A Life Like This (Life #1) (10 page)

Two hours later, Roger and I are loaded into a town car and taken to LaGuardia Airport. This airport is constant hustle, but luckily, we get to drive right in and head to the private hangers. It doesn’t take long for us to get situated on the plane. Being that this is my grandfather’s jet and I can do what I want, Roger gets to ride with me. I would never crate him under an airplane. Fortunately, I’ve never had to. My grandfather’s jet is customized, of course. Timothy James is luxury to the extreme. My grandfather does not look like he is wealthy but he is, extremely so. He doesn’t wear designer names, nor does he own a fifty-thousand-dollar watch. He wears Levi’s and worn boots, and drives a truck. He lives a good life, but you would never know it if you came across him. Some things, though, he does big, usually when it comes to my mother or me.

As I enter the main seating area of the jet, I take in the crème leather seats lining the walls of the plane with a small table on either side. There is a bathroom in the back with a shower, a small kitchen area, and, of course, a master cabin. He spared no expense when designing this. He had it built mainly to transport me back and forth between New York and Texas when I was younger. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. Now I know it was excessive. But my grandfather didn’t want me flying commercial alone. That man has done so much for me. I love him dearly for it.

Just walking on to this plane reminds me of how excited I would be to get on board as a child. My mother never took me herself, so my grandfather would always send a town car to pick me up from home and drop me off at the plane. Ugh, my mother! It’s no wonder I’m scared to get attached to people. She was so absent all of my life. After the incident with Edward, she hired a nanny and I rarely saw her. Josie became like a mother to me. She would make all my meals and help me with homework. Anything a parent should do, she did. I hated when she had to go home. I felt alone. Summers were the best though because I had that unconditional love constantly.

I remember running onto the plane and I would get to watch movies and gorge on all of my favorite snacks. I had my own flight attendant too, Susie. She flew with me every summer and some holidays until I was eighteen. To be honest, I would have liked to have her with me even now, but she retired, so now I fly alone. At least I have Roger. We both head back to the master cabin and go right to sleep. I seem to be perpetually tired these last few days. Roger doesn’t seem to mind. He hops onto the bed next to me and falls asleep. It seems like I just closed my eyes when I hear the pilot telling me we are going to land in fifteen minutes. After a good stretch, I head to the cabin and buckle up. I buckle Roger too. I can never be too safe.

Once we land, I can see my grandfather’s big super duty truck waiting for us near his hanger. Forever thoughtful, he has always been the one to pick me up. He never just sends a car to get me like my mother did when I would arrive back in New York. As soon as the door is opened, I unbuckle Roger and head out in his direction. I run to him, and his smile is almost as big as Texas.

“Hey, Granddad,” I greet as I hug him tightly.

“Hey, darlin’. Hope you didn’t eat up there. I got Betty making you all your favorites back at the ranch.”

“I knew better. I’m starved. I can’t wait to get some of that homemade BBQ.” With that, Granddad helps the pilot with my bags; then we head off to the ranch. Roger is in the backseat sticking his head out of the window. Being that we live in the city, he never rides in a car. We walk or jog everywhere. I don’t even own a car, much to my grandfather’s disliking. There truly is no need though. Everything is a walk or taxi ride away. Maybe I should get a car, if for nothing else at least so Roger can stick his head out every now and then. Joey has a nice Mercedes; maybe I can borrow his. Right… he’d never let me put Roger in his baby.

The drive to the ranch is about an hour long. I pull out my camera along the way and snap some shots while Granddad drives and sings along to classic country tunes. While taking pictures, I realize I didn’t tell Joey I was leaving. Shit. I dig my phone out of my purse and power it on. It takes a second, then the alerts start going off. Fuck. I read twenty-three texts. They start nicely, and then they end by him calling me a whore. Oh, joy! I call him quickly. He answers after the first ring.

“I’m sorry. I love you!”

“Angelica, do you know how worried I was? How frantic I was when you didn’t respond to me? How pissed I got when I called Blake and he knew exactly where you fucking were?” he screams at me through the phone. “Words cannot describe the emotions I’ve been dealing with these past few hours.”

“I’m sorry, JoJo. My mind has been scattered lately. The only reason Blake even knew where I was going was because he just showed up at my door.” I try to talk to him calmly, but I get defensive and start shrieking back at him. “I thought you would be happy with my decision to come down here to get out of the city and clear my mind.”

“Baby girl, I am. I was just worried is all,” he says on a sigh.

“I’m sorry; I truly am. After I called Granddad and told him I wanted to visit, he had the jet in New York before I was done packing.”

He laughs. “I don’t doubt that at all. Enjoy yourself, Angie.”

“I will. Bye, JoJo. I love you. I’m sorry.”

“I love you, too, AP. It’s okay. You know I worry. I’ll talk to you soon.” With that, he hangs up.

I put my phone back in my purse and see my grandfather smirking at me. I sigh. I know where this is going.

“He is just a friend…not even that. Blake is a client. Nothing more. I know what you are thinking,” I tell him.

“Guilty conscience much?” He winks at me and I laugh.

“I just know you think he’s my boyfriend or something and he’s not.”

“Well, yes, I did think that at first, but you’ve adamantly been denying he is anything more than an acquaintance. Why are you pushing him away? It seems to me, when the times got tough, you couldn’t get close enough to the boy.” He doesn’t take his eyes off the road. He doesn’t have to. I hear him loud and clear. He’s right; I can’t deny that. I wouldn’t let Blake leave my side when I found out about Edward, but now I can’t get far enough away. Is that why I came here? To get away from Blake?
Fuck, I’m so confused.
“Don’t over think it, Angelica. I don’t know why you are pushing him away now, but what I saw Sunday night at your house was more than just a fling.”

I scoff at his remark. ”Please, that’s all it was, if that.”

“Angelica, I wasn’t born yesterday. I know love when I see it.”

“LOVE?” I screech. “You think I love him? You’re crazy. I do not love Blake! How could I? I haven’t even known the man a week! That’s absurd!”

“Sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself it isn’t love, if you ask me.” He pulls into the long driveway leading to the Cane Family Ranch. The large wood entrance sign was hand built by my granddad, of course. He hand-carved each letter. If you didn’t know, you would think it was done by a machine. My grandfather is a perfectionist. Automatic gates open up as we near. He installed that feature after that bad summer. All the way down the bumpy road, I think about what my grandfather just said. Am I trying to convince myself? Who falls in love with someone they don’t even know? Maybe puppy love, but not the lasting love.
Fuck me, why am I even thinking about this?
Never in all my years of living have I felt this way toward a man. Not even remotely. That should say something in itself, but I won’t let it. I refuse to open my heart up. Between the horrid relationship I have with my mother and the shit Edward put me through, I don’t think my heart can take any more hurt. I may crack under the pressure.

“No, it’s not love. It was a fling. It’s done. Now, let’s hurry and get to that BBQ,” I say happily as I rub both hands over my stomach, and he just laughs at me.

“Whatever you want, honey. Just know that you can love, Angelica, and people can love you. I’m sorry you haven’t experienced as much of that love in your life as you should have, but know it’s out there. You need to take a risk and let your heart guide you. You’ve lived a tough life, honey. So much has been taken from you; don’t let the past take any more of your future.”

Has my past dictated my future? Yes, I know it has. Those events have altered my views, my stance on life, on love. I cannot deny those facts. The way my mother shut me out after she found out, I was more of an embarrassment to her than a daughter in need of love. More than anything, I wanted my mom to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. To tell me she would protect me from here on out. She didn’t though. She neglected me. She hired Josie and quit her job as my mother. The only times we were together was for parties or charity functions. Then I was Angelica, her precious daughter. God, it makes me sick. If I ever have children, I vow to be nothing like that woman. She is no mother. This is far too deep of thoughts to be having at the beginning of my vacation. It’s time to let it go and start fresh. It’s time to work on me.

We pull up to the main house, a large, white two-story, country-style home complete with a white wraparound porch and a porch swing. The picture of country. As soon as the truck stops in the roundabout driveway, I hop out and let Roger out. He makes a break for it and runs to the nearest patch of grass.
Oops, I probably should have let him go after we landed.
I walk around to the truck, but Granddad shoos me away as he grabs my bags. I head in the direction of the house as I take in my surroundings. Not much has changed in all these years. The ranch sits on twenty-five lush acres. It is outlined in an old white fence as tall as I am. To the left of the house sits the red barn. God, I loved playing in there when I was little. All the horses are housed there. I’d spend a lot of time in there with the Arabian horses. That’s all my grandfather raises, aside from my Clydesdale. Brushing them was my favorite chore; I could do it for hours.

My grandfather made sure I knew how to care for the horses before I was able to ride them. So I cared for them every day when I would visit. Soon enough, I was able to ride them. It was worth all the brushings and feedings. Luckily, Granddad always handled their shit and, boy, do horses shit a lot! Eventually, I was so good at riding, I could ride bareback, which was a day I would never forget. My grandfather used to do it a lot, so it made me want to try. It’s hard as hell, but so much better for both the rider and the horse. I truly felt as if we were one when I rode like that. Now I would probably use a saddle as I am a bit rusty, but I can’t wait to get on one.

Behind the barn, I can see the cattle grazing in the tall grass. To the right of the house is my favorite place on Earth, my tree house. My grandfather built that for me that horrible summer. I helped him build it; he busied my mind. We spent a full day at the home improvement store buying all kinds of wood and paint. It took about a week to build and another day to decorate. It was the best summer ever. I can never repay him for all he has done for me.

Beyond all that is just land. I would ride around the property for hours when I was little. The oil fields are a few miles behind the property. I never go there, no need to. It’s the source of my grandfather’s wealth, but it holds no interest to me. It never has. All I can think right now is how I can’t wait to get in the saddle again. I forgot how much I missed it. There is no other house or farm within five miles of the ranch. The silence is almost deafening. Living in NYC can make one forget what true quiet sounds like. It’s impossible to hear it back home. Here I can enjoy the sound of nothing and the smell of fresh air. The air is crisp, and even though it is cold, the air is amazing to breathe in. The outdoors has a unique scent, one of wood and trees, simply perfect. There are no fumes from cars, no smells of smoking, nothing. As I stand here taking it all in, I can see Roger running around getting acquainted with his new surroundings. This is his first trip out here. God, has it really been that long since I’ve been back? That’s sad. How could I have let so many years go by without visiting? My grandfather is now standing next to me.

“You forgot about this place, didn’t you?” He sounds somber.

“How could I have? Yet that’s what it seems like. God, I missed this place and I didn’t even realize it.” I’m heavy hearted just thinking about the years I’ve spent away from here.

“Well, you’re here now and that’s all that matters. Now come on. I’m hungry.” He winks at me and we head toward the house. As we’re walking, the big, red front door opens.

“There she is. Come on up here and give this old lady some luvin’,” Betty hollers at me. I run up the steps to greet her with a hug. Betty has been my grandparents’ housekeeper for as long as I can remember.

“Betty! I’ve missed you so much! Why didn’t y’all call me to come down here sooner?” My country accent comes out when I talk to her. We both laugh.

“Oh, sweet girl, we’ve been trying to get you down here for years. You’re too busy working too hard. You need to give yourself a break every now and then, come on home and get some rest and good food in you. Look at you. You’re withering, child. Get in here and let’s eat.” She holds me at arm’s length, giving me a once over. She kisses my cheek then leads us toward the kitchen. “TJ, leave her bags by the stairs. Come on in and let’s eat while supper is warm.”

My grandfather does as he’s told and follows us into the kitchen. His name is Timothy James, but Betty has been using that nickname since before I can remember. The smell hits me like a wall, engulfing me in all my favorite scents. I can smell the corn bread with a hint of honey first. The fried chicken, BBQ ribs, and mashed potatoes follow suit. But best of all, I smell dessert—peach cobbler, my favorite. Nothing compares to Betty’s peach cobbler. Lordy, I think I’m drooling. Lordy? Jesus, I’m going country real fast.

“My God, Betty, you are going to make me gain ten pounds this week.” I tell her jokingly.

“Angelica Marie, you know we don’t be usin’ the Lord’s name like that,” she warns me sternly. Shit, I almost forgot. The Lord is big down here in the south.

“Sorry, ma’am,” I tell her.

“None of that ma’am nonsense. I am far from old,” she replies sassily. God, I missed this.
Fuck, I did it again.
At least I did it in my head. The three of us make our way to the dining room and sit in our spots. I’ve always sat to the left of my grandfather. We hold hands and say grace. I dig in as soon as my hand is free.

“Mmmm…” I have no words for the taste explosion going on in my mouth right now. “I have missed this kind of cooking. You can’t get this in the city.”

“No, you can’t. This food is made with passion and patience. Y’all are movin’ too fast in the city. It’s here in the south where we slow down and enjoy the little things. Like cooking properly.”

“I love it!” We all break in to a fit of laughter. We enjoy the rest of the meal with pleasant conversations about the ranch and what’s been going on with the animals. I didn’t even notice until the talk of animals came up that Roger isn’t at my side. ”Roger?” I call out loudly.

“Honey, he is probably passed out. I left him a bowl of food in the kitchen,” Betty informs me. I walk into the kitchen and find an empty food bowl. I walk into the living room and sure enough, Roger is passed out on a large fluffy doggie bed. Smiling, I stride back into the dining room. “You are already spoiling him,” I admonish as I sit back in my seat and finish my cobbler.

“He’s a dog; you’re supposed to spoil them,” Betty tells me. Her smile is so warm; it feels good to be here in a house filled with love and warmth. It’s going to be hard to go back home. I always think I love living alone and I’m fine in that big house. But truth be told, I’m lonely. Joey is there often, but I’m alone more than not. When I was little with my mother, we didn’t have this flowing love in our home. We didn’t talk at the dinner table and we didn’t laugh together. It was just cold. I guess now I’m living a cold, lonely life. Why haven’t I realized this before?

We finish our dessert and then walk our plates to the kitchen. “Now leave me be to wash up these dishes. Go on and get situated in your room. Everything is ready for you. I’m sure you’re spent. You’ve had a long day. A long few days,” she adds sadly.

I hug her tightly, and her smell alone reminds me of my childhood. Betty has been around since I was a child. My grandmother died of breast cancer when I was three. Betty was always a housekeeper and cook and she just never left. Thank God for her. Grandfather would never be able to live without her. She takes care of him; even he knows he’d be lost without her. Ever since I can remember, Betty has been on the ranch. She was here that bad summer when I was ten. I heard my grandfather cry to her my first night back at the ranch once I left the hospital. He didn’t know what to do. She helped him.

I will always remember the tender way she took care of me that summer. We went clothes shopping, and she even took me to the drugstore and told me about feminine needs. My mother never talked to me about those things; I guess she just assumed someone else would teach me. Thankfully, Betty did. I’ve always thought of her like my grandmother and I always will.

I kiss her cheek gently then head up to my room. But first, I stop by the living room and rub Roger’s back. He wakes and I make him follow me to my room. Walking up the stairs brings back memories of sliding down them in sleeping bags with my grandfather. He was such a big kid. There were no kids my age around here, so all I had were Betty, my grandfather, and the animals. I was never lonely though; I was always busy. Back at home, my mother would surround me with her friends’ children on occasion and I would feel so alone. Those kids were always different from me. I would rather be on the ranch any day.

Once we are on the landing, I am surrounded by pictures of all of us. Granddad, Betty, me, a few of my mother and even the animals. Such a warm, calming feeling comes over me. Each picture takes me back to that time. We eventually make it back to my room. Granddad already brought my bags up. The room hasn’t changed one bit and I wouldn’t change it if I could. The four-post queen bed still has the pale pink comforter with lace trim. My nightstand still has an old round silver alarm clock with two bells on top. The dresser has the same two pictures on top of it, Granddad and me building the tree house and me riding Betsy, my Clydesdale. I run my fingers over the frame. Spotless. Betty must have cleaned my room before I came; it had to have been dusty. The only thing different is in the corner of the room where once sat a rocking horse now lays another doggie bed. I smile at their thoughtfulness. I unpack my suitcase into my dresser and then take my toiletries to the bathroom. I wash my face and brush my teeth quickly before changing into my flannel pajamas. I dig in my purse for my phone and jump into bed. Roger is already asleep in his bed in the corner. I check my emails, nothing important. I know Bill is making sure no one emails me. When someone is on vacation, we do not contact them for anything. We handle it ourselves. I have no missed calls or texts either, jeez. I shoot a quick text to JoJo, and tell him I love and miss him. Then I get back into my emails and compose a quick email to Blake.

Thank You

Blake,

I wanted to thank you for calming Joey down today. It slipped my mind to call him and he didn’t handle it well. I’m sorry you had to deal with his erratic behavior. I’m all settled in and getting ready to go to bed, early I know. It’s been a rough few days. I’m not sure why I am telling you this. Anyway, thanks again.

Night.

-Angie

I hit send quickly before I change my mind. I know I didn’t have to email him, but I wanted to. I enjoy talking to him. I sit my phone next to the old alarm clock then tuck myself into bed. Right before I’m about to fall asleep, I hear my phone vibrate. I read his response.

No Thanks Needed

Angelica,

I’m glad Joey got a hold of you. He was tremendously worried and I don’t blame him. Please don’t apologize to me. I was only helping to calm his nerves, something he had done for me recently.

Sweet dreams, beautiful girl. Get some rest.

Good night.

-Blake

With that, I fall into an amazing night’s sleep with a grin on my face.