Rescue Breathing (40 page)

I
'm sitting on a chair in the vestibule by the podium where
I'll be speaking. The crowd is loud but starting to settle down. I
took a peek earlier and did not see Owen. So far, so good. It's
funny because, as terrified as I am to see him, I'm a little hurt
that he's not here. My knees start knocking with my nerves, so I
put a hand on my knee to settle them.
Deep breaths. I can do this.

The crowd quiets and the commissioner
starts to speak, introducing me and my work. In other
circumstances, this would thrill me. This is the audience I hoped
would see my research—the servicemen themselves. I am desperate to
help them, particularly since I learned how damaged they are by
their traumas. I think back to Owen's nightmares, and I
shiver.

I stand when I hear my name called.
 After walking carefully to the podium, I shake the
Commissioner's hand. He pulls me in, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
Sweet man.

I glace at my notes, rearranging them, and
then scan my eyes over the crowd. I still don't see Owen, and my
heart squeezes with the knowledge. I guess he's not coming.
He'
s over me.
I decide to start.

“
Thank you all for coming to see me speak.
I can't tell you how gratifying it is for me to have the results of
my research on trauma and servicemen reach the actual subjects of
my studies. I have met many of you—policemen, firemen, military
men—and I am in awe of what you do, in awe of your commitments as
human beings, and saddened by the traumas you've experienced.”
There is round of applause as I pause.

When I look up, my eye catches someone
walking into the room toward the back, and my heart lurches into my
throat. It'
s
Owen.
Our eyes lock and
Owen gives me a weak smile as he waves. Since it's standing-room
only, he leans against the back wall in a way he has done before
when watching me. But now, his eyes lack the sensual haze they
usually have, instead looking bleak, tired, and sad. My heart
breaks and I feel my throat tighten.

After taking a sip of water, I clear my
throat.
I start talking
about my selection of subjects for the research and then discuss
the information I collected and the treatment strategies I
developed. Periodically, I look up at him, and each time, my heart
squeezes as he just stares straight at me, sadness taking over his
face.

I glance down at my notes and finish my
talk. In the back of my mind, I think,
Maybe I should go say hi.
When I scan the crowd again,
he'
s gone.
Owen has left. I gasp
audibly.

I clear my throat again and ask for
questions.
Luckily there
are none. I excuse myself and walk back into the vestibule. I give
an excuse about having another appointment, grab my coat and purse,
and rush out of the building. Am I going to see if I can catch him?
Am I running away?
I
don
't know, but when I
walk onto the cold street, there is no one there. I duck into an
alleyway, put my head in my hands, and cry.

C
HAPTER THIRTY- SEVEN

Olivia

The weather is colder, and while it
hasn
't snowed yet, I can
smell it in the air while I am sitting in a Starbucks with Simon
and Reese, enjoying my chai latte. We just had a lovely lunch
together, and now we're talking about the wedding coming up this
summer. I am really excited about it. How could I not be? They are
so in love, and it's infectious to be around. We talk about the
dresses and the colors. Reese has asked me to be her maid of honor,
and I am so touched by that.

Simon tells me about how he's been running
interference with my folks. It hasn't been hard since, once my
mother is satisfied in her thinking, she tends to leave me alone.
She still doesn't know that Owen and I broke up and I have no
intention of telling her in the near future. Am I avoiding?
Absolutely.

I suddenly hear my phone buzz. Crap. Where
did I put it? I rummage around in my bag and finally find it just
before it goes to voicemail. I don't recognize the number.
Huh.

“
Hello?
” I ask cautiously.

“
Uh, hey, uh Olivia? Olivia Burke?” a male
voice I vaguely recognize says on the other end.

“
Yes, this is Olivia. Who is
this?”

“
Oh, shit, great. I mean…sorry. This is,
um, Tanner.
Owen
's friend
from the firehouse?”

Holy fuck. My silence must be giving me
away because simultaneously Simon pulls at my sleeve with a
'
what the fuck'
look on his face.

Tanner continues. “
Wait, Olivia. Don
't hang up, please. I have to tell you something.
It'
s
Owen...
” His voice
trails off.

I swat Simon's hand away, my blood running
cold. I can feel the color draining from my face, and
instinctively, Reese puts her arm around my shoulder.

“
What about Owen,” I ask
nervously.

“
He, um...He
's been in an accident, Olivia,” he stammers, his
voice breaking a bit. “He was on a balcony four stories up, and it
was burning but we didn't know how bad the lower levels were. It
collapsed and…well… He's unconscious. In a coma, I think they said.
He's pretty beat up.”

My hand clasps over my mouth, tears
already streaming down my face. “Where is he?” I manage to rasp out
despite my throat feeling like it's closing.

“
He's at New York Methodist. He's been
there since last night. I just thought you would want to know,
Olivia. He still loves you, you know. He's lost without you. He
works one-hundred-hour weeks just to clear his head. He's running
like a maniac. Lost a ton of weight,” he sighs as my tears overtake
me.

“
Olivia, I know it's none of my business so
no need to tell me that, but what happened with his ex? That wasn't
his fault. He didn't know she was coming. He really didn't. Just a
few minutes before, he was gushing about you to me, about your
future. I gave him such a hard time,” he says wistfully, recalling
the memory. “I just thought you should know that. He loves you,
Olivia.”

He loves me? Owen loves me? Why didn't he
ever tell me that? I would have said it back. And now I can't
restrain my sobs.

“
Tanner, I'll be there as fast as I can.
I'm downtown in Manhattan and I'm leaving now. My brother has his
car so hopefully it will be quick.”

“
Okay, Olivia. I know if anyone can help
him right now, it's you,” he says. Tanner gives me the room number
and some directions and then I hang up the phone.

Reese rubs my back as I put my head down
on the table and cry.
“Liv? Sweetheart? What happened?”

I grab a proffered tissue, blow my nose,
and wipe my eyes. I take a deep, shaky breath. “Owen was in an
accident. He's in a coma.” I look up at Simon, hopeful. “Simon, can
you take me to the hospital?”

“
Absolutely, kiddo. Let's go.”

I slip my coat on with the assistance of
Reese. She is such a good friend. She grabs my coffee and my bag
and leads me out of the coffee house toward the car parked around
the corner. The ride is quiet and uneventful and horribly
slow.

He loves me.
All this time. He was suffering too. And now
I'
m mad at
myself.
Why did I let
myself suffer? Why did I let us suffer? Over some ridiculous bitch
who wants what she can't have? Over a misunderstanding much like
the one with Jay? The tears come harder. What was I
thinking
?

We pull up to the front of the hospital
and Simon tells Reese and me to climb out here. He knows where
we'll be, and he's going to park while we find Owen.

Reese and I run into the hospital,
frantic. I ask for Owen's room at the security desk, and he directs
toward a bank of elevators. He gives us directions up to his floor
and we race to get there. When we get to the floor, the nurses
greet me at the desk. She's older and looks like the stereotype of
a grandmother everyone would want.

“
Hi, um, I
'm here to see Owen Maxwell? He's in one of the
critical care beds?” I ask, breathless.

“
You're name, dear?”

“
I'm, um, Olivia Burke. His coworker Tanner
called to tell me he was here?” I pause, “I was, um, his
girlfriend.”

She gives me a beaming smile. “Oh yes,
dear. Of course. We were expecting you. Come, come with me.” She
shows Reese where she can wait for Simon and also for me since Owen
can have only one visitor at a time. Reese gives me a hug and goes
to the waiting area.

Once we
're past the waiting area, the nurse introduces herself as
Jean and says in a quiet voice, “Mr. Maxwell's sister is with him
right now. I'll let her know you're here.”

I never considered the fact that Owen's
family was with him. This just makes things awkward. “No. No,
that's all right. I'll just wait until she leaves. I…I can wait to
see Owen,” I stammer, turning to walk back toward the crowded
waiting room.

“
Don't be silly, dear. Mr. Maxwell's
mother, I believe, left a while back, so his sister I'm sure could
use a break from her vigil. You wait right here, Miss Olivia, and
we'll have a little changing of the guard,” Nurse Jean says with a
smile like she just made the funniest of jokes. With that, she
turns on her heel and I watch with nervous trepidation as she steps
inside what must be Owen'
s room.
He's so
close. He's just inside that room. My heart starts to thump hard
with the realization that I'll be seeing Owen soon, but not before
awkwardly meeting his sister. What was her name again?
Oh, come on,
Olivia.
Think. Think.

Only a short minute after Nurse Jean
stepped into Owen's room, a woman looking to be about my age steps
out. She appears tired, and her hair is disheveled like her fingers
have run through it a hundred times throughout the day. But there
is no denying that she is Owen's sister. She is as beautiful as
Owen is handsome. Her shoulder-length, wavy, dark blonde hair is
highlighted with lighter blonde streaks that frame her face, and
her eyes are the bluest of blue, just like Owen's. Height must be a
family trait, because I'm guessing she's at least five foot ten and
has a solid build that fits her large frame. She looks over to
where I am leaning on the wall next to the door of his room and our
eyes meet as she moves toward me.

“
You're just as beautiful as Owen
described.” Her voice is quiet as she looks me over in a reverent,
almost inquisitive way.

“
Excuse me?”

“
I'm sorry. I'm Emily Bello. Emily Maxwell
Bello, actually. I'
m
Owen
's sister,” she
says, extending her hand in greeting.

I take it. “I'm Oli—”

Emily suddenly pulls me in for a tight
hug. “You're Olivia. Owen has told me so much about you. I feel
like we're practically friends,” she says as she continues to hold
me.

The hug doesn
't feel as awkward as it should. It feels quite
the opposite, in fact. I slowly wrap my arms around Emily and hug
her back. I take comfort in her arms as someone who cares deeply
for Owen, and we're both finding solace in each other, however
brief the moment.

“
I'm so glad you came, Olivia. Owen told me
about…well…about your breakup, but I'm so happy you're here.” Emily
goes on to give me the details she knows about the accident and the
reports from his doctors. He remains in a coma while his brain
heals and he has some cracked ribs and other superficial
lacerations, but otherwise, he's incredibly lucky. Emily looks at
her watch. “Do you want to stay with him?” she asks. “I'm pretty
sure my Vince would like to see me at some point.”

I look down at my hands and fidget with my
fingers. “If you don't mind, yes. I'd like to spend some time with
him,” I say, meeting her eyes. “Unless you think Owen would mind,”
I stammer, suddenly unsure. “It's been a couple of months
since—”

“
No. I think that would be a wonderful
idea,” Emily says, saving me from finishing my sentence. “He'll
wake up for you, Olivia.” She grabs my hand. “And when he does,
please tell him that Mom and I will be here in the morning to see
him.” Emily pulls me in for a final hug goodbye. “Thanks again for
coming, Olivia. It was nice to finally meet you. I hope to have the
pleasure again sometime.”

My lips turn up in a smile, and we say our
goodbyes.
I
would like that, Emily. I really, really would,
I think to myself.

Jean guides me closer to the door to
Owen
'
s room. She pulls aside the glass and my
heart stops.
He is
attached to a multitude of machines, some of which I don't
recognize. He has a nasal cannula attached to oxygen, likely due to
his exposure to smoke.  I can hear his heartbeat, and lights
are blinking on the machines all around him. It is terrifying. I
notice myself start to sway, feeling lightheaded. Jean takes me by
the shoulders and guides me to a chair next to his bed. I sit in
the chair, my hands in my lap. Then Jean leaves the room, telling
me to spend as much time as I'd like.