Talk Sexy to the One You Love (10 page)
Read Talk Sexy to the One You Love Online
Authors: Barbara Keesling
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In the previous three chapters we started that introduction. Were you surprised by all of the words and expressions that came tumbling out of your head and onto your paper? Were you even more surprised by how exciting it felt to say those words aloud? Well, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. You’ve dipped your toe into the pool a few times now. You’ve even splashed around a little bit. But it’s time to take a deep breath and really dive in.
A Little Grammar Goes a Long Way
For the past ten years I have taught students everything from basic introductory psychology to the most sophisticated classes in psychopathology and human sexuality. Though the course material varied dramatically, most of these classes have had one basic element in common: writing assignments. I have probably read and corrected thousands of papers: term papers, reaction papers, final papers—you name it. While I am always most concerned with the content of this writing, I have to admit that I am also a stickler for good grammar.
Now why am I telling you this? Because we need to talk for a moment about grammar. In the previous chapter, you did a lot of brainstorming for words and phrases that are synonymous with
vagina, penis
, and other words. You may have noticed that all of these words and phrases are nouns. A noun, as the dictionary tells us, is a word that denotes a person, thing, or action. Now there’s nothing wrong with nouns; as you Words to Live By, Words to Love By / 99
have just seen, nouns can be pretty sexy. But what about all of those sexy verbs and adjectives out there just waiting to be set free? Sexy nouns can certainly spice up a sentence, but a nasty noun sitting danger-ously close to a hot adjective or a sizzling verb can taste like five-alarm chili in your mouth.
Get the picture? Good. Then take a look at Exercises 16 and 17.
Exercise 16: Expletive Not Deleted
(SOLO)
Open your notebook to a fresh page and get ready for a little more brainstorming. What I want you to do is write down as many sexy verbs as you can think of, placing an asterisk next to the ones that turn you on most (see Sample Page 16).
I’ll help you get started. Try these:
kiss, lick, nibble,
tease, screw, bite, touch, suck, play, eat, chew, push,
pull, brush, taste, rub, grind, stick, jam, blow, squeeze,
fondle, smell, caress, grab, hump, swallow, spank, drink,
thrust
. Get the idea? Now it’s your turn. If you’re starting to blush, remember that all of these words can be found in the
Scrabble Word Dictionary
. Hopefully, you’ll also think of a few that can’t be, like the one that starts with an
f
and ends with a
k
, and burns lots of calories, no matter what time of day.
Once you have completed your list I want you to practice saying these verbs out loud. Start with the first word on the list,
kiss
. Mouth the word silently a few times. Then try saying it in the low-100 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
est of whispers. Gradually build from there. Experiment with all different kinds of affect too. Once you have comfortably reached a stage whisper, move on to the next verb on your list and begin again. Proceed in this fashion through your entire list, paying special attention to the ones you’ve marked with an asterisk.
Sample Page 16
(COPY AND COMPLETE)
My sexy verb list:
Kiss
Lick
Nibble
Tease
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Exercise 17: Wet and Nasty
(SOLO)
Turn to a fresh page in your notebook. This time, I want you to write down as many sexy adjectives as you can think of, placing an asterisk next to the ones that turn you on most (see Sample Page 17). Once again, I’ll help you get started:
juicy, big, soft, wet, hot,
lovely, aching, gorgeous
,
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sweet, slippery, greedy, magnificent, nasty, tasty, hard,
round, firm, wild, luscious, erect, tight, huge, naked,
steamy, bare, throbbing, strong, erect, swollen, lovely,
stiff, gentle, raging, hungry
. Don’t be embarrassed.
You’ll see at least one or two of these words every week in your newspaper’s crossword puzzle.
After you have completed your list I want you to practice saying these adjectives out loud. Start with the first one on your list:
juicy
. Mouth it silently a few times. Now say it over and over again in the lowest of whispers. Gradually build from there until you have comfortably reached a stage whisper. Proceed in this fashion through every sexy adjective on your list, paying special attention to your favorites.
Sample Page 17
(COPY AND COMPLETE)
My sexy adjective list:
Juicy
Big
Soft
Wet
Hot
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You’ve Got It All…
How are you doing so far? Are you having fun playing with all of your new words? If school had been this much fun, I bet that none of us would have ever graduated! Well, believe it or not, the best is yet to come. And speaking of come, did you get that one on your verb list? (hint, hint—you can put it on your noun list too).
Hopefully by now you’ve got pages and pages of all kinds of naughty nouns, verbs, and adjectives. You have expanded your vocabulary in ways you could have never dreamed possible. Granted, you haven’t said any of these words in front of your partner yet, but trust me, it won’t be long now (and speaking of
long
…). But what are you going to
do
with all those words? Not to worry. Once you’ve completed your verb and adjective lists, you will have assembled all of the ingredients you need to start making hot, sexy sentences. And that, my friends, is what the next chapter is all about.
S
OMETIMES it only takes a word or two to light a fuse. But other times, nothing less than a sentence will do. Our trusty dictionary defines a sentence as “a group of words that state something, usually containing a subject and predicate.”
If you didn’t learn about subjects and predicates in school, you don’t need to learn now in order to make a sexy sentence. In the exercises that follow, I’m going to give you all of the guidelines you need to make an endless supply of wonderful, fabulous, juicy, sexy-as-hell “groups of words that state something.” And it doesn’t end there. You’re also going to have the opportunity to string a bunch of very sexy sentences together into some really steamy prose. It doesn’t get much hotter than this.
The exercises in this chapter were inspired by 104 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love
a popular party game I used to play when I got too old for my Colorforms but was still too young to play spin-the-bottle. The game, as many of you will remember, was called Mad-Libs. It’s probably just as popular today as it was when I was a kid, but I wouldn’t really know since I haven’t been on the party circuit since my prom.
What I always enjoyed most about playing Mad-Libs was when someone created a “naughty” sentence by accident. I’d blush so that my face would turn beet red, then I’d laugh so hard, I could hardly breathe.
Who would have thought that one day, I would be using a similar style of fill-in-the-blank sentences as a teaching aid to actually help people overcome their discomfort with provocative language. Who would have thought that by intentionally creating and reciting loving, sexy, or steamy sentences, people could learn to communicate better with their lovers and tap into their true erotic potential. But it works! That’s why it’s party time once again. Only this time, I don’t want you to get mad, I want you to get
bad
—really bad.
Let’s get started with Exercise 18.
Exercise 18: Bad Libs
(SOLO)
On Sample Page 18 you will see ten incomplete sentences. Your job is to complete these sentences by filling in the blanks with sexy nouns, verbs, and adjectives where indicated. These nouns, verbs, and adjectives should come directly from
Kiss My What? / 105
the lists you created in Exercises 9, 10, 13, 14, 15, 16, and 17, though you should feel free to improvise at any time.
Begin by copying the first incomplete sentence, as it appears on Sample Page 18, into your notebook.
Beneath that, try to write at least half a dozen different complete sentences that express your romantic-sexual-erotic desires. Start with a few gentle ones; then heat it up a bit. Write a few more just for laughs. You’ll see that I have completed one for you to help get you started. When you are done with Sentence 1, copy Sentence 2. Once again, complete the sentence in at least half a dozen different ways that express the full spectrum of your desires—loving, passionate, and down-and-dirty. Write a few funny ones too.
Proceed in this fashion through all ten sentences, marking the ones that turn you on most with an asterisk. Try to really take your time with this exercise. Be honest. Be creative. Be wild. Be silly. Be anything you want to be. But most of all, be baaaad.
Sample Page 18
(COPY AND COMPLETE)
Copy each sentence, and fill in the blanks as instructed: Sentence 1: You make me so (adj.).
Example
: You make me so hot.
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Sentence 2: I want you to (verb) my (noun).
Example
: I want you to kiss my breasts.
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Sentence 3: You make my (noun) (adj.).
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Sentence 4: Your (noun) makes me so (adj.).
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Sentence 5: I want to (verb) your (noun).
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Sentence 6: I want to (verb) your (adj.) (noun).
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Sentence 7: I love it when you (verb) my (noun).
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Sentence 8: I want to make your (noun) (adj.).
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Kiss My What? / 107
Sentence 9: I love to look at your (adj.) (noun).
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Sentence 10: Thinking about you makes my (noun) (adj.).
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Now it’s time to read what you have written. Take a look at the first complete sentence you wrote beneath Sentence 1. Begin by mouthing all of the words in the sentence without making any noise. Repeat this several times. Imagine that you are actually saying this to your lover, and how that would feel.
Now try reading the sentence aloud in the lowest of whispers. Read it again and again and again. Whisper a little louder. Then louder still. Pretend that you are reading lines from a play, and start to experiment with various types of inflection. Note how certain types of emphasis are much more of a turn-on than others.
When you have rehearsed your first sentence enough times to feel comfortable, move on to the second sentence. Work your way through this sentence, and all of the sentences you have created in this exercise, paying special attention to the ones you have marked with an asterisk.
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How did you do? Were you bad? Didn’t it feel good? No reason to stop now. In the next exercise you’ll find ten more bad libs, and this time they’re
really
bad. Are you ready to push the envelope? Are you ready to lick it and stamp it too? Then get going!
