A Texas Ranger's Family (12 page)

“Father, thank You for Your glorious handiwork. I see Your fingerprints in this black Texas sky. Is this what Erin feels in an African jungle or an Indonesian rain forest? Could this ache in my chest be what she experiences when she comes close to catching that miracle? Lord, I'm trying to understand Erin so I can think beyond my own needs. I'm trying to consider what makes her heart sing so I can accept those restless parts of her. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

His father had taught the principles of the Serenity Prayer long before Daniel knew it had a title. Soon he would have to rely on that acceptance, courage and wisdom to get him through the day when Erin would choose between two lives a world apart.

“Am I too late?” Erin's question was barely louder than the lonely whisper of the constant wind.

“Not at all.”

As she took the seat beside him, Daniel scooted closer to the arm of the glider to make room. Even so, the length of their bodies touched; shoulders pressed, hips crowded, thigh against thigh, knee to knee. Daniel swept his arm high and then settled it along the cool metal resting his hand on the chair's rusty corner.

They sat in silence. Their lack of words was natural, as if they did it every day.

“I apologize for what happened in there.” He was the first to speak. “Mama shouldn't have put you on the spot like that.”

“I take it her suggestion wasn't an original part of
the plan
?”

He sighed, shook his head. He knew Erin had caught that comment even if she'd let it pass.

“Erin, it's nothing more than me and Mama agreeing to engage you in physical activity whenever we can. We don't want you to feel like you did the wrong thing by comin' with us instead of stayin' in Houston with Christina the Hun. If you keep up with your free-weight exercises and rest your back regularly, we figured being outside, moving around and using your arms a lot would make up for not having daily PT. I even got clearance from your orthopedic doctor to get you on horseback for a gentle ride if you're willing. He said it would be good for backside muscles as long as you take it easy.”

Erin leaned away and tilted her head to the right so she could look up into his face.

“How am I ever going to show you my gratitude?”

“Not necessary.” He shook his head.

“That's where we continually disagree.” The faraway crescent moon cast a glow that illuminated her glistening eyes. “Daniel, I do not deserve to be in this amazing place with you and Dana, being treated as if I belong here. Feelings that I can't even name are rushing up from deep inside my soul. It's overwhelming.” She paused as if hesitant over what she'd say next. “And if I could wrap both arms around you and let half of this emotion overflow into your spirit so you could share this experience, I would.”

As his pulse quickened, Daniel let his arm drop from the back of the chair to drape behind Erin. His fingers curled to cup the shoulder he squeezed softly. As she had that night in his home, Erin sighed and leaned her body against his, turning so her cheek lay near his heart. He folded her close, his arms and emotions melting around her.

He was certain she could feel the thumping beneath his cotton shirt where her hand rested on his chest. He pressed his lips to her forehead, a kiss barely grazing her skin. They clung for endless seconds as the cadence of their breathing became one.

“Nice,” she whispered.

“Very.” His response was husky with the urge to tip her face upward, to capture her mouth against his.

The warm wind brushed them as a lone coyote howled in the distance. With his pulse a silent hammering in his ears, Daniel remembered their surroundings. He blinked away the pleasant thought of a kiss and straightened a bit in the glider.

“If that was more than the hug you had in mind,
you'll have to pardon me.” He also hoped his words covered the schoolboy jitters he felt.

Where her body still pressed to his, a shudder passed between them. She seemed to be struggling with a flood of words that needed release.

“Daniel, I'm the one who needs the pardon. You're the kindest man I've ever known. What is it that makes you able to forgive?” Her voice quivered with the question.

“Shh.” He touched a fingertip to her lips. “I don't deserve the credit you're givin' me. Despite all my prayers and best intentions, I've never been able to let go of all the anger from our past.”

He feared there would always be bitter and empty places in his heart. And at this moment with Erin in his arms again, Daniel accepted what he'd always known. Only God can soothe and fill those places and it was time to let Erin off the hook.

“I understand.” Erin gave him absolution, then pressed trembling lips tight as a fat tear threatened to spill from the corner of one eye. After gulping a deep breath she continued. “Please allow me to say this, Daniel. Thank you for raising my beautiful daughter. Thank you for being a man of your word. Thank you for protecting me when you must have exposed your own heart a thousand times to do it. And thank you for coming to my rescue when there was nobody else.” She gave up the effort to hold back her feelings and let them flow.

D
aniel felt warmth pool in his eyes. He'd cried buckets of tears over the estrangement of their little family and the pain could still break the surface at the drop of a hat. His arms closed around her, pulling her carefully into the circle of his embrace while she wept for a heartache she believed no one could understand. Sins no one could forgive.

Secrets burned in both their chests. He agonized over truths that could solidify their future or tear it apart forever. Confession would be good for his soul, but Daniel held the words in check, praying for mercy on the day when there would be no more hiding from decisions of the past.

Erin's quiet weeping turned to embarrassed sniffles and heavy sighs as she regained composure.

“Don't even think about making another apology,” Daniel warned as he swiped moisture from his lashes. “Letting some of the pressure leak out with tears is relief I've learned to understand all too well. Every night since that human-trafficking scam was turned over
to my team I've felt like crying. The details would break anybody with a heart. Most of the dead were no older than Isadore and Elena's boys. What some people will do for money is unconscionable.”

“Man's inhumanity to man is incredible, isn't it?” she murmured.

Oftentimes Daniel wished for the ability to close his mind against the images stored there. He couldn't imagine what Erin must have witnessed in her work. “I s'pose you've seen more injustice and cruelty than anyone ever should. How have you kept it from making you crazy?”

She shifted in the chair but stayed in the crook of his arm.

“I don't dwell on it,” was her simple answer.

“But your pictures bring it back to you over and over again. How can you not be affected?”

She drew in and blew out several deep breaths.

“On the battlefield, a photographer has to keep an emotional distance, just like you do during an investigation. I guess the difference is that I see so much of life through a tiny lens that it keeps me from connecting with what's happening right in front of me. When I look at my work later, I realize I probably should have been running for my life instead of concentrating on the shot. But in that split second, the image is my only concern.”

“Still, it's hard to even look on death, much less take pictures of it.”

“But it's the right thing to do for people who can't speak for themselves. Sometimes a picture is the only way to tell a story the world doesn't want to hear.”

Daniel considered the incredible strength and wisdom of the woman pressed so near to his heart.

“Now it's my turn to compliment you, Erin. You are the bravest lady I've ever known.” Worried his praise would make her choke up again, he hurried on. “But please don't ever tell LaVerne I said so, 'cause she thinks that title belongs to her.”

The tense moment dissolved along with their brief burst of laughter. He returned to a lighter subject.

“So you honestly don't mind being our Double-S roving reporter? It's a bit of an insult to your credentials.”

“As you said, life can be cruel and unjust. I'm quite content to spend a few days training my camera on smiling people for a change. I'll go back to the trenches soon enough.”

I'll go back to the trenches soon enough.

With her simple statement, Daniel's full heart began to deflate. No matter how welcoming or enjoyable she found her circumstances, they were never meant to be forever. Not to Erin, anyway. Somewhere on the road between Houston and Fort Stockton, he'd stopped seeing things objectively and started pretending otherwise. He was a fool to somehow think what was growing between Erin and Dana could include him.

The high-pitched laughter of young ladies resounded in the distance like wind chimes stirred to life. Movement sensors triggered security lights that sprung to attention illuminating Dana and her four cousins. They shuffled along the pathway from the bunkhouse lowering their voices to share some private humor. Daniel stretched his arm away from Erin and pushed to his feet before Dana was close enough to see them together.

Yes, he had to stop imagining things. But more importantly, he had to make sure his daughter understood that
very soon they would return to life as they'd always known it. Without the woman who was making them whole.

“Where are you young ladies headed? I thought you'd be sacked out by now.” It felt good to tease the girls. He knew full well their summer routine centered on staying up late and steering clear of LaVerne.

“Hey, Uncle Daniel,” they called. The four Becky lookalikes climbed the steps and hugged him in turn. Each skinny girl was as different from his curvy daughter as the Big Bend was from the Big Apple. They were West Texas country; handy with a rifle, a cattle prod and adjusting the hitch on a horse trailer. Dana was all about Wi-Fi, iPhones and IMs. Contrast her purple spikes and dozen silver rings with their sun-bleached ponytails and freckled noses and it was pretty clear that in these parts his girl was a duck out of water. When the rest of the Stabler clan began to arrive, Dana's current confidence might evaporate like steam from a teakettle. He planned to give her self-image a boost via horse and lasso in the next few days.

“We're gonna see if there's any gingerbread and ice cream left.” At seventeen, Tina Sue was the oldest and bossiest of the bunch. “But we don't wanna disturb Grandma Verne. Do you know if she's gone to bed yet?”

“The coast is clear,” he assured them. “Just keep your voices down and don't forget to rinse your dishes when you're finished.”

Dana brought up the rear as the line of girls crept toward the door, muffling their approach by keeping the heels of their boots from touching the wooden planks. Daniel grinned, remembering the same effort he and Jake had made on countless occasions. His mama was
probably sitting in her bedroom right now, smiling along with him just as she had back then.

“Butter bean,” he called before she took her turn through the screen door. “Everybody has an early start in the morning so don't stay up too late.”

“Yes, sir,” she dutifully replied. “And Daddy?”

“What is it, baby girl?”

“You can sit back down with Erin now. We won't be outside again for at least thirty minutes.”

The closing door muffled the pleasant sound of her laughter.

 

Erin knew firsthand that what was said about the marines was true; they accomplished more by 9:00 a.m. than most folks did all day. But during her first week on the Double-S, she discovered the same condition exists for ranching families. Especially those motivated to raise funds for a Christian boys' home.

Daniel and Dana were on horseback fifteen minutes after daybreak and Erin had a hundred digital images to prove it. Seeing the two of them sit tall in the saddle was another emotional moment that took her by surprise. She'd been on the brink of tears or laughter since the day she'd been installed on the sun porch in Houston. Things had only intensified since their arrival in Fort Stockton.

In the quiet of Daniel's boyhood room, God revealed a surprising truth to Erin; the same sense of belonging she'd begun to feel in Houston had followed her out west. The blackness of the night that had always been her hiding place was now a silent time to listen for the snoring of LaVerne, identify the stirring of Dana, take comfort in the solid presence of Daniel. Where could she
go in the world and replicate this peace? What had never even been a concern was now Erin's growing worry.

She would miss them terribly when she left.

“Will you ride with us today?” Dana called.

Erin was seated comfortably in a thick futon chair just inside the livestock barn. Jake had hauled the bulky seat down from the bunkhouse so she'd have a breezy spot to put her feet up on the five-gallon bucket that served as her ottoman. He was as thoughtful of others as he was critical of his only sibling. Any minute now Erin expected Daniel to tell his brother to shove it. But Daniel shrugged off Jake's jibes like a horse's tail swiped away an ornery fly. Everyone else seemed to go along, as if the insults were funny or somehow deserved.

Erin bit her tongue till it was bloody. Years of exposure to hard-shelled marines had taught her to speak her mind if what she had to say could make a positive impact. Something had to give, and soon.

Dana reined an aging paint mare to the edge of the corral. “Did you hear me, Erin?”

“I did, I was thinking about my answer. I'm not sure I'm ready.”

“Don't be afraid. I'll even let you ride Domino.” Dana patted the neck of her mount. “She's the oldest horse on the ranch and she wouldn't break into a trot if there was a fifty-pound sack of sugar cubes at the end of the road.”

Erin recalled a harrowing ride over Arabian dunes on the back of a thoroughbred dromedary. What was intended to be a harmless photo op escalated into a bone-jarring race with another camel ridden by a professional jockey.

“Honey, I know a little something about being bounced around on the back of an animal. And even though Domino seems perfectly calm to you, with my sore pelvis, I'm afraid she'd feel like a bucking bronco.”

“I gotcha. My backside and thighs hurt something awful the last few days but today, not so much. I'm going to try to help Daddy bring in a couple of strays this afternoon.”

“That's what I hear.”

“It's our last chance since I have to start helping with the arrivals tomorrow.”

“Your Aunt Becky said she'd drive me out in the truck to meet y'all so I could shoot you in action. We'll put together an album to show your friends back home that you're not just a pretty face.”

Erin gave a thumbs-up, something she would never do in the Middle East where it represents the supreme insult. Dana returned the affirming gesture as she responded to a shrill whistle from Daniel signaling she should join him.

On the other side of the ring, he worked with her on the proper twirl and toss of the stiff lasso. Erin gathered her camera and moved to the edge of the wooden fence to record their practice. Dana picked up the skill easily, the lasso flying in a smooth arc toward a target fashioned from a sawhorse and the sun-bleached horns of a bull. Erin caught every nuance of motion through her lens. A broad smile interfered with the squint of her eye as she endeavored to photograph the father and daughter work team.

It was such a pleasant scene that she let the camera hang around her neck so she could train both fully healed eyes on the action.

“Don't you get bored always bein' an observer, Erin?” Jake came to a stop beside her. He hooked one boot heel over the lowest board of the fence and rested his arms on the highest. “Wouldn't you like to engage once in a while?”

She chuckled at his rude but fairly accurate commentary on her life and angled her head toward the sling that supported her right arm.

“If this isn't ‘engaged' enough for you, I don't know what is.”

In apology, he dipped his head and touched the brim of his dusty work hat. “Sorry, that came out all wrong.”

“On the contrary, I think you said exactly what you intended. Just like you do every time you insult Daniel.”

“I beg your pardon,” he took umbrage.

“Come on, Jake. You just strolled over here and dropped the hammer on me. Too late to pull punches now, don't you think?”

He nodded, ruddy streaks beginning to crawl above the collar of his denim shirt.

She continued. “I'll admit it, you're right about me. I've spent most of my adult years documenting the lives of other people instead of living in the moment myself. But at least I'm not afraid of physical peril.”

“Neither is a rodeo clown and he gets the credit he deserves, too. But he'll never know what it is to sit on the top of a Brahman for eight seconds unless he crawls out of his barrel and climbs into the pen with that bull.”

“Ouch!” She exaggerated a flinch from the sting of his words. He'd hit her sore spot, again. “That was the most insightful punch anybody's ever landed on me.”

“You said not to pull any,” he drawled. His face was fully engaged in a warm flush. Though the morning was still cool, a droplet slid from beneath his hat to his jaw line.

“If I'm the one on the hot seat, why are you sweating, Jake?”

He slanted a look at her from beneath the wide brim. “It's an old gut response. I break out in nervous heat anytime I expect I have a switchin' coming.”

She shook her head to allay his concern.

“Let me repeat,
you're right
. My side of the camera is the safest place for me. I figured that out a long time ago and though I'm not likely to change, it never hurts to reweigh the odds once in a while.”

“As long as you keep it under consideration. Even a blind hog finds an acorn in the woods now and again.”

She grinned at the mental picture his words had painted. “Is that your way of saying that if I keep an open mind, I might eventually stumble onto something?”