A Younger Man (15 page)

As Noah backed the truck out of his usual, secret lunch spot, Zane slumped into the passenger door. Hitting the brakes, Noah grabbed the guy before he slid to the floor. “Zane?”

Zane snapped upright, his back suddenly straight as an arrow. “Sorry. Yes, I’m awake.”

“But are you all right?” With his hands back around the steering wheel, gripping it hard enough to make his palms sweat, Noah couldn’t stop himself from assessing Zane from top to bottom. As he looked, he absorbed every nuance within Zane that screamed of discomfort, as well as exhaustion. Noah couldn’t ignore what he saw. His voice scratchy, he asked, “Are you really okay?”

“Just tired,” Zane replied, but tension held the lines of his mouth captive.

“You swear?”

Zane nodded. “I’ll be good to go by the time we get back to the Cornish house. I got the sleep I needed,” he dug into his brown paper bag and produced a sandwich, “and now I just need the food.” He took a big bite, but the moan of pleasure as he swallowed sounded forced.

Awareness of each day, where Zane worked himself to the bone just to keep himself and his siblings afloat, cut through Noah’s heart. “If you need me to work your schedule so that you have some more time free—”

“I’m fine.” More than his words, Zane’s tone and a flash in his eyes made Noah snap his mouth shut. “I can do the job you hired me to do. End of story.”

Noah heard Zane loud and clear.
Don’t treat me like a child.
Christ knew Noah only saw a fully-grown man—albeit a young one—since about the second day he’d known Zane. He could give Zane no less than the full respect and equal treatment the guy demanded with his every word and action. Just because Noah did, though, didn’t mean an equal part of him still didn’t want to help.

With all of the empathy and misplaced lust twisting Noah up inside, he simply said, “All right, Zane,” and got them back on the road to work. He would keep his fears and concerns to himself, just as Zane clearly wanted it.

* * * *

That evening Zane sat on his porch—a place he had courtesy of Noah’s generosity—and cursed his behavior. He’d been short with Noah repeatedly today. Noah had clearly picked up on Zane’s mood shift, had shown concern, and Zane had practically ripped his head off for it.

Damn it.
He deserves better.
Zane only had one excuse. Well, he had two. But neither justified being ultraquiet or snippy with Noah all day. Just before Zane had dropped the kids off at school that morning, Aunt Patty had called to speak with them. Duncan had shared that she had a short visit planned to see them soon. Zane did not need an impending visit with Patty as another stress in his life. Beyond Aunt Patty, though, Zane owed Clint another payment, and he wasn’t sure he could spare as much as Clint now demanded. He didn’t know what in the hell to do.

How about not alienating the guy who gave you a second job and a place to live, for a start?
Once again, Zane groaned at the memory of his childish behavior. He’d done exactly what he didn’t want to do; he’d acted like a kid around the undeniably masculine, adult Noah. Zane’s growing friendship with Noah, and absolute respect for him, made Zane want to spill all of his fears about Patty and Clint to him, with a hope that Noah could help him find a solution to his problems. At the same time, if he exposed his problems to Noah, and pleaded for an answer, then Zane would come across to Noah as a kid, and not a man capable of solving his own issues.
I don’t want him to look at me like a boy. I want him to see me as an equal. As another adult man.

Another noise, full of distress, escaped Zane on that thought. He slid down in his chair and covered his face with his hand. Memories of sticking his finger in his ass, and losing himself to orgasm with the vision that it was Noah taking him in such a raw, sexual way, assaulted Zane anew. He hadn’t touched himself in such a way again—in fact, he hadn’t even let himself jerk off since—but he knew those sexual feelings were why he wanted Noah to view him as an equal and notice him as another male.
I must be gay. I have to be.
Just as fast ‘
I can’t be
’ rushed through Zane’s thoughts. At least, not if he wanted to keep his brother and sister. Zane might have to walk away from Noah, and everything wonderful the man had brought into his life, in order to keep Patty from launching a bid to take Duncan and Hailey away from him.

Just then, Zane’s brother and sister trudged up the steps to the cabin, both of them sweaty and smiling and laughing from running and playing—carefree like the kids they should be—and Zane couldn’t help grinning too. The pleasure and joy bursting forth from his siblings brought instant bright light to the shadowed porch where Zane sat.

Unbidden, Zane’s stare lifted to the cabin across the lake, and the man he could see sitting on the porch as well.
Noah.
Zane’s chest squeezed with exquisite tightness. Through Noah’s generosity, he offered security and comfort to Zane’s family, the results of which manifested in Duncan and Hailey in dozens of ways. In this moment, seeing his siblings so at ease, knowing they all had warm beds to sleep in tonight, Zane couldn’t feel anything but gratitude that fate had brought Noah Maitland into their lives. Zane would not let the idea of quitting his job with Noah enter his thoughts again.

As to his increasing attraction and sexual thoughts about the man… Well, Noah had let slip something about seeing a guy named Ramsay. So, even if Zane wanted to, it wasn’t like he’d have a shot at Noah anyway. And Zane didn’t have dreams or fantasies about anyone else—man or woman—so his cherry wasn’t in any danger of being popped any time soon.

Zane ignored the way his feet dragged as he followed his siblings into the cabin to make them dinner.

Chapter 8

Zane pulled his car—Noah’s car, he really had to stop thinking of it as his—to a stop in front of Noah’s cabin. After getting out, he followed the shouts and shrieks of laughter down to the dock. His throat turned dry at the sight of Noah, his bare back turned to Zane, standing next to another guy, also only wearing swim trunks. Both men cheered Duncan on as he did a cannonball off the dock.
Who is this guy?
A hot wave of fire rolled through Zane; he didn’t like it one bit when the dark-haired dude nudged his shoulder against Noah’s and pointed out to the water.
Is this the infamous Ram that Noah is so reluctant to talk about?
For a date that wasn’t supposed to start until nine, the man had shown up awfully early, to Zane’s way of thinking.
I guess he couldn’t stay away.
Zane had yet to meet Ram, but a bad taste already filled his mouth.

Maybe Zane shouldn’t have asked Noah to watch the kids while he went to work at the restaurant. But damn it, he’d been in a bind. Late last night Mrs. Mangioni had called to share that an emergency had come up with one of her sisters and she wouldn’t be able to watch Duncan and Hailey. That left Zane either calling in sick or asking Noah for help. It wasn’t as if Zane could afford to lose a day of pay, so for him, it hadn’t been a choice at all.

“Zane! Zane!” His name filled the air in his little sister’s high-pitched voice. “You’re here.” Hailey spotted him from the dock and started waving her arms. “Look!” After he waved to acknowledge her, she executed a perfect dive off the side of the dock—and Zane’s heart screeched to a stop. The water didn’t ripple at all when she went under, but Zane still stumbled.

Immediately, Noah turned and shouted, “Don’t worry!” He beckoned Zane to him and the other dude. “The water is a lot deeper off my side of the dock.” Hailey popped up right then, breaking the surface with a smile, and Noah added, “See? She’s fine.”

Zane started breathing again, but his legs still felt like molasses as he made his way to Noah. “Sorry. I know you wouldn’t let her do anything dangerous, but when she jumped, I could only imagine my feet touching the gravel under the water in front of our cabin, and I had a flash of her breaking her neck against the bottom of the lake.” His face heating, Zane slid his attention to Ram and he murmured, “Hi.” The guy was a lot younger than Zane had imagined, based on the few things Noah had said about him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t even think.” Noah slid his arm around the dude’s shoulders, and Zane’s stomach plummeted straight down to the ground. “You’ve met Matt already. This is Seth, my oldest son. His classes ended early, so he’s back in town for a few months.”

A monstrous flood of relief rushed through Zane with enough speed to make him dizzy. “Seth. Oh. You’re Seth.”
Seth. Not Ramsay. Thank God.
Shaking his head to recover his equilibrium, Zane extended his hand. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Zane.”

“I figured you must be the big brother.” After shaking Zane’s hand, Seth said, “I’m the one who taught your sister how to dive. I hope that was okay.”

“Seth is very qualified,” Noah interjected, before Zane could respond. “He has a ton of medals from his days on both the swimming and diving teams at school. In fact,” beautiful, spark-filled life filled Noah’s eyes as he looked at Seth, “he’s on a partial scholarship because of his talent. And—”

Seth snapped his hand out and covered Noah’s mouth. “Dad. Stop. This guy met me two seconds ago. He doesn’t want to hear a list of my extracurricular achievements. You’re being all over-the-top proud and embarrassing again.”

The sight of Noah, with his son—with either of them—made the air around him appear as if it sparkled with extra bright light. Watching them, Zane chuckled and then said, “Believe me, Seth, this is not the first I’ve heard about how wonderful you and Matt are. Noah brags about you both a lot.”

Seth covered his face with his hands. “Oh Jesus. Let me just go die now.” After putting his arms back at his side, Seth shot Noah a sideways glare. “I swear you’ll have people thinking we piss liquid gold next.”

“No.” Zane looked from Noah to Seth, and kept his face and voice deadpan. “He told me platinum.”

“I said titanium,” Noah replied, wearing a big grin.

“Riiiiight.” Dragging the word out, Zane smiled in return. “Sorry, I forgot.”

“You’re forgiven.”

Putting his hands out in front of him, Seth took a cautious, exaggerated step backward. “I’m going to walk away now, Dad, before I get even more embarrassed for you.” He then turned, jogged to the end of the dock, and jumped in the water with Duncan and Hailey.

His arms crossed against his chest, Noah looked out toward the lake, light still capturing his features. “That’s my kid. What can I say? He obviously loves me so much and thinks I’m insanely awesome.”

Zane looked too, and his chest swelled over what he’d just witnessed. “Actually, he clearly does. Seth wouldn’t be like that with you if he didn’t have confidence and comfort in your relationship. Matt’s the same way. You joke about it a lot, but such love and camaraderie like that is a rare thing.” With every new thing learned about this man, Zane’s esteem for him grew. “You and your ex should both be very proud of them, and yourselves.”

“The kids are everything to us.” Noah’s focus remained trained on the water and his son. “I wasn’t sure with Seth there for a while after … after I…” Noah’s mouth opened and closed a few times without words, and his cheeks flooded with pink, “after … you know. Sometimes I’m still not sure how he really feels. He says I’m all talk, and that I might as well not have left Janice if I’m not going to take advantage and be gay gay gay, all the time, in every way. Whatever that means.”

“But you do have a date tonight.”
God.
Zane couldn’t believe how much those words stuck in his craw on the way out. He cleared his throat and forced himself to add, “He has to know about it. Right?”

“He does.” Noah nodded, but the movement seemed jerky. “I’ll go out to meet Ram, though. Seth will stay here and keep an eye on Matt, once Matt gets here. They haven’t seen or met anyone I’ve dated. I don’t think … I don’t know…” Once again, words were pulled from Noah with obvious difficulty. “I don’t know if I’m ready for something like them meeting men yet.”

Oh God. Please stop.
Suddenly Zane didn’t want to know anything more about the mysterious Ramsay or Noah’s readiness to deepen their bond. Hearing about Noah with another man, about his fears and plans, or that guy possibly being important enough to one day meet Seth and Matt, ignited a powerful mix of panic and sickness in Zane’s gut. Pictures of Noah with this faceless person, kissing or making out or having sex, automatically filled in those blanks Noah had left open to interpretation. Zane couldn’t bear to see this man’s passion for another person. Noah was his.

No!
Zane couldn’t think of Noah with such possessiveness. He had no right. No place. Yet, if he continued to stand here, so close to Noah, he might blurt out something detrimental to the future custody of his siblings. “We’ll get out of your hair.” Zane tore his gaze away before Noah could see something needful in his eyes. “I shouldn’t have taken up so much of your day with babysitting. You should have time with Seth and Matt before your date.” Zane turned and started striding down the dock.

Footsteps immediately thudded behind him. “Zane. Wait.” Noah grabbed his arm and spun him around before he’d taken five steps. Confusion mapped Noah’s face. Still holding onto Zane, Noah tugged him closer. “What’s the matter?”

Zane looked up and got trapped in the light burning Noah’s eyes to the color of rich espresso. “I don’t want…” He snapped his lips shut before the rest of that sentence
“…you to go out with Ram”
left his mouth. Scrambling, he said instead, “I don’t want to take up any more of your time.”

Noah’s entire face softened and his grip on Zane’s forearm loosened to a gentle hold. “You never have to worry about that.” Sincerity layered every softly spoken word Noah gave Zane. “My time is yours, whenever you need it.”

Caught up in this unique man, Zane took a step closer, into Noah’s airspace. “I’m sorry I was snappy and withdrawn with you yesterday.” His voice was nearly a whisper too. “It wasn’t about you, and I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“You don’t have to worry about that either.” Noah slid his fingers down and curled his hand around Zane’s. His voice slipped to a whiskey-drenched tone. “As long as you’re okay, then we’re fine.”