1,001 Facts That Will Scare the S#*t Out of You: The Ultimate Bathroom Reader (41 page)

288

FACT :
A study published in March 2009 reported overweight eighteen-year-old men were as likely
to die by sixty as occasional smokers
; obese young men, much like heavy smokers, doubled the risk of dying early.
So you have a choice, young fatties: donuts or cigarettes. It’s a tough one, I know. Good luck.

Roni Caryn Rabin, “Obese Teens as Likely as Smokers to Die Early, Study Finds,” New York Times, March 3, 2009.
www.nytimes.com
.

289

FACT :
In 2005—the most recent year numbers were available—over 186,000 women and 1,700 men were reported with breast cancer; roughly
20 percent of them
died from the disease.
Just one more reason not to grow man breasts (or “moobs”), fellas.

“U.S. Obesity Trends 1985– 2007,” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Division of Nutrition, Physical Activity and Obesity, National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion, July 24, 2008,
www.cdc.gov
.

290

FACT :
A 2007 report showed just one U.S. state with an obesity rate under 20 percent: Colorado. Thirty U.S. states had
an obesity rate equal to or greater than 25 percent
, and three states—Alabama, Mississippi, and Tennessee— were at or above 30 percent.
They will change their name from the Bible Belt to the Loosened Belt.

“U.S. Obesity Trends 1985–2007,” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Division of Nutrition, Physical Activity and Obesity, National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion, July 24, 2008,
www.cdc.gov
.

291

FACT :
In humans with celiac disease, the body’s immune system damages the lining of the small intestine when it processes gluten,
hindering the body’s ability to absorb nutrients from food
and causes numerous digestive problems. Untreated celiac disease can be life-threatening.
Other names for celiac disease are celiac sprue and gluten intolerance, but I like to call it “pootin’ gluten.”

“What I Need to Know about Celiac Disease,” National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse, National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases, National Institutes of Health,
www.digestive.niddk.nih.gov
.

“Celiac Disease Facts,” University of Maryland Center for Celiac Research,
www.umm.edu
.

292

FACT :
Up to
70 million Americans
are affected by digestive diseases such as pancreatitis, cirrhosis, gastritis, reflux, viral hepatitis, and more.
And you don’t want to sit near any of them, trust me.

“Digestive Disease Statistics,” National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse, National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases, National Institutes of Health,
www.digestive.niddk .nih.gov
.

293

FACT :
Eating disorders such as
anorexia and bulimia
can cause low blood pressure, diabetes, heart and kidney problems, brain damage and death.
Other than that, they’re harmless.

“Eating Disorders,” Medline Plus, National Institutes of Health, Department of Health & Human Services, February 27, 2009,
www.nlm.nih.gov
.

294

FACT :
About
5 million Americans
suffer from heart failure; 300,000 of them die each year.
I assume they’re including the dead ones in the “suffer from” number.

“Heart Failure,” Medline Plus, National Institutes of Health, Department of Health & Human Services,
www.nlm.nih.gov
.

295

FACT :
Conditions that affect less than 200,000 people nationwide are
characterized as orphan diseases
. These include Lou Gehrig’s disease, cystic fibrosis, Tourette’s syndrome, and lesser-known conditions such as Job syndrome, Hamburger disease, and gigantism. Collectively orphan disease plagues up to 25 million in the U.S.
Huh, I always thought orphan diseases were things like lice and rickets.

Carol Rados, “Orphan Products: Hope for People With Rare Diseases,” FDA Consumer Magazine, November-December 2003,
www.fda.gov
.