A Younger Man (29 page)

Zane wiped cum and lube from his ass and between his thighs, and he frowned at Noah. “I don’t understand. Have other people asked you about how sex was with your ex—with Janice, I mean?” That seemed weird to Zane.

His mouth thinning to that hard line again, Noah nodded. “While I was married, guys who used to be casual friends did. Mostly they were acquaintances—husbands—who lived in the same neighborhood I used to, or we had kids in classes or activities together, and so you sort of become friendly out of circumstances… Anyway,” Noah shrugged, but the gesture looked tight to Zane, “some men like to tell tales. I don’t know, I guess they get a little thrill or something from hearing about how you’re throwing it into the wife, or how you’re doing it, or how often. I was never comfortable with talk like that. And not even because of the sexual feelings I knew I had for men. For me, sex is something personal and private.” Noah bent his legs then, put his elbow on his knee, and his head to rest against his palm. Shrugging again, his voice gruff, he said, “I was always taught it isn’t respectful to talk about your woman like that with your friends—with anyone, really.”

Zane’s heart squeezed unbearably. He might not have known this man for long, but he could translate that taut jaw and extra glisten in his eyes as if it was a photo on a Wikipedia page with facts and tells about how to read Noah Maitland.

So very drawn to this man, in every way, Zane crawled across the bed. Coming to rest on his heels between Noah’s spread legs, Zane pressed his lips to the inside of Noah’s knee and then moved up to kiss his strong forearm. “Your dad taught you those rules about how to treat women—how to treat people. Right?”

Noah’s nod was choppy. “Yeah.”

“He taught you the value system and sense of morality you hold yourself to, yeah? The same one you’ve probably taught both your sons as a father too.” With Noah’s nod, and the brightening in his eyes, Zane added, “I can understand more clearly now why you miss your dad and why the distance between you hurts you so much.”

“Thank you.” Noah’s Adam’s apple bobbed visibly, but his hand was rock steady as he reached out to brush the back of his fingers against Zane’s cheek. “It means a lot to me that you don’t think I’m an idiot or some kind of masochist to still ache for him to be in my life.”

“I could never think those kinds of things about you.” Groaning, Zane kicked himself internally for dredging up this kind of pain in Noah. “I want to apologize again. After what we just did, on that table, and on this bed, it was crass of me to even hint that I was trying to compare the sex we have to what you did with Janice—which I wasn’t trying to do.” Grabbing Noah’s legs, Zane surged to his knees, digging in with his fingers. “I promise I wasn’t fishing for compliments or asking you to compare us, or asking you to tell me I was the winner or something.”

In an instant Noah shot forward and pressed his mouth to Zane’s. “Shh … no, no, no, honey.” He brushed his hands through Zane’s hair and down his neck to his shoulders, again and again, almost petting him. And goddamn if the contact didn’t calm Zane’s pulse. “I understand. I know the question was different for you; I swear I do. You’re not just some guy who wants to trade war stories.” As Noah pulled away to lean against the headboard, he twined their fingers together, keeping them connected. “We have feelings for each other; we’re having sex. I suppose it has to be natural to be curious and want to talk about that kind of stuff.” Red suddenly suffused Noah’s cheeks. “I imagine Janice has shared some stuff with Tom—that’s the guy she’s dating—too.”

“Can I…” Zane snapped his lips shut tight. Taking a moment to rethink, knowing he would never forgive himself if he insulted or hurt this open, gentle family man, Zane started again. “Would it be all right if I tried to explain why I asked what I did?”

“Yeah.” Noah played with Zane’s hand now, and the rigidness left his face. “Shoot.”

“It’s just, you said something like, ‘I can’t explain what having sex with you makes me feel,’ or ‘what it does to you,’ or something like that. When you said that it made me wonder, did that mean it wasn’t … or you didn’t … or… Fuck.” Expelling hot air, Zane fell back on the bed and covered his face with his hand. “Damn it.” He spread his fingers and looked up at Noah through a narrow gap. “I don’t know how to say this without it sounding terrible.”

Using the fact that they were still holding hands, Noah dragged Zane back up to a seated position. “You want to know if I just went through the motions.” Every muscle in Noah’s body visibly contracted once more. “You want to know if it was a chore to have sex with my ex-wife, and if I was thinking about men when we did, and if I didn’t know what good sex felt like until I got inside you.”

“A little, maybe,” Zane admitted. Scooting closer, he draped his legs over Noah’s upper thighs, just because he liked being close to him. “But much more than that, I guess I want to know
how
it was different for you—other than what I’m assuming is the obvious. When you said what you did, I didn’t think you were trying to say the sex was different or more special just because you were fucking a man’s ass rather than a woman’s,” Zane bit his lip, and his cheeks heated; God, he hated being so unsure of even the correct casual terminology people usually used for certain body parts, “vaginally, I mean; you know, in a traditional way, with a woman.” Jeez, it wasn’t as if Zane had ever had sex with a woman or talked to one about her sexual parts; hell, he’d never even seen porn.

Focus, man.
Zane blushed even harder. Damn it, he felt like a clueless idiot sometimes.
Just make your point already.
Silently ordering himself to direct his thoughts, Zane looked into Noah’s eyes, went all warm inside, and trusted in that steadiness to help him through. “It didn’t feel like you were saying sex was finally glorious because you were fucking a guy the way you’d always craved doing, rather than the woman you’d been married to for such a long time. It felt as if your point was something deeper, as if it surprised you. That’s why your comment surprised me, and that’s when I blurted out the question. Does what I’m asking make sense?”

The edge of Noah’s lip lifted in the cutest smile, and he leaned forward to brush a kiss to Zane’s mouth. “You give me more and more reasons to like you every minute we’re together,” he shared, making Zane’s belly twist in the sweetest way. “You’re right; I wasn’t speechless just because I got to fuck a sweet, tight male ass. That wasn’t what I meant.”

“So then tell me.” Zane settled himself against Noah’s bent leg, honored to listen. “Tell me whatever you feel is right or appropriate, for you.”

A long moment of silence stretched between them, but Zane didn’t panic. Resting his weight against Noah, holding his hand, studying his unyielding yet somehow expressive face, Zane could feel the struggle within the father and former husband to find words that felt okay and right to speak.

Finally Noah exhaled, only a little shakily, and began. “I never hated or dreaded having sex with Janice. She was my first girlfriend, my first lover, my first, well, my first a lot of things. I was as close to her as it is possible to be with another person, and I trusted her with everything. Because of that, I guess, it didn’t feel unnatural to be intimate with her.”

Noah’s mouth suddenly pulled into a deep frown and a dark flint came into his eyes. “Maybe another reason I got defensive so automatically is because when I first started going out on dates with men, I had dinner with this one guy who wanted me to trash Janice. He wanted me to tell tales about how she was a shrew and awful to be around, and that while I was married to her I cringed every time I put my dick in her pussy.” Noah clenched his free hand into the bedding, twisting the fabric into a tight ball, and eyed Zane with a darkness that made Zane shiver. “He used that word, at dinner, out in public, in a crowded restaurant.”

Zane crinkled his nose. “What was his deal? Was he divorced too or something?”

“Yeah, he was. I guess I stupidly thought that meant we would have something in common.” Noah’s frame went rigid. “I don’t know what he was trying to get me to say, and honestly it probably would have made me even angrier if I’d stuck around to figure it out. I didn’t.”

Zane covered Noah’s balled-up fist and tried to massage away the tension thrumming within him. “I get that. You’re not that guy. Even if it had been awful with Janice, you wouldn’t have told him so—at least not on a first date.”

Noah shook his head with a fast, jerky move. “It’s just not cool to me.”

“I know.” Zane worked Noah’s hand open and then moved on to rub at the tension kinking his arm. “It’s one of the reasons I like you.”

Zeroing in on Zane, Noah looked as if sun flares had fired in his eyes. “I loved Janice, you know?” He spoke as if he needed to convince Zane, as if he expected not to be believed. “I can’t say we fucked like bunnies or anything, but I attribute that to how busy our lives were more than the fact that I was fighting being gay. We had sex on a regular basis, and I didn’t have to psych myself up for it or close my eyes and think about a man. It was nice when we had sex. Hell, it felt good. I didn’t have to struggle to come.” Noah finally seemed to unlock inside, and his tone slipped back to conversational. “Maybe because of that, because it was good, and because we were so close, I didn’t think the actual act of sex would be all that different with a man—other than the obvious.”

Even Zane understood that. “Right.”

Lifting away from the headboard, Noah became animated. “Heck, I figured sex with a guy would feel as good, physically, and I certainly anticipated there would be another layer because I was finally being intimate with the gender I’ve always wanted but up till then had suppressed. I factored all that in.” Noah laughed, the sound rusty. “Or at least I thought I had.”

Zane held Noah’s hand, and gently said, “But it isn’t what you thought it would be?”

The flares in Noah’s stare lit to the fire of a thousand suns. “Fuck, Zane, it’s so different with you. It’s more.” Husky rawness filled Noah’s tone and his gaze burned straight into Zane’s soul. “But that sounds disrespectful to what I had with Janice. Hell, I don’t know how to explain what happens to me when I’m with you. It’s this craving, this rush, and when I get near you it takes me over, in a way that reaches deep inside me with a whole different level of intensity, one I never knew existed. When I’m inside you,” Noah snaked his hand around Zane’s neck and tugged him in until their faces touched, “and I’m trying to get deeper,” he looked at Zane in a way that felt as if it reached down and physically touched Zane’s heart, “it’s not because I like the way it makes my dick feel—although that is insane in itself—it’s because the deeper I get, the more of you I can touch and know intimately…” Noah’s chest rose and fell in rapid waves, and his hold tightened reflexively around Zane’s neck. “When I’m with you, no matter what we’re doing, it’s like there’s this beast clawing inside me, pushing at me to touch you and fuck you, because it feeds on that connection, and it needs it for its very survival.”

“Good God, Noah.” Too many emotions slammed through Zane, clogging his throat, and he could do no more than hang on to Noah as hard as Noah held him.

“I loved Janice,” Noah vowed, his voice ragged now, “and I’ll never say a bad thing about our sex life, or even just our life together, because there isn’t anything bad to tell. But what I understood of attraction and sex before doesn’t even come close to the reality of what it feels like to be inside you. There’s not one additional layer to being with you, there are countless more, and I didn’t even know they existed until I met you.” Noah exhaled then, trembled, and he looked as if he’d just come to the end of running a marathon. “That was what I meant when I said what I said to you earlier.”

Fuck.
Unable to hold himself back, Zane uttered Noah’s name with passion and reverence, and then fused himself to the man with a desperate, clinging kiss, needing some way to convey what Noah’s words had made him feel. In response, Noah automatically parted his lips, moaning into Zane’s mouth the moment their tongues touched. Pulling Zane all the way against him, Noah slashed his lips across Zane’s and naturally took over, staking a claim on Zane in a way that made Zane rub even harder against Noah, searching for a way to lose himself in this man again. Noah pulled at Zane’s hair and angled his head to steal his way even deeper into Zane’s mouth. As much as Zane wanted that very thing too, he fought the force of Noah’s passion and broke their kiss.

Zane didn’t go far, though. He struggled to breathe, but he looked into the depths of Noah’s dark eyes and easily found his voice. “You say you don’t know how to express yourself,” he touched his fingers over every line on Noah’s face; those grooves held character he already so adored, “but that was one of the most beautiful explanations for anything I’ve ever heard.”

Noah pulled Zane’s hand to his mouth and kissed it. “It’s just the truth.” He licked the center of Zane’s palm; as he did, his cock twitched and nudged against Zane’s.

Hell yes.
Zane checked Noah’s watch. Taking note of the hour, he grinned, hoping his was as wickedly sinful as Noah’s sometimes was. “We don’t have time for a full replay of everything we just did, but I’ve done a heck of a lot of thinking about how I was just starting to learn your taste that morning when my schedule dragged me away.” Reaching between them, Zane stroked Noah’s rapidly thickening cock. He then pushed his hand lower to give Noah’s softly furred sac a little squeeze. As Noah’s balls rolled and swelled in Zane’s palm, Zane kissed Noah’s chin and then throat, adding, “I think I have the time to get back to it right now.”

Noah dug into Zane’s hair and forced his head back. “You don’t have to,” he said, his face full of taut lines that gave away his need.

“I want to.” Zane untangled Noah’s hand from his hair and eased him back against the headboard. “Just sit back and relax.”

Noah’s chuckle turned into a groan. “Not possible.” Even as he said that he settled deeper into the bedding and let his legs fall open wide. “But keep going anyway.”