A Texas Ranger's Family (14 page)

She just kept diggin' that hole. He took another sip, counted to ten and then calmly spoke the words that had to be said. Sooner was better than later.

“Erin, you're right. Helping financially
is
the least you can do, but I've had college covered for years so we don't need your money. Dana deserves more than your least, she's holdin' out hope for your best. For a woman trackin' down a miracle, that shouldn't be so hard to get your head around.”

She nodded, remained silent, didn't recoil from their close proximity. The defensive response he expected never surfaced. Instead, he got quiet understanding from eyes sending a message he couldn't interpret if his life depended upon it.

The more time they were together, the more confused he became, while Erin still seemed to know her mind. Her goal was never in question. Recovery was moving her closer every day to returning to the work she loved at World View. She'd be gone before they knew it and he'd have no one to blame for wanting more for his daughter and himself than Erin was capable of giving.

At best he had a couple more weeks with Erin and two more years with Dana. He'd pray for wisdom on how to deal with his losses as they occurred. But right now he would do as Erin suggested, focus on living day by day.

He stood and stretched out his hand. “We'll work through that when the time comes.”

 

Though she was no longer physically dependent upon it, Erin accepted Daniel's help by taking his hand. As his warmth connected with the chill that had overcome her, she said a silent prayer for courage. Daniel was a straight shooter, said and did what was on his mind so you knew where you stood.

It was time she returned the favor.

Daniel hadn't made a single overture since he'd mouthed the words
I love you
, obviously unaware her camera was trained on his rugged face. For days Erin had been waiting for the opportunity to respond. If she didn't take action soon, she might never hear the words spoken intentionally.

So, before he could release her hand or she could lose her nerve, she took a step closer. Erin faced Daniel toe-to-toe, slipped both arms around his waist and pulled him near enough to feel the cool metal of his belt buckle
through her T-shirt. She laid her cheek against his chest, breathing in the scent of laundry detergent and cinnamon.

Mmm, clean.

His body offered no encouragement as she persisted with her silent, one-sided hug.

Mmm, Daniel.

“Mmm, what?” he asked.

“Did I make that noise out loud?”
Good grief, I'm a loser!

He took pity, brought his arms close and returned the light pressure of her embrace.

“Yes, you did. I suppose it has something to do with the way I smell after baking a dozen pans of apple cobbler for tomorrow.”

“And you were very mean to deny anybody a sample.” She used the pretend pout that seemed to work for Dana.

“The waiting makes it that much sweeter.”

She tipped her head back. “I can't wait any longer, Daniel.”

“For cobbler?”

“You're going to make me beg, aren't you?”

“Don't you think I deserve to hear it?”

“You most certainly do.” She brushed the tip of her tongue over her lips and released a sigh. “Daniel, will you lean down here and kiss me?”

He hesitated. Not a sign it had been a good idea for her to step out on this ledge.

“Pretty please?” she asked

“Well, since you put it so nicely,” he murmured, his mouth already hovering so close she could taste the warm sweetness of his breath. The urgency of his kiss stole what little reserve she'd been trying to hold on to.
This was sixteen years in the making. His palms smoothed upward on her low back, ribs and shoulders gently urging her closer. Daniel told her with his kiss what she hadn't yet heard in words.

This wonderful man, this committed father, this brave Texas Ranger, still cared for her.

Only the Heavenly Father understood how much she'd come to love Daniel in return.

He ended the kiss but kept her folded in his arms. Her cheek pressed close to the insistent beating beneath his ribs.

“Erin, when this madhouse settles down in a few days, we need to talk about our future. With Dana to consider, there's a lot to work through, but nothing we can't work out.”

Her own racing heart plummeted. He was concerned for their daughter's future at a time when most red-blooded men would be entertaining selfish thoughts. Erin didn't know whether to applaud his parenting or stamp her boot at his foolishness.

But putting family first was the very essence of Daniel Stabler.

“You're right,” Erin agreed. “There are probably a hundred details we have to iron out before I head back to New York.”

 

New York?
Daniel thought. She'd fit perfectly in his arms moments ago, but the very mention of the city made her back stiffen as if a gulf had opened up between them.

Of course she'd be thinking about getting back there. Even though life was a bare-bones existence when she was on the road, there must be glamour waiting in the
city that never sleeps. She was in his home until she recovered enough to be on her own. She hadn't given him any encouragement to believe otherwise.

Until now.

He'd quit while he was ahead. Sort of.

“We can pick this conversation back up in a few days. Tomorrow's going to be busy for everybody, so let's call it a night.”

He held the screen door for Erin who preceded him into the house. LaVerne was putting the last of her baked goods into individual containers for the sale that would start tomorrow.

“Son, would you help me finish up so we can have a private word?”

“Well, good night.” Erin took the hint, continued down the hall and closed the door to his old room behind her.

Daniel knew the drill. He grabbed a sandwich bag and sealed six peanut butter cookies inside. “Why didn't you tell me you needed help? We could have been doing this with you for the last hour.”

“No, I wanted to be alone and keep my hands busy while I prayed about how to tell you something.”

He stilled. “What is it, Mama?”

She rinsed and dried her hands and motioned for him to follow her to her room. Beside the bed was the heavy carton of letters Erin's boss had delivered.

“You brought these home with you?”

She shrugged. “Well, Erin said I could read 'em and I never got around to it while we were still in Houston. I once wrote a note of encouragement to Betty Ford but other than that, I wouldn't know a fan letter if it bit me
on the nose. So I was curious to find out what would make all these strangers write to Erin.”

His mama had sorted the large box of opened envelopes and then stacked them according to subjects scribbled on pink index cards.

“Most of these folks try to describe somethin' in one of Erin's pictures that threw them for an emotional loop. The letters from the soldiers will just break your heart, Daniel. Those kids are so grateful to Erin for voluntarily being with them, capturing things they could never explain with words. I think there's potential here for a book.”

“A book? Hmm, that's an interesting concept.”

“But not what I wanted to talk about with you.”

His mama was not one to mince words. She definitely needed to spit out whatever she'd been chewing on. Such discomfort and reluctance on her part was scarier than a Stephen King novel.

“Just tell me what it is.”

“I'll have to show you.”

She lifted a thick stack of envelopes that were still sealed, some yellowed with age and others appearing fairly new.

“There's no return address but they all have the same handwriting. The postmarks from San Angelo are spread over the last ten years.”

“You didn't open them?” He could already see that for himself.

“I was afraid to do that for fear of who they might be from.” She was rarely guided by restraint. Something was really troubling his mama.

“Like whom?”

“Like a man
. What if there's been another man in Erin's life and you don't know anything about it?”

“If that was true, why wouldn't he know how to reach her in person and why wouldn't she want to read his letters?”

“That's why I brought them to you. To be honest, son, Erin doesn't want anything to do with all these letters. But they're too powerful to be kept in the dark. Or worse, destroyed. And this bunch from San Angelo is just downright creepy. I'm putting them in your hands and trusting you and the Lord to figure out what to do with 'em.”

E
rin thrived on pandemonium. She found comfort amid racket and chaos.

That about described the arrival of a couple hundred contestants for the Double-S Bonanza. The carefully choreographed madness looked for all the world like a barbecue chef smack down.

All remaining soreness from her pelvic injury had subsided days ago. Constant walking had been the perfect therapy. And constant companionship had been the perfect medicine.

She'd pushed past her left-handed awkwardness. The limited dexterity of her right arm no longer made her self-conscious around others. In the months ahead, Erin would press her recovering limb toward a wider range of motion and work her uncooperative fingers to the bone with that gob of Silly Putty.

For today she was satisfied with her level of improvement and, to use Daniel's expression, she was champin' at the bit to get to work.

The fresh country air was charged with competitive pride and braggadocious friendship, qualities that motivated Erin to make the acquaintance of every single entrant over the two days it took them all to arrive and set up camp.

As a woman bearing professional camera equipment and a notepad, she was welcomed and regaled with the four gospels of barbecue sauce; vinegar and pepper, mustard, light tomato and heavy tomato. While each newcomer positioned the grill just so, Erin received a fresh batch of coaching on dry or wet rub and pork ribs versus beef brisket. She learned barbecue is a noun, not a verb. And anybody who thinks otherwise is likely to call home someplace north of the Mason-Dixon Line.

“See, way back in the 1500s it was the Spaniards who introduced the pig to the American Indians and the Indians showed 'em how to slow cook it with smoke. That's how authentic barbecue was first eaten and the good Lord meant for it to stay that way.” The side of Charlie Mullin's Bluebird motorhome proclaimed him “Texarkana's Sultan of Smoke.” Charlie shook his gray head, sorry for those who didn't have the facts straight. “Most folks have no historic connection to barbecue and they've been hoodwinked into thinking any piece of grilled meat qualifies. It's sad, I tell ya.”

Erin had never been inclined to put captions with her photographs. But these slow-cooking foodies from every walk of life and all parts of the country had her chuckling and jotting notes. Before she knew it, Erin was mentally preparing the argument that would convince J.D. to support her in a fund-raising effort. If she was as popular as he claimed, maybe her reputation could sell a few coffee table books to help out the West
Texas Boys Ranch. With three boys of his own, J.D. would be an easy sell. While getting a book published wasn't his expertise, he knew the people who could make it happen.

By the end of the second day, her spiral notebook was full of anecdotes and the kernel of an idea was shooting up green sprouts. The more she put stories behind the pictures, the deeper the roots sank. It would be a new type of challenge, something within her ability. Something lasting that would help others.

Something she could share with Daniel and Dana.

 

“Erin, your phone's been ringing all afternoon.”

LaVerne pointed down the hall where the cell was charging on Daniel's rolltop desk. It hadn't chirped in ten days and Erin didn't miss it one bit. Vegetable soup simmered in the kitchen, a nice change from the wood smoke of the camping area where lazy wisps of white snaked above the Double-S.

Alone in the bedroom, Erin slipped the camera from around her neck and lowered it to the surface of the desk. She rolled both shoulders and stretched side to side before settling into the high-backed leather chair to check for missed calls.

J.D. had phoned eleven times! Her heart raced from the surge of adrenaline that always accompanied an unexpected communication from the chief. Had the World View execs changed their minds? Had they decided to let her go after all? Erin took a moment to consider the possibility. Even though J.D. had repeatedly insisted her position was safe, nothing was
certain in today's economic climate with jobs being lost right and left.

She relaxed against the comfortable chair that belonged to a confident and loving Texas Ranger. As Erin's pulse slowed, a strange calm settled into her body and spread over her spirit. She would be fine.

She bowed her head.

“Father, I'm no longer certain about Your will for my life. It always seemed clear that You were leading me to faraway places where no one else would go, to catch images another person might miss or avoid. I still feel like I have so much work to do, but boarding a transport to travel halfway around the world doesn't hold the appeal it once did. Lord, give me the grace and courage to accept whatever comes. Thank You for my healing and for Your mercy that is new every day. Amen.”

She pressed the call return button and took a deep breath. He answered right away.

“Hey, boss. It's me.”

“Well, it's about time.” J.D. sounded anxious, but in a good way.

“I'm sorry to keep you waiting. It's busy out here and I've been getting to know the contestants.”

“Out where? What contestants?”

Right. She hadn't told him about the ranch.

“I'm in Fort Stockton, Texas at Daniel's family home. They sponsor a big barbecue cook-off for charity. I'm helping out by taking some pictures.”

“Wow! You were right all along about your recovery time. The suits upstairs will be pleased to hear it.”

Erin noted the excitement in his voice, no indication of bad news at all. She was careful to keep a relieved
sigh to herself, not wanting J.D. to be offended by a lack of faith in his word.

“So, what's up? Do you need me to coach somebody who's been filling in for me?”

“No, ma'am. I need you to come off the bench and get back in the game.”

She sat upright, moved to the edge of the seat.

“What?”

“We have an assignment and you're the perfect person to handle it. It's the story of wounded troops forced to recover in the field. You'll understand their struggles and they'll identify with your injuries. Nobody will expect you to be full tilt already, so if you have to take it slow, we'll make accommodations. What do you say, Erin? Can you be ready to deploy to Iraq in ten days?”

Iraq? Ten days! Emotion squeezed her throat and choked any response. J.D. probably expected cries of elation but all she could think of were objections. This opportunity was what she'd aimed for, what she'd prayed for. This had to be confirmation that God was calling her back to embedded service. Or could it be His way of telling her to make a personal choice instead of laying the decision on Him?

She needed time to think.

“That's a tight deadline, boss.” Even to her ears it sounded like an excuse. She tried for something closer to the truth. “I may have overstated my abilities just a bit. I wouldn't want this clunker arm of mine to put another person's safety in jeopardy because they're trying to cover for me.”

“We'll support whatever capability level you're at, Erin. Having limitations will only endear you more to
the troops and bring a deeper level of realism to your work. Our broadcast affiliates have been contacted about the possibility of shadowing you on the job and they are hot for this story. Not only will it get you back to the work you love, and help shine a light on the growing issue of wounded warriors, I daresay it may put you in contention for another Pulitzer.”

The prize didn't matter. Any attention she could bring to her soldiers would be motivation enough.

But what about her reasons to stay put? She'd spent all afternoon dreaming about the good she could do for the boys' ranch right up the road. Boys who might grow into men and serve their nation at home just as Daniel was doing.

And what about Daniel and Dana?

Her family.

That's the way she thought of them now. But thinking it and living it were completely different. She'd survived a bumpy ride to come to this point in life and deserved time to weigh the impact of her decision.

“Can you let me get through the weekend? As I said, things are running a hundred miles a minute right now and I can't drop this on Daniel until the fund-raiser is over.”

“Sure thing, no problem,” J.D. agreed. “Let's talk first thing Monday. I'll send a car to take you to Midland where you can catch an eastbound flight. That'll leave plenty of time to get you ready to roll. You have your new equipment with you?”

“Of course.”

“Perfect. That'll save a stop in Houston.”

“I left a few personal items there.” She was thinking
of her portfolio. Then a smile lifted her eyes as the football jersey crossed her mind.

“Daniel can ship anything important and we'll hold it here for you, like always.”

Even without a few days to think it over, it seemed a fait accompli. If things could fall into place so easily, it must be right.

Just in case, she'd make the best of what time she had left.

 

People wrongly assumed it was an act of charity on Daniel's part to give up his vacation time each year to work the fund-raiser. The truth was he got more out of the experience than he ever put into it. Not only was he back home being spoiled by his mama and reconnecting with his only brother, he had the added benefit of time on a working ranch with Dana teaching her lessons she might never learn in the city. Throw in a Texas-size barbecue that helped fund a home for troubled boys and it didn't get any better.

At least that's how he'd felt before Erin came back into their lives. He'd worked around the clock to convince the world he could raise a child alone. Even before the day he pinned on the Ranger badge and outwardly declared his allegiance to the State of Texas, he'd made his personal priorities clear. He was on the job and available to his team 24/7.

Unless his daughter needed him.

He'd used his devotion to single parenthood to ward off well-meaning matchmakers and attractive suitors, and he'd successfully persuaded everyone he was happy.

Everyone except himself.

During his quiet time with God each morning, Daniel had begun to pray that one day his marriage would have another chance. He was beginning to feel like a man whose
one day
had come.

Throughout the hectic weekend of food preparation, tasting and judging, Erin seemed to be everywhere Daniel turned. Up close they exchanged modest touches and shy glances. From a distance her easy grin and wave let him know she was continually aware of his presence. Whether she was taking portraits of contestants or snapping candid shots of folks who'd driven down to the Double-S for the best selection of barbecue in the country, she was available to the family at all times.

And no job was beneath Erin. She helped at the cotton candy stand, carefully twirling and bagging huge wads of the sticky pink stuff as if it were spun gold. She did her time in the ticket booth, making change and guiding newcomers to the tasting tents. She directed foot traffic during the judging and even entertained anxious contestants with stories of strange foods she'd encountered in her travels.

To soften the effects of Dana's proud bragging, Daniel overheard Erin quietly downplay her accolades more than once. As expected, his daughter, whose fashion sense tended to ostracize her at these country events, made the most of her celebrity-by-association status. Dana printed news items off the Internet and brought along some of the magazines he'd saved over the years. When a West Texas cousin poked fun at her spiked hair or Goth clothes, she fired back with her new ammo. Properly impressed, most of them shut right up. Yep, Dana was in hog heaven.

Daniel could only guess Erin seemed to be on cloud nine as well. She was living in the moment like it was her last day on earth, always smiling and offering help, as if she couldn't get enough of their family and friends. She was a bottomless pit of questions as well as a tireless storyteller of exciting events in exotic places.

He was certain Erin was happy.

Still, something in Daniel's gut said it was too good to be true. A comment from her first night in Houston played over and over, a sound bite stuck in his head.

“As soon as I can physically manage on my own, I'll get out of your life
.” She'd never recanted that promise. And one kiss did not a new promise make.

Seeing her in action this week left little doubt she was able to manage most things on her own. Independence was second nature to Erin, so she had to be considering their circumstances, thinking about her next move. Was she trying on life as a family woman, cloaking herself in the comfort it might offer? Or was she just making fond memories to salve everybody's hurt feelings when she left?

This time the devastation would extend far beyond his own heart to include each person she'd touched with her kindness and courage. But his loss would be the greatest because she would take away a piece of Dana's heart and Daniel's relationship with his only child could never again be exclusively theirs.

Confronting Erin now might burst their bubble of happily-ever-after existence, exposing the situation for the fake that it was. There was no win in that, only the possibility that forcing the issue would hasten the in
evitable. Daniel prayed it was God's will that the fragile perception would one day become rock-solid reality.