A Life Like This (Life #1) (9 page)

I respond to them both, telling them I took a nap and am now feeling great. I need to convince them I am fine; only then will they both back off. Only, I’m not fine and I want them hovering over me, but for some reason beyond me, I’m fighting it. I want Blake to email and call me. I want him to show up. Why? I’m not sure I even have the answer to that question. I’ve always been able to attract men, to have a good time with them. With Blake, it’s different though. I want more than sex with him. I want more. I’ve known him such a short time, but already, he has evoked feelings from within me that I am not used to. I put my phone down, not waiting for their responses, and put Roger’s leash on. He is panting with excitement. It’s then I realize I haven’t run with him in a couple days. That’s very rare; we usually run daily. The walk around the block with my grandfather wasn’t even a warm up for this dog. I need to get back with it. When my dog is suffering from my issues, I know I must be in bad shape. No more, I tell myself. I will get my shit in order and get back to it.

Roger and I hit the pavement hard. It feels good to be outdoors. I take in my surroundings. It’s midday, so there is a lot of foot traffic, but we easily maneuver through it. It’s at about our one mile mark that I realize I am still looking around. But I’m not looking at the trees or buildings; I’m looking at the people. I try to focus on Lorde singing in my ears about Tennis Courts.

Fear… I am looking for Edward. I stop in my tracks as anxiety starts to set in. What if he is out here? What if he moved close by?

“Let’s go back home,” I tell Roger. He tilts his head to the side, clearly confused, but heads that way. I practically sprint back home. Once inside, I quickly lock the door behind me. I’m panting almost as much as Roger. I feel the panic attack coming. I haven’t had a one in years. I run up to my room and into my bathroom. I search the medicine cabinet until I find what I am looking for. My heart instantly relaxes when I see my prescription for Xanax. I quickly take one pill dry.
Yuck, I forgot those pills have a bitter taste to them.

I head to the kitchen for a drink of water and find Roger is still sitting by the door staring at me curiously. People who say animals are dumb are fucking insane. I know Roger knows something is off. He is observing me. I’m a creature of habit and the past few days I have strayed off track. I go to the couch, call him over, and rub his beautiful coat for a while before I feel the medicine kick in. Gosh, I forgot how good these pills made me feel. No more anxiety for me. I look at the clock and realize somehow I had just sat here for two hours with Roger.
Shit, how did that happen?

I need to shower and be presentable for when Joey gets here. He is notorious for being early, so if he said six o’clock, he meant five or five thirty. I skip to my bathroom feeling light and relaxed. I start the bath, and then head into my room in search of something comfy to wear when I get out. Yoga pants and a tank top it is. While gathering my clothes, I glance at my phone. It’s so rare to not have my phone with me constantly. I don’t know why I keep leaving it in my room. I have two more messages and a voice mail from my granddad. He tells me he arrived safely and hopes I’m having a well-deserved nap. He promises to call me again tomorrow. Traveling from New York to Texas is a quick trip for him with his own jet. The messages are from Joey, telling me he’s on his way over and bringing Italian. I knew he would be early. With a quick reply that I will see him soon, I head for the bathroom and indulge in a long bath. The warm water absorbs all of my problems. I wash my hair and shave, and then finally make my way out. As I am lathering up with lotion, I hear Joey walk in.

“Honey, I’m home!” he squeals from the front door. I laugh and skip down the stairs to him.

“Oh, baby, how I’ve missed you!” I run to him and he drops our food to grab me in a big hug. “We should seriously take up acting,” I tell him as I grab the food and head into the kitchen.

“AP, they wouldn’t know what to do with us. We are simply too much talent for the world to handle. It’s better we stay in hiding.” He winks at me. I don’t know what I was thinking telling everyone I wanted to be alone. I hate it. I love having company. It gets lonely in this house by myself. At least I have Roger, I suppose.

“How did the shoot go?” I ask as we dig into the bags, serving ourselves spaghetti, parmesan chicken, and salad.

“It was hectic, had to work with snobby-ass models. They fucking wore me out, constantly bitching about something. On top of that, I had your man candy texting me all day asking about you. I’m spent!” He plops down on the couch with his food and digs in.

“Wait, Blake was texting you? Why?” I’m confused. Why would he message Joey and not me? I was thinking he would be messaging me all day long, but he only sent me one email. I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t a tad hurt by that. I mean, I know I told everyone I was fine and to leave me be, but secretly I like when he emailed me. It made me know he is thinking about me. But after that one, I never got another. I figured he was over me. I wouldn’t blame him; I am a lot to take on.

“Sweetie, did you forget you told the poor man you were fine and didn’t need to be babysat? He doesn’t know you like I do. He has yet to learn that when you say leave me alone, it means smother me.” I smack his arm, and he rubs it as if I could actually harm his muscle-covered self.

“Shut up, Joey! You know I needed space.”

“I know you did and you got it, so what’s the problem? Are you mad he was checking on you or because he was asking me and not you?”

“I guess I’m mad he didn’t message me.” I shake my head. “God, I really am a complicated woman, aren’t I? However do you tolerate me?”

“I don’t have a choice really. I’m stuck with you now.” He laughs as I smack him again. Jeez, my hand hurts.

“Fuck off. You love me. So what did he say?”

“He just asked how you were and if I was going to stay with you tonight.” He looks over at me and frowns a little. “He asked me about Edward after your nightmare. I told him what I knew.”

“Please tell me you didn’t tell him his last name or anything telling? He’ll probably go and try to find him.” I look at Joey and he doesn’t meet my eyes. “Damn it, Joey. I don’t need anyone causing issues. I just want him to go away, not be confronted!” I put my plate on the coffee table and start to pace the living room. My heart’s racing again. I watch Joey put his plate down and walk over to me. “I’m fine, Joey. I just want him to go away.” Looking up at him, I can see the sadness in his eyes. I fucking hate it. I hate pity. “I need to use the bathroom.”

Heading to the bathroom, I proceed straight to my medicine cabinet and grab another Xanax. I need to calm down. I quickly take it with some water from the sink, and then flush the toilet so it sounds like I went to the bathroom. I don’t need any judgment right now. I walk back out to the living room and find Joey eating once again on the couch. I sit next to him and turn on the TV. We watch crap TV for about an hour until Joey heads home. He has an early shoot. He offered to stay, but I made him go. I know with the two pills I took, I’ll pass out as soon as I hit the pillow. I escort him out then lock up the house. Roger follows me up to my room and plops on his normal spot on my bed.

I go through my normal nightly ritual of teeth brushing and washing my face. As I am heading back to my bed, I hear my phone ringing. Shit, I keep forgetting that damn thing in here. I find it quickly and answer without looking at the number.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Angelica.” I recognize that sexy deep voice.

“Hello, Blake.”

“How was your day?”

“Why don’t you text Joey and ask him?” Fuck, why must I be a bitch?

“Ahh, I see you spoke to Joey.”

“Why wouldn’t you have just messaged me?

“Did you not ask that I leave you alone and let you be? I was only honoring your request. But that doesn’t mean I had to like it. I was worried sick about you all day. I’ve told you before how I don’t like you being alone, more so when I know you’re scared.”

“Pray tell, what makes you think I’m scared?”

“Angelica, I don’t want to play games with you. I know you’re scared of this man. No one can blame you for that. You’d be stupid to not be scared.” He’s angry; I can tell by his tone. I sigh into the phone.

“Blake, you’re right. I am scared of Edward. Nothing will ever change that. I thought I was in a better place, but hearing he is back in town has proved otherwise. I don’t mean to upset you or add another burden to your already stressful life. It was nice knowing you; it truly was. I’ll never forget our time together.”

With that, I hang up the phone before he can say anything. My phone rings not two seconds later. I deny the call then turn off my phone. My eyelids cannot stay open any longer. The pills are working their magic and making me sleepy. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I am out.

I wake up Tuesday morning feeling well rested and determined to have a better day. I lie in bed and ponder how I will occupy myself for the next five days, and then it hits me. The ranch. I call my grandfather and tell him I want to spend the rest of my vacation out of the city. I can hear his smile over the phone as he tells me he will have the jet sent for me ASAP. I hang up with him and start to pack. I pack lightly as I love shopping in Texas. They have amazing boutiques down there. I hop in the shower quickly then change into something comfortable to wear for the flight. My grandfather calls me an hour later, tells me my flight schedule, and informs me when the town car will be sent for me. I thank him then get back to packing.

I have managed to ignore all of the missed calls, voicemails, emails, and text message icons since I turned on my phone. What I can’t ignore is the knock on my front door. Roger growls from the bed, but I quiet him quickly, and then head to the door to see who it is. I peek through the peephole and see Blake’s gorgeous face on the other side. God, why did I tell him goodbye? He is so beautiful. What’s worse is he is just as beautiful on the inside. How is that possible? How is it possible that I find the one perfect man in the city and I treat him like shit? It’s what I do best, I guess. Roger has now made his way to my side and is still growling. I try to tell him to shut up quietly, but Blake hears me. Damn it.

“Angelica, please open the door. I just heard you.” He sounds so calm. God, I’ll miss that voice. I open the door, but not all the way. I don’t want him to think this is an invitation to come in. I need to end this once and for all.

“What do you want, Blake?” I ask him sternly and he looks hurt. Why am I such a bitch?

“Angelica, why are you doing this? What did I do to upset you so?”

“Blake, this isn’t about you; don’t you see that? I’ve got too much going on in my life right now to be in any sort of relationship, and besides, I don’t do relationships. Period.”

“Stop trying to act so damn tough, Angelica!” I have never heard him swear before, and I can see the tension radiating off him. “I know you don’t want to be alone and you don’t have to. I want to be here for you. However you will take me, I want to be here. Just don’t push me away. I apologize if you ever got the feeling you were a burden to me. You are a blessing to me. I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since I ran into you. Can you honestly tell me you feel nothing between us?” He just stares at me, waiting for a response. I can’t even answer him because he is right.

“Blake, I need you to leave. I’m getting ready to head out of town and I need to finish packing.”

“Wait, what? Where are you going?” He sounds panicked.

“I’m going to Texas with my grandfather for the rest of the week. I need a break from the city.” I look at him, hoping he understands.

“That sounds like a great plan, Angelica. I think the break will do you well.” He smiles that panty-dropping smile. God, he is so beautiful.

“Thank you.” I look down at my bare feet because I can no longer meet his gorgeous blue eyes. I’m a coward, I know.

“You never answered me.”

“I know.”

“Maybe once you’re back home you will change your mind about us.” Before I can argue, he continues. “Don’t tell me there is no us, either. You cannot deny it.”
Damn it, he’s right.

“Maybe. Goodbye, Blake.” This time I do meet those gorgeous eyes.

“I’ll see you soon, Angelica.” With that, he turns and heads to his waiting town car. I close the door, and then head back to packing. This is going to be the longest week of my life.