Talk Sexy to the One You Love (8 page)
Read Talk Sexy to the One You Love Online
Authors: Barbara Keesling
76 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
list. Be sure to look at your buttocks in the mirror as you are speaking. You may even want to caress them with your hands as you talk.
Are you getting the idea? Proceed, word by word, phrase by phrase, through the remainder of your lists from Exercise 10. Remember that as you are talking you always want to focus your attention on the part of your body that you are talking about. Stare at each part, if you can. Stroke each part if you wish (it adds a lot to the exercise). Pay attention to how each word or phrase makes you feel. Give special attention to the ones you’ve marked with an asterisk.
When you have practiced saying all of the words and phrases from all of your lists, take a few moments with your notebook to reflect on the experience of doing this exercise (see Sample Page 10a).
Sample Page 10a
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Saying these words made me feel
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The words that turned me on the most were _________________________________________________________
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Your Precious Parts / 77
Exercise 11: Mirror, Mirror
This is a body image exercise. Stand in front of the mirror and take a good look at every inch of your body (it is most effective to do this exercise in the nude, but it is not essential). Now touch each part of your body.
As you touch yourself, describe what each part feels like (soft, smooth, firm, strong, warm, cool, etc.). Talk to yourself about each part in as much detail as possible. Imagine you were writing a poem about each part. What would you write?
Sample Page 11
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Notes on Exercise 11:
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Appreciating Your Body Even More
Now that you are so acutely focused on your body, there is one more exercise I’d like you to try. But to do this exercise, you need to become familiar with a technique called the genital caress. The genital caress is a structured sensual way of touching designed by sex therapists to help men and women focus on, appreciate, and control the moment-to-moment experiences of genital con-78 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
tact, arousal, and release. It is not a sex act. It is simply a loving, pleasurable way of making contact with yourself or with a partner.
To perform a genital caress on yourself, the first thing you need to do is lie on your back and get very comfortable. Ideally, you don’t want to be wearing any clothing, but this isn’t mandatory (
nothing
about sex should be mandatory). What you will be doing is slowly, gently, caressing your body, focusing on those parts that you find sexually stimulating. You may want to begin with your breasts, for example, or with your neck or your hair. Pay careful attention to what each part of your body feels like and what it looks like. If you have taken off your clothing, you might want to use baby oil or some other lubricant to enhance the sensuality of the experience. Continue to caress your body, getting more and more focused on your genitals.
Slowly explore all of the parts of your vagina, including your clitoris, outer labia, and inner labia. But do note that reaching orgasm is not the goal of the genital caress; the goal is simply a full appreciation of the sensations you are experiencing.
As you will see in Exercise 12, this genital caress is going to help you access erotic thoughts and feelings that you have probably been keeping from your partner, and possibly keeping from yourself as well.
Exercise 12: Touch And Tell
(SOLO)
Lie down in bed, get very comfortable, and begin a genital caress. As you touch yourself, say Your Precious Parts / 79
whatever comes to your mind. Let it come out in a stream of consciousness. Try not to censor anything.
Your stream might include moans, grunts, words, sentence fragments, random thoughts, descriptions of your body, descriptions of what you are doing, descriptions of what you are feeling, or descriptions of fantasies that are being triggered by your caresses.
Caress yourself for at least fifteen minutes, and try to keep talking the entire time, even if the only thing that comes out of your mouth is gobbledy-gook. It doesn’t matter if you are being silly, serious, outrageous, or incomprehensible. You don’t need to make a single bit of sense. All you need to do is let yourself go. When you have finished, take a few minutes to write about the experience.
Sample Page 12
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Notes on Exercise 12:
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W
HEN it comes to making love, your body is only half the story. There’s going to be a man lying next to you (or on top of you, or beneath you, or behind you,
or…) and you need to appreciate every nook and cranny of his body too.
If you’ve completed Exercises 9 through 12 you’ve done a great job getting to know and appreciate the sexiness of your own body. But you could use a break.
It’s time to take the focus off your body for a while and put it on the body of the one you love. And I think the best place to begin is the most obvious place. I’m talking about “man’s best friend,” that extraordinary piece of equipment that’s always getting so much attention in the media these days: the penis.
When Sigmund Freud coined the phrase “penis 82 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
envy” one wintry evening in Vienna, little did he know that he would be giving millions of us the opportunity to say the word
penis
in mixed company for years to come. Granted, Freud may have been a bit off the mark with his concept. Personally, I think men spend a lot more time envying penises than women do (which may be why men take so long to shower after the big game).
But you have to give Siggie credit where credit is due.
He took the word out of the closet and put it on the tip of our tongues, and that makes him A-okay in my book.
Do you think the word penis is sexy? It’s certainly a lot sexier than
vagina
, that’s for sure. But I have to admit, I can think of a lot of other words and phrases that make a man’s penis seem a lot sexier (I think I lost count at around sixty). Can you? It’s time to find out. Exercise 13 is my little homage to the man who gave me my career. Enjoy it—I think he would have.
Exercise 13: Freudian Slip
(SOLO)
Open your notebook to a fresh page. At the top of the page, write down the word
penis
. Underneath the word
penis
, write down as many words and phrases your can think of that are synonymous with penis (sexy, slang, anatomical, literary, etc.), placing an asterisk next to the ones that turn you on most.
The first two words that always come to my mind both have four letters and end in -
ck
. I think of them both every time I look at my watch
His Precious Parts / 83
since one rhymes with tick and one rhymes with tock.
But there are oh-so-many more. There’s
member
, for example, and
manhood
and
prick
and
hard-on
and
schlong
and
pole
and
staff
and
weapon
and
tool
and
thing
and
jade stalk
. And what about words that describe the tip of his penis—words like
head, helmet
, and
crown
. I think it’s pretty obvious that I could go on and on, but this is your exercise. Let’s see just how long a list you can come up with. (See Sample Page 13).
Sample Page 13
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Penis
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Exercise 13a: Cigar Aficionado
(SOLO)
Find a comfortable chair to sit in, or lie down on your bed. You might enjoy taking your clothes off for this exercise, but it is not necessary. You also might enjoy having your favorite vibrator and a fresh set of batteries nearby.
I want you to think about the word
penis
. Now close your eyes and try to visualize your lover’s penis. As you are doing this, slowly mouth the word
penis
without trying to make any sound. Just feel the way your tongue and lips move as you say it. Say it again.
And again. And again.
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Now, in the lowest of whispers, whisper the word
penis
. Whisper it again and again and again. Keep your eyes closed and keep thinking about your lover’s penis. Think about the way it looks; think about what it feels like inside of you. Keep whispering.
Whisper the word a little louder. Louder still. And louder still. Once you have reached the level of a stage whisper, you can stop. After you have stopped whispering, keep your eyes closed for a little while longer and let the image of your lover’s penis linger. Now open your eyes.
Repeat this process for all of the words and phrases on your “penis” list, paying special attention to the ones you marked with an asterisk.
The Right Stuff
There’s an old Lithuanian expression my great-aunt was fond of quoting that goes something like this: “A penis does not a man make.” (Actually, the translation is mine, since she never did learn to speak English.) She was so right. I think testicles are fascinating and fabulous. And I know very few women who aren’t totally turned on by a man’s butt. Men even have sexy nipples (though they can be a bit hard to find sometimes if the guy is kind of hairy). Frankly, I don’t think this is quite what my great-aunt had in mind; I think she was trying to be a bit more profound. But it’s what she
should
have had in mind. It’s certainly what’s in His Precious Parts / 85
my mind right now, and what ought to be in yours.
The point I’m trying to make here is that little boys may be made of frogs and snails and puppy dogs tails, but grown men have a list of far more interesting ingredients, and we need to get comfortable talking about
all
of those sexy ingredients. Exercise 14 is going to get you started.
Exercise 14: Male Call
(SOLO)
Take out your notebook and turn to a fresh page.
At the top of the page, write down the word
testicles
.
Underneath that, write down the word
scrotum
, the word
balls
, and the word
sack
. Get a cool drink from the icebox and take a few sips. Now write down every other word or phrase (sexy, slang, anatomical, literary, etc.) you can think of that is synonymous, in your mind, with
testicles
.
Start a new list. At the top, write down the word
buttocks
. Underneath that, write the words
butt, buns
, and
ass
. Now write down every other word or phrase you can think of that, in your mind, conjures up the image of a man’s buttocks.
Do you have any pet names for a man’s
semen?
Come
and
jiz
pop into my mind pretty quickly. Do you have any pet names or synonyms for his
pubic hair
, his
foreskin
, his
nipples
, or his
anus
? Write all of these down.
And what other parts of his body do you find sexy?
If thinking about something makes you tingle, be sure to put it on your list, along with any synonyms or nicknames you have for those vari-86 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
ous parts. For example, I think words like
thigh, navel,
chest, tongue, biceps, toes
, and
lobes
can be pretty sexy when used at the right moment; even the word
nostril
turns a few women on. Please note: A yacht can be very sexy, but it is not a part of the body and does not belong on this list.
When you have completed all of your lists, place an asterisk next to the words and phrases that turn you on most.
Sample Page 14
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1. Testicles
Balls
Scrotum
Sack
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2. Buttocks
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