A Mother's Shame (32 page)

Meantime Robbie entered the room to tell them, ‘I’m going to take the young Jack-me-lad we have locked up in the barn to the coast now. I’ll be back when I’ve handed him over.’

When Frederick looked baffled, Josh proceeded to tell him what had happened and his uncle could barely take it all in. He had been deeply shocked by the news of Isabelle’s death; if anything had happened to Esperanza or one of their own babies in childbirth, he would have been devastated. As it was, he felt desolate. What on earth would his sister have to say? Poor, poor Helena.

Meanwhile Esperanza had lifted the infant from her crib and was rocking her as she cooed down at the babe. ‘It eez sad that we cannot keep her, Freddie,’ she pouted. ‘She would have made a good playmate for the one of our own that we shall have in a few more months’ time.’

Frederick stared back at her in amazement. ‘But why didn’t you tell me before?’

‘You have been so busy. But it is good – no?’

‘It is
very
good,’ he assured her, and for the first time since they had lost Isabelle they all found themselves smiling. It was wonderful to hear some good news after all the sadness.

Lennie was amazingly biddable when Robbie led him from the barn. Maria was in the yard pegging washing to the line and just for a second their eyes locked as Robbie helped Lennie to mount his horse. It was no easy task with his hands still securely tied, but as he stared at her a cruel smile played about his lips. This affected her far more than a mouthful of abuse might have done, and it made her wonder what he had up his sleeve this time. The man was truly evil. Quickly diverting her eyes, she tried to stay the trembling that had started in her hands and seemed to be spreading throughout her entire body. And then Kitty was beside her with her arm protectively about her shoulders as she waved goodbye to Robbie and saw him on his way.

Once the horses had disappeared beyond the gum trees, Kitty led Maria back towards the kitchen, telling her, ‘There y’are, see? He’s gone fer good now, an’ good riddance to bad rubbish – that’s what I say. You’ll never have to set eyes on him again, so try an’ put what happened from yer mind now. We’ll have us both a nice cup o’ tea, shall we? There ain’t nothin’ spoilin’.’

Maria allowed Kitty to lead her inside, but she couldn’t rid herself of the bad feeling that had settled around her like morning mist as she saw again in her mind’s eye the spiteful smile on Lennie’s face. But then once back in the safety of the kitchen she felt instantly better when she saw Josh fast asleep in the comfy chair with little Faith curled up contentedly on his chest. It was apparent that he already adored his little niece, but then that came as no surprise. The tiny infant had them all wrapped around her little finger, and Maria could only hope that once the child’s grandmother set eyes on her, she would fall in love with her too. How could she resist her? There could be no happy ending for Isabelle, but Maria was determined to do her utmost for little Faith – whilst she had the care of her, at least. It was she who now bathed, fed and changed the child’s bindings, and Faith slept in her crib at the side of Maria’s bed each night. She realised with a little jolt that it would be hard to part with her when the time came, but for now she must concentrate on getting her strong enough for the long voyage to England.

‘How did she do in the night?’ Kitty asked as she lifted the kettle onto the range to boil.

‘She didn’t take as much milk as I would have liked her to,’ Maria admitted. ‘But then Binda said that this may be due to the fact that she was slightly premature. It’s going to take her a while to catch up and start to gain weight.’

‘Hmm.’ Kitty spooned some tealeaves into the teapot. She too was secretly concerned about the fact that Faith did not seem to be thriving, although knowing how much Maria loved the babe she would never have voiced them. And secretly she was relieved that their departure was not imminent, for now whenever she thought of leaving Robbie she was filled with dread and panic. She knew without a doubt that in him she had found her soulmate and yet despite her broad hints to that effect he had never treated her as anything other than a friend, although from time to time she would glance up to find him watching her. It was all very confusing and she prayed that he might realise how she felt about him before it was too late.

It was as she was carrying the tea to the table that Josh roused and smiled at Maria sleepily over the infant’s head.

‘Goodness me, I think this little one must be having a bad influence on me,’ he grinned as he laid her in her crib and tucked her up. ‘I should be out chopping wood. Why didn’t you wake me?’

‘You looked so peaceful that I didn’t like to, and there’s no rush,’ Maria told him.

‘Has Robbie left yet?’ Josh asked now as he spooned sugar into his mug.

Her face became straight as she batted a fly away. Now that the weather was warming up, the flies were becoming a nuisance although they were nowhere near as bad as the mosquitoes.

‘Yes, he’s gone but he’ll be back as soon as possible so you can go on home to the ranch-house now if you wish. Kitty and I shall be quite all right here on our own now that Lennie has gone.’

‘I wouldn’t dream of it,’ Josh retorted. ‘You’ll be glad of an extra pair of hands now that you have Faith to run around after.’

Since Isabelle’s death they had become easy in each other’s company again and now, just as Kitty was wondering how she would cope without Robbie, Maria was wondering what it would be like to be parted from Josh once they were back in England and she had handed Faith over to her grandmother. No doubt he would marry the girl his parents had selected for him, and they would never see each other again. It was a sobering thought.

‘Now that everythin’ is back to rights in here, I think I’ll go over and hang them curtains Robbie’s got fer his front room – if there’s nothin’ else that yer need doing, o’ course,’ Kitty said that night after she had washed and dried the dinner pots. ‘It’ll be nice fer him to come back to find ’em up.’

Maria was feeding Faith in the fireside chair and she nodded, saying, ‘Of course, take as long as you like.’

Josh was reading the newspaper on the settle and he too looked up and smiled, saying, ‘Yes, you get off, Kitty. I’ll see to anything else that needs doing.’

Kitty took off her apron and folded it over the back of a chair before running her hands down the sides of her skirt and patting her hair. Then, after dropping a quick kiss on Faith’s head, she bustled away with a broad smile on her face.

‘You know, I think Kitty has grown very fond of Robbie,’ Josh said thoughtfully as he watched the girl cross the yard from the window.

‘I’m sure she has and Robbie seems to be fond of her too, but so far he hasn’t expressed his feelings.’ Maria tenderly lifted the child across her shoulder to wind her. ‘And it’s such a shame. I mean – what will become of Kitty when she returns to England? If she can’t find a position somewhere, she could well end up in the workhouse. I was hoping for a happy-ever-after ending for her at least.’

She flushed then as Josh raised an eyebrow. ‘And you, Maria. What will
you
do?’

‘Actually,’ she gulped deep in her throat before saying cautiously, ‘well . . . I was rather hoping that your mother might need a nursemaid for Faith when we return. After all, the baby does know me now. I am the one who has cared for her since she was born. The idea only occurred to me earlier today, and I was meaning to talk to you about it.’

‘I see.’ He moved to the fireplace and leaned on the mantel as he gazed down onto the logs. ‘As you say, you are the one who has nurtured her since birth – and a fine job you are making of it too, if I may say so. However, although I think your idea is an excellent one, I anticipate trouble on our return. You see, I fear my father will not countenance having the child in the house. He is a good man but he lives by very strict principles and when all is said and done, Faith is a . . .’

As his voice trailed away, colour rushed into Maria’s cheeks and she cuddled the infant to her. ‘She is an innocent baby,’ she said hotly. ‘And after all, even though she was born the wrong side of the blanket she is still your father’s flesh and blood! Your parents will be gravely upset when they discover that they have lost their daughter, but at least they have a granddaughter now. Surely that will be some consolation to them?’

‘I believe Mother will see it that way . . . but Father?’ Joshua sighed. ‘The whole point of sending Isabelle here to have the child was to avoid the scandal and the shame, but I do intend to respect Isabelle’s wish that Faith is returned to England – and then I think we shall just have to wait and see what transpires.’

‘I will never allow her to be farmed out to strangers,’ Maria said vehemently, ‘even if I have to care for her myself. Although I must admit I am not at all sure how I should manage it.’

Seeing the defiant set of her chin, Josh suddenly grinned. Crossing to her, he gently ran his finger down Faith’s soft cheek. Full and contented, the child was already fast asleep again on Maria’s shoulder, but then that was no surprise. Unlike her mother she seemed to have a very placid temperament and rarely cried at all. Even so, because she was so tiny she took her milk little and often, which put a great strain on Maria, who was looking tired, Josh noted. He just wished that she would let him or Kitty help a little more with the babe but Maria was fiercely protective of her and insisted on doing everything herself.

‘Let us not argue,’ he said softly now. ‘You forget that I love her too, and whilst we have her, Isabelle will never truly be gone.’

Feeling more than a little guilty, Maria hastily lowered her eyes. It was so easy to forget that she was no more than an employee, and that to all intents and purposes Joshua was her better. But she knew that it would be foolish to give him even an inkling of how she felt about him.

He meantime was mulling her suggestion over in his mind and an idea had occurred to him that might solve all their problems. What if he was to set Maria and Faith up in a little house somewhere? As Maria had quite rightly pointed out, the baby was as close to her as to anyone in the absence of her mother, and then he would have an excuse to visit whenever he chose. He dismissed the idea almost instantly, realising that Maria would never agree to being a kept woman. And she deserved more than that anyway. Maria might be from the lower classes but she had a lot of pride. It was common knowledge that many of the gentry kept mistresses, his own father included. Josh had been aware for some time of Mrs Elliot happily tucked away in a house in Abbey Green, although he had never been tactless enough to mention the fact, of course. No, Maria definitely deserved more than that.

Wishing to lighten the atmosphere, he lifted the log-scuttle, telling her, ‘I’ll just go and fetch some more logs in before it gets really dark, shall I? I’ll put the chickens into their hen-coops whilst I’m at it as well. Robbie informed me that we lost another two last night.’

‘But that is my job,’ Maria reminded him as she rose to place Faith back in her crib. Now that she had a clean binding and a full stomach she would probably sleep for a while.

‘No, no. You see to Her Ladyship there. It won’t take me more than a few minutes and then we can sit out on the verandah for a while. It looks set to be a fine night.’ He went off and Maria stood for a while gazing down on the baby. She was dressed in baby clothes that Esperanza had sent over for her and it was easy to see that they were the best that money could buy. Should her grandparents choose to keep her, Faith would no doubt become accustomed to fine things – but what if they decided to farm her out? Despite her brave talk Maria was painfully aware that she would be in no position to stop them. But then that was still a long way away. Faith was still far too tiny to begin the journey back to England: Binda had warned that because she had been born early it might be some time before she was strong enough to survive it. Sighing, she took up the soiled binding and put it to soak in a bucket of cold water.

When her chores were finished, she joined Josh on the verandah. It was a beautiful starlit night and as she took the seat at the side of him, her mood lightened. The moon was a great golden orb in the sky and the sounds of the night creatures in the forest hung on the air as shoots of green grass peeped through the earth surrounding the homestead where only days before there had been nothing but a sea of mud. The light from the oil lamp inside spilled through the window onto the decking, and as she settled into her chair Josh handed her a glass of home-made ale before lighting a cigar.

‘It’s a beautiful night,’ he commented, and Maria agreed. She sipped at her drink, not at all sure that she really liked it. Her father had always forbidden alcohol in the house and she grinned as she wondered what he would say if he could see her now. Her thoughts then turned to her mother and a little wave of homesickness swept over her.

‘Are you looking forward to going home?’ Josh asked as if he had been able to read her thoughts.

‘I’m not sure about that, but I am looking forward to seeing my mother and my brother and sister,’ she told him.

‘I note that you didn’t include your father?’

She said honestly, ‘I suppose that is because my father and I have never really got on.’ She had never admitted that to anyone before, but Josh was so easy to talk to. ‘He is very strict,’ she went on, ‘and sometimes I think that he treats my mother more as a skivvy than a wife.’

‘My father is quite strict too,’ Josh owned. ‘But thankfully Mother is usually able to bring him round, so I suppose Isabelle and I were fortunate.’

As she peeped at him from the corner of her eye, Maria suddenly wished that they could just sit there as they were forever.

‘I was thinking,’ he said after a while, ‘that a night out might do you good. You work so hard looking after Faith and I’m sure Kitty would love to have her all to herself for a few hours. There is a concert on in Hobart on Saturday evening and I thought that it might be pleasant if we went.’

Maria’s heart fluttered at the thought of it. She had never been to a concert before but then practicality took over and she wondered what she would wear to such an event. The clothes that she had arrived in were hardly suitable for what Josh was suggesting. Also, it seemed too early to go out and enjoy herself when they were all still in mourning for Isabelle.