A Wolf for Haru (5 page)

Coughing violently, he released his grip on the bark, severing the bond he had formed. Shaking, covered in a cold sweat, he struggled to his feet and stumbled back toward his rooms. His stomach churning, his head pounding, he tripped and staggered his way through the courtyard, determined to make it back home before his body gave out.

He had almost made it, his door a blurry image before him, when he felt the last of his strength seep from him despite his best efforts. Unable to go on, he collapsed on his doorstep, back propped up against his doorframe and hand dangling in flowerbed. Weakly he tried to rise, tried to gather his strength so he could crawl into his room and into his bed, but it was useless.

He could barely keep his head up or his eyes open. Every time he tried to move, he just flopped uselessly back against his door. That tree had been fatally ill, facing certain death when he had healed it. He was always weak after a healing, but that tree had been ancient and huge. Saving so much had truly taken its toll. He knew he would recover, a full night’s sleep would usually leave him feeling fine if not a bit tired the morning after saving such an ancient life.

If only I could gather the strength to get up, Haru thought drowsily.

His vision fading and his thoughts a blur, he sighed deeply, giving up the idea of getting inside.

It seemed as if he would be spending the night outside. It would hardly be the first time it had happened. He let himself drift, unable to rustle up concern or even care when in the distance he heard the sounds of heavy footsteps coming through the trees. There was no staying awake for him. Whatever happened would happen.

There simply wasn’t anything he could do.

The last thing he caught sight of before he drifted off completely was the sight of smartly polished black shoes shining in the dim light from his stoop.

His first thought when he regained consciousness the next morning was that his front stoop was surprisingly warm and comfortable. The step beneath his ear was firm, but not the unforgiving hardness that he had come to associate with stone.

He wanted to stay just where he was for the next few days and absorb the sense of pure peace that he was currently feeling.

Eyes still closed, he nuzzled his face against the surprisingly smooth surface below him and flexed his hands gently. He froze and his eyes shot open when a low rumble sounded beneath his ear and he felt a hand that wasn’t his slide itself gently through his hair.

He tensed suddenly, his body preparing automatically to flee as the events from the night before rushed back to him in full. The tree, the sickness, his own weakness and finally the footsteps in the distance and the fuzzy sight of shoes standing before him.

“I’m rather comfortable, but if you force me to subdue you I will not be held responsible for my actions.”

The gruff, sleepy voice of Saitou sounded from below him. “Subdue me?” Haru tried to make his voice sharp, his declaration from the past week rearing its head. He would bow down to no one.

Yet there was just something about Saitou that had always gotten under his skin, made him weak and pliant.

“I’m not going to have you running away from me again even if I am forced to admit that your little trick last time was rather interesting.”

Haru flushed at the reminder. He had allowed his destructive side to rear its head, had used the harsher side of his gift to his advantage.

“You deserved it.” Haru’s voice was almost a whisper, his mind unwillingly obsessing over the fact that Saitou was, at the very least, shirtless and currently holding him. There was a rough sigh and the hand in his hair clenched briefly as the arm around his waist tightened.

“Yes. I suppose I did deserve it, for not realizing sooner. It was inexcusable of me to have made such a mistake. For that I can only apologize.” He sounded sincere.

A part of Haru desperately wanted to trust him, to have that same blind faith he had possessed years ago. The rest of him found that years of torment had made that rather difficult. “Yet here you are making the same mistake again,” he said it lowly, knowing that sharp wolf ears would hear it regardless.

“How exactly have I screwed up this time?”

There was a humorous, but also slightly dangerous lilt to Saitou’s voice.

“You screwed up by letting yourself into my rooms, staying the night without an invitation, and now threatening to subdue me.” The words were sharp this time, like he had intended them to be, his anger returning to him piece by piece.

Then with barely a flash of muscle, their positions changed. Haru went from resting comfortably, if not almost guiltily, across Saitou’s chest to clamping his eyes shut quickly as he was pinned beneath Saitou’s hot weight. Warm, moist air being breathed against his neck and ear caused him to shiver violently as Saitou pressed their bodies together firmly. Sinful lips nibbled almost delicately at the crook of his shoulder before a sensual voice whispered in his ear.

“Those things are not mistakes, pup. They are indeed a part of my rights. What I referred to was an entirely different matter altogether. One much more important than the petty issues you speak of.”

There was definitely amusement there now and it sent fire through Haru’s blood. “It’s not funny, you son-of-a-bitch! If you don’t consider those things mistakes, then you have a serious problem!” His eyes flashed open in his anger, locking with Saitou’s in the heat of the moment before he had even processed what had happened.

It hit him suddenly when he realized he was actually seeing the smirk on the wolf’s face and not imagining it. That the waterfall of luxurious hair that surrounded them was real and not a part of his imagination. He could feel the blood drain from his face, felt his stomach churn with the sick knowledge that he had revealed his own secret while he was especially vulnerable.

He clenched his eyes back shut, not wanting to witness the rage overtake Saitou’s almost-relaxed face. He didn’t want to see the warnings of violence in those eyes. His anger drained from him, leaving only desperation and a crippling sadness in its wake. Everything was ruined now.

Saitou knew who he was, knew where he lived.

He would wreck it all, would ruin the sanctity of his home and would take back that beautiful umbrella he had given him.

It seemed as if in one way or another, Haru always managed to ruin things for himself.

He barely stopped himself from flinching when he felt the tip of one sharp and deadly claw against his skin. It traced its way gently down the side of his face, finding and following the scar there with ease and precision.

“Did you know that I was almost proud the day I gave you this? It was something that you could never get rid of, something that would be with you forever. Something that I had given you.”

Saitou whispered the words harshly, an emotion Haru could not identify in his voice.

Haru was numb at that point, unable to gather his anger, unable to find the will to fight. It was an affirmation of what he had known for years now.

Saitou had enjoyed hurting him, enjoyed inflicting pain and suffering upon him. It would have broken his heart if he had enough of it left to actually break. The tears came then, slowly and barely noticeable, but he was unable to stop the few that slipped passed his clenched lids.

The clawed finger stopped tracing the scar and instead moved upward to capture a teardrop.

There was a harshly indrawn breath and suddenly Haru was upright again, his legs wrapped around Saitou’s lean waist and his face crushed against a solid chest. The wolf sat propped against the headboard of the bed, nothing but a sheet covering his form, hair loose and sexily mussed.

“Don’t cry, Haru, please don’t cry again. There is so much you don’t understand, so many things I have to tell you, things that I have to explain.

There is so much you don’t know. So much I have to apologize for. Just don’t cry, not because of me.”

The arms around him were crushing but not painfully so. Haru was barely able to breathe, but for a completely different reason.

“You said my name.” He was confused and awed in the same moment. Confused as to why Saitou had yet to hurt him, why instead he had offered comfort and promises of apologies. He was in awe at the sheer beauty of the sound of Saitou willingly saying his name again.

“That was the mistake I spoke of earlier. I should have realized who you were, should have realized why you fascinated me so that day in the rain. You entranced me and I hadn’t even spoken with you, I’d only watched you dash across the grass through the storm. I panicked and couldn’t take the chance I wouldn’t see you again so I stopped you. I should have realized the truth right then.” Saitou’s voice was hushed and his hands were gentle as they traced the contours of Haru’s back through his thin t-shirt.

“What truth?” Haru could not stop himself from asking. The conversation seemed almost too good to be true. It was taking a turn that he had often dreamed about, but never allowed himself to hope for. It had always seemed so unrealistic.

“About who you were. That the only person who could have ever fascinated me so would have had to have been you, Haru. Ever since I saw you, smelt you, ever since that first day you smiled at me, there has always only been you. I lied to myself, to everyone, for years before I finally accepted it.” The words were gruff, Saitou’s breath hot and heavy in Haru’s ear as he made his declaration.

Haru pulled back, his eyes open and for once willing to connect with Saitou’s. Teary pupil-less silver-veined green met remorseful amber, searching them for truth. Haru wanted so desperately to believe the wolf, wanted to wash away the years of pain and torment. He was not sure if it would be so easy. There was just so much, almost too much that he would have to let go in order for this to work.

“Saitou, I don’t know if I…can give you whatever it is you want from me…” The words were almost ripped from him, coming out against his will and yet he knew they were true. If he gave in to Saitou now and simply ignored the past, he would be giving up a piece of himself that he was not willing to let go.

“I know that there is a lot to make up for and I do not expect you to forgive me right away. That is not what I am asking. Please just tell me that I’m not too late, that there is still a chance for me to earn your forgiveness. That I have not ruined this beyond all repair.”

Haru could hear the desperation, the fear, in Saitou’s voice and it shook him to the core. In all of the years he had known Saitou, been friends and enemies with him, he had never heard such conviction.

Haru broke the connection their eyes had held and, with effort, managed to pry himself out of Saitou’s arms and scramble off the bed. He could tell by the pinched look on Saitou’s face that letting him go cost the wolf dearly. He padded silently across the room to where he had reverently placed the umbrella he had been gifted with. Gently, he picked it up and walked back to the bed. Saitou was still propped against the headboard watching his every move. Haru had never seen the wolf so sexy with his long hair mussed and his chest deliciously bare where the sheet had pooled around his waist. He had to force his eyes away from rippling abs and copper-colored nipples before he did something he would regret.

“You gave this to me thinking that I was someone else. I can’t keep something so precious when it wasn’t meant for me.” It hurt to even consider giving up something that had made him so very happy, but he knew that in time it would hurt worse that it had not been meant for him.

“No, Haru, I gave it to exactly who I wanted to give it to. Someone who means the world to me.”

Saitou sighed, a rough and tired sound, as he raked one deadly clawed hand through his hair. “I know now how very foolish of me that was. I gave you that umbrella because I wanted to protect you from everything, even the rain. I wanted to protect you so very much because you reminded me of the one person I had failed. The one person I was determined to find and spend the rest of my life protecting. I realize now that you are that one person and it was only my own foolishness that stopped me from realizing that before.”

Their eyes met again and this time Haru could practically see the fierce possessiveness shining from the larger male’s gaze.

“Such time I have wasted when you could have been mine.”

Haru’s hands tightened where he held the umbrella, the low groaning of bamboo slates making him loosen his grip guiltily. Such beautiful words made his heart ache and his mind yell out in rebellion. He was fast losing his will to stay strong, to deny himself the one thing he had yearned for all of these years despite his suffering.

Saitou.

The object of his thoughts rose gracefully from the bed, the sheet pooling at his bare feet and revealing the low-slung boxers beneath it. Haru swallowed harshly. It was the most of Saitou he had seen since they were young and it affected him in ways now that it had not then. Then it had been innocent, nothing sexual or erotic about them bathing or swimming together.

Now it was altogether different. He was unable to stop himself from stepping back as Saitou prowled across the small room toward him. He looked so very feral at that moment that Haru could not stop the small rush of fear and arousal that shot through him.

Saitou froze, his nostrils flaring as he caught the mingled scent, his eyebrows furrowing as one hand reached out entreatingly. “I will not hurt you, Haru. Not again, not after I have finally found you. There is much as I have said before that I have to make up for, but please do not fear me. Find it in your heart to look on me with a fraction of the trust we shared before.”

Haru could feel his walls beginning to crumble, could feel the barriers he had built around his heart beginning to fall. Never had he heard Saitou beg and plead so relentlessly for something. Never had he heard the wolf sound so afraid and humble.

“I’ve wanted for so very long to be able to hate you, Saitou.” Shaking, he turned away from him, hearing the low noise of pain that sounded behind him at his supposed rejection. Gently he returned the umbrella to its previous place and slowly faced Saitou once again. The wolf’s anguish was evident in his eyes, in the unsteadiness of the still-outstretched hand. “Yet I don’t think that I ever really could.”