Absolution (15 page)

In case she was about to hit the floor, she first 115

Kaylea Cross

got onto her knees before collapsing on her butt.

Encouraged that she was still conscious, she lay down on her back and lifted her feet in the air, resting them against the heavy bag to push more blood to her brain. Gradually her breathing slowed and the awful chill left her, but she didn’t dare risk getting up yet. She stayed that way for an unknown amount of time, feeling like a complete ass with her legs up in the air until she heard heavy footsteps coming down the stairs.

Cringing, she opened her eyes and looked toward the stairway. The treads were too heavy to be one of the girls, so it had to be Ben. Ah well, at least it wasn’t Lu—

“Em?”

Her heart almost stopped at the sound of Luke’s deep drawl. Before she could move he appeared in the doorway, and his dark gaze locked on her.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered, rushing over to hunker down beside her. “Are you okay?”

No. No, this couldn’t be happening. God wouldn’t do this to her on top of everything else.

He put a hand on her damp face. “Em, are you hurt?”

She tried a smile. “You should see the other guy.”

Luke didn’t smile back. “Are you
hurt
?”

“No. Just a little dizzy.” And mortified. If she was going to pass out, now would be a good time.

In silence, his gaze took in the heavy bag serving as a footrest, and the thick boxing gloves on her hands. “What were you doing?”

Knitting
, she wanted to snap. Wasn’t it plenty obvious? “Exercising.”

“Can you sit up?”

“In a second.” She wished he’d just go away and let her collect herself.

Instead, Luke took her feet and lowered them to 116

Absolution

the ground, the warmth of his touch reaching through her ankle socks. Then he tugged the gloves off, and the air suddenly felt cold against her damp palms. Unfortunately, the burning in her face continued. She avoided his gaze, but he knelt and took her face between his broad hands. Electric tingles shot through her nerve endings where he touched her skin, but when she dared to look into his eyes she found only concern, and maybe a bit of annoyance. Then she realized the pressure of his fingers beneath her jaw wasn’t a caress. He was taking her pulse.

She pushed his hands away and sat up, but he immediately steadied her with a hard arm across her back. She couldn’t look at him. He’d been a SEAL for a long time. They respected strength and the ability to take physical punishment in silence.

She
detested
that he saw her as weak and helpless.

“Okay now?”

“Yep.” To prove it, she shifted onto her knees with the intent to get up, but he simply slid his other arm beneath her legs and lifted her into the air.

With a startled gasp she grabbed his wide shoulders.

“No, put me down.”

“Nope.” He strode to the stairs, carrying her as though she weighed nothing. And oh, he smelled good. Her body went a little weaker.

“I’m not hurt, I just overdid it—”

“Damn right you did.” The annoyance in his tone stopped her from protesting any further, made her set her jaw. “You just got off a long flight,” he reminded her, “and I bet you haven’t eaten since you left London, have you?”

She scowled into the middle of his wide chest.

“No.”

“You’re a nurse for God’s sake, so you should know better.”

Any satisfaction she’d gained from exorcising 117

Kaylea Cross

her demons was long gone. All that remained was the sinking feeling in her stomach. She’d managed to make herself appear pathetic and feeble yet again in front of Luke.

“You could have given yourself a concussion if you’d fallen down there all by yourself. Ever think of that?”

She clenched her teeth until her jaw ached, his words putting the match to her usually dormant temper. “Okay, I got carried away! So sue me!”

His arms tightened around her as he went up the stairs. “You need to take better care of yourself.

You just had a chemo treatment a few weeks ago, and you’re going to have another one tomorrow. You know you’re anemic, same as you know you’ll bruise easily now—and that makes me wonder why the hell you’d decide to go at a heavy bag within an hour of arriving on an intercontinental flight.”

Since any argument she came up with would be a complete waste of time, she bit her tongue and suffered his achingly familiar embrace while he carried her into the kitchen. The second they entered the room, Ben and Sam both stopped chopping vegetables at the island and stared at them.

Luke ignored them, taking her straight to the family room to set her on the couch, placing a few pillows under her feet as though he worried she might pass out still. As if his skin burned her, Emily yanked her arms away from his neck. And then Ben was standing next to them, inadvertently adding to her misery.

“You okay?”

She gritted her teeth. “Yes.” But now she wanted to hit something again.

Sam came in and tugged on Ben’s arm. “Can you come into the kitchen for a minute?”

“In a sec. I just want to make sure she’s—”

Emily nailed him with a glare that promised 118

Absolution

bodily harm if he finished that sentence. “There’s
nothing
wrong with me. But thanks for your concern,” she added to soften her hard tone.

Ben’s eyes widened a fraction, and he threw Luke a “good luck” look as he turned to leave.

Now her face burned with shame on top of the humiliation. Ben was only trying to help, and she shouldn’t have snapped at him. Her anger should be directed at herself, not at anyone else. Luke was right. She should have known better.

She brushed at a spot of lint on her black pants, wishing he’d go yet praying he wouldn’t. His nearness made it hard to breathe. “Thank you, but I’m fine now. I can take care of myself.”

“That’s not how it looks to me. So far I’d say you’re doing a piss-poor job of it.”

An outraged gasp came out and her eyes snapped to his. “Who the hell do you think you are, to talk to me like that?” she demanded. “I got my ass on the plane and came here like you ordered, did I not? What the hell else do you
want
from me?”

His eyes smoldered with annoyance. “I’m getting Nev.”

Her mouth tightened. “I told you, I’m fine. Don’t bug her.”

“Yeah, I’ll believe it if she tells me you’re fine.”

He walked out of the room, leaving her to stew.

She closed her eyes and took slow, deep breaths to calm down. What was happening between them?

They’d never sniped at each other this way, not even when they were married. Stress, she decided. It was the stress of everything. Him planning out the next mission, knowing she was terminal, and still trying to take control of everything.

Quiet treads had her opening her eyes. Neveah walked up and studied her. “What’s going on? Luke said you fainted.”

Emily rolled her eyes. “I didn’t faint. He’s being 119

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an overbearing, controlling…asshole.”

Nev burst out laughing. “Oh, is that all? Well, get used to it, hon. All the men in the house are like that. Us girls are going to have to stick together if we want to stand a chance against them.”

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Next afternoon, Nev found her in the kitchen staring out at the patio. “You ready to do this?”

She just wanted it over with. “Yep. Where do you want me?”

“Wherever you feel most comfortable.”

Not in her room. She felt too closed up in there.

Maybe it would help to be out in the open somewhere. Outside, the sky was clouding over, but the breeze was light, blowing the edges of the shrubs occasionally. And she’d be out of everyone’s way there. “By the pool, I think. Maybe under the pergola there.” The wooden beams dripped with grapevines.

Perhaps she could pick some leaves to make those Lebanese roll-ups later for dinner if she felt up to eating.

“Sure. I’m going to give you the diphenhydramine first, to make sure you don’t have a hypersensitivity reaction, then I’ll start the Taxol.

Do you want a sedative or anything?”

“No, just some Gravol if you’ve got it.”

Nev snorted. “Of course I do. You think I’d agree to do this if Luke didn’t have all the meds and equipment I might need brought in?” She put an arm around her shoulders and started for the French doors.

A seating area was arranged beneath the teak pergola, and Emily chose the padded chaise lounge, settling into it before pulling the cozy throw blanket at its foot over her body.

“I’ll go get everything and bring you a coat.”

When she was alone, Emily laid her head back 121

Kaylea Cross

and sighed. Despite how tired she’d been last night she hadn’t slept much. Some part of her was still too aware that Luke was in the house, in the study on the main floor. She knew he’d been in there all night, and had probably only taken a couple of fifteen minute combat naps at most. How he could function on that little amount of sleep she’d never know, but he seemed to manage beautifully. When they’d first been married she’d never really noticed it, but after Rayne was born it amazed her. The man was a total rock.

Through the whole of her torturous twenty-two hour back labor he’d held her hand or rubbed her back, keeping her calm and not letting her panic when the pain got so bad she thought she would die—and then worse until she
wanted
to die simply to make it stop. He’d stayed next to her and talked her through it, one horrific contraction at a time. He never broke a sweat, never even yawned though he’d been up for almost two days without sleep. And when she’d come home with the baby, so exhausted she wound up crying for no reason, Luke took over.

He brought Rayne to her for feedings, and sometimes fed him a bottle so she could get some extra sleep.

A lot of those early nights when he was home at their bungalow near the base he took the night shifts, but he didn’t catch up on his sleep during the day. He just kept going, which shouldn’t have surprised her because he was a SEAL, and a man couldn’t attain that lofty status without being able to handle sleep deprivation. It also should have told her about the strength of his will. Once he made his mind up to do something, he’d do it or die trying.

Little wonder he’d never come back after he left.

“Feel like some company?”

Emily opened her eyes and held out a hand to Bryn. She wasn’t the only one hurting right now.

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The waiting was a killer. “How are you doing, sweetheart?”

“Coping as best I can. You?”

“The same. Nev’s coming back to give me a treatment. Sure you want to stay?”

“Yeah, I thought we could play Scrabble, just like old times.”

Emily smiled. “I’d like that.” And it would make the time pass far more quickly than watching each torturous drip fall into the IV tube.

All too soon Nev returned, and while Emily got her coat on and buttoned up to the waist, Nev got her long thick rubber gloves on. They came almost up to her elbows. “Careful,” she warned Bryn as she got everything hung up. “This first stuff’s not so bad, but if the Taxol gets on your skin we’re gonna have to scrub you down before it burns you.”

Bryn cast a disbelieving glance at Emily. “Good to know, since that shit’s going directly into her
veins
.”

“Hence the Brazilian effect,” Emily quipped.

Nev let out a short laugh. “That’s about the only good side effect.”

“I’m trying to focus on the positives.”

The doctor’s eyes were full of empathy. “I know you are, and I know it’s not easy. I’m going to do everything I can to make this okay for you. Just promise me you’ll speak up if you need something.”

“I will. You’ve got an amazing bedside manner, by the way,” Emily told her. “I’ve worked with doctors over the years that never should have been allowed in medical school, let alone in a hospital working with sick people. Your patients are lucky to have you.”

A faint trace of red stained Neveah’s cheeks, and it wasn’t from the cool December breeze. “Thanks, but I’m mostly known for my, uh...blunt way of speaking.”

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“Sometimes that’s what’s needed. The difference is, you know when you need to be kind. Trust me, that’s a winning combo.” Things got quiet while Nev hooked up the preliminary drug to the subclavian port in her chest and boosted it with a push of Gravol. Within minutes Emily’s lids felt heavy. Bryn paused in the midst of setting up the Scrabble board.

“Maybe you should sleep for awhile,” she suggested. “I can come back later.”

“No, it’s okay. I’d rather have a distraction if you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind. I’m all about distractions right now.”

Nev glanced between them as she took off her gloves. “You guys need anything else? I could really use another job around here, before I go nuts.”

Because she was worried about Rhys, same as Bryn worried about Dec and Emily worried about her ex-husband. “We could use a third player,”

Emily offered. “So long as you can handle how competitive Bryn gets.”

“Me?” her friend said in a shocked tone. “I’m not the one who stayed up late studying the dictionary every night for two weeks last time I visited just so you could beat me.”

She shrugged. “I like to keep my brain active.

Well? You in?” she asked Nev.

“I’m so in.” Nev tugged her sweater on and took a seat across from them. “I should warn you I did a minor in English lit before I got into medical school.

My vocabulary’s pretty good.”

“Talk is cheap,” Bryn said. “Prove it.”

Emily had the lead when it was time for the Taxol, and watched with dread as Nev hooked it into her line. The now familiar burning started up, bringing with it a rush of anxiety that made her breath shorten and her feet tingle. Nev watched her carefully as she took her vitals. “How you doing?”

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Focusing on staying calm, Emily merely nodded.

Nev added more Gravol, then resumed the game to take her mind off it. It was a strange feeling, to be hooked up to a tube and know poison circulated throughout her entire body, every heart beat sending more of it into her bloodstream. The nausea started up, but thank God not as strong this time.