A Little Bit of Truth (Little Bits) (41 page)

“No. I’m sick of your shit. You agreed we were moving in together and that’s what we’re doing. You stuff is already inside thanks to your brother and I’m tired and I’m not going anywhere else.”

“Jacob…”

“Fucking. No. I don’t want to hear it.” Oh, he’s definitely angry. “Get your stubborn and sexy ass inside this fucking minute.”

“I’d feel…”

“NOW!” He bellows this. Actually bellows.

“Okay,” I shout back on a huff. “Okay,” this time I don’t shout.

He nods and turns away.

RUN! My mind screams so I do
, towards the car. I don’t get four steps before I’m slung over his shoulder and he’s smacking my ass in the middle of the street.

“Put me down,” my demands are ignored. My teeth sinking into his ass only earns me teeth sinking into my thigh. Ouch, that hurts. “Jacob.”

“Stop whining.”

“You stop it.”

“I’m not whining.” He carries us along the long drive and through a door. I barely get to check the foyer out before he’s carrying me up a wide staircase… yes a foyer, ridiculous right? Wow, this place is beautiful. Far too big but beautiful. I can’t believe he bought a hou… okay I’m falling. Now I’m landing. Ooh, this is a soft bed. “What’s your problem?”

I look around, we’re in a bedroom,
it doesn’t have much furniture. Just a bed and a couple of doors. “I…”

“We agreed.”

“Jacob,” I snap to get his attention. He’s really not happy. I hate that he looks dejected. “You don’t just buy a house and then move in.”

“I’m pretty sure how that’s done Marie,” did he just get sarcastic with me?

I run my fingers through my hair and sit up on the side of the bed. This room is huge. “This place is way too big for us. It’s not my style and I refuse to spend more than an hour cleaning.”

“I’ll hire somebody.”

“You don’t get it. This is something we should have discussed. Something we should have done together.”

He blinks in astonishment, “
This place is perfect for us. I just thought with the gates and the…”

“It’s also at least an hour away from work.”

“I’ll hire you a fucking driver,” his fists clench at his sides. “We agreed Marie. You agreed.”

Groan. “But I expected more fucking time Jacob!”

“I put a lot of time and thought into this. It took me ages to find the perfect place.”

“Perfect for who?”

His body tenses and his eyes narrow, “For us. I don’t do this shit Marie. We’ve taken a chance on this, I’ve put a lot of effort into us. Why won’t you meet me half way?”

“I’m not ready.” I blurt and instantly clamp my mouth shut with no small amount of regret pumping through my body.

“For what? For us? Or this?” He motions towards the room. Did I say that it’s huge? It’s bigger than my apartment at least.

“This. I’m happy with us, I’m happy with how we are.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“I don’t want to ruin that. This is a huge step Jacob. This kind of thing makes or breaks a couple,” I explain and take a step towards him. “I just don’t think we’re ready for this.”

His head drops and he stares at the ground, “I thought you’d be happy. You have all of this space. All of the time in the world while I’m gone. And I get the comfort of knowing you’re living in a house I provided for you. You’re sleeping in a bed I bought for you. You’re looking around and everything reminds you of me.” I just melted a little. That’s too sweet and I feel like a bitch. Hell, I am a bitch but I can’t help how I feel.

“Only have to step outside and look at a billboard for that last one,” I snigger. It’s a bad joke at a bad moment. “Take me home Jacob.”

The hurt he feels shoots at me from his eyes, it cuts me like a knife cuts through butter. “No.”

He just doesn’t get it. This is… I don’t know what it is but I’m not comfortable with this at all. Not in the slightest. I never was comfortable with this step and now it’s being forced on me I feel cornered. Being cornered is an awful feeling. It tends to make me lash out or search for an escape or both. Right now I’m doing the
latter. I need out, I need time to process this. I need the comfort of my home and my bed.

“I don’t settle Jacob. I’ve only lived in
my apartment for a year. Before that I moved every few months. Right now I’m settled and happy in my apartment, I won’t get that again I just know it. You’re okay because you never live in a place for long. You’re always away and back again. I’ll be here twenty four seven.”

A muscle in his jaw ticks, his eyes don’t meet mine. I can see the fury brewing in them. Of course I feel extremely fucking bad right now but he’s trying to tie down the world’s biggest commitment-
phobe without warning.

Am I overreacting?

Probably.

But I can’t help how I feel.

“You want to leave?” He grinds out and walks to the door. “Then leave.”

“Where are you going?” I repeat this question in my head, a little hysterically.

He doesn’t look at me, only pulls the door open and grips the door jamb with a tense hand. “Out. If you want to leave, get your shit and be gone before I get back.”

Holy fuck. What’s happening right now? “Are you breaking up with me?”

“I try to do something nice Marie,” his voice is harsh, angry. A tone I’ve never heard from him. A tone I never want to hear again from him.

I try to reassure him. “It’s lovely Jacob, it’s just not for me. You knew this when we got together.”

“Whatever.” He starts to walk, I chase after him and grip the back of his jacket. Fortunately, instead of dragging me with him, he stops.

“Are you breaking up with me?” I hate how vulnerable I sound. Get a grip you stupid female! Show no emotion. He’s a man, he’ll feed off it like a predator feeds on fear.

I’m so dramatic. My mind is trying to distract me from the pain in my chest.

“That’s your choice. I’ll know when I get back if you’re gone or not.”

At this I gasp. “Jacob, that’s emotional blackmail.”

“It’s how I feel.”

“Don’t expect me to be here when you get back then. I don’t do well when given an ultimatum,” I hiss, my regret and anguish gone, only to be replaced with anger at his words.

He tenses once more and turns sharp eyes towards me, “If that’s what you want.”

“It’s the only choice you’re giving me,” I shout and lean back against the wall. “I can’t do this. Seriously. You’re being unreasonable.”

“I’m being unreasonable?” He laughs once. “I’m trying my fucking hardest here.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO! You already fucking have me!”

“Clearly fucking not. Make your choice.” His voice is one tone. This only pisses me off more.

I shrug, putting on the
metaphorical blank mask I’ve worn so many times, “Could you at least tell me where my things are?”

He gives me no reaction, only points to the closet. I stalk over to it, praying he takes it back, praying he fixes this. He doesn’t.

Gripping my suitcase I step past him, praying once more that he’ll stop me. He doesn’t.

Marie
:
You still outside?

I descend the stairs leaving him behind. My eyes are burning, don’t cry Marie. Please don’t fucking cry.

Maya
:
Yeah.

“If you walk out that door Marie there’s no coming back,” Jacob states as my hand grips the handle and pulls it down. It opens a fraction.

I don’t look back when I say the words that hurt me more than they hurt him, “Why would I come back Jacob? I’ve got nothing to come back for.”

His face shows no emotion, I continue onwards. My legs feel like lead and the air I’m pushing through feels like syrup. Everything in me is telling me to turn around, go back. I don’t have to, strong arms wrap around me from behind, forcing my arms to my side and my back against his chest.

“Okay, let’s just calm down,” he inhales and exhales. “We calm?”

Shrug.

“What’s wrong with it?” I hate how sad he sounds. I hate that I’ve done that to him.

So I opt for the truth, I open myself and I tell him. “It’s too big, too flashy, this isn’t a home it’s a statement. If we want to make a go at this we need something that suits us. Something we’ve picked out together. I can’t just walk in a place and say, yes let’s move in. I’m fussy, I’m not overly fond of settling.”

He turns me in his arms and taps my hand that holds my bag. I drop it to the ground and let him wind my arms around his neck. “Okay. I shouldn’t have bought it without talking to you first.” Aint that the truth? “But it’s perfect for us. You’ll see.”

“You know, when I was in college I lived with Maya, Summer and Jessica. I hated it, the place was too big. I’m like a dog or something I like my walls tight. Not too tight but not big enough to the point I can run from one end to the other and feel out of breath,” his twinkling blue eyes hold mine, it gives me the confidence I need to speak freely. “This isn’t perfect for me, it’s too open. This definitely isn’t perfect for you, it’s too suburban and flashy.”

“I think I know what I like Marie,” he snaps, his hands tensing on my hips.

“Do you?” Shadows swim through his iris’, his lips tense and thin into a white line. “Is this what you like or is it what you’ve been told to like?”

He doesn’t respond. I keep going.

“Our relationship isn’t at the point where we move in together yet. There’s steps that need to be taken. If we were just roommates that would be a different matter but this,” I move my hand between us both. “This is more than friends. This is something we don’t have a word for. We’re partners but after this, I’m wondering if you think of me as your partner at all. Or if you think of me as your girlfriend.”

“What’s the difference?” He gives me a look that screams, ‘You’re just being difficult.’

What’s the difference he asks. I’m not doing a very good job of explaining this. “You know me Jacob. Think about it. You know the kind of shoes I love.”

“The expensive kind,” now he’s smiling, that’s a relief.

“You know the way I present myself.”

“Like a sophisticated sex kitten.”

I’m going to pretend he didn’t say that. “You know my home.”

“
That I do. All too well,” his hand smoothes over my ass. Shiver.

“If you could see me living in any kind of house, apartment, whatever, what kind would it be?”

He closes his eyes briefly, losing himself in his thoughts. Then he hisses and curses and pulls away from me. “But it’s a really nice place. Look at it.”

“Yep, and if I were driving by I’d say the same thing. To live in, I don’t want this. It’s not me, I’m not comfortable.”

“Most girls would be thrilled to have this thrown at them,” he makes a scoffing noise and runs his fingers through his hair.

“And if you wanted one of those girls you wouldn’t have connected with me. You don’t want this anymore than I do.”

He glares, “I want to live with you.”

“And I want to live with you. In a home we’ve picked together, in a bed we’ve tested together.”

He grins wickedly, “Tested huh?”

“You know? Where you lie on the mattress and hum and aww over it… that’s not even relevant. Stop it.”

“So, you don’t want to live here but we can go hunting for a place where we do want to live together?” He nods slowly. “Okay. Let’s do that. We’ll go tomorrow, how’s that?”

Okay so tomorrow is still a little soon but I’ll give him that, “Okay. Tomorrow.”

He wraps his arms around me and sweetly kisses my temple, “Sorry we fought.”

“It’s going to happen.”

“Sorry I gave you an ultimatum.”

“That better not happen again.”

He pulls back slightly, his eyes sparkling with intrigue and humor, “Or what?”

“Or nothing because I don’t give ultimatums.” I retort and stick my tongue out at him.

He playfully nips at it and his lips curve up. It’s beautiful. He’s beautiful. “Point taken baby. Can we go inside now? I’m tired and I want to fuck you at least once before we move.”

“I guess I can give you that,” moving my hand down his torso, I grip his dick through his trousers making him groan. “I can definitely give you that.”

An hour later I’m coming down from one of the most intense orgasms of my life when my phone alerts me to a text.

Maya
:
So… is anybody coming or what?

Oops.

“Is this what you like or is it what you’ve been told to like?”

These words keep echoing through my mind as my eyes wander around the large bedroom I bought for the sleeping woman in my arms. They drift out of the window and catch the moon. Every morning the sun will come up and you’ll be able to see it through this very window.

This is what I want. But it’s not.

“Is this what you like or is it what you’ve been told to like?”

What do I like?

I shouldn’t like Marie, my agent hates Marie and it’s rare I dislike something my agent dislikes. This is madness. It’s crazy.

I don’t know anything about myself. How is that even possible? I have my own mind.

Don’t I?

I don’t remember a time I wasn’t being told what to do.

Literally, I don’t have one god damn memory of a time I wasn’t being directed or chastised or controlled.

Even now I know my phone is probably blowing up with messages from the various people in my life who have always guided me.

Is guided even the right word? More like pushed.

But I love my job, I don’t want to lose that. It’s what I’ve always done.

Sure I have enough money to retire very comfortably and then some. I’m twenty five, I don’t want to retire yet. I want to act until I can’t anymore but I want to do it knowing that it’s me that’s doing it. If that makes sense.

The sleeping female in my arms stirs and fidgets. It’s not like her to fidget in her sleep.

Now she’s moaning and not the good kind so I hold her tighter. Must be a bad dream, she has them sometimes. Not often but often enough for me to recognize the signs when I see them.

“It’s okay,” I whisper softly and kiss her forehead.

Her body settles, her forehead nuzzles against my neck but her breathing doesn’t even out.
All I can do is wait. She wraps her limbs tight around me as if scared of letting go. This is my favorite time, the one time she’s vulnerable and clingy.

I never thought I’d see the day I’d enjoy a clingy woman.

It’s mostly because she’s not clingy at all at any other time. The other week pictures surfaced of me and this female entering my trailer and then exiting an hour later with wet hair and different clothes. Instead of kicking off, Marie trusted me.

She simply asked me, “Care to explain?”

I responded, “She’s one of the extras and needed a shower. The rest were taken on lot. I let her use mine because if you look at the picture before she was filthy from all of the sand and shit we’d been rolling around in. I wasn’t even inside while she was washing. I can’t even remember her name.”

“Lucky girl,” she joked, no hidden emotions. No jealousy or anger. She trusted me. “Okay baby. Just wanted to make sure you weren’t dipping into somebody else. Then we’d be having problems.”

When those pictures surfaced I panicked. I was extremely fucking scared, turns out I didn’t have to be.

It made me almost say the words. Words I shouldn’t say and didn’t. But I almost did.

This lets me know that I’m gone. Gone in the sense that this girl in my arms has become my entire fucking world and losing her scares the shit right out of me.

It’s crazy but if she asked me to, I’d never even look at another female. Fans be damned.

Not including coworkers but if she asked me to, I’d only ever speak to them on set.

This freaks me out. Nobody should have that kind of power over anybody but it seems at the moment, all I live for is to see her smile.

When we argued earlier today and I gave her that ultimatum, she picked the one I didn’t want her to pick. My Marie is not easily submissive. I don’t give a shit about this house. Not in the slightest.

It’s
then I realized, I don’t care where I am or what I’ve got. As long as it makes her happy then that’s where I want to be and that’s what I want to do.

So I might not have said those words then but part of me wants to say them now. No, not part of me. All of me.

So I do.

I say them quietly, while my fingers trail up and down her spine. I say them knowing she probably can’t hear me but hoping in some way that she does.

“I’m in love with you Marie,” I say them praying she doesn’t run because now I can’t take them back.

Her breathing returns to normal, her body relaxes completely and for the next ten minutes I wait for her night terror to return. It doesn’t.

Then, without looking up at me, her cheek strokes across my chest and her fingers trail over my chest, she murmurs, “I’m in love with you too Jake.”

My arms automatically convulse around her, probably a little too tight but she doesn’t say anything. She only kisses the base of my chest, sighs and falls back to sleep.

I follow her into the land of slumber with a content smile and the knowledge of the fact that my feelings are reciprocated.

She heard me.

She said it back.

She loves me.

Fucking brilliant.

Box Man

“Something smells good,” Jacob says as his chest touches my back and his hand snags a sausage from my plate. I’m trying to arrange food here! “Now I remember why I agreed to move in with you.”

“Go sit,” I slap at his hands, ignoring his last comment for we both know it isn’t true. Then I take him his food and admire our cute dining room and our six seat table and our tablecloth that matches the décor.

It only took two weeks to find a place we both loved and we moved in immediately. I love it. It rocks.

Although
the search consisted of this over a period of two weeks:

Jacob would say, “What about this one?”

And then I’d give him a response. “Too bright.”

“This one?”

“Too spacey.”

“This one?”

“I don’t like the open fireplace, all I can picture is an angry bird falling down and attacking me while I clean.”

“Then we won’t leave bread out.”

“Still got the image dude. Next.”

“You have to like this one.”

“I told you already, I don’t like the fact that it’s on the ground.”

“Please tell me you like this one?”

“It’s too close to the city center.”

“This one? I’m begging you.”

“Too far out and the traffic here sucks. I already told you this on the way when we were stuck for nearly forty minutes trying to get here.”

“This one?”

“Perfect! Oh wait… I don’t trust these walls. They look flimsy.”

“How do walls look flimsy? Wait… don’t answer that I honestly don’t care (sigh) next.”

It completely kicks the ass of my old place. Not only is it bigger but it’s also cozier.

My room also rocks. I mean
our
room. The view is awesome.

Jacob fucked me up against the window last night, nobody can see in because we’re too high up and the windows are black on the outside like a mirror. Fabulous.

Unfortunately the timing sucks. It’s Maya’s wedding in two weeks and I’m completely booked. Jacob doesn’t go back to work until the end of February so he’s handling
our
place.

I can’t stop saying,
our,
because I like the sound of it.

He’s taking all of the deliveries while I’m at work and is unpacki
ng them and building them. Well actually Lucas is building them. Jacob is just saying he is but Loryn already told me that Lucas has been to mine every day this week and has left before I got home.

I don’t tell Jacob I know, it’s too much fun listening to him brag about how he fixed the table and chairs because they couldn’t fit them in
the elevator.

Chris set
up our sound and TV system. Jacob’s domain. He sure loves movies, the ones he’s not in of course.

“Have you got her bachelorette party organized?” I slide onto his lap as he asks and rest my arms on his shoulders. “We’ve almost finished finalizing the details for James’ party. I will warn you, there may be strippers involved and I may get a lap dance.”

I don’t like that at all but I can’t say much. “That’s juvenile compared to the shit we have planned honey.”

His brows go up, “Why what do you have planned?”

With a peck to his lips and a sultry smile I tease, “Petting may be involved. Heavy petting. And lights, and fireworks and jet skis.”

“Jet skis?”

“Yep. Use your imagination as you will with that one,” holding in my laughter at his darkening eyes, I wink, give him another kiss and climb from his lap.

“If you fuck someone Marie…”

I place my hand over his mouth, my smile still in place. “Careful Jakey. I’m starting to worry you don’t trust me.”

“Heavy petting?”

I only snigger and walk away.

“Hey, I’m not done interrogating you.”

“I’ve got to go to work,”
I call back as I shrug on my jacket.

“Marie, no strippers. No touching. No…”

“Fun?”

He scowls playfully and pulls my back to his chest with both hands cupping my sex over my pants. Groan. That feels nice.
“No, feel free to have fun. No men.”

“So you get to have a lap dance and I don’t?”

He stills, his entire body jerks with the movement. “Christ.”

“What?” I spin in his arms, aware that I’m running late but far too eager to hear what he’s thinking. “Tell me.”

He looks at me, his eyes clouding over with thought, “I can’t get a lap dance. I’m not single.”

Well that hurts. I pull free and stagger back a step, my heart hammering. This is it isn’t it?
Oh God, not now. I’m not ready to end it yet, especially not because he wants a lap dance.

He laughs and quickly grasps the back of my neck, “I don’t mean it like that.”

“Sounds like it.”

“Hey, I’m serious. I don’t want one.” Yeah right. “Don’t look at me like that. I was just making an observation and then it hit me that I don’t care. I don’t want a lap dance. Well, not unless you’re offering.”

Bad feeling gone. Phew.

“Really?” I’m still not totally
convinced. A guy like Jacob can get any woman he wants. He’s had any woman he wants. It’s never really bothered me until now but the thought of him no longer wanting me really aches deep down. “You’re sure?”

His frown is back. I hate it when he frowns, I always feel guilty for some reason. “Of course I’m sure. I love you. Silly wench.” He kisses me before I can respond, he kisses my look of shock away. That’s the first time he’s said it to me directly. I like it. “Now go to work.”

“Kay,” I breathe and float to the door. “Jake?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you too,” I say this directly to his eyes and melt when they get warm.

“Good.”

******

“AHHHH!” This is
Summer screaming. Yes. Screaming. In my fucking studio while I take pictures of my new clients.

I mime the word sorry to them but fortunately they find her amusing.

“He’s in love with you? He said that?” She lowers her voice but it’s still high pitched and irritating.

I click away on my new camera, “Could you swap places. Back to back, hold hands and Sara, if you could arch your back and tilt your head back.” She does so. “Bend your left leg too. Brilliant.” Click, click. I turn to
Summer, “Yes. He thought I was sleeping.”

“But you weren’t?” She claps and the flash goes off.
It’s clap activated, although I never use that function. “Sorry, I forgot.”

The couple I’m capturing only laugh. I grunt.

“No. I said it back.”

And she screams again.

“For crying out loud, get out of my studio, this is a professional environment.” I ignore her snort at my words and flip her off before miming another sorry to the laughing couple. That’s the money shot. Click, click, click. Brilliant. Okay, maybe Summer isn’t totally useless.

“I’m just so happy. You’ve captured the man everyone wants. He’s in love with you! I say you give him that lap dance he wants,”
Summer taps her chin in thought. “Want me to pick you up something nice from Body Express?”

The best underwear store in the city in my opinion. “Yes. I’ll give you…” I rifle through my purse and snigger. I still have Jacob’s credit card
from our shopping trip a couple of days ago. What’s the pin? I’m sure I stored it in my phone. “Take this. Get me dark colors Summer, not that pretty white shit with flowers on it. Nobody wants to fuck a bouquet.”