fool of myself in front of millions of viewers. I am sure I was overthinking things throughout the process, and to be certain, I was burning the candle at both ends.

Helmut, Tony, and I were like the Three Musketeers as we traveled back and forth across the country twice a week. The only time we ever hit a snag in our flights was on our first trip back to New York. About an hour into our flight, we were told the plane would be making an emergency landing in Denver. The flight attendant explained that they were having trouble with one of the ovens in the forward cabin. I could see smoke coming from the galley area, which was alarming to say the least. Your mind begins to conjure up all sorts of terrible thoughts, like fire, or worse, an explosion. I was all too happy to get those wheels safely down on the ground. We landed sometime after midnight and were told it could take several hours before we’d be able to reboard another plane and take off for New York. Tony and Helmut quickly scoped out the situation and we all grabbed whatever pillows and blankets we could find before exiting the plane. We figured we could find a cozy corner on the floor somewhere and at least get a little sleep. We were three peas in a pod on the floor of the Denver airport until we were able to take off the next morning.

Each week before we left the studio to fly back to New York, Tony was given our music and dance selection for the following week. I would meet with Randall Christensen, the unbelievably fantastic costume designer for the show, who creates an original handmade outfit for every person each week! Think about what I am saying here. You can’t even get a pair of pants hemmed at the dry cleaner in a week, let alone a custom-designed handmade beaded dress. Randall is nothing short of amazing. Working with him is much like what I imagine it was like working with the great Edith Head. He has an entire encyclopedia of costumes from his many years of dance experience. He’ll pull stuff up for certain dances that he just knows will move with grace, elegance, sexiness, and flair. Tony and I had some input along the way, too, but I was in very capable hands with Randall and knew that I could step back and let these guys do what they do. There is no doubt that we were always on the same page when it came to designing my costumes. We would discuss options, talk about what would look good on my body type, what would work best for our particular dances, and come up with something we both agreed upon. Randall got me on every level. He’s brilliant and comes in each week with no ego, only his unparalleled talent. Once we nailed the design, twenty-four seamstresses tirelessly worked to bring Randall’s genius ideas to life.

Although I had no serious wardrobe malfunctions during the season, I did worry that one could happen every time I hit the dance floor. All of my dresses were very low-cut. The producers put a battery pack under my right breast (and I guess all of the ladies’ right breasts!) so I could be miked. They would have to pad the left breast to make everything match. Although all the dresses are made of a very giving material that is especially designed for dancing, the addition of that unit made it a scary proposition every time I began to dance. The good news was that I am extremely comfortable wearing high heels, so my dancing-shoe selection was not a problem. One thing Tony taught me about standing in heels that I didn’t know is that I should never stand on my toes while dancing. I’m five feet two inches tall on a good day, so I always stand on my toes when I dance with a man. My husband is six foot two, so it seemed natural. Tony had to frequently remind me to get off my toes. I can’t say I know how he could feel me doing it, but he did! He warned me that the judges were looking for mistakes like this and that not keeping my feet down would cost us points. That was a hard habit to break.

Luckily, the producers of All My Children were very accommodating and were able to work out a shooting schedule that only required me to be at the studio on Thursdays and Fridays. However, the show was in the middle of “sweeps”—an important time for ratings—so those two days were very intense and extremely long because the material is always more complicated at that time of year.

I personally felt I needed more time to learn my dances each week than I had anticipated. Tony and I would meet in dance studios all over Manhattan at various hours of the day and night just so I could squeeze in more rehearsals before heading back to Los Angeles to do the show. It wasn’t unusual for Tony and me to meet as late as nine or ten at night. Sometimes that meant we only got an hour or two of rehearsal in, which wasn’t enough but was better than nothing. Feeling like I still needed more time to learn the routines, I asked Tony to come to the set of All My Children and dance with me between takes, sometimes with rollers in my hair, just to get in the extra time. We danced in the hallways and corridors, and used the adjacent studio at The View and anywhere else we could find so I could learn the dance routine for that week.

If you’ve ever watched Dancing with the Stars, you know that their cameras follow the dance teams to document their week. We were no exception, as cameras tailed our every move. This was my least favorite aspect of doing that show. I never wanted cameras filming my real life. Rest assured, there is no reality television show in my future because I don’t like having cameras around me outside of a studio setting. I will admit that the only exception to this was when Tony took me to an underground mambo club in New York City. We were preparing to do the mambo in week six of the show. The producers thought it might be fun to have Tony take me there to experience the real thing. As I’ve said, I have always loved Latin dancing, so even if I hadn’t been doing Dancing with the Stars, I would have immediately said “Yes!”