A Good Man (39 page)

Kim closed the laptop. “But the reality is that you have to get down to one guy. Please dump someone this week.”

No. “I don’t want to.”

“You’re being selfish.”

Am I? Well … yeah. I have four handsome men in my life who care about me. Why wouldn’t I want to hold on to them? “So I’m selfish.”

“So … folks are only tuning in to the last fifteen minutes now to see if you dump anyone.”

I doubt that. “How do you know that?”

“It stands to reason,” Kim said. “Common sense. It’s what I’d do if I were watching at home.”

Because you’re in the text-him-a-breakup-message generation that has no patience with anyone or anything. “You wouldn’t watch the challenges or see recaps of the dates?”

“No.”

Because you’re not featured in them, Miss Exhibitionist. “They’re tuning in, right? At least they’re watching.”

“Yes, but, Sonya, this can’t go on forever.”

And this is true. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. “You’re not getting bored, are you?”

“No,” Kim said. “This is the best paid vacation I’ve ever had. It’s just … I think something should happen. You are narrowing them down in your mind, right?”

I have only one man in my mind. He just hasn’t won a date with me yet. “Yes.”

“Then … start narrowing.”

“Okay, if I absolutely had to get rid of someone,” Sonya said. “who would you suggest?”

“John,” Kim said. “It’s obvious.”

Ouch. Baby girl, you just punched the man who’s residing inside my head and my heart. “Why? Because he’s white?”

“No,” Kim said. “Because he hasn’t won a single challenge. He’s a loser. You’re a winner. You’re incompatible.”

What kind of logic is that? “John never gives up, and he loses with grace, a joke, and a smile. That’s cool to me.”

“And he dresses badly.”

Well … “John’s not about the clothes.” He doesn’t have many clothes to be about. “He looks fine to me in whatever he wears. You’ve seen him in his swimsuit.”

“And he’s old, Sonya,” Kim said. “Yes, he has a young body, but he’s not that handsome. Did you see the little sprouts of hair in his ears?”

“It comes with age,” Sonya said. “And anyway, I see with my heart, not my eyes.”

“Your heart needs glasses.”

No, it doesn’t! “John is sweet, helpful, kind, a strong Christian, hard-working. But most of all, he listens to me. I can talk to him about anything and know he’s listening. He focuses on me.”

“Cuz he’s hard up for a date he couldn’t get anywhere else but on this show,” Kim said.

Wow. Lord, give this child a heart. “Everything is genuine with him. His motives are pure. He impressed you after the movie, didn’t he?”

“So he’s somewhat deep and knows some big words,” Kim said. “Maybe he reads the dictionary in his spare time down in Butt Crack, Alabama. He’s still wrong for you, Sonya. I mean, if you two hooked up, that would make him my daddy.”

“What?”

“How could I tell anyone that the biggest loser on TV is my dad?” Kim asked.

“That … that makes no sense.”

“Your liking him makes no sense either,” Kim said.

“To you.”

“Whatever.” Kim yawned. “What’s our next challenge that won’t really be a challenge and will only end up in a tie or the loser will still be safe from elimination no matter how badly he botches the challenge? Setting fire to something? John could win that easily. Oh, I know, we could see who snores the loudest. Wait. No. We’ll have them watch TV with you, and the one who tunes into your favorite show fastest, wins.”

“Hush.” But when she puts it that way, the show is sounding stale. What else can I do to help John win? What else can he do?

He can sing.

Why didn’t I think of this before? At Bethel he sometimes gives me goose bumps when he harmonizes. Hmm. He only harmonizes. Can he sing the melody, too? God, I hope so. I’m running out of ideas here.

“What about a singing contest, Kim?” Sonya asked.

Kim didn’t respond.

Still mad at me. “Kim, what about a singing contest?”

Kim didn’t even look Sonya’s way.

I’m not having this. She reached back and shook Kim’s foot. “Kim.”

“What?” Kim said.

“I just asked you a question.”

“You did?” Kim turned. “Sorry. I guess I’m getting used to hearing Shani. What’s your question?”

And that’s … kind of cool. “For our next challenge, we will be having a singing contest.”

“That could work,” Kim said. “And it might actually be fun. Justin can really sang. And if we add dancing …”

Oh no, not that! “Why would we add dancing?”

“Song and dance,” Kim said. “Those two words just go together.”

John can sing, but can he dance? He sways nicely in the pew and claps on beat most of the time. “That might work.” God, I hope it does. “Okay. Song and dance it is.”

Kim laughed. “John is never going to win a challenge, is he?”

“Miracles can happen.”

Miracles better happen.

Oh, gee, it’s another challenge, John thought. I can’t wait to find out another area in my life that’s deficient.

“I used to like watching American Idol and America’s Got Talent until they became more about the hosts and their bickering than the contestants,” Sonya said.

Ouch, John thought. Take that, Fox and NBC.

“Your challenge is to sing me a song as if you were on one of those shows,” Sonya said. “I want you to croon for me. I want you to move me only with the sound of your melodious voice.”

This, I can do. All right. I’m feeling good about this. Oh, yeah. Justin is the singer. Shoot. Maybe he’ll have an off night. Oh no. Shani is smiling.

“And you have to dance for her, too,” Shani said.

I hate it when Shani smiles.

“And I don’t mean do a dance and then sing or sing and then do a dance,” Shani said. “You must dance and sing at the same time.”

I am in some serious trouble, John thought. Walking and talking gives me fits sometimes.

“Here are the ground rules,” Sonya said. “Soundtracks are okay. They’ll have some headset microphones for you to use. Costuming is optional, and there’s a three-minute minimum.”

Shani smiled directly at John. “Some of you have a lot of work to do.”

And “some of you” would be me. John shook his head. I can’t win. I thought I had a chance when I was only going to sing, but now I have no chance.

Okay, I have one chance in four. Calm down. There is a time to mourn and a time to dance, and since I’m no longer mourning, it’s time for me to dance. The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. I am not the swiftest or the strongest, but time and chance happen to us all. It’s my turn, my time, it has to be. Run so you may obtain the prize.

Lord, help me dance so I may obtain the prize.

Um, Lord, just help me look as if I can dance.

“You okay?” Sonya asked.

John looked up into Sonya’s eyes. “Just praying.”

“So am I.” She sat next to him. “I originally only wanted a song. Shani added the dance.”

“And I will dance for you,” John said. “To the best of my ability.”

And I’ll be forever enshrined on YouTube as the worst dancer in world history.

“Artie, what song are you gonna sing?” Justin asked.

John looked above the bed at the camera he just knew was recording his every hiccup, twitch, sneeze, and fart as he slept. “I’d like to tell you, but I don’t want to tell them.”

“What you lookin’ at?” Justin asked.

John pointed at a black dot in the ceiling. “The camera.” He waved. “Hi, Larry, Bob. I hope you are enjoying my discomfort.”

“Think there are any in the bathroom?” Justin asked.

John shrugged. “Don’t know. I wouldn’t put it past them.”

“C’mon,” Justin said, and the two left the room, collected Gary and Tony from the kitchen, and went to the bowling alley. “I think we’re safe here.” He sat on the ball return. “What are you going to sing, Arthur?”

Maybe if I whisper it, it won’t sound so foolish. “It’s an Earth, Wind and Fire song called ‘Reasons.’”

Justin’s eyes popped. “Nah, dog.”

“Yep,” John said.

“You sure about that, man?” Gary asked.

“Yep,” John said.

“I mean, can you hit all the notes?” Tony asked. “There are some really high notes in that song.”

“Yes, I can hit those notes.” John winced. “Most of them.” He sighed. “I might only hit them, though. I doubt I can hold them. I’ll just have to sing faster, I guess.”

“Artie, please pick an easier song, like some Elvis,” Justin said. “You can shake your hips, can’t you?”

“Yes,” John said. “But they might not return to their normal state if I do.” He smiled. “I am going to sing ‘Reasons,’ fellas. It’s my destiny.”

“Artie, you’d have to be crazy to sing that song,” Tony said. “Even if you hit every note but one, Shani will ruin you. Why are you tempting fate like that?”

It’s my destiny. “I have a feeling that Jazz likes this song, and I must sing it.”

“We can’t talk you out of it?” Gary said.

“My mind is made up,” John said.

“Oh, man,” Justin said. He rubbed his head with a huge paw of a hand. “It’d be easier to sing Stevie Wonder’s ‘Overjoyed,’ man. Even the national anthem is easier to sing.”

“I can do it.” I hope.

“What do y’all think?” Justin asked.

“Maybe just the effort will be enough,” Tony said.

“Artie,” Justin said, “you gonna need help. We gotta back you up.”

“Nah, that’s okay,” John said. “I’d rather fail alone.”

“Artie, you’ve had my back the whole time I’ve been here,” Justin said. “I wouldn’t be here at all if you hadn’t tied for last with me in that obstacle course or helped me with those rhymes.”

“You didn’t need my help, Justin,” John said. “I mean, all I really gave you was Doug Flutie.”

“I never would have thought of him or ‘sweet patootie,’” Justin said.

Because, John thought, you’re not old enough to have seen Doug Flutie play.

Justin turned to Tony and Gary. “Let’s back Artie up, y’all. We’ll be the Three Tops or The Jackson Three.”

Gary laughed. “The Jackson Three? Isn’t that what they’re down to anyway? And fellas, if we’re gonna be Earth, Wind and Fire, we’re gonna need some serious costuming.”

“And dance lessons,” John said. There’s that quiet I’ve missed. Was that a cricket? What’s a cricket doing in a broken-down bowling alley inside a mansion?

“You … can’t dance,” Tony said.

“Yep. I don’t have a dancing bone in my body.” There’s that cricket again. I wonder if it’s as lonely as I’m going to be after this challenge.

“I’ll get a laptop,” Tony said, and he left the bowling alley.

“What do we need a laptop for?” John asked. “I need to learn how to dance in less than twenty-four hours.”

“It’s called YouTube, Artie,” Justin said. “We’re about to watch a whole lot of video.”

They watched dance videos long into the night. They analyzed Earth, Wind and Fire album covers for costuming ideas. They made a list of what they’d need: African robes, fake Afros, and platform shoes. They taught John simple dances.

“For God’s sake, Artie, use your arms!” they yelled.

“You dancin’ to the words or the music, man?” they asked.

“Dude, please loosen up and feel the flow,” they said.

It was a very long night.

John’s feet hurt after thirty seconds of something called the Jerk. His arms ached as he tried to Dougie. He became immediately lost and ran into Tony during his first attempt at the Electric Slide.

“I’m hopeless,” John said.

No one disagreed.

The next morning, while Sonya and Shani were out shopping, they helped Artie dance along to “Reasons” as he practiced on a stage set up outside near the pool.

“Keep the music low,” John said. He looked into a tree. “The producers are watching.”

“Let ’em,” Gary said. “They probably can’t dance either.”

Ouch.

“Oh, sorry, Artie,” Gary said. “I didn’t mean any disrespect.”

John stood in front of a silver microphone stand. “You ain’t lyin’, though.”

Tony cued up the music.

“Oh. I’m, um, going to save my voice, okay?” John said. “I’ll just mouth the words as I do a little, um, dance. Y’all just … do something fantastic behind me so she’ll watch y’all and not me.”

As he mouthed the words, he swayed, he stepped, he moved his arms, and did everything but dance. “I can’t dance a lick, fellas.”

“You’re doing fine, Artie,” Justin said, spinning flawlessly along with Gary and Tony.

“Maybe it’s the shoes,” Gary said.

“It’s the DNA, Gary,” John said.

Tony stepped away from the line dance behind John. “For such a slow song you don’t need to do much dancing. Just imagine Jazz is the mike stand and slow drag with her.”

“This mike stand is far too skinny to be Jazz,” John said. “She has, um, more curves.”

And then the idea struck John like a lightning bolt through the top of his skull. He stopped dancing. “I’ll figure something out. Y’all please sing the background loudly. I’m sure my voice is going to crack.”

“Just don’t fall in them platform shoes, man,” Gary said.

“I won’t,” John said.

Because eventually, I am going to have someone to hold on to.

Sonya could barely contain her excitement, running her feet in place as she and Kim drank fruit smoothies at a table in front of the stage.

“This is gonna be good,” Kim said.

My hands are really sweating! “I’m so nervous,” Sonya said.

“Why are you nervous? You’re not singing, Jazz.”

No, but I’ll be praying my guts out.

The lights grew in intensity, and Graham, wearing a tuxedo, walked from the kitchen to the stage.

“Jazz, you are in for a real musical treat tonight,” Graham said. “The Team has been hard at work all day. Did you enjoy your shopping trip?”

Oh, get on with it, Graham! “Yes. It was nice.”

“I’m sure it was,” Graham said. “First up for the song-and-dance competition is Tony, singing ‘Whip Appeal.’”

Sonya didn’t recognize Tony, who wore a sharp white suit, shirt, and tie, but she did notice Kim’s feet running under the table. From the first word out of Tony’s mouth to the last, Kim didn’t seem to be breathing.