A Younger Man (43 page)

“Why the hell not?” Shaking his head, Noah threw his hands in the air. “I could have helped you get out from under his thumb a long time ago.”

“I was mortified to have you find out I’d done something so stupid. But more than that, you’ve helped me so much already,” Zane explained, jumping to his feet. “Every time I turn around, you’re there fixing my problems for me.”

Noah reared as if Zane had slapped him. “You make that sound like a bad thing.”

“God.” Zane wanted to grab Noah and shake him. “Don’t you see? It is when I’m so fucked-up that it happens repeatedly. You helped me with a place to live and made sure the rent is way lower than it should be. You let me borrow your car without an end date to that loan in sight. Then you gave me a job.” Zane ticked each inadequacy off on his fingers, right in front of Noah. “And hell, you even found some way to get your estranged father to help me—for free—when it looked like I was going to lose my brother and sister. And now you just agreed to give some guy a bunch of money, when you don’t even know how much it is first, because I got in over my head again.”

Stopping, Zane breathed for a moment in an attempt to contain the streaks of fear living inside him. He studied every wonderful solid inch of the man before him, and with each second he did, within himself, more uncertainty bled from his pores. Zane wondered how Noah couldn’t see it. “How are you ever going to see me as an adult or your equal—as a man, your man, someone you can rely on—when you keep having to bail me out? Every time it feels like we might get on equal footing, I mess up, you have to fix things for me, and I’m right back to wondering how you can ever see me as anything other than a burden that it’s nice to fuck.”

His brow furrowing, Noah stepped up, took Zane’s face in his hands, and tilted his head back. “Zane,” Noah’s stare did not waver, “I don’t see you that way at all.”

“How could you not?” Shrieking, Zane shoved Noah’s hands away from him. “I do.”

Noah’s mouth flattened to a hard line. He took to pacing, but always kept his focus on Zane, wherever he moved. “You see the worst in yourself because you feel sick with guilt right now, but I see a guy who sacrificed a big chunk of his own life to take care of his family, and did it without bitching and moaning. I see a guy who is willing to work his fingers to the bone, no matter what the job, because he’s trying his best to earn an honest living in any way he can. I see a guy who stepped up and helped me twice when I was in a jam with my work. You earned that job I offered you.” Something nearly vicious slipped into Noah’s tone as he promised Zane that. “It was not charity. I see a guy who not only took care of me when I was sick, but who didn’t even bat an eye when I threw up in his face, more than once. I see a guy who had enough inner strength to keep me down and away from my work until you knew I was well again. I see a guy who, yes, made an error in judgment by taking money from that asshole Clint,” Noah came to a stop near the front door, with Zane across the room at the hallway opening; the empathy in Noah’s chocolate eyes made it feel as if they were only inches apart, “but I also understand that you probably didn’t feel like you had any other choice.”

“At the time I didn’t see another way,” Zane agreed, his voice still screechy. “But that doesn’t mean you should feel like you have to automatically jump in and bail me out. It’s like you’re the parent and I’m a wayward child, and you’re always one step above me.”

Noah suddenly went very still, and the coffee in his stare darkened to onyx. “Back the fuck up a minute here.” Simmering steam seemed to rise from Noah’s body. “Are you pissed at me for stepping in to help you?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” Words kept spewing out of Zane’s mouth. Acute desire and fear and passion and guilt swirled through every fiber of Zane’s being, more than he’d ever experienced in his life, more than he’d thought himself capable of feeling for another human being, and he couldn’t stop. “Which time? Because you’ve helped me so many times I can’t keep count.”

Rolling his eyes and shaking his head, Noah appeared as if he’d woken up this morning and stepped out of his cabin onto an entirely new planet. “Are you kidding me with this bullshit?”

“Is anything I’m saying factually incorrect?” Zane challenged, damning and diminishing himself with every sentence spoken, but compelled to get this truth out between them. “Because to anyone looking at us—to me—I’m coming across more inept every day while you’re looking a whole lot like my personal bailout machine.”

Red mottled Noah’s harsh face, and he raged, “Well I’m fucking sorry you’re being such a shortsighted jackass about something that seems pretty damn simple to me, but I guess I can’t help being an overbearing bastard when it comes to protecting and taking care of the people I love. That’s just who I am, and you’re gonna have to fucking deal with it, because you’re one of those people. I goddamn love you, Zane, and it’s never gonna stop, and that means I take care of you. I love you!” Noah slammed his hand against the wall and snarled as he flashed a hard glare Zane’s way. “So start getting used to it!”

Zane’s whole chest seized with the tightest, most wonderful pain, and he yelled back, “That’s why I need you to see me as a man, because I goddamn love you too!” Zane flung his heart on the floor for this man to see everything. “And because I do, I want us to stand on level ground so we can be together for always!”

“Well okay! I want that too!” Not a bit of give softened Noah’s features or hot stare, and he remained far on the other side of the room. Too much volatile emotion still had a visible grip on every inch of him, and he looked ready to combust. “I love you, you stubborn jerk!”

“Good!” Zane shouted back, his heart slamming wildly out of control, yet happier than he’d ever been in his life.
Oh God, he loves me.
Nodding, his hand to his chest, feeling the crazy thump in his heart that existed because of this man, Zane found his throat scratchy. His voice dropped to a near whisper. “That’s good.”

Across the cabin, Noah breathed heavily, his chest expanding and falling in big waves. A stalemate of silence passed between them, but the intensity and new heat in Noah’s eyes made Zane feel stripped naked. Finally, gruff as hell, Noah spoke. “We each just said ‘I love you.’”

For some reason, Zane found himself standing very still too. “We did.” He lingered with his stare, absorbing every inch of Noah, and imagined him without clothing. Zane only saw bare, hot skin covering rock-solid muscles over the man’s hard frame. Yet at the same time, Zane was aware of the overt kindness and sincerity that solidness housed within the man. Zane looked up and met Noah’s stare. He didn’t hide a bit of the love and passion in him. With a new thickness in his throat, he added, “And I mean it. I love you, Noah.”

A pained noise suddenly spilled from Noah. He rushed to Zane and dragged him in with a hand cuffed around the back of Zane’s head. The brown in Noah’s eyes was so deep and rich and beautiful it hurt Zane’s heart to see it. “Me too.” Rough edges filled Noah’s tone as he closed most of the distance between their lips. “And I could never love a man I didn’t respect and see as my equal, so understand there are a dozen other words behind it when I speak those three I just gave you.” Noah’s fingers flitted over Zane’s face; he watched himself touch Zane, as if he couldn’t quite believe this moment was real. But then Noah’s gaze found Zane’s again and Zane saw nothing but strength and certainty in his eyes. “I love you, honey,” he said again, and then staked a claim on Zane’s mouth with an open, raw kiss.

Oh God. Yes.
Losing himself to a complete, bone-deep love he’d never thought to have, Zane wrapped his arms around Noah’s waist and lifted up to cling to the full passion in his kiss.

*

Jesus Christ.
Spiraling down into the abyss of need fast, Noah dug his fingers into the back of Zane’s head, holding him still for a deep, hot, plundering kiss.
I love this man. And he loves me.

As much as their newly spoken love bloomed, residual fear that something horrific or even fatal could have befallen Zane drove Noah’s actions. Biting at Zane’s mouth, Noah pulled at the tie still around Zane’s neck and yanked his dress shirt out of his jeans. At the same time, he started walking forward and forcing Zane to move backward toward his bedroom. “I need to be inside you right now.” Noah continued to plaster kisses all over Zane’s beautiful face as they moved, desperate to put a mark of ownership on every inch of this man’s body. “I was so scared when you ran.” His confession cut up his throat on the way out. “I was terrified something might happen to all of you before I could get here.” Noah couldn’t stop touching Zane all over, even through his clothes. “You’re my family now too, and I protect what is mine.” Holding Zane’s head, Noah scraped kiss after desperate kiss across Zane’s lips, and met the blur of his gaze. “That’s not something I can ever stop.” His voice was stripped to something of a croak.

Zane put his fingers to Noah’s lips. “I know. Shh, I know.” On tiptoe, he curled his other hand around Noah’s tie and held him close. “I just want you to know I can stand up and be there when you need me too. It might not look like it, based on my record so far,” a dark shadow crossed Zane’s eyes for a split second, but then his gaze cleared to pure blue, “but I promise I can.”

The sincere vehemence in Zane’s tone created a painful band around Noah’s chest. “I believe you.” He brushed Zane’s hair off his forehead and willingly let himself sink into the pools of chaotic emotion living in the younger man’s eyes. “I see your strength more clearly than you do, and I sincerely believe the depth of it goes all the way down to your soul.” Noah’s own heart catching, he pressed his hand against Zane’s chest and let the fast, steady beat within fuel the conviction in his words. “Your strength is one of the thousand things that all put together made me fall so deeply in love with you.”

Zane made a choking noise, and wetness brimmed his eyes. “Noah…”

Brushing his thumb across Zane’s smooth cheek before the first tear could fall, Noah smiled gently. “‘Noah,’ nothing, honey. I’ve spent my whole life waiting for you. I know my heart, and even though I was terrified, and I tried to pretend, my heart settled itself on you right from the start.” Now that he had Zane, the memory made Noah’s heart ache in the best way possible.
The true beginning of my new life.
“I think I knew I would love you the second I looked into your eyes that day on the sidewalk.”

Zane looked up at Noah, pure light glinting in his gaze, and stamped a seal of ownership on Noah’s very soul. “If I told anyone else this, the words would sound crazy, but the moment you touched me, the moment you looked at me so deeply, you woke me up inside and made me feel alive. I was hungry all of a sudden, when before that I hadn’t really understood more than a vague, faraway desire for food. Only with you, not only did I feel the pangs, I wanted a feast. I wanted you. Once I realized what that meant, I knew I’d been asleep because I didn’t need to be awake until I met you.” Zane took Noah’s face in his hands and lifted up until they were almost on eye level. “You’re my light and my warmth, Noah.” His lips came to rest against Noah’s with the softest kiss. “I want to be the same kind of safe shelter for you.”

Noah’s fingers tightened reflexively in Zane’s hair. “You are, honey,” he promised, succumbing to a base need for this stunning man again. He licked at the seam of Zane’s lips and vowed again, “You already are.” With another flick of his tongue that wasn’t nearly enough to satisfy, Noah let out a low moan and sank in for a deeper, rawer kiss.

Zane parted his lips, clinging to Noah in every way as he accepted a rough invasion of his mouth. Digging his fingers into Noah’s shoulders in a way that made Noah hard as a rock, Zane slid his tongue along Noah’s, then sucked on the tip. Between their bellies Noah’s cock leaked and began to slicken with precum. Noah couldn’t yet fully wrap his brain around wanting another person in such an aggressively physical way, but from the moment he’d let himself believe he had a chance with Zane, on some level in his psyche, his thoughts had constantly circled around getting the younger man naked and finding some way to merge their bodies into one. Noah didn’t care how or what they did; he just wanted them coming together in some way, all the time.

Grasping with less than steady hands, Noah pulled at Zane’s belt buckle and tried to loosen more of his clothing. He got the belt open, but when his big fingers fumbled with the button on Zane’s jeans, he nipped hard at Zane’s lips and then fused their foreheads together, struggling to compose himself and normalize his breathing. “Zane, fuck…” Noah’s cock raged to find a home inside Zane, and his desire made him shake. His stare locked on Zane, he raggedly whispered, “I need you.”

Understanding softened the haze of passion in Zane’s eyes. “Sit down on the bed.” He nudged Noah backward. When Noah’s knees hit the edge of the mattress, he fell to sit on the edge, and Zane folded to the floor between Noah’s parted legs. His gaze holding Noah’s, Zane pressed a kiss to the base of Noah’s rearing cock through his clothes. “Let me take care of you.” He licked up the underside of Noah’s shaft through the fabric. Noah bucked his hips, and in his underwear his prick spit out another bead of early ejaculate.

Instead of working Noah’s pants open and freeing his straining shaft, Zane gently eased Noah’s legs apart even wider and began to kiss his way down Noah’s left inner thigh, pressing just hard enough for Noah to feel the warm imprint of Zane’s lips through the material. When Zane reached Noah’s knee he teased the underside with his fingers, and then continued to lay a line of kisses down Noah’s calf to his ankle. Without a word, his attention still lifted to Noah, Zane undid the laces on Noah’s dress shoe, removed it, and then the sock. He stayed in place to remove Noah’s right shoe and sock too. After setting them aside, Zane started a reverse trek up Noah’s right leg, trailing kiss after kiss up Noah’s inner calf, knee, and thigh until he ended with another long lick up Noah’s shaft through his pants, and this time pecked a kiss to the leaking tip.
Shit.