A red tainted Silence (44 page)

“Ace?”

She rolled her eyes. “Classic bad boy. Black leather jacket, tattoos, and a motorcycle.

My parents were so right, but I refused to listen. Anyway, Nicholas told him to leave me alone, and then Nicholas being Nicholas, he proposed to me. I knew he was gay, of course, but I also think he would have made a fantastic dad.” I nodded, smiling at that thought despite my still-simmering anger.

“Nicholas said we could get a divorce whenever I wanted to, but there didn’t seem to be a reason. All our friends do know we’re married, but they also know why. It has nothing to do with you, Brandon. He really cares for you, and he’s embarrassed and feels really, really bad about what he did.”

“He should,” I said, then winced at the childish tone of my voice. I looked away from her knowing look. “Kinda petty, that.” But I was calming down now. I couldn’t really be mad at him. It was like Nicholas -- at least, as far as I knew him -- to help out someone he cared about like that. And it had nothing to do with me. “I still wish he had told me before.” 256

Carolyn Gray

She laid her hand on my shoulder. “I know. And believe me, he does, too. Are you still mad at him?” She cocked her head to the side and smiled at me.

I couldn’t help it -- I grinned back. “I don’t guess so. But still, you guys are married. It isn’t right, him and me -- I mean, it’s not fair to you. Is it?”

“Why not? I love Nicholas. He’s my best friend. Friend. I’m thrilled you guys found each other, because he deserves the best. And you are the best.” I stared at her. “I’m nothing special.”

She narrowed her gaze at me. “I think Nicholas would argue with that assumption.”

“Would he? He thinks it’s over between us. I got really mad at him. I -- I think I scared him.”

Karen patted me on the cheek. “You had every right to be mad, Brandon. And yeah, you scared him a little bit, I think. But it scared him more that you ran away. He’s at the store right now, convinced you’ll never listen to him now, no matter what. Probably going through box after box of Kleenex.”

I dropped my head in my hands, then looked up at Karen. “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

“I don’t think so. I think if you go talk to him, you can still fix things. He may pout a little and play hard to get, but he loves you, remember? Don’t forget that for a minute.”

“I won’t.” I stood, checking my watch. “When does he get off work? Six?”

“Yes. I’m supposed to pick him up, take him by your place to get his things.”

“No. He’s not going anywhere.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” She stood, then squeezed my arm. “He doesn’t know I’m here, but he knows me pretty well and I think he’s probably figured out I’d try to talk to you.

Probably counting on it. Please, listen to him. I know he’s exasperating sometimes, tends to act and then think about things, which gets him into trouble ...” Oh, how I knew that.

“... but a more loving, caring person, you’ll never meet. And it kind of floors me, but he really does love you. Make him tell you everything. Answer all your questions. Make him grovel a bit -- it won’t hurt him any. Maybe he’ll think next time,” she said, tapping her head. “But please, give him another chance?”

I looked down at her and found myself nodding. “I will. I promise.”

“Good. I’ve got to go.” Then she rose up on her tiptoes and kissed me. “I like you, too, you know.”

Hell. I hugged her. “Thanks, Karen. I’m glad you hunted me down. I’m still gonna kill Jonathan, though.”

She laughed. “I think he kind of expects it.”

When she left, I collapsed back onto Sprout’s bed. Minutes later, she came in and looked down at me, shaking her head.

A Red-Tainted Silence

257

“Well, if you’re going to win him back, you sure can’t go looking like that,” she said.

“Come on. I think it’s time you let me dress you, for a change.”

“I thought you had to go to work.”

She grabbed her stomach and doubled over. “Oh, my gosh, I just got the flu! And you were the brat who gave it to me!” She straightened and grinned. “I called in sick.” I laughed. “You didn’t.”

“Yup. Come on, we don’t have much time. I guarantee he’s not gonna recognize you by the time I’m done with you.” Grabbing my hand, she hauled me to my feet.

“Sprout?” I said as she pulled me through the house and out to her car.

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

She stopped, took me by my shoulders, and kissed me. “I love you, too, Bean. Now, come on. Let’s go make you pretty for Nicholas.” 258

Carolyn Gray

“Wow. Now, that’s definitely better. Just look at you,” Jenn said. She peered over my shoulder, grinning as I stared wide-eyed with amazement at myself in my bathroom mirror.

“You’re beautiful! Nick’s going to freak when he sees you!”

“Miracles do exist,” Jonathan said, shaking his head as he eyed me. “Though this took a fucking big one.” I glared at him, but he simply grinned at me, holding his hands up. “Hey, I’d take you out myself if we weren’t brothers, but, sigh, I’m just not into incest.” He grinned and leered playfully at my scowl. “But it is tempting.” He pinched my cheek. “You’re such a pretty boy, even with that cut on your face.” Then he smacked me on the butt.

“Hey, cut it out,” I said, dodging him with a laugh.

Amanda walked into the bathroom. “Behave, Jonathan, you’ll mess his clothes up,” she said automatically, then ran a hand down my sleeve, smoothing it. Jonathan looked up at the ceiling with fake contriteness. She ignored him and handed me the belt she’d found. “This is one of Jonathan’s. I don’t think he ever wore it.” She grimaced at my brother. “What possessed you to buy such a small size in the first place?”

“Hey, it fit when I got it. For about five minutes.” He patted his tummy. “How was I to know you’d come along and fatten me up?”

She eyed his stomach. “You definitely didn’t get your brother’s genes.” He batted his eyelashes at her. “You sure about that, sweetling? They say the tendency toward limp wrists runs in families --”

“My wrist is not limp,” I said in annoyance.

“Oh, that’s right, you play the straight guy. Nick’s the --”

“Jonathan,” I warned.

A Red-Tainted Silence

259

“Hey, and I was wondering something. Which one’s the top? I figured at first probably you were, but now I’m not so sure --”

“Jonathan!” I said, glancing nervously at Sprout. Her red cheeks matched mine, but she was grinning. “Cut it out.”

Amanda popped him on the shoulder. “Shut up. That’s not what I was talking about and you know it. Ignore the pest and put it on, Brandon.”

“Sorry, I was just wondering.”

“Well, you can keep on wondering,” I said. Like I’d tell him anything like that.

Especially since I didn’t even know the answer myself. I didn’t dare look at Sprout again. I couldn’t believe he’d said that in front of her. And Amanda.

I yanked the belt through my belt loops, then fastened it. I definitely didn’t see Jonathan ever fitting this belt, though I felt like trying it around his neck.

“What shoes do you have?” Amanda said.

“I have my brown loafers.”

“How scuffed are they?” Sprout asked from where she’d hopped up onto the counter.

“They’re new. I haven’t worn them but a couple of times. They should be in the white box in our ...” I faltered a little, cleared my throat. Grimaced at the sympathetic look Amanda and Sprout gave me. “In our closet.”

“I’ll get them.” Sprout left to go forage in the boxes. The shoes would be the perfect finish. I was almost ready to get Nicholas back, thanks to Sprout and Amanda.

Sprout had been true to her word. Four hours after dragging me out of her house (okay, so I didn’t exactly kick and scream over it) and after a round to the barber (okay, her favorite beauty salon), shopping, and a shower, I was a changed boy.

Man, I corrected myself. Cleaned-up, I didn’t look that bad at all. Even with the mess Seth Miller had made of my face. I pushed thoughts of him aside. I refused to think about ...

about all that.

I cleared my throat. “I do look pretty good. Don’t I?”

“I think you look quite handsome,” Amanda said, adjusting my collar. “Nicholas won’t be able to resist you.”

“I hope you’re right, Amanda. I really fucked up bad.”

“Well, you weren’t the only one. He did, too,” she said. “I could strangle him.”

“If I hadn’t lost my temper --”

“If he hadn’t kept the truth from you.”

I licked my lips and cast my gaze down to stare at my nails. They hadn’t ever looked this good. I’d had fun convincing the manicurist to leave them a little long -- easier to play the guitar. “I know. But what’s done is done. I’ve got to get him back. I’ve got to --”

“Grovel?” Jonathan said.

260

Carolyn Gray

I cast him a sideways look and frowned. Amanda punched him on the shoulder again.

He winced, grabbing his arm. “You could give him pointers on that, now couldn’t you, Jon Jon? The direction you’re headed, you’ll get more practice tonight. Unless you want to sleep on the couch. Again.”

I laughed at my brother’s flushed face. It wasn’t often I saw him embarrassed.

“I think I’d rather handle this on my own anyway,” I said.

“You sure you don’t want me to tag along?” Jon asked. “Your own personal cheering section?”

“Uh, no. Thanks. I think I’ve had enough of you for one night.” He gave a wounded sigh. “Fine, then. Here --” He slipped his hands into his pocket and pulled out a twenty. “-- take this, just in case you guys want to catch a movie. You can pay me back later,” he said as I started to thank him. Then he pulled out a set of keys. “And please, take my car. Somehow, driving off into the sunset in a beat-up Volkswagen just doesn’t paint the right picture. Hot guys need hot cars.” I took the keys, surprised. He’d never let me drive his car before. “Thanks, Jonathan. I appreciate this. I, uh ...” I hesitated, my face heating. “Can I ask another favor of you guys?” Amanda grinned and hugged my shoulders. “Don’t worry; I won’t subject you boys to him when he’s in this kind of mood. I’m taking him to my place tonight. You’ll have the house to yourselves.”

“If he comes home with me,” I said softly.

Jonathan looked me up and down and then growled. “He’ll come.” He winked at me.

“In more ways than one, I reckon.”

“Jonathan!” Amanda said, grabbing his hand. “That’s it. Come on and leave your poor brother alone. I need help with the lasagna anyway.”

“But --”

She yanked on him and dragged him out of the bathroom, leaving me alone.

Panic rocketed through me. I didn’t want to be alone. Couldn’t stand the thought of being alone, without Nicholas. What if he didn’t want to listen to what I had to say? What if I’d really messed things up so bad he didn’t want me anymore?

The thought made me sick. My life would be one big, black, empty hole without Nicholas in it.

I wanted him so much.

He was everything to me. The past two years I’d barely hung on, my belief that I’d find him around the next corner, down the next aisle, the one thing that kept me going. It sounds silly and irrational now, but back then I felt I would die without Nicholas. This was my only chance to get him back. If I fucked this up, I would be nothing.

Nothing.

A Red-Tainted Silence

261

I reeled from that realization, but fought to hide my anguish. I was glad Sprout was still in the other room. She’d see right through my phony, wavering smile.

I took a deep breath and assessed myself, tried to see myself as Nicholas would. Would he like what he saw? Would he listen to what I had to say? I wasn’t nearly as good with words as he was. I’d probably stutter, say the wrong thing ... I closed my eyes and did a nice mental yelling at myself.

Stop it, stop it, Brandon! It’ll be okay.

It had to be.

I hadn’t forgotten anything, I hoped. Thanks to Jenn. I looked at my nails and shook my head. Manicured -- Jenn had insisted. Freaking buffed. I’d drawn the line at a pedicure, but she’d won other arguments. I had four inches less hair now with, unbelievably, highlights. Another Jenn idea. I kinda liked it, though, since I hadn’t been out in the sun much lately -- and now I could see my earrings since they were no longer hidden by my usual wild mop of hair.

I hoped he would like my hair.

I’d had a fresh shave and put on a new pale yellow button-down that made the remnants of my tan glow (Jenn’s words, geesh), and dark brown cords. It was a little chilly out, so I’d pulled out my best jacket, which, fortunately, didn’t hang too much on me when I slipped it on. It actually matched the rest of my outfit.

I really did look damn good.

“Okay, I found them,” Jenn said, walking into the bathroom. She dropped my shoes on the floor and I slipped them on, then straightened and looked up. “You ready?” she asked.

I glanced at myself one more time in the mirror. “Yes. I’m ready.” Jenn hugged me. “Go get him, tiger. It’s going to be okay.”

“I hope so, Jenn. I hope so.” I looked at our reflections in the mirror and caught her gaze. “But if things don’t go well --”

She smiled at me. “I’ll be there for you, Brandon. I always will.”

* * * * *

I killed the engine and got out, pocketing the keys. On the way, I’d stopped at a flower shop and bought a single lavender-colored rose. Its sweet scent tickled my nose. Now I twirled it nervously in my fingers as I walked up to Charlie’s glass-fronted entrance.

262

Carolyn Gray

It looked busy inside. Several guys about my age huddled around the rock section, and a nice-looking couple were trying to look at CDs while their two blond hellions ran up and down the aisle. A few odd sorts listened to headphones at a sound wall.

I saw Nicholas at the counter, helping a customer. He looked pale, his eyes red-rimmed. As if he’d been crying. Which, of course, he had been, thanks to me.