The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love (9 page)

The prostate is the only gland in the human body that tends to enlarge after a man reaches forty-five to fifty years of age. It is estimated that at least 65 percent of men in their sixties and seventies have the problems that emanate from an enlarged prostate: urinary drip, difficulty in urinating, and difficulty maintaining an erection. Because it is so important that men be informed of this potential problem, we have addressed the method of avoiding that enlargement in the final chapter under “prostate.” Every man over forty-five should read it carefully!

Cowper’s gland
—the first gland to function when a man is sexually aroused. It sends a few drops of slippery fluid into the urethra, thus preparing it for the safe passage of sperm by neutralizing the acids of the urine that would otherwise kill the sperm.

Urethra
—the tube that carries urine from the bladder through the penis for elimination. It also carries the sperm and semen from the prostate gland through the penis.

Penis
—the male sex organ through which both the urine and the sperm are released. It can be distended with blood under mental or physical stimulus so that it becomes stiff or erect. The penis is made up of three columns of spongy, erectile tissue, the middle one containing the urethra. The length of the nonstimulated penis varies greatly, but the length of the erect penis is almost always six to seven inches. The crown or rim of the glans becomes harder than the tip during erection, helping to arouse excitement in the female during friction. Circumcision also enables this rim to stand out more from the adjacent tissue of the penis.

Glans penis
—the head of the penis; the very sensitive part of the organ that under friction stimulates ejaculation of the sperm and seminal fluid.

Foreskin
—the loose skin that covers the glans penis for protection. A substance called smegma often gathers under the foreskin, producing an offensive odor. For this reason the penis should be washed daily. Circumcision is recommended for hygienic reasons but has little effect on stimulating the glans penis.

Areas of sexual sensitivity
—the male genital organs—comprising the penis, the scrotal sac, and the area around them—that are exceptionally sensitive to touch. When caressed affectionately by the wife, they produce a pleasurable sexual excitement that prepares the husband for intercourse, usually in a very few minutes.

Nocturnal emission
(wet dream)—a natural occurrence that can be an unsettling experience for a boy who is unprepared for it. If he awakens to find his pajamas wet and sticky or hardened to a starchy consistency, he may be needlessly alarmed. What has happened is that pressure has built up because of the increasing rate at which sperm are manufactured. The seminal vesicles and the prostate gland are filled to capacity with fluid, so that the entire reproductive system is waiting for an explosion. Sometimes under these conditions a dream during the night will cause the penis to fill with blood, thus producing an erection. Cowper’s gland puts forth its neutralizing drops of fluid into the urethra, and then the ejaculatory muscles, or ducts, and the sperm and seminal fluids are merged and spurt forth through the urethra and the penis. Throughout a boy’s teen years there will be many such nocturnal explosions. The constant production of sperm and seminal fluid is one of the factors that causes the man to be the usual initiator for the act of marriage. His aggressiveness should not be looked upon merely as a means of satisfying the male sex urge but as the fulfillment of the God-ordained plan of mutual sexual fellowship between a husband and wife.

Ejaculation
—the sexual climax when the fluid is forced from the storeroom through small tubes that meet in the ejaculatory duct just before entering the base of the penis. The muscular contractions that take place at the base of the penis force the seminal fluid past the prostate gland, where it picks up more secretions, then through the urethral canal and out the urethra to aid in the work of impregnating the female. This fluid can be projected forcefully for a distance of twelve to twenty-four inches. It is generally agreed that the half-teaspoonful of semen ejaculated during a normal sexual contact after a two- or three-day abstinence will contain about 250 to 500 million sperm cells. The semen is primarily protein, similar to egg white, and is not dirty or unsanitary, though it has a distinctive odor. A wife need not remove this material by douching unless she wishes.

The ingenious creative work of God can be seen in the beautiful compatibility of the male and female reproductive systems. A woman’s genitalia (or sex organs, from a Latin word that means “to give birth”) fall into two categories. The external group, located outside the body and easily visible, are the gateway to the second group, the internal, located inside the body; this second, internal group comprises two ovaries, two oviducts or tubes, the uterus, and the vagina.

Fig. 2.
The female reproductive organs

The reproductive organs are formed several months before birth, but remain inactive until puberty (usually age twelve to fifteen), when they receive the signal to come to sexual maturity. This important signal is given by the pituitary, a small gland situated at the base of the brain.

Ovaries
—organs so called from the Latin word
ova,
which means “eggs.” A woman has two ovaries, each about the size of a robin’s egg, one on each side of her abdomen. These ovaries, corresponding to the male testicles, produce the female egg. When a girl is born, her ovaries contain between 300,000 and 400,000 little follicles called ova. Only about three or four hundred will ever reach maturity and be released from the ovary. As a girl matures, her ovaries begin to secrete the female sex hormones that cause her to develop. Her breasts begin to enlarge, hair grows under her arms and on her genital organs, her hips start to broaden, and she begins to take on a curvaceous, feminine appearance. At approximately one-month intervals, an egg matures until it is about one two-hundredths of an inch in diameter, at which time it is released by the ovary into the Fallopian tube.

Fallopian tubes
—sometimes called oviducts, meaning egg ducts. These tubes, about four inches long, are attached to the uterus and take the egg to the uterus during a period of approximately seventy-two hours. If intercourse occurs during this period, it is very probable that at least one of the active sperm will work its way through the vagina and uterus into the Fallopian tube and will unite with the egg. At that moment life is conceived. If the egg is not fertilized by the sperm in the Fallopian tube, it then passes into the uterus and dissolves.

Uterus or womb
—the firm and muscular organ (from the Latin word
uterus
meaning “womb” or “belly”), usually described as the size and shape of a small pear, about four inches long. The interior of the uterus is a narrow, triangular-shaped cavity surrounded by thick muscular walls. The two Fallopian tubes enter at the top. The lower part of the uterine cavity that forms the narrow base of it is called the cervical canal. The uterus, which can be greatly expanded, is the area in which the baby grows during pregnancy.

Cervix
—the neck of the uterus, from the Latin word
cervix,
meaning “neck.” The cervix surrounds the cervical canal and forms the narrow, lower end of the uterus. About one-half of the cervix projects into the vagina and therefore can be examined by the physician almost as easily as he can look into the ear or nose. Before pregnancy, the cervix feels like the tip of the nose; after childbirth it feels like the point of the chin. The opening of the cervix into the vagina is called the “cervical os” (meaning “cervical mouth or opening” in Latin). This passageway is so narrow that nothing larger than the lead in a pencil can pass through it easily. The normally tight passage helps to keep the interior of the uterus virtually germ-free, especially since there is a constant, slight current of cleansing moisture that flows outward.

Vagina
—the primary female organ for intercourse, comparable to the male penis and designed to receive it. Deriving its name from the Latin word
vagina,
meaning “sheath,” it is a very elastic, sheath-like canal that serves as a passage to and from the organs sheltered inside the body. It is three to five inches long, and its inner walls of delicate muscle tissue tend to lie in contact, their smooth surface “draped” in folds.

The walls of the vagina contain many tiny glands that continuously produce a cleansing and lubricating film of moisture so that the vagina is self-cleansing (similar, in this regard, to the eye). In its upper reaches, the vagina forms a curving vault that encloses the tip of the cervix.

Near the external opening of the vagina is a concentration of sensory nerves. This opening is encircled by a constrictor muscle that responds to the communications from these sensory nerves. This muscle can be tightened and relaxed at will. Implanted in the constrictor muscle are two glands called Bartholin’s glands; the size of the letter O or slightly larger, they produce a very small amount of additional lubricant, mainly upon sexual stimulation.

The first response to sexual stimulation in a woman involves lubrication of the vagina, which occurs usually within ten to thirty seconds. Recently it has been found that this excitation causes the walls of the vagina to be covered with beads of lubricant, much like moisture on cold glass, which has a very practical application at the time of actual insertion of the penis in intercourse. The husband may need to reach gently into the vagina for some of this lubricant, or in many cases he may wish to apply some form of water-soluble artificial lubricant, such as Johnson & Johnson K-Y jelly, obtainable at drugstores. Only a small amount may be needed, applied just to the head of the penis or to the outside of the vagina, for usually enough natural lubrication exists inside the vagina.

Vulva area
—the external opening to the vagina, containing several organs including the outer lips called “labia majora.” The lips are formed from the same kind of coarse skin as the scrotal sac of the male. Under sexual excitement these lips swell or thicken. When they are opened, they reveal the inner lips, called “labia minora,” which are very delicate membranes at the front of the vulva structure. These inner lips are made of skin very similar to the skin of the glans penis.

Hymen
—deriving its name from the mythical god of marriage, a membrane at the back part of the outside opening of the vagina that may be relatively tough. The hymen, however, may be absent from birth and therefore its absence is not necessarily an indication of loss of virginity. The opening in the hymen of a virgin is about one inch in diameter, but must be about one and one-half inches in diameter for comfortable intercourse. Fifty percent of brides admit to experiencing some pain at first intercourse; 20 percent have no pain at all; and 30 percent have rather severe pain.

Before marriage every young woman should be examined by a doctor; at his discretion and with her consent, the hymen can be broken to avoid unnecessary delay in intercourse after the wedding. If the young woman has serious objections to this procedure, a physical examination can be scheduled for the day after the wedding. If she chooses to have her husband stretch the hymen on her wedding night, it is very important that lubricating jelly be generously applied to the penis and around the vaginal outlet. Then, with whatever intercourse position is chosen, preferably one so that the penis is directed downward and toward the back of the vaginal opening, she should be the one to do the thrusting in order to control better the amount of pressure she can tolerate. It may take several trials to penetrate the hymen; if she is not successful after a few attempts, she should not keep bruising this area, lest it become so painful that she cannot enjoy the time with her husband. Rather, the couple should just gently and slowly caress each other’s genitalia until they are sexually satisfied.

Avoiding Pain

With generous amounts of lubricant on his fingers and with fingernails filed short and smooth, the husband can manually dilate the vaginal opening. He must gently insert one finger into the vagina, then two fingers, using a gradual, firm, downward pressure toward the anus until there is definite pain and until both these fingers can be easily inserted all the way to the base of the fingers. If this is too painful, it is usually better to be patient until the next day before again attempting well-lubricated introduction of the penis. Most of the pain comes from entering too quickly, giving the muscles around the vagina insufficient time to relax. Sometimes an overanxious bridegroom can produce physical pain because of the presence of the hymen. Although this does not produce lasting damage physically, it can leave psychological scars if the bride associates pain with the entrance of the penis into the vagina. In this case, her fear will shut off the natural flow of body fluids in the vaginal area and cause painful intercourse that is most unsatisfactory to both partners.