Finding Home (19 page)

So it wasn’t my house. And I doubted that they’d really be as interested in the ‘trespassers’ as the underage drinking happening inside. But at that moment, that didn’t matter. A white sheen had spread across the faces of the five guys gathered before me, with each one looking like they were trying to cling to whatever shred of bravado they felt they had left.

I turned and walked inside the house. It was weird; I felt happy but sad. What was that old saying? Losing the battle to win the war? I’d found out that me losing my virginity, my great big love affair, was nothing but a farce, but at least I’d been able to have a shot back.

At least,
I thought with a shudder,
I’m not with him now.

Once back inside, I noticed there were even more partygoers now. People were everywhere, and they all looked like they were having the time of their lives. It was time for me to go.

‘Where’s Lily?’ I asked Jade, the first person I recognised when I came through the door. I was a little angry with her for the whole Dad fiasco, but I didn’t have the strength to care anymore. Luke’s deception, my idiocy, my apology to Nick, and his refusal — it had zapped all my energy. When it came down to it, I had hurt and been hurt by a lot of people recently, and I didn’t want to have any more petty arguments.

‘Off somewhere with Kyle.’ Jade rolled her eyes.

‘Oh, okay. If you see her, can you tell her I said bye? I’m just gonna say thanks to Paula, then I’ll head off.’ Jade nodded and then disappeared into a sea of unknowns before I could say anything else. She was as canned as the rest of them. Who would have thought I’d be leaving a party one drink down? I was probably the most sober one here.

I checked the kitchen for the party host, but Paula wasn’t there. Hmm, where could she be?

I remembered where Paula’s room was from Lily’s vague instructions and decided to duck in, say goodbye, and then leave. There was no way she could be sleeping with all of this going on.

I knocked on her door a few times, loudly.

No answer.

‘Paula?’ I knocked again, hoping she’d come to the door.

Nothing.

There was a sick feeling in my stomach, and I knew I had to turn the handle.

Eyeing it with dread, I slowly turned the knob and flung the door open. Lily’s mum was lying on her back on the bed, completely still, vomit visible at the corners of her mouth. It was all over her and all over the quilt beside her. The sheets were crumpled to the side, and there were strange stains all over them.

‘Shit!’ I ran to the bed as fast as I could. I pushed her over so she was on her side, trying to remember everything I knew about clearing the airways and what to check for in people who looked like they were dead.

I didn’t even realise I’d screamed until I was halfway through, that the high-pitched, piercing, ringing noise in my ears was coming from me.

‘What’s up?’ some guy I didn’t recognise asked, sticking his head through the doorway.

‘It’s Lily’s mum! Call an ambulance!’ I stroked Paula’s hair back from her face, and then quickly grabbing her again when she started to roll backwards. I couldn’t let her lie on her back.

I can’t let her die.

‘Maybe you should drive her to the hospital instead. We don’t want to get into trouble,’ the guy said. From the look in his eyes, he’d been doing a lot more than just drinking. As he left the room, I heard him shouting to some of his mates, ‘Hey, that old woman spewed on herself!’ Clearly, he wasn’t going to be the slightest bit of help.

I grabbed my mobile, unsure if I should call an ambulance and risk losing the delicate balance that was keeping Paula on her side, or wait for someone to help. I tried lifting her eyelids to check her pupils, but her eyes had rolled back in her head. This wasn’t good.

‘Hello? We need an ambulance,’ a voice said beside me.
Thank God
. Instead of worrying about under-age drinking laws and potential drug busts, someone had finally had the presence of mind to come in and help.

I looked over to thank my mystery saviour and found myself eye to eye with Nick.

‘Yeah, I’m at a party and an older lady has passed out. I think she’s been throwing up. She may have had too much to drink.’ His voice was calm but concerned, his brow creased. ‘I don’t know if she’s had anything else, no.’

‘Tell them she’s pregnant,’ I whispered, moving closer to his face so I could be heard.

When he echoed my words, his voice grew soft, and so did the lines on his face. His icy blue eyes looked as scared as I felt.

After giving them the address, he hit the ‘End Call’ button. He grabbed Paula’s side, helping me to stabilise her. I grabbed the corner of one of the sheets and gently wiped at her face, trying to remove the remaining mess from her lips and mouth. She looked so pale lying there — so fragile and vulnerable, just like a little kid.

‘She’s got a pulse,’ Nick said, after feeling her wrist for a few seconds. I nodded, unable to speak. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Why had she gotten so drunk? And why hadn’t I tried to stop her sooner?

‘Has someone told Lily?’ he asked, breaking me out of my spell.

‘I don’t know where she is.’ Just then, as if on cue, Lily came running into the room dressed only in jeans and a bra.

‘Mum! Mum!’ Lily pushed past me to get to Paula, grabbing her arm and shaking it in an effort to wake her.

Kyle came bolting in just behind Lily, standing there in his boxers and looking every bit as shocked as I felt. Clearly, we’d interrupted an intimate moment.

Nick walked over to the door and shut it, preventing the group of people who had gathered at the doorway from coming in and seeing what had happened.

‘She’s not waking up!’ Lily screamed.

‘Lily,’ I said, taking off my jacket and wrapping it over her shoulders, ‘the ambulance is coming.’ She was too drunk to comprehend the scene in front of her, looking at me and then at her mother like a frightened rabbit.

‘I’ll go grab some pants,’ Kyle said, disappearing out of the room just as two ambulance officers burst through the open door.

* * *

‘You should see the crowd tonight, Mum,’ I said, running into the dressing room. ‘They’re going mental!’

Mum didn’t reply, which was kind of odd. Usually, when we drank, she was super talkative, chatting away until I had to throw a pillow at her to quieten her down.

‘Earth to Mu-um.’ I rolled my eyes and walked over to the couch, where I could see her feet resting.

As soon as I saw her, I knew something was wrong. She lay still, and even though her eyes were open, they contained no expression. It was like she’d checked out of her own body.

‘Mum?’ I asked, my voice barely a whisper. What the hell was wrong? Why wasn’t she answering me?

‘Mum!’ I said, yelling this time. I dropped to my knees and started to shake her, trying to wake her up and snap her out of whatever weird state she’d entered.

Shaking her felt strange. She felt floppy, immobile, and not real, like she was some kind of toy. Her arm felt tiny in my hands.

When I moved her a little more, her face snapped to the side so she was staring right at me. I felt goosebumps pimple my flesh, my hair standing on end. She looked right through me, like I didn’t exist.

Or she didn’t.

That was when I saw it. Her mouth was partially open, a thick goop clumped inside. Without giving it a second though, I thrust my hand in her mouth, trying to scoop out whatever was jammed within.

The nauseating smell of vomit filled the room, its gut-wrenching stench invading my senses. I turned away and began to throw up all over the dressing room floor.

‘Mum!’ The vomiting hurt my throat, but it was nothing compared to the pain I felt when I stared at the lifeless form in front of me. What was wrong with my mum? Why wasn’t she answering me?

The image of Joe standing at the door finally registered. He must have heard my scream and decided to investigate.

A few seconds and it was all over. Joe was by my side, hands on my shoulders and pulling me out of the room. I wouldn’t leave, I couldn’t — what had happened to my mum?

But Joe was stronger than me, and he pulled me until I was stuck in the doorway. Tears streamed down my face, and I called for Mum again and again, but still she didn’t move. My fingers lodged in the doorframe. I refused to go without a fight.

Minutes later, two St John’s ambulance volunteers came up behind me, and I had to let go to let them through. Joe seized the opportunity, lifting me up under the arm and dragging me, kicking and screaming, to another room down the corridor.

‘I want my mu-um!’ I was sobbing like a little kid. My fists pounded against his chest. ‘Please, Joe, I need my mum.’ I looked up at him from under my eyelashes, strands of hair that were wet with tears. He pulled me close and hugged me, trapping me against his body.

‘It’s going to be okay,’ he whispered. He had already realised deep down what I already knew, but I couldn’t and wouldn’t comprehend.

My mother had drunk too much, had maybe even done some drugs. She’d choked on her own vomit.

That was the last time I saw her.

* * *

The ambulance officers looked almost comical, one short and stout, one long and lean. They raced to Paula’s side, gently removing her from Lily’s grasp and immediately starting to check her vitals, while a third guy appeared with a stretcher in his hands.

‘She’s my mum,’ Lily said, even though no one had asked. Her make-up was smeared down her face, and her voice sounded thin and very, very afraid.

‘How long has she been like this?’ the tall man asked her. He had a little torch that he was shining into Paula’s eyes, lifting up her lids to get at them.

‘I don’t know,’ I replied. ‘I found her about ten minutes ago, and before that, I last saw her about an hour back.’

‘Has she had anything aside from alcohol?’ the officer asked, still busy checking different parts of her body.

‘No! She wouldn’t, I don’t think,’ Lily said. ‘But she’s pregnant.’ The words bought forth another torrent of tears. I put my hand on her back, hoping that Paula would be okay.

‘All right, we’re taking her in,’ the officer said, rolling Paula gently on to the stretcher. The tall man and the short man took either end of the red material and lifted her. She looked as light as a feather.

‘You can come with us,’ the tall man said to Lily. ‘You should also shutdown this party. The police will be notified.’ He gestured to Nick and myself.

The paramedics disappeared as quick as they’d arrived, and within seconds the sounds of their sirens could be heard speeding away. It was kind of ironic. Who would have thought they’d have needed to use sirens in a town of this size?

Nick and I walked out of the room in silence, but it wasn’t the frosty kind we’d shared half an hour ago. This was different, the kind of silence I’d imagine people would have shared after they’d fought in a war together. We’d seen too much, and for me too much was far too familiar and much too heartbreaking.

‘I’ll take the house, if you wanna do the front and backyards,’ I finally managed to say. Nick nodded and we split up, both on a mission to empty the house of people and rubbish. Most of them were happy to leave, the general vibe being that having an ambulance appear on the scene was a bit of a ‘buzzkill’, and it was getting late, anyway.

I stumbled along as I escorted the last person out and then headed to the kitchen. Mindlessly, I started putting empty bottles and cans into trash bags and found homes for the many bottles of booze still scattered across the bench. I felt detached from the whole scene, like it wasn’t really happening to me.

When the police came, I wasn’t ready for them. I’d heard the officer’s words but hadn’t expected to have to deal with them asking me questions about the party, about Paula, about Lily.

‘So you’d never seen her do drugs of any kind?’ the officer asked me again. She was nice enough for a cop, younger-looking and with a kind smile. I warmed to her as soon as she started talking to me.

‘Never,’ I said. ‘That doesn’t mean she didn’t, though, I guess.’ My mind flashed back to Mum. I’d worked so hard on blocking those memories out. How can you ever really know what a person is thinking?

I glanced across at Nick, who was trying to scrape something that looked like chewing gum off the floor on the other side of the room.
I guess you can’t.

‘Actually, while you’re here, there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.’ The words slipped out my mouth.

‘Yes?’ The officer asked. Her brown eyes gleamed at me, and she patted the couch next to her. ‘Sit down.’

‘Nick!’ I called out. He looked up from the other side of the room. ‘Would you mind coming here for a second?’

He didn’t exactly look thrilled by the prospect. He sloped his way over and stood next to the couch where I slouched, standing there like he was trying to prove he didn’t belong with me. He wasn’t going to risk the association.

I bit my lip. ‘I want to make a complaint,’ I said, directing my attention to the officer once more. If I just focused on her, perhaps Nick’s emotionless eyes wouldn’t bother me so much.

‘Go on,’ the officer said. Her little tape recorder was still running.
Probably for the best.
I didn’t know if I could say this twice.

‘When I first moved here, a group of guys cornered me at a party.’ The words were hard to say. They felt foreign to me.

‘Amy, you don’t have to do this because I said you should.’ Nick looked tired. I shook my head at him.

‘It’s not about that. One of them tried to kiss me.’ I directed that last sentence back to the policewoman.

‘Did you invite or encourage this?’ the officer asked, not unkindly. I shook my head.

‘When exactly did this happen?’

‘It was almost two months ago,’ I answered. My hands were shaking. I stared at them and willed them to stop. It didn’t work. ‘Anyway, a guy I was…was kind of interested in at the time came into the clearing and told them to stop. So they did.’

The policewoman was silent, taking it all in.

‘Then the guy took me for a walk, and he sort of, well, used it all to declare his feelings for me. He built up a false sense of trust with me, and I fell for him, and then I did something really, really stupid,’ My eyes started to get all teary again, for the millionth time in the last few months. I couldn’t bear to look at Nick, but I knew this would come as no surprise to him. After my outburst with Coral, there wasn’t a person in the school who didn’t know. I had slept with Luke. Stupid, naïve Amy, had slept with sleazy, womanising Luke.