Valeria’s Cross (15 page)

It was during one of these breakfast discussions that Galerius informed her that he had to leave for battle the following week. Her tears surprised them both.

Galerius rose from his divan and knelt beside her, gathering her into his arms. “Do not cry, my beloved wife. I will return to you. You have my word.”

Valeria longed to believe him, but experience had taught her that not all warriors returned from battle. That evening, when Galerius came to the door of her chambers, he found it unlocked. When Valeria heard the door open, her heart stirred with desire.

Entering her dimly lit room, Galerius wore only a robe of purple velvet. He slipped his feet out of his gold sandals and left them by her bed. When Valeria saw him remove his robe, she lowered her eyes. When she stole a shy glance at his body, she was surprised that she felt no revulsion as she had anticipated. Instead, she was so stirred by its beauty that her heart pounded underneath her gown.

Without a word, he walked over to the court cabinet and poured them both a goblet of wine.

“Please sip the wine. It will relax you,” he said, offering her the goblet.

She pushed it away. “I have waited for you for a long time. I want to be fully conscious our first time together so I can cherish the memories for a lifetime.”

Visibly moved by her words, he touched her face, causing her to tremble.

Valeria’s hair was down, tied with a silk ribbon to prevent it from falling into her face. Her husband reached up and untied it, watching as her curls tumbled down her chest.

Galerius eased her onto the bed and then eased down beside her. “You are certain … that you want me?” he whispered.

Her pleading kiss provided his answer.

When Galerius pulled away and reached for his robe, Valeria let out a little cry and begged, “Please do not leave me—not now!”

“I have presents for you,” he smiled, digging into the pockets of his robe.

“But … all I want is you,” she said breathlessly. “I do not need any presents.”

“Oh, but you will like these gifts.”

Out of his pocket he pulled the most exquisite diamond necklace Valeria had ever seen.

She gasped. “It is beautiful!”

He fastened it on her, kissing the back of her neck. “Roll over,” he told her, and she complied, curious at what was going to transpire.

Reaching back in his robe, he clasped a small ornate bottle and opened it. A sweet musky fragrance filled her nostrils.

“Mm, perfume,” she murmured.

He poured the oil into his palm and rubbed his hands together, and then he dribbled a few drops that felt cold upon her back.

Without a word, her husband massaged her neck and back with the fragrant oil, causing her to moan with pleasure.

When he finally pulled her close to him, Valeria melted into him. At last their marriage would be consummated before her husband was forced to leave her.

And so it was.

Afterward, Valeria delighted that God’s design for marriage was one of the most beautiful and sacred moments of her life thus far. When she closed her eyes she was shocked that she had not pretended Mauritius was her lover, but it was her husband she wanted. Now, as she lay in the arms of Galerius, she was puzzled that she felt such a strong affection for him—so strong that she begged him to lie with her again. Had her
mother been right after all … that God would give her a love and passion for her husband?

After Galerius left for battle, Valeria’s loneliness surprised her, yet she was grateful to God that he had given her such affection for her husband even if it was not what she had felt for Mauritius. She felt as though a piece of her soul were missing. She vowed that each day he was gone, she would pray for his protection and salvation. After all, if God could perform such a miracle as to cause her to care for a man she had once despised, surely He could also cause that man to bow his knee and worship the one true God.

I
t was while Galerius was away in Upper Egypt that his son, Candidianus, was born to his first wife. Almost immediately the child was taken from his mother and presented to Valeria. Though her heart ached for the other woman’s loss, she also rejoiced at the gift she had been given. With the help of a wet nurse, Valeria would care for little Candidianus as if he had been born to her.

The day the baby arrived at the palace, Eugenia brought him to his new mother.

“Meet your son, Candidianus,” Eugenia smiled, pulling back the soft muslin blanket to reveal the tiny creature.

“Oh, he is so beautiful,” Valeria cried, gazing at him in awe as Eugenia continued to hold him. “Look at his eyes! And those eyelashes are darker and longer than any I have ever seen on a child. And his cheeks, how rosy!” Valeria touched the baby’s hand, and he curled his tiny fingers around hers. “Look, Eugenia. Oh, I couldn’t love this baby more if he truly were my own.” She ran her fingers gently through his dark curls and kissed the top of his head.

“Would you like to hold him?”

“May I?”

“Of course, silly girl. You are his mother.”

“But the baby will know I am not his mother. What if he protests?”

Eugenia shook her head, ignoring Valeria’s concerns.

Valeria held the baby gently, cuddling him to her bosom. “Hello, precious baby child,” she cooed. “Eugenia, he is looking into my eyes.” Valeria kissed the baby’s forehead. “Mm, he smells so nice too.”

Eugenia laughed and lifted the child’s little foot. “Is there anything sweeter than baby toes?”

“Look at his fingers, how long they are,” Valeria observed. “He’s going to grow into a big boy … an emperor.” She smiled at the little bundle in her arms and held him closer as she sang one of the songs her mother had sung to her when she was a child.

“Oh, no, he is falling asleep,” she cried.

“A baby is supposed to sleep.” Eugenia laughed. “Give him to me, and I will take him back to the nursery.”

“No, please. He can sleep in my arms.”

“Little Candidianus will sleep for at least three hours. Your arms will grow terribly tired.”

“I could sit here for three days, and they would never grow weary.”

Eugenia smiled. “How my girl has grown.”

“I am not your little girl anymore,” Valeria snapped. “You forget I am a married lady.”

“And from what I see a very happy one.”

Valeria smiled. “And a mother. I could not be happier.” “Children are a blessing from the Lord,” Eugenia replied as she admired the scene—Valeria and her baby.

Eugenia tiptoed out of the room, and when she returned the little one was still sleeping, and Valeria had dozed off too.
Eugenia left the room again, but soon she heard the wails of a hungry newborn and hurried back to Valeria’s chambers.

Valeria was frantic. “I am so glad you are here. Something is wrong with the baby! He’s crying incessantly, and his face is turning red.”

Eugenia laughed and washed her hands in the water basin before taking the baby. Gently, she placed her finger in the baby’s mouth, who grasped it with his lips and made sucking sounds.

“What are you doing to my baby?” Valeria cried.

“Pacifying him. The baby has awakened hungry from his nap. I will take him to his wet nurse.”

“Please do not take him away from me.”

“He has to eat,” Eugenia reminded her.

Valeria looked down at her breasts. “It is unnatural that I cannot feed him.”

“Even if you could, you probably would not,” Eugenia told her, wrapping the baby tightly in his blanket. “Most royals have wet nurses to prevent their breasts from sagging.”

“Well, I would never. I want to feed my own baby. I do not care if my breasts sag down to my knees,” Valeria proclaimed, and then she started to cry.

“What is wrong?” Eugenia asked. “Let me deliver this baby boy to his wet nurse before he starves to death, and then I will be back to comfort you.”

Valeria soon discovered that her skirt was wet where the baby had leaked through his clothes. The bodice of her tunic was also damp with the child’s saliva. But the only thing that concerned her was the baby’s contentment.

When Eugenia returned, Valeria had changed her clothes and was sitting in the solarium with a faraway look in her eyes, staring out at the garden. Eugenia waved her hand in front of Valeria’s face to get her attention. “Are you feeling better?”

Valeria shook her head. “Every ounce of my being longs to feed and care for this child, and then I think of his mother, having had her newborn snatched from her arms. Oh, how her body must ache for her child!” She began to cry again.

Eugenia pushed Valeria’s hair out of her eyes. “You have such a tender heart, dear one. Just as you have accepted Mauritius’ death, the baby’s mother will accept the loss of her child. At least she has the satisfaction of knowing her child is alive and will be well cared for and loved.”

Valeria twisted her handkerchief. “First I take her husband, and now her baby and her daughter. How must she feel? And how can I be completely happy when I am haunted by the knowledge that I have stolen another woman’s life? I am living the life that is rightly hers.”

“She will find happiness. You said yourself that Galerius told you that she would make a new life for herself.”

“The poor woman’s only sin was to fall in love and marry Galerius, a man who was so hungry for power and lust that he abandoned her. Why does she have to suffer? She is innocent, yet she is the person who is being punished.”

“I do not have answers to your questions,” Eugenia told her. “But I do know that we must pray for her to find peace and happiness.”

Valeria felt comforted by this thought. “Perhaps I could write to her, too, and tell her how much I love the baby and give her reports on how he is growing.”

“What a beautiful thought! God will bless you for your kind and unselfish heart.” Eugenia hugged her.

Valeria pulled away, and then stood up and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I am going to watch the nurse feed my baby.”

For the next few weeks, Valeria spent every waking moment with her son. She was up with him every three hours and sat by the wet nurse as Candidianus was fed. When the servants bathed him, Valeria helped. She was so obsessed that some days she forgot to eat; other days, Eugenia had to remind her to bathe. Holding the baby in her lap for hours, she sang and read to him. The only time Valeria took care of herself was when the baby napped. Eugenia was able to coax her out into the garden one warm afternoon for some sunshine and exercise, and the color quickly came back in her cheeks. Now that the weather was nicer, she encouraged Valeria to walk with the baby every afternoon and enjoy the garden.

Valeria spent more and more time in the garden, tending to the flowerbed she had planted. Even as she nurtured her new baby son, she nurtured the plants that brought forth such beauty. When her husband’s daughter, the younger Valeria, arrived to live with them at the palace, Valeria discovered that they shared a love for gardening. The two Valerias spent a lot of time outside with the baby, often bickering over who would hold him.

Valeria relished her life, though she still longed for her husband to return and give her children of her own.

One sunny afternoon, as Candidianus slept in the nursery under the watchful eye of his nurse and Valeria knelt beside her beloved plants and dug in the dirt, Eugenia came out to announce that Valeria had a guest.

Valeria jerked her head upward, surprised at the interruption. “But look at me,” she protested. “I am a mess. Who is it?” Suddenly, her heart leapt, and she jumped to her feet. “Galerius! Is he home?”

“Oh, I am sorry, my darling.” Eugenia’s smile faded. “No, I am afraid it is not your husband. Forgive me. But come; I assure you that you will be delighted to see your guest.”

Valeria sighed, disappointed but curious as she removed her gloves, tossed her hair behind her shoulders, and followed Eugenia into the palace and straight to the great hall where their guest waited. Once again her heart leapt with joy, at the sight of her mother, sitting on the divan and surrounded by her ladies-in-waiting. Valeria squealed with delight and ran to Prisca, who rose from her seat and gathered her daughter into an embrace.

“I am so glad you are here, Mother, but also surprised,” Valeria cried. “How I have missed you!”

“And I have pined for you, my darling. How are you? Turn around and let me have a look at you.”

Valeria twirled, laughing as she did so. “You caught me working in the garden, so I doubt I look my best at the moment.”

Prisca’s smile was warm. “You are glowing. Why, you look more beautiful than I have ever seen you!”

“That is because I am deliriously happy,” Valeria said, surprised at the level of truth in her statement. “Though I miss my husband and am anxious for him to return safely, I am now caring for his two children.”

Her mother raised her eyebrows. “Are you … with child of your own yet?”

Valeria’s heart sunk a notch. “How I wish I were,” she sighed, “but I am a mother nonetheless! Galerius’ children are so delightful, and I enjoy having them here.”

Prisca’s face shone. “Darling, my heart sings for your happiness. Marriage and motherhood certainly agree with you.”

Valeria smiled. “And to think I believed I could never be happy again! What a miracle God has done in my heart! Not only have I grown to care for my husband, but I adore his children as well, especially the baby. What a beautiful child—pretty enough to be a girl.” She laughed. “And his daughter even shares my name—Valeria! She is a young woman already, and
yet so childlike. Although we are so close in age, I still consider her my child. Come, let me show you my beautiful baby boy.”

“But there is an important matter I need to discuss with you first.”

“Please, I cannot wait another moment to introduce you to your grandson.” Valeria took a reluctant Prisca by the hand and practically dragged her into the nursery.

Valeria lifted Candidianus from his crib and held him high in the air. She tickled his chin and kissed his nose before she handed him over to his grandmother, who cuddled him and cooed.

“Oh, he is a beautiful baby,” Prisca exclaimed, though little Candidianus started to fret at the realization that he was being held by a stranger.

“The most beautiful baby in the world,” Valeria added. “There, there, do not cry, little one. This is your nonna.” When he continued to fuss, she took the child from her mother and gave him to the wet nurse, who was waiting to feed him. Both mother and grandmother kissed the baby before they left.

“Come,” Valeria said to her mother, “and tell me this important matter you need to discuss with me. We do not have long before the baby will finish feeding, and he will want his mother.”

Prisca’s smile faded only slightly, but Valeria recognized the frown that creased her brow. “Your stepdaughter is one of the reasons I am here.”

It was Valeria’s turn to frown. “What do you mean?”

Prisca hesitated. “You and I are to take her to Vienna.”

“Whatever for?”

“She is to be married,” Prisca announced, her smile widening once again. “Another wedding! And this time, you are the mother of the bride. But do not worry, my darling. I have already taken care of all the details.”

Valeria’s mind was racing. “Does Galerius know?”

Prisca nodded. “He and your father have arranged it.”

“But the girl is not ready for marriage.”

“Neither were you, yet look how you have blossomed.” Prisca grabbed her daughter’s hands, but Valeria was not comforted.

“I will not allow it. I will not do this to her.”

“It is not your decision.”

“But I am her mother now, and I do not want her to marry. She is like a sister to me, and a daughter. I love her, and I cannot bear to lose her companionship. She and I have such fun together, gardening and caring for Candidianus.”

“Darling, it will be fine.” Prisca smiled at her daughter. “Valeria, I am so proud and happy for you. What a wonderful mother and wife you are! I knew if you gave Galerius a chance that God would enable you to love your husband. And He will give you the strength to say goodbye to young Valeria. Besides, once your husband returns home, you will have little time to spend with her anyway.”

Valeria had to admit that her mother was right, though she restrained herself from revealing how far short her love for Galerius fell when compared to what she had felt for Mauritius. She had to admit that her marriage to Galerius had worked out far better than she had expected, but she still pitied her young stepdaughter. How would she tell her what had been decided without her consent?

“We shall tell her at dinner,” Prisca announced. “We must depart for Vienna in two days.”

Two days! So little time to prepare! Then another thought grabbed Valeria’s attention. “Mother, you never told me the name of the man who will become her husband.”

Prisca smiled. “You are right, my dear. Come, let us sit down, and I will provide you with all the details.”

They settled onto a plush divan, and Prisca took Valeria’s hand in hers as she spoke. “Your father’s co-emperor, Maximian’s son by birth, Maxentius, is the bridegroom.”

Valeria was somewhat relieved. “At least he is someone we know well. Will Father and Galerius attend the wedding?”

“It will depend on the success of the campaigns in Syria, but I would hope so.”

Despite the possibility of being reunited with Galerius at the wedding, Valeria still felt a growing sense of dread at being the one to break the news to her stepdaughter that she was betrothed to Maxentius. At dinner that night, Valeria took a deep breath and blurted it out, prepared to counter the younger woman’s objections. To the contrary, young Valeria was ecstatic about her upcoming wedding.

“What shall I wear?” she asked, her eyes dancing at the announcement. “Will my gown be as lovely as the one you wore when you married my father?”

“It shall be even more magnificent,” Valeria assured her. “And will I have lots of babies?”

“As many as the Lord allows,” Valeria assured her, puzzled at the girl’s eagerness.