After It's Over (4 page)

How could I leave them? They’ll be back to eating Top Ramen every night while their dad is out with his latest conquest. Maybe I can stick it out a little bit longer…I’m just so tired.

***

“Paige!” Ben’s voice was loud enough to wake the dead.

She sat up with a start and realized she’d fallen asleep at the kitchen table. Her husband loomed over her; he reeked of Whiskey.

“Are you drunk?” she asked.

“I might have had a few drinks,” he replied with a sloppy smile. “Want to go upstairs and get naked?”

Paige stood up and raised her hands. “No. Emphatically no.”

“Why not, baby? Don’t you want some of this hot lovin’?”

Ben was an attractive guy. He stood well over six feet tall, had thick, wavy blonde hair and a muscular build. Yet, Paige was completely disgusted as he patted his stomach and danced awkwardly around the kitchen. He stumbled and fell backwards onto his butt. She shook her head as he scrambled to get to his feet.

“Do you have any idea what I’ve dealt with tonight?” she asked.

“Um, no,” Ben said.

In spite of his fall, he continued to dance around, trying to enchant her with his lack of rhythm and the unpleasant swaying of his hips. He paused to hug her, but Paige pushed him off.

He’s a bad husband and an even worse dancer.

“I found Bianca in her room with a boy tonight. She was half naked and had condoms, so it’s safe to say she wasn’t studying.”

Ben’s dancing came to an abrupt halt.

“What?” he asked.

“I found your fourteen-year-old daughter half-naked with a boy in her room.” Paige folded her arms across her chest and gave her husband a hard look.

Ben frowned; his levity dissipated as he collapsed into a nearby chair. He rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand.

“Where was I?”

“I don’t know. Where were you, Ben?” Paige drew a deep breath. “Are you having an affair?”

“No, but…”

“But what?” she pressed.

Drunken stupors were the only time when Paige could catch Ben with his guard down. The alcohol lowered his inhibitions enough that he was actually honest and semi-decent to her. She wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass even though she was exhausted.

“There’s this girl at work and we’ve spent some time together.”

“You mean Beth, right?”

Ben nodded. “I know it’s wrong. It’s just…”

“It’s just what?”

I’m working my butt off, and he’s out with his ex-girlfriend. I could kick him right now. Breathe. Just breathe before you completely lose it.

“I love you, Paige. I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you in that bar. But I’m not good at marriage. Not good at all,” Ben said quietly. “I need to talk to Bianca.” He stood up and took several steps toward the stairs to the second floor.

Paige grabbed his arm. “Not like this. Your daughter doesn’t need to see you like this.”

“Right,” Ben nodded. His stomach gurgled loud enough for her to hear it. “I don’t feel so well.”

“Come on, you have to use the master bedroom bathroom,” she said as she guided him.

“Why’s that?”

“Because Billie clogged the other one.”

“She’s a tiny, little girl. How’d that happen?”

“Trust me, Ben, you don’t want to know.”

CHAPTER FOUR

Paige felt restless, her mind filled with worries that were impossible to ignore. She didn’t believe Ben. In fact, she was quite sure there was more going on with him and Beth than he was letting on.

What if they never really ended things? Would Ben do that to me? I don’t know. I’m not sure I even know him. Then there’s Bianca. What am I going to do about her?

Squeezing her eyes shut, Paige tried to ignore the drunken snores that erupted every other minute from her husband. To her chagrin, he’d passed out on their bed before she could direct him to the basement where he usually slept. She had two options—endure the snores of a drunk or spend the rest of the night on a lumpy couch in the family room.

Lumpy couch equals a backache tomorrow. Neither is a good option.

Paige groaned and turned onto her side. She wrapped a pillow around her head, but it did nothing to drown out the noise. With a loud groan that she hoped would wake Ben, she tossed the pillow aside and flipped onto her back. Her eyes focused on the dimly lit ceiling.

What are those brown spots? That’s right, Paige, think about the things that don’t matter in order to avoid what does. How did things get so bad?

Sleep was futile; Paige surrendered to the thoughts that seeped to the forefront of her mind. There was one that tormented her more than the others. She mused over the choices Bianca’s mother seemed to have encouraged during her brief phone conversations with the girls over the last year.

It’s all fun and creative parenting until Bianca turns up pregnant. No teenage girl should have to shop in the maternity section for prom. I, of all people, should know. I still mourn the child that almost was. How old would the baby be now? I’m thirty, so that would make he or she fourteen? Yikes! That’s about how old Bianca is. Kade would have been such a cute father. Most guys his age would have run, but not Kade. He was always such a good guy.

The memory of Kade at sixteen took Paige back in time.

***

Torrents of rain pounded the asphalt as sixteen-year-old Paige emerged from the Planned Parenthood clinic in South Tacoma. A stream of water poured off a leaky gutter above her head and rained onto her shoulders. The jacket she was wearing—the one she’d spent months saving for—was ruined, but she didn’t care. There was only one thing she could think about.

I can’t believe this is happening. We were so careful.

“Miss?” a female voice called to her.

Paige turned to see a heavy-set, middle-aged nurse standing inside the building with the door open.

“Please come back inside, dear.”

What now? They promised not to call my parents. Did the doctor change her mind?

“I need to get home,” Paige said. She tugged on the zipper of her jacket.

“But you forgot the information that explains your options.”

The older woman held out a thick multi-colored pamphlet. Paige thrust her hands into the pockets of her jeans and shook her head.

“Abortion isn’t an option in my family.”

My devout Catholic mother would sooner murder me.

“Adoption is another an option…One we could discuss.” The nurse smiled and motioned for her to come inside.

“Oh.”

Paige couldn’t think. Every muscle in her body twitched; she wanted to run away from it all.

“Honey, you’re soaking wet. You’ll catch your death if you stay out here.”

Death would be easier than telling my dad what I’ve done. My mom is going to have a mental breakdown. I’m supposed to go to college and be a lawyer. We’ve spent my entire life working for that.

Paige’s tears mixed with the water that ran down the bridge of her nose. She tried to mop up the moisture with the back of her soaking sleeve, but it was pointless. She was drenched from head-to-toe.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk? I could make some hot chocolate.” The nurse had a friendly face and kind eyes that were coaxing.

“Thank you, but I have to go.” Paige turned and ran down the steps into the parking lot before the nurse could protest further.

The wind was cold and her clothes clung to her skin. Sobs erupted as Paige weaved between the rows of automobiles. The heavy rain and dark clouds made it was difficult to find her car. She stopped in the middle of a row to look around.

My life is over, and I can’t find my darn car. Why didn’t I bring Kade? I’m so stupid.

A mini-van turned the corner and drove straight at her. Paige jumped out of the way, colliding with a nearby truck in the process. The driver’s side window came down and an angry woman stuck her head out.

“Moron!” she yelled.

“Watch where you’re going!” Paige hollered back. “You could’ve killed a pregnant woman!”

Did I really just say that? I can’t believe I’m having a baby. I can’t be having a baby.

The woman drove off leaving Paige slumped against the truck. Her side ached, her stomach felt queasy, and a headache was forming in the front of her skull. Alone and cold, she wept into her hands.

Why didn’t I let Kade come with me?
Baseball Practice was probably rained out anyway. I didn’t let him because he had to at least show up, or he would’ve had to sit out the next game.
One of us should get to keep our dreams.

The slamming of a nearby car door caught Paige’s attention. Not wanting to make a scene in front of strangers, she wiped her eyes and scanned the parking lot for where the sound had come from. One row over, she spotted Kade as he stepped out from behind his truck. Dressed in faded blue jeans and a white tee-shirt, he looked like the All-American boy. The sight of him made her heart flip-flop and her palms sweat.
I love him more than life itself.
His eyes lit up the moment they connected with hers. Kade moved toward her. Shaking her head, Paige motioned for him to stop. He cocked his head to the side and frowned. Paige could feel how much he wanted to be near her, she felt it every time they touched, but she needed a moment to collect her thoughts.

Through tears and steady rain, they stared at each other. They shared a soul connection; their bond was so strong that they often shared the same thought at the same time. She knew this moment would be no different. In a matter of seconds Kade’s expression changed from a quizzical smile to a look of understanding.

We’re having a baby. No medical school for you, and no law school for me. My mom is going to be so upset that I repeated her mistake.

Paige half-expected Kade to hang his head, or get in his truck and drive away, but he didn’t. After one long moment, he flashed a broad it’s-going-to-be-okay smile. He broke into a run, scooped her up in his arms and kissed her harder than he’d ever done before. When they were breathless, he gently wiped away her tears and whispered that he loved her more than anything in the world. The moment was unexpectedly joyful.

They ran to his truck and climbed in. Silently holding hands, they watched the rain fall. She nestled her head against his chest and felt the beat of his heart. The rhythm was comforting. In Kade’s arms, the world felt right—no matter how bad things got.

After an hour, Paige’s cell phone buzzed. She didn’t have to check the caller ID to know it was her mother wondering why she wasn’t home for dinner.

“You gonna get that?” Kade asked. His semi-wet brown hair stood up in awkward patches.

Paige touched the cowlick on the crown of his head. She twisted a lock of hair around her finger while Kade waited for a response. She tried in vain to get the hair to lay flat. She gave up and folded her hands in her lap.

“Guess not,” he said, when the phone stopped ringing.

“There will be plenty of time to talk to my mother when I get home.”

The windows were fogged. Paige traced a heart on the glass. A susurration escaped her throat.

“Do you remember the day we met?” she asked.

“How could I forget? You were wearing that horrible dress with a big bow and ruffles,” he replied.

“It was the first day of kindergarten, and I didn’t have much say in what I got to wear.” Paige wiped the heart off the window with the sleeve of her semi-dry jacket. “My mom said something that day that I’ll never forget.”

“What’d she say?”

“Little girl, you have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t screw it up.”

Kade scratched his head and frowned. “That’s kind of a lot to lay on a six-year-old.”

“Yeah, well she was sixteen when she met my dad through the student exchange program. If he hadn’t gotten her pregnant, she would have gone back to Spain and had a completely different life. If it weren’t for Drew and I, she wouldn’t have been stuck with my father for all these years.” New tears formed and fell; Paige couldn’t help herself. “She’s going to be so disappointed that I screwed up. I did the same thing she did!”

Kade put his arm around her and pulled her in close. He kissed her cheek and wiped away her tears.

“You didn’t do the same thing. I’m not like your dad.”

Paige nodded. Kade was right. He wasn’t a drunken cop who terrorized his family. If there was one thing she was sure of—it was that he was truly a good guy.

“I’m going to have to tell him.”

“I’ll tell your dad,” he said.

Kade tried to look tough when he said those words, but Paige knew that he was afraid of her dad. Everyone who knew him was afraid of him. He was a cop with a gun and badge, and he’d gotten away with doing a lot of terrible things over the years.

“No, I’ll tell him. He might punch you in the face or something,” she said, forcing a chuckle.

“Well, at least let me be there when you tell him.”

“Okay, I will. I should go. My mom will be upset I missed dinner.” Paige reached for him again. She kissed him softly and looked into his eyes. “My house isn’t my home. You are my home.”

“I feel the same way,” he whispered and kissed her goodbye.

Kade waited while she walked to her car and climbed in. When Paige waved, he waved back and they each headed home.

***

Paige had planned to tell her father about the baby, but never got the chance. Her mother discovered the pregnancy when she emptied Paige’s wastebasket and found a positive pregnancy test.

Mom was so distraught. We should have told Dad that day. He was sober then, but she said no. I miss her so much. I wish she were here now.

Paige pulled herself out of the past before her mind could replay her parents’ death. She didn’t want that to be her last thought before drifting off to sleep. So she focused on the memory of what it was like to be in Kade’s arms, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. She pictured his bright blue eyes and remembered the texture of his thick brown hair as she ran her fingers through it. With a smile on her face, her mind relented and her body relaxed. Paige fell into the first sound sleep she’d had in months.

***

Paige awoke to the sound of Ben’s razor. The room was flooded with sunlight. She opened her eyes and immediately snapped them shut. She threw the comforter over her head and sank down into the soft sheets.

I really want to keep sleeping and dreaming of Kade. If only I had handled things differently with him.

“Your phone keeps going off,” Ben said with a mouth full of toothpaste.

Paige could tell by the gruff tone of his voice that he had a hangover, and was not in a good mood.
Why isn’t he trying to sleep it off?
She lowered the covers just enough to see that he was standing in the doorway between the master bathroom and their bedroom. He glowered at her; Ben clearly figured if he was up then she should be too.

“Why are you up so early?” she asked.

“I’ve got an early tee-time. Got to get in as much golf as I can before the snow hits. Besides, your phone kept going off,” he replied.

“Right. In Utah it snows a lot in the winter. I need to remember that,” Paige muttered, looking around for her phone.

I can’t believe this place actually makes me miss the rainy Washington weather.
Mountains instead of lakes. Snow instead of rain. Will I ever get used to living here?

“It’s over there.” Ben nodded in the direction of the nightstand. “Who keeps texting you?”

“I don’t know.” Paige was annoyed by her husband’s curiosity.

He wants to know all about my life, but I get so few answers about his.

She picked up the phone and checked the screen. There were three missed calls from her older brother, Drew.

“What’s the date today?” she asked.

“It’s the fifteenth, why?”

“Crap! I’m supposed to pick him up at the airport!”

“Who?”

“My brother! I’ve told you ten times that he’s flying in today,” Paige said. She jumped out of bed and made a beeline for the closet. She was more than a half an hour late to pick him up.

“How can you expect me to remember he’s coming when you clearly forgot?”

Paige paused. She hated it when Ben was right and decided not to respond.