In Search of Lucy (4 page)

Six-year-old Carly Moore walked along the tiled hallway, carefully placing a foot in each one of the outlined squares as she went along. Her hair was brown and wavy, parted on the side. The longer side was pushed back with a bejeweled pink bobby pin. Her big, beautiful brown eyes appeared even larger with her stylish pink prescription glasses.

Proudly following at a safe distance behind, her father Rick was not displaying the same carefree expression as his only daughter. He knew she felt somewhat at ease here as she had been to that hospital a half a dozen times over the last year. The nurses were always very friendly and made everything seem so normal. Rick knew better, though. Each trip to St. Vincent’s seemed to signify a progressively worse situation.

“Wait, Carly,” her dad called out just before she was about to enter an open door on the left.

Carly stopped and looked back at her dad. “We’re going back to Mommy’s room, right?” She pointed up ahead toward the open door. “It’s that one!”

“That’s right, honey, but Daddy needs to speak to Dr. Brady for a minute.” He knelt down and motioned for her to come over to him. “Come give me a hug, and then you’re going to wait here with Nurse Penny.”

A woman dressed in light blue scrubs came from the side nurses’ station as Carly ran to her dad. She flung her long, grayish white hair back behind her shoulder.

Carly wrapped her arms around her father’s neck and asked, “Do I get to play with the gloves again?”

Rick gave the nurse a questioning look and a shrug. “It’s up to Nurse Penny.”

“Of course, sweetie.” Nurse Penny flashed a comforting smile and reached out her hand to Carly. “C’mon.”

Rick stood and watched as the two walked over to the nurses’ station, both of their manes swaying in unison across their backs. He then turned and looked at the open door, pausing a few seconds before taking stride. Before he reached her door, he prepared his game face. He laughed in spite of himself, knowing that it was pointless. He could never fool her, and besides, he knew she was doing the same thing herself.

The first thing that Rick noticed when he entered the room was what he always noticed when he entered a room Katie was in: her smile. It always seemed to make everyone around her feel at ease. It was almost as though Katie was trying to put Dr. Brady at ease instead of the other way around. Katie was sitting straight up in the bed with her long, brown hair up in a ponytail. Her blue eyes were sparkling as she listened to the doctor speak. By the look on her face, those eyes would not give away to anyone that she was ill.

“Rick, Dr. Brady says it’s about that time.” She spoke as if she were talking about a business proposal. “Dialysis is not cutting it anymore. It’s time to step up our game.” Katie loved to throw in sports references for Rick’s benefit. A completely guy’s guy, Rick loved to watch, and play, sports. And he adored how Katie would memorize some obscure quote and then try to use it at entirely the wrong time. One time, Rick was watching a football game with his buddies and Katie walked by while they were arguing stats. She touted a player that she remembered Rick talking about, trying to be cool. Unfortunately for her, that player had retired eight years earlier.

“I know, babe. He told me this morning.” Rick, tall and lanky, walked over to the other side of the bed. He reached out and put his hand on Katie’s leg. He had short, black hair buzzed like he was ready to be deployed.

“These days, there is a really good chance of finding a live donor,” she said with a reassuring look.

“I know,” he repeated. “And we will.”

Like most men, Rick stated his feelings in as few words as possible. Katie didn’t mind this because, unlike most women, she didn’t spend a lot of time talking about her feelings either.

“So what’s the next step?” he said to Dr. Brady.

“First we need to have all your friends and family tested, even the ones out of town.” He nudged his glasses up a bit higher on his nose. In his late fifties, Dr. Brady had been with Katie since the beginning of her diagnosis. “Kits can be mailed out, and they can bring them to their local physicians.”

“Sounds easy enough,” Katie said. “But…you know I don’t have much family.”

“I remember when you spoke about your family, Katie,” he said. “These days we have a lot of options. And Rick can even have his coworkers get tested. Were you able to locate your mother?”

“No.” Her smiled faded for the first time. “And I haven’t spoken to my sister in years.”

“I’m sure she’ll want to help. Why don’t you speak with Lucy, and then we’ll get a kit out to her right away.”

“Dr. Brady,” Rick began as he was looking at Katie for confirmation. “Lucy’s probably not the best—”

“Don’t worry, Rick,” Dr. Brady reassured. “Luckily we’ve made this decision at a good time. We’re not waiting until the last minute, so if your sister-in-law is a match, then she’ll have plenty of time to make a decision and get things
in order
.”

“Thanks, Doc.” Rick reached out to shake Dr. Brady’s hand. “We appreciate everything.”

“No problem,” he said. “I’ll give you two some time to talk things over.” Dr. Brady headed for the door and gave a smile and a nod as he exited. “Take care.”

Rick looked down at Katie and smiled. He picked up one of her hands and squeezed it in both of his. “That’s my girl.” He bent down and delivered a kiss to her lips. “You are so strong, it’s amazing.”

“I couldn’t do this without you,” she said softer than she had been speaking with the doctor.

Rick was the only person with whom Katie could let her defenses down. Now both twenty-four years old, they had basically grown up together. They’d met at a football game when they were sixteen, but were on rival sides. Katie was sitting in the stands when Rick and a friend had walked by. They had gone over to talk to some kids that they had previously gone to school with. He saw her talking with her friends and convinced his buddy to stay on that side of the stadium. By the end of the game, and after several smile and nod exchanges, he finally got up the nerve to ask for her phone number.

Their relationship advanced quickly, and for the first time, Katie confided in someone about her problems at home. Rick was understanding and comforting. It was the kind of comfort that her sister Lucy could no longer give to Katie.

Just before graduation, Katie became pregnant. Both were able to finish out the year and graduate before it became totally obvious to everyone. Although Rick’s family was understandably distraught, Rick’s dad, George, wanted to help. He offered Rick a job and the two of them a place stay in Fort Worth, where he’d moved after separating from Rick’s mother. Even now George was a huge help and took care of Carly whenever they needed him.

“I’m going to take care of everything—all the calls, anything that needs to get done.”

“I just don’t know if I can ask Lucy though. It was so awful in the end. I was awful!”

“It’s not like you want to borrow money. This is your life we’re talking about, and you are still family no matter what.”

“I know, babe. And I know we’ll find a match…somehow.”

“You know, if this doesn’t work out, we can always get one off eBay.” Rick smiled, and Katie giggled.

In the doorway, a man appeared holding Carly’s hand. “How y’all doin’?” he said with a concerned smile. Carly ran over and climbed on the edge of the bed.

“Look, Mommy, it’s Papa!”

“I see that!” Katie said as she and Carly hugged. “Hi, George, thanks for coming.”

“You know I gotta be where my two favorite girls are,” he said as he walked over to the bed and patted Rick on the shoulder.

“Gee thanks, Dad.”

Carly sang out, “Are you all better now, Mommy?”

“Almost, my little punkin pie.”

“The doctors are taking good care of her,” Rick said as he rubbed Carly’s back.

“When are you coming home, Mommy?”

“Actually, I’m going home with all of you in just a little bit.”

“Yay,” Carly squealed. She ran over to George and grabbed his hand.

George was a handsome man of almost sixty. His voice was scratchy and made him sound like Clint Eastwood. He owned a successful real estate company and lived only about fifteen miles from Rick and Katie. The house they lived in was one of the first great finds George bought fifteen years ago. In this market, he was proud to say it was paid off and has kept most of its value.

Rick first started with his dad as an office manager until he was able to obtain his Realtor’s license. Now Rick and George were partners, father and son, and George couldn’t be more proud of his son. Things were rocky when he first found out about the pregnancy, but he had only to meet Katie to see that she was the right one for Rick. With his help, he knew they would make it.

“Papa, can you come with us?”

Rick looked at Katie, and she smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, Dad, why don’t you come over and stay for dinner.”

“We’d love to have you, George,” Katie added. “And we can fill you in on the hunt for a new kidney.”

“Alright,” replied George. “But I get to do the cooking.”

“Sounds great.” Katie smiled.

A hideously bright light shone through the small gap between Lucy’s drapes and stretched right across her left eye. Turning her head from side to side, she attempted to escape the torturous beam. She rolled over on her stomach and put her face straight down into the pillow. She hadn’t even realized yet that it was Saturday morning and she was already late for work. Voices started to drift in and out of her head. It sounded like two people talking, vaguely familiar. Was this some aftershock of last night’s catastrophe? The voices started to become clearer, and she could make out some fragments: “…getting out of hand, needs to get some help…she won’t talk to me.” Lucy shook her head and then formed a taco against her head with the pillow.

“Don’t worry, I already called your work,” a quiet, sympathetic voice said.

Startled, Lucy flipped over on her back, put a hand across her face to shade the light, and saw Anne standing there.

“Anne? What are you doing here?”

“I stayed here last night.”

“What—? Why?”

“Don’t you remember what happened after Benny’s show?”

Lucy ran her hands across her face and back through her hair. “What…Benny’s show?” She searched her mind for an explanation. Images were flashing back into her brain as she attempted to put them together like a jigsaw puzzle.
The show, yeah, a Toyota, pills, a party, drinks.
It was coming faster now.
That guy…Kyle. Oh my God.

“We found you lying on the ground outside.”

Lucy turned her head away and closed her eyes. Just talking was painful. She whispered, “You shoulda just left me there.”

“What?”

Lucy looked back at Anne and decided not to make this a pity fest. “I said…who found me there? You said
we
.”

“Me and Benny. After we got back from the show.” Her voice was calm and reassuring. “Remember, you left early? What happened to you?”

“I…don’t remember,” Lucy lied. “I think I had another drink in the back bar before I left. Maybe I just passed out or something. Maybe hit my head.”

“Well, don’t worry about anything right now.” She reached for a glass of water on the side table. “Here, drink some water and rest. I called Amy’s and told them you were really sick and in bed.”

A knock at her bedroom door startled and surprised Lucy, and she looked up to see Benny in her doorway. Lucy sat up a bit, took a drink of the water, and set the glass back down.

“Hey, girl,” he said. “How ya doing?” Benny walked over and sat on the corner of the bed.

“Well I’m doing just great!” she said sarcastically.

“You talk to her yet?” he said, looking back at Anne.

“She doesn’t remember anything.”

“So you guys were gonna give me a lecture, huh?” Lucy said defiantly. “I don’t even know what happened. Maybe I got mugged or something. I’m lucky to be alive.”

“Yeah, you are,” Benny said sweetly, touching her face. “But you weren’t mugged, Lucita. Your purse was still sitting right next to you. In this neighborhood, I don’t think so.”

“All I know is that my head is killing me.” She scooted back down in the bed and pulled the covers up. “Thank you both for your help. I really do appreciate it, but do you mind if I get some rest? I just can’t talk anymore.” Lucy couldn’t handle any more questions and was completely out of answers. She knew most of what had happened and why. It was a mistake. A big mistake. But there was no point in admitting it now. It was nice having Benny and Anne look out for her, but talking about it would be admitting that something was wrong. That she had a problem. She
wasn’t
like her mother. She didn’t need to drink, at least not every day. She just drank a little too much when she felt overwhelmed. That pills thing was just a fluke.

“Sure,” they both said. Benny got up first and said in a parental tone as if she were about to be grounded, “But we’ll talk later,” and he walked toward the door. Anne followed behind.

“Oh yeah.” Anne paused in the doorway. “Suzie said some guy named Rick was trying to get ahold of you. I guess the salon was the only number he had for you.”

Lucy felt a chill wash over her entire body. There was only one Rick she could think of. Except, why would he be calling her? It could only be bad news. There was only one reason that she could think of, and she dreaded the possibility.

“Did you get a phone number?”

“Yeah, it’s out here on the table,” Anne replied as she walked into the other room.

“Who’s Rick?” Benny shouted from the other room. Lucy detected a hint of jealousy in his tone, which made her wonder if he was concerned or maybe had other ideas. Knowing there was no way she could get any rest now, she got up and joined Anne and Benny in the other room.

Benny had already perched himself on the sofa, and Anne was standing holding a piece of paper.

“Here’s the number.”

Lucy took the paper and sat on the couch next to Benny. She was still wearing the outfit she had on last night, and of course she felt a chill as soon as she sat down. She reached across to the end of the sofa for a white, hooded sweatshirt that was draped over the edge. Lucy pulled the sweatshirt on and yanked it over her knees, which were tucked in and on the sofa. She sat for a few seconds and stared at the name on the paper.

“Well?” Benny said, looking at Lucy expectantly.

“What?”

“Who’s Rick?”

“It’s none of our business, Benny.” Anne sat down in the chair next to the sofa. “Unless Lucy
wants
to tell us?” She smiled at Lucy, and both she and Benny stared and waited in silence.

“Rick is my sister’s husband.”

“Oh,” Anne said, looking confused. “I didn’t know you had a sister.”

“That’s because she doesn’t tell us anything,” Benny chimed in.

“Why do you guys care anyway?” Lucy said defensively as she got up from the couch and walked toward the kitchen.

“What do you mean, Lucy?” Anne said, sounding hurt. “We’re your friends…or at least we’re trying to be.”

“Why?” Lucy repeated. “I don’t do anything for you…except cause you trouble.”

“Yeah, why?” Benny said under his breath.

Anne picked up a pillow and slammed Benny in the face. “Hey,” he said, trying to deflect the blow with his hands. “I’m just kidding. Sure, you’re kind of like an annoying little sister sometimes, but you’re growing on me.”

“You’ve done a lot for me.” Anne tried to sound optimistic. “You help me with my aunt, and you’re always scaring Dale away for me.”

“You guys are being really nice, and I appreciate what you did for me…I’m just really tired from last night. And I feel like total crap.”

“Want me to make you some tea or something?” Anne got up and joined Lucy in the kitchen.

“No…thanks. But I better call Rick back.”

“We’ll give you some privacy.” Anne walked over to the couch and tugged on Benny’s shirt. “C’mon, Benny. I hope you feel better, Lucy. And I hope everything’s okay with your family.”

“Yeah, feel better, Lucita.”

Benny and Anne walked out the door. Lucy didn’t move. She stood there thinking about Anne’s words:
your family.

My family?
Lucy thought. She had only spoken to Katie once in five years, and she had no idea where her mother was. What kind of family was that? She thought about the time right before Katie had left home.

Lucy and Katie’s relationship had evolved over the years from being sisters, to being as close as best friends, to being like mother and daughter. Although their daily lives were filled with strife and uncertainty, they always showed love to each other and even to their mother. Lucy taught Katie to be understanding and forgiving of their mother’s problems even though at times she couldn’t be forgiving herself. But in the end, Katie began to pull away from Lucy and rely more on Rick. To Lucy, it was the ultimate betrayal. Everything she had done to keep the two of them safe and together, Katie threw right out the window by leaving.

Now Rick had called her…instead of Katie, which made Lucy angry. On the other hand, better to be angry at Katie for not calling than finding out there was another reason that Katie herself couldn’t call—a horrible reason. She needed to find out now what was going on. No more stalling.

Lucy grabbed her purse off the table and pulled out her cell. Still holding the number, she hesitated just a bit and then dialed the number. Her face felt hot and her stomach was churning. She couldn’t tell what was from last night and what was anxiety as the phone rang in her ear.

“Hello, this is Rick,” he answered, sounding as if he were answering a business call.

“Rick, hi. It’s Lucy.”

“Lucy, I’m glad you called.”

“Is…Katie okay?” Lucy asked, trying not to sound worried.

“Listen, Lucy, I didn’t mean to scare you. Katie’s fine, but she does need you. She was going to call you herself, but I wanted to give you a heads-up so you two could talk and get this part of it out of the way.”

“What do you mean? What’s wrong?”

“She’s sick and needs a kidney transplant. They’re asking us to get all our family and friends tested to see if they’re a match to be a donor.”

“A donor? You mean I need to give her one of my kidneys?”

“I don’t know. We have to see if you’re a match. We’re asking everyone to get tested to increase our chances.”

Lucy couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She didn’t understand how someone so young and seemingly healthy could be going through something like this. The thought of losing Katie flung her back in time and tore at her. She couldn’t think straight and stopped listening to Rick.

“Lucy?” Rick said sharply. “Are you still there? Hello? Please, Lucy, Katie needs—”

“I’m sorry, I’m here.” Lucy put her emotions in check, just as she had done all those years ago, and switched into guardian mode. “Where’s my sister? I want to talk to her.”

Rick told Lucy that Katie was asleep, resting after the recent episode that led them to the hospital. He explained that Katie was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes about a year after Carly was born. Then he updated her on what had happened over the last few years and the logistics of what was ahead. The conversation ended on a positive note, both feeling happy to have connected. Lucy was to expect a kit to take to her doctor, and Rick was to let Katie know to call Lucy when she felt up to it.

When she hung up, Lucy went over to a wooden end table next to the couch and opened the drawer. She pulled out a small square photo album, carried it into the next room, and climbed back into her bed. She opened the book to the first page. It was a picture her stepdad had taken of them at the beach just before his death. The girls were standing ankle-deep in the ocean with their backs to the camera. Linda and a twelve-year-old Lucy were on each side of little Katie, holding her hands. She remembered how Katie had squealed each time a wave came and they flung her up and over the splashing white wash.

Lucy’s eyes puddled with water as she turned to the next page. Through her blurred vision, she made out herself and Katie painting on their matching easels with Katie wearing an oversized T-shirt as a smock. Back then Katie wanted to be just like Lucy. She wanted to do everything her big sister did and was so proud of her. Lucy sacrificed everything for Katie and didn’t complain once about it. For all the responsibility she took on, she gave up just as much of her own life. Dances, boyfriends, parties—there was no time for those types of things.

Lucy was so hurt when Katie didn’t need her any longer, leaving in an ungrateful rage. Did any of that really matter now? Katie needed her, and like any good mother, that was all that mattered. But how could she just push all those feelings aside? All the resentment that was never resolved? Somehow she would have to find a way. Lucy sat back against her pillow with the album pressed against her chest. She closed her dampened eyes and before long was sound asleep.