Talk Sexy to the One You Love (7 page)
Read Talk Sexy to the One You Love Online
Authors: Barbara Keesling
The sudden change in her personality was so striking I just had to
Getting Connected / 65
laugh. Here was this self-described “remnant from the ice age” asking for all kinds of exercises and advice that could get her and her husband talking up a storm.
So what’s the moral of this story? I guess it’s this: Just because you’re feeling a bit tongue-tied, it doesn’t mean that you are powerless. As Anna M. discovered, even a few simple sounds can mark the beginning of monumental changes in your sex life, and your relationship as a whole. So give Exercise 8 a try. Before you know it, you may just have your partner begging for more. And believe me, there is plenty more in store.
W
HEN it comes to talking sexy, no two people are quite the same. Some of us
are frustrated because we can’t speak a single sexy word. Others are frustrated because they can’t run off a string of raunchy expressions. But whoever you are, you have to get comfortable with yourself before you get comfortable talking sexy to your partner.
Getting comfortable with yourself begins with getting comfortable with your own body. Now I realize that that is no easy task. I’ve met very few women in my lifetime who truly love their own bodies. The media has done a fine job of giving us standards of physical perfection that are nothing less than impossible to measure up to. But we try. And try. And plastic sur-geons, fashion design-
68 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
ers, and cosmetic company executives get very rich in the process.
It’s time to put your credit cards away and take out your notebook. In this chapter, you’re going to learn how a few simple words can do more for your body image than all of the clothing, makeup, and liposuction you could ever afford. Thus far, the only word I’ve asked you to say out loud is the word “yes.” But, ac-cording to my calculations, you should be ready for more by now, and in this chapter we’re going to do some serious vocabulary building. So sharpen your pencils and clear your desks of everything but your notebooks. It’s time to get busy.
Your First Anatomy Lesson
The whole, they say, is always greater than the sum of its parts. But sometimes, you’ve got to pay a little more attention to those parts—especially the private ones—to make a relationship more whole. I’d like to start this chapter by turning your attention to the parts that are nearest and dearest to you: your breasts, your buttocks, and your vagina.
I want to begin with the vagina (yikes, that sounds just like a man!). But before we go any further, there is something I need to say:
Vagina
is not a sexy word.
It just isn’t. Whisper it, pant it, or scream it at the top of your lungs—no matter how you say it, it doesn’t get anybody hot. But we’re talking about something very, very sexy
Your Precious Parts / 69
here. The Big V. Ground zero. Our most precious possession. That which men have died for. We need to make it
sound
as sexy as it
is
. And that’s what Exercise 9 is all about.
Exercise 9: My Secret Garden
(SOLO)
How many different words and expressions (sexy, slang, anatomical, literary, etc.) do you know for
vagina
? It’s time to find out. Open your notebook to a fresh page and start writing them down (See Sample Page 9). Having trouble? Start with a five-letter synonym for kitty cat that ends in -
sy
. How about a four-letter word that starts with a “c” and rhymes with hunt?
Have you ever heard the expressions
precious, mound,
garden, triangle, love box, jade gate, vadge, snatch,
hole, gash, or passion pit
? You have now. Put them on your list if you like, or stick to your own favorites.
I think you get the idea. Brainstorm like crazy until you’re tapped out. When you’re done, put an asterisk next to the ones that really turn you on.
Sample Page 9
(COPY AND COMPLETE)
Vagina
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
70 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
Exercise 9a: Making Your Garden Grow
(SOLO)
Once you have completed your list, put your writing utensil down and get thee to a large mirror. Sit or stand in front of the mirror so you have a good view of your body. Some women enjoy doing this part of the exercise nude, and you certainly have that option, but feel free to stay fully clothed.
Look at the list you have just completed in your notebook, and at the first word or expression on that list. Look at yourself in the mirror. Now look at your vagina. Continue to look at your vagina, as though it were the focus of your meditation. Now,
without
making any sound
, simply mouth the first word on your list. Mouth it slowly, feeling the way your lips and tongue move. Now mouth it again. And again.
And again. And again.
Now, in the lowest of whispers, whisper the word.
Just whisper it. Whisper it again. And again. And again. And again. And again.
Keep your eyes focused on your vagina. Now try to whisper a little louder. Then a little louder still. Whisper the same word over and over and over.
It’s time to try a stage whisper. Gather up all of your courage. Now, in the strongest stage whisper you can muster, say your word. Say it again. And again. And again—until you are completely comfortable saying the word out loud. Now take a short break. After your break, return to your list on Sample Page 9. What I would like you to do
Your Precious Parts / 71
next is to go through every word and expression on your list, one by one, repeating all of the steps you have just completed for the first word. Start by silently mouthing each one, and gradually work your way up to a stage whisper. Remember to look in the mirror.
Take your time and savor each word. You don’t have to do this all in one sitting, but it’s important to try as many words and phrases as possible. Be sure to pay special attention to any words or phrases you’ve marked with an asterisk.
Congratulations! You’ve done it. You’re really talking sexy! How does it feel? Is it easier than you thought it would be? I’m not surprised. Well, now is no time to stop. We’re just getting started! If you’ve followed the instructions carefully, you’ve covered the vagina pretty thoroughly. It’s time to cover your butt—and all the rest too!
Exercise 10: Body Builder
(SOLO)
Turn to a fresh page in your notebook and write down the word
breasts
. Underneath that, write down as many words and expressions (sexy, slang, anatomical, literary, etc.) you can think of for the word
breasts
.
Start with simple ones like
bosoms, tits, globes, jugs
, and
melons
. Try to get at least nine or ten (if you get to fifty, you may want to stop). Next, write down the word
buttocks
. Underneath that, write down as many words and expressions you can think of for the word 72 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
buttocks. Some obvious ones are
behind, butt, rump,
ass
, and
rear end
. How many more can you think of?
Be creative! Let’s not forget the anus. Write that down too. What other words or expressions do you know for
anus
? Write them down.
Now write down the word
clitoris
. Write it down again, but leave off the “oris.” Can you think of any other words or expressions (sexy, slang, anatomical, literary, etc.) for clitoris? What about
button
and
love
button
? Or
man in the boat
? Frankly, I don’t know many other expressions for the clitoris. But you might.
If you do, write them down.
Finally, write down the words
pubic hair, labia
, and
nipples
, along with any synonyms, expressions, or pet names for these three that come to mind. Next to pubic hair, I’d write down
pubes, bush
, and
jungle
. Next to
labia
, I’d write down
lips
and
flaps
. Next to
nipples
, I don’t know
what
I’d write. But of course, that’s just me. What comes to your mind? Write it all down. And don’t get uncomfortable if you can’t think of anything.
As far as these three words are concerned, I think there’s an acute shortage of sexy synonyms for all of them.
We’ve covered the obvious, now let’s handle the rest. What other parts of your body excite you? Your thighs? Your neck? Your lips? Your toes? Your ankles?
Your armpits? Think carefully now. And don’t get embarrassed—no one has to know but you. If it turns you on, no matter what it is, write it down. Then write down any nick-Your Precious Parts / 73
names you have for each part you’ve added to your list.
When you are done, review all of your lists and place an asterisk next to the words and phrases that turn you on most.
Sample Page 10
(COPY AND COMPLETE)
1. Breasts
Bosoms
Tits
Globes
Jugs
Melons
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
2. Buttocks
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
3. Anus
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
4. Clitoris
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
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5. Pubic hair
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
6. Labia
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
7. Nipples
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Other parts of my body that turn me on: _________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Exercise 10a: Body Beautiful
(SOLO)
With your lists from Exercise 10 in hand, sit or stand in front of a large mirror. If you feel comfortable nude, you may wish to take your clothes off at this time.
Take a good look at your breasts in the mirror. Cup them in your hands if that’s comfortable for you. Now,
without making any sound
, mouth the word
breasts
.
Continue to look at your breasts. Slowly mouth the word
breasts
again,
Your Precious Parts / 75
feeling the way your lips and tongue move. Then mouth it again.
Now, in the lowest of whispers, whisper the word
breasts
. Just whisper it. Whisper it again. And again.
Keep looking at your breasts. Touch them if that feels comfortable. Now make your whisper a little louder, then louder still. Repeat the word
breasts
over and over again. Finally, in your strongest stage whisper, say the word
breasts
five or six more times until you are completely comfortable saying it out loud.
Take a short break. After your break return to your lists from Exercise 10. What is the first word or phrase you wrote down next to the word
breasts
? I want you to work with that word or phrase the same way you just worked with the word
breasts
. Start by silently mouthing it several times. Next, say it in the lowest of whispers. Slowly work your way up to a stage whisper, remembering to always look at your breasts as you say each word or phrase.
When you are finished with the second word or phrase on your list, move on to the third one. What I want you to do is to continue working through
all
of the words and expressions on your list the way you have just worked with these first few words. Take your time, letting the experience of hearing yourself say each word or phrase over and over sink in.
When you are done with all of the words and phrases on your “breasts” list, turn to your “buttocks”
list. Starting with the word
buttocks
, work your way through every word and phrase on that
