A Younger Man (33 page)

Noah slid down the couch, closer to Zane, and tucked the man’s hand against his chest. “Like what?”

Dipping his head back to rest against the sofa cushions, Zane looked toward the ceiling. His voice slipped, as if he were going to a faraway place. “Burt helped me with my homework; he cared about my grades. I easily could have been a kid on the road to being a candidate for dropping out, but from the beginning he made me care more about school. When I was little he read to me every night; then when I got bigger and he started to get sicker, I read to him. He appreciated and loved a good story; he didn’t care what age group the book was meant for or if it was considered great literature; he just liked the stories.” Wiping the edge of his eye, Zane turned to his side. His eyes bright, he made contact with Noah again. “I think because Burt was limited in so many ways physically the books were an escape to other kinds of life for him. He lived an exciting life in his mind, even if he was unable to execute those desires with his body.”

“He sounds like an inspiring man.” Noah reached out to brush a bit more moisture from the edges of Zane’s eyes. “What else made him so special to you?”

“He was so slight, yet he somehow had this great belly laugh.” Here, in the shadows, Zane chuckled softly, and Noah was certain he heard his stepfather’s laughter in his mind. “Burt liked to laugh. He didn’t go to the best university and he didn’t have the most prestigious job, but he had a quick mind. He could retell a funny incident in a way that would make you laugh harder each time he told it; he wasn’t one of those ‘you had to be there’ people. Even when he couldn’t work anymore, and eventually became bedridden, he never let his brain go to sleep. He had a fascination with science; every time there was a breakthrough in something he thought was interesting he would call us kids into his bedroom to share the information, and then he would ask us what the discovery might mean for the world or our lives in the future.”

A picture of an exuberant dark-haired girl filled Noah’s thoughts. “Your little sister has an interest in science. I’ve heard her talking to both Seth and Matt about new planets and the solar system and black holes, stuff like that.”

Zane nodded, stars in his eyes. “That came from Burt. He was always a dad, you know? Even when he couldn’t get out of bed anymore, or help himself in any way, he remained our emotional rock and our family leader. Somehow, just in his voice or the way he looked at us, we could feel his interest and caring about anything we said. And because of that, he was always the authority in our apartment. If I had a problem, I didn’t think twice about taking it to Burt; he could talk me through it; but even if the two of us couldn’t come up with an answer by the end, he would be there with the hug and the encouragement that helped me understand that everything would be okay.” Zane rubbed his cheek against his and Noah’s tangled fingers, and he looked into Noah’s eyes with such clarity it hurt to see it. “Burt was always a parent in the ways that mattered, even though I took over most of the physical work in the last few years of his life.”

Using his free hand, Noah brushed his fingers through the strands of Zane’s silky dark hair, mesmerized by the young man before him. “I can tell by how you’ve taken care of me that you bore an incredible burden of responsibility for Burt’s welfare by the end. You know what you’re doing in a way that is unflappable, and you have a core of physical strength that doesn’t come from lifting weights. Muscles from a gym don’t have stamina behind them, but your wiry frame does. You could pick me up, put me down, walk me around, change the sheets on this couch without moving me off of it—for weeks if you had to—without your body cracking. I can see that now, and it’s amazing.”

Zane shrugged. “I did what I had to—what I wanted to do,” he clarified. “Burt made it so that I didn’t care about the man out there somewhere with my DNA. He filled me up with his love and support so much that at a certain point I knew the other guy could never measure up, and so I stopped even thinking about that other faceless man. But even more than that,” Zane stopped, his throat convulsing visibly again before he could continue, “Burt gave me a family. If he hadn’t come into my mom’s life, and been so smart and funny and great that she fell for him—even though he was this skinny guy that most women probably wouldn’t have looked at twice—there wouldn’t be any Duncan and Hailey. Burt’s gone, and my mom for even longer, but I’ll always have them both because I have my brother and sister.”

Noah’s chest tightened with new understanding. “That’s why you work so hard to keep Duncan and Hailey with you, in your care. It would crush you if you didn’t have your little family intact.”

Nodding, Zane clearly worked hard to keep new mist from filming his eyes. “Yeah. But more important, I think it would crush them if we weren’t all together. Burt defied the odds and kept us all together for longer than the doctors or even social services thought he could.” Zane’s voice cracked. “Now it’s up to me to do the same.”

Unable to suppress the swelling in his heart, Noah leaned forward and pressed his lips to Zane’s hair. “I never met the guy,” he whispered roughly, still holding his mouth to Zane’s head, “but I know in my gut that Burt would be amazingly proud of you.” He tilted Zane’s face up, got lost in those expressive sapphire eyes, and put them forehead to forehead. “I know I already admire you more than it’s possible for me to express. I have from the start, because of everything you do to keep your family together.”

Sniffling only a little bit, Zane touched his mouth to Noah’s, clinging for a moment. “Thank you.”

Noah clung right back, needing this man close to him more and more with everything he learned. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

They stayed close for long minutes, sharing each other’s breath, existing as one in a different, new way.

Eventually Zane pecked kisses to Noah’s cheek and temple, and pulled back a bit. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, but you still look tired. Do you want me to go pull the curtain closed for you?” He started to push to his feet.

“No.” Noah tugged the man back down to sitting against the couch. He looked, studied, memorized, and still it wasn’t enough. His throat tightening, fighting the feelings swirling through him, Noah confessed, “I want to fall back to sleep looking at you.”

Zane didn’t say a word in response. Shifting to look toward the ceiling, he blinked a few times, then took Noah’s hand in his. After pressing a kiss to the center of the palm, Zane put Noah’s hand to rest against his cheek and held it there under the cover of his own. After making eye contact with Noah once more, Zane closed his eyes, proving just how tired he was, but he didn’t let Noah go. He held Noah’s hand trapped against his cheek. That was okay. Noah didn’t want Zane to release him. Not tonight.

More than the fact that they’d fucked twice, more than the fact that Noah’s balls swelled with the need to make them one again, it was Zane, the young, vibrant, strong man himself who held Noah, rapt, in place. The last twelve hours spent together had wound Noah completely around this man’s little finger. Being a witness to Zane’s strength showing itself in a myriad of ways, along with the talk they’d just shared in the wee hours of the night told Noah the truth:
I don’t want him to ever let me go
.

Noah didn’t just want to fall asleep next to Zane tonight. He wanted to fall asleep tucked next to the younger man for the rest of his life. So quickly, Noah already wanted forever.

Shit.

Chapter 16

“I’m starting work again tomorrow.” From his vantage point on the couch, Noah watched Zane prepare a late meal in the kitchen. “And there isn’t a damn thing you can do to stop me.”

Knife in hand, chopping vegetables, Zane lifted his gaze from his task, a little grin lifting one corner of his lush mouth. “Not a damn thing, huh?”

Shaking his head, Noah smiled back with ferocity. “Not a damn thing, baby.”

Now that he felt better, Noah partly grumbled for the simple fact that he liked to rile Zane up a bit and then watch how he chose to handle his patient. Noah’s stomach had not clenched or gone into spasms in nearly twenty-four hours; he hadn’t vomited since the first night Zane had stayed with him, and Zane knew it. With all that information, though, Zane still hadn’t given Noah the okay to go back to work.

As much as Noah greedily adored spending all this time in the evenings with Zane—this would be Zane’s third night staying in Noah’s cabin—the truth was that Noah did need to get back to his job. In the last three days, when Seth hadn’t looked after Noah during the time Zane had shifts at the restaurant, Seth had taken on a handful of Noah’s clients whose needs had required basic repair work. But Noah had work piling up, and if he didn’t get back on the job soon his loyal regulars would be forced to hire someone else to take on the repairs Noah had committed to do. Such a scenario was not acceptable to Noah, and deep down Zane knew that too.

But that didn’t mean Noah couldn’t see that Zane had as much fun pushing Noah’s buttons—now that Noah was better anyway—as Noah did goading Zane into saying or doing improper things.

Noah glanced up at his loft, pictured the big bed that hadn’t been used in days, and smiled at the sexy man taking ownership of his kitchen. “The only way you’ll keep me in this cabin tomorrow is by tying me to my bed.”

Pausing with a peeled carrot in his hand, Zane raised his brows Noah’s way. “You into that kind of kink, my upstanding Mr. Maitland?” Blue diamonds danced in Zane’s eyes. “You got a little bondage fantasy you want to share with me?”

A pleasant twitch stirred in Noah’s balls, and the thought of all kinds of sex with this man made a purring growl deepen to something feral. “I’d be open to trying a whole hell of a lot of things with you, my adventurous Mr. Halliday. Starting right now with whatever wicked thought is on your mind.”

Zane chuckled and shook his head. “Right now I only have food on my mind. So unless you think I’m having lascivious thoughts about this carrot,” he waved the long orange stick in front of him, “I’m afraid I’m going to disappoint you.”

An explicit image instantly flashed in Noah’s mind; his rear passage began to throb, and his voice went husky. “Put it in my ass,” he said, his stare locked on Zane.
Fuck.
The forbidden desire had left his lips without forethought to pull it back.

Zane’s jaw dropped. “What?”

The pulsing within Noah only intensified, and his growing cock pushed the reddened head to peek out from the waistband of his sweats. “Put it inside me.” Noah’s throat went dry. “I want you to.”

Zane stood in place, stock-still, and shame started saturating Noah’s system. “I’m sorry.” Disgust that perhaps a part of him had turned too perverse, or that he’d sickened Zane with his spontaneous request, rolled new nausea through Noah’s gut. “I shouldn’t have said anythi—”

Zane lifted his hand. “Shut up.” A breathy tightness gripped his tone. “You just surprised me, Noah.” He held eye contact, and heat darkened his stare. “What you said made me so hard so fast that it paralyzed me for a minute.” Zane stepped away from the counter, exposing the bulge in his cargo shorts.

Fucking shit.
Noah swallowed hard. “Then come over here.” Without looking away, Noah tore off his T-shirt and tossed it aside. “Right now.”

Still holding the carrot, Zane swiped up a bottle of cooking oil from the counter on his way to Noah. He kneeled on the floor between Noah’s legs, his bare knees cushioned by the pile of blankets still serving as his bed. After placing his treasures on the couch, Zane hooked his fingers into Noah’s sweatpants and underwear, eased them off his body, and left Noah completely exposed. Noah felt naked in more ways than just his bared body.

Nervous laughter skittered up Noah’s throat. “I don’t know why I want you to do this.” He eyed Zane as the man’s smaller, deft hands worked oil into the full-size carrot; the mere sight made his channel flutter once more. “It isn’t something I’ve ever thought about before,” Noah explained quickly, vomiting words now rather than the contents of his belly. “But when I saw you standing there, and you said what you did, I had a reaction. I blurted it out before the thought fully formed coherently in my mind. I guess for that reason some part of me must not have felt it was wrong to say it to you. If you’re not—”

Lifting up, Zane put his oily finger against Noah’s lips. “I wouldn’t be so damn hard if what I thought you wanted was wrong.” The carrot fell against Noah’s thigh as Zane let his digit slide from Noah’s mouth to trail across his chest, teasing Noah’s nipples to excruciating peaks of delight. “Half of that excitement came because you trusted me enough to freely confess to wanting such a private thing.”

In response, Noah’s chest banded as tightly as it ever had with this man. “I think part of what made me want this is because every time I see food now, I think of you.”

His pupils flaring, Zane surged upward and slashed his mouth across Noah’s in a biting, hard kiss. He strained his entire front against Noah, and Noah growled when he couldn’t get skin on skin contact. Grabbing a fistful of Zane’s shirt in the back, Noah shoved it up and over the man’s head, cursing when it forced their mouths to part. Once the fabric cleared Zane’s head, Noah dived back in for another taste, but Zane put a hand between their lips before they could merge again.

Each breath visibly labored, Zane stayed connected to Noah’s hungry stare. He rubbed down Noah’s abdomen, tickling his belly button, on his way to Noah’s throbbing length. Taking Noah in hand, Zane worked a firm grip all the way up and then down Noah’s dick, giving every nerve ending in Noah’s penis a reason to sing with joy. Then Zane slid his palm down the underside of Noah’s shaft, caressed his sac and taint, and Noah hissed and jerked. Damn it. Zane had a goddamn natural feel for how to handle another man.

Zane eased his middle digit between Noah’s ass cheeks and fingered his hidden bud. “Spread your legs wider for me, Noah. Stretch them all the way apart.” As Zane gave the gentle order, he pecked kisses to the inside of each of Noah’s knees. “Go on. Let me see your hole.”