Finding Home (18 page)

Oh. Except for Luke and Coral. Lily had specifically told them that they were not welcome to attend.

After hugging Lily, I went into the kitchen to see if there were any drinks on hand.

‘Whadcannigetchhaaa?’ an extremely slurred voice asked. I looked in its direction. Paula staggered towards me, and she looked a mess.

She stopped and leaned against the kitchen counter, both arms spread out as if to steady herself. Her eye make-up was smudged, presumably from where she had rubbed it, and there was an unlit cigarette in her mouth. A half-drunk glass of something with ice in it sat on the benchtop in front of her. I had a feeling that the dark brown liquid wasn’t cola.

‘Um, I’ll have what you’re having, thanks.’ Paula grabbed a bottle of bourbon from behind her and poured me a glass, the liquid sloshing out and over the brim.

That confirmed it. She really must have been drinking.
Shit!
Wasn’t she pregnant? Are pregnant people supposed to drink?

‘Hey, Amy,’ Kyle said, using my name for what seemed like the first time ever. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him aside, so we were out of earshot of Paula.

‘Kyle, is Lily’s mum wasted?’ I asked in hushed tones. He jerked back his head and started laughing uproariously, as if that was one of the funniest thing he’d ever heard.

‘Hey, Paula! Amy thinks you’re wasted!’ he yelled over the music. Paula slammed her drink down on the counter, clearly in on the joke, and started laughing too.

‘Too right I am,’ she cackled.

I was stunned. What could I say? It didn’t seem right for me to reprimand an adult. I decided to find Lily and talk to her about it. Maybe something horrible had happened and her mum had lost the baby, giving her a reason to drink. It had been a few weeks since I’d last been around there. Maybe I just needed to find out the facts.

By the time I fought my way through the crowd to get to Lily, it was at least 20 minutes later. But when I asked her about her Mum’s behaviour, she had a little bit of a laugh, too.

‘Amy, Mum drinks with me all the time,’ she said. ‘All this pregnancy stuff they talk about these days — no coffee, no booze — it’s just over the top. Do you think your mum was sober the entire time she was preggers with you?’

I thought about it. When had Mum started drinking? It was when we were on the road with Dad, clearly. He was the one who drove her to it. Or had he?

‘I have no idea. Why do they say those things, then?’

‘I don’t know,’ Lily said, shrugging. ‘It’s like a new version of an old wives tale. Hey! New wives tales! That’s a good one, huh?’ She nudged me in the side and started laughing, just like her mum had. She was clearly having a big night and was a whole lot drunker than I wanted her to be. The fumes from too much booze wafted up my nose.

It was all too much. I put down the glass and instead grabbed a beer from the kitchen. I had to get outside and clear my head.

I walked out the back door and made my way into the overgrown garden, bottle in hand. Maybe if I just sat by myself for a while, I would be able to forget about Lily and what she’d said about my mum. I’d blamed my father and his career for her drinking, her partying, and her eventual death for so long, but was it really his fault? Or had she always been that way?

I found what looked like a little path, lined with weeds and tall grass, that led to a small clearing — if you could call it that. The grass was still ankle high, but there was a circle of tall floral plants around it. In the middle of the grass was a tiny bench, just big enough for two. And there, sitting on that overgrown bench, was Nick.

Shit. Time for me to eat some humble pie.

‘Oh,’ he said, looking startled to see me.

‘Hi,’ I said, smiling. He didn’t immediately reply.

‘Did you want something?’ There wasn’t attitude in his voice so much as an icy layer of coldness, a lack of personality. He sounded like he didn’t care to be in my presence at all and, after the way I’d treated him, he probably didn’t.

God, how could I have been so stupid?

‘Look, Nick, I wanted to apologise.’ He didn’t meet my eyes, just stared at the ground. He twirled a piece of grass around his finger. ‘I was rude and accused you of doing something you didn’t, without even checking the facts.

‘Why would you think I’d do that?’ he asked. I ‘And then to throw out the chocolates I gave you, in front of everyone — I hadn’t realised you’d hate them so much.’

‘What? They were from you?’ My heart sunk. How had I gotten Nick so wrong? All he’d done was consistently try to be nice to me, and all I’d done was throw his niceness back in his face.

Nick shook his head, still focused on the little green strand of grass that had fallen to pieces in his big, capable hands. ‘I wanted to change out of Music, or at least to another group, but after all the shit you went through with your dad, I felt like I should stay. I wanted to make sure people like Luke weren’t going to give you a hard time. I stayed to try and protect you from the guy you were screwing because I thought you were a really cool chick, but then you went and did that.’

The words slammed into me like he’d slugged me with a brick. Nick had put me first. He’d prioritised my feelings over his music, something I thought he would never have done.

‘I’m sorry I was such a bitch about that,’ I finally said. ‘I didn’t know the chocolates were from you.’

‘Who did you think they were — oh,’ he said. I could see his face registering what happened. ‘Your lover.’

The words hurt more coming from him than they had when I’d spoken about it with Lily, and even more than when I’d confronted Coral. How had I developed this depth of feeling for Nick, who up until now I had just written off as another music-obsessed guy?

At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to make things right.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said again. No response. ‘For accusing you of doing something you didn’t do, I mean. And I’m sorry for throwing out the chocolates.’

Nick continued to stare at the ground. This was not going nearly as well as I’d hoped.

‘And, lastly, I’m sorry about your dad. And I — I liked that you could talk about it with me.’ Still no response. I took a sip of my beer and waited. I wanted to drink more, to try and deal with this awful feeling building inside of me, but I realised I didn’t need it. I had already done the hard part. There was nothing else I could do to make Nick forgive me.

I turned to leave, half-expecting him to call me back.

When he didn’t, I almost cried again.

* * *

‘Amy, have you been drinking?’ Dad asked me. I stood at the side of the stage, waiting for him to perform. I could hear the thousands of people in the crowd getting impatient, calling his name and stamping their feet.

‘A little,’ I giggled. I felt warm and happy, just like I always did when Mum and I had a drink together. We’d broken open a new bottle of vodka about an hour ago, and when I’d left her to wish Dad luck there wasn’t a whole lot left.

‘We’ve got to celebrate!’ she’d exclaimed triumphantly, waving the bottle above her head. ‘We made the top ten!’

‘Amy, honey, does your mother know you’ve been drinking?’ Dad crouched down so he was eye-to-eye with me and put his hands on my shoulders, possibly to stop me from swaying. Either I was moving side-to-side or the entire stage was; it was definitely one or the other.

‘We had to celebrate your success,’ I said, smiling at him. My dad, the famous pop star. It would have been cooler if he’d sung more alternative music, but I was still super excited.

‘I’m going to have to have a word with her,’ Dad said, sighing. His features were furrowed, his shaggy eyebrows and grey-speckled hair all a fluster.

‘I’m proud of you, Dad,’ I said. ‘Really, really proud.’ His features released, like an elastic band springing out of tension.

‘You are?’

‘Of course,’ I replied. How could he not know that? He was my dad.

‘Stevie, we need you onstage in 30 seconds,’ Joe called out from behind a curtain. He stuck his head out to check we’d heard, his long grey hair making him look even more like an old-school rock star than my Dad. I giggled again. Everything struck me as a little bit funny when I’d had a few drinks.

‘Promise me you won’t drink any more till I’m done, okay?’ Dad asked. He was a picture of seriousness.

‘Promise.’ I nodded.

He kissed me on the forehead and jogged over to Joe. I could hear the crowd swell once more. Just before he went onstage, he turned back and gave me the thumbs-up sign. It was super-cheesy, but I still flashed it back at him. My dad had made it! Surely success would mean a little less time touring and busting his gut to please everyone, and a little more time being a family with us?

* * *

Back inside the party, the music pumped even louder. It was a few minutes before eleven o’clock, and I had the feeling that someone would be calling the cops soon to complain about the noise.

I decided to step out the front to get a second to myself. My night had taken a definite turn for the worse. Why hadn’t I pursued things with Nick? He’d been everything I wanted in a guy, except for the band thing.

My memory flashed back to the music class when Luke had said those cruel words, and Nick had told him to drop it; then further back to the day when Nick had complimented me on my singing; then to the day he’d said no to an extra rehearsal because of band practice. Honestly, if the guy had band practice, who was I to make him give it up?

Realisation sucked. Not only had Nick never put me second to his music, I realised he didn’t have to. This wasn’t a competition between me and some six-stringed instrument. We two should be able to coexist.

My eyes widened. Had my silver medal placement in my father’s priorities been all in my head, too?

I leaned against the railing that lined Lily’s veranda, hidden from the street by a big jacaranda tree. It was nice having some time to think, even if my thoughts had confirmed that I’d made a lot of mistakes.

‘What’s the go with that, anyway?’ I heard a male voice coming from the side of the house.
What the hell? I thought everyone at the party was inside.

‘Yeah, like I told you at Ashley’s. We did it.’ The voice was unmistakably Luke’s. I felt my heart thump against my ribcage. I flattened myself against the porch wall and tried to peer through the jacaranda, but it was no use. I couldn’t see anyone, although that probably meant they couldn’t see me.

‘Was she any good?’

‘Like a starfish, mate. Just lay there.’

The words tore holes through me. I wanted to scream, yell out at the top of my lungs, a justification for all of the world to hear: ‘That’s because I didn’t
know
! I didn’t
know
we were having
sex
until it was almost
done
!’

My shoulders rounded, and I felt the all too familiar shaking of my lip. I tried to roll it off. All it did was drive home the point that I’d chosen the wrong guy. Nick was worth one thousand Lukes.

‘Thanks, anyway. If you guys hadn’t cornered her like I’d asked, I don’t know that she ever would have trusted me.’

My eyes widened. I’m pretty sure my jaw even dropped. I decided to risk a little peek around the tree to see who he was talking to and was soon rewarded with a confirmation of my suspicions. He was chatting to the four guys from my first ever Cherrybrook party — the ones who’d tried to force themselves on me.

The sadness I was feeling dissipated. Instead, it was replaced by a rock-hard anger. What the hell was he thinking? On what planet was it okay to ask your mates to bully some girl so you could look like a hero and get her to fall for you? I could feel myself seething. Steam could have been coming out of my ears.

No wonder he didn’t want me to call the cops. He was too tied up in the little scheme to care.

I wracked my brain, hell-bent on revenge. I couldn’t go to the police now; it was too long after the fact. Besides, what would I say? A guy convinced me not to report a form of assault, and then I found out he was the one who’d planned it all along? It seemed like a waste of their time.

But what if he did this to someone else? What if someone else fell for his stupid hero-in-disguise act?

It was time for me to stop playing it safe. I needed to stop letting Luke win and take back some self-respect. I needed to grow some balls.

Ahem
. I cleared my throat and stepped out of the shadows. I stood in the middle of the veranda, catching a good view of the five guys clustered around the side of the house.

‘Oh, shit,’ one of the meat-heads muttered. ‘Oh, shit’, was right. Because that’s exactly what he was. What they all were.

‘You seriously asked these guys to abuse me so you could pretend to come to my rescue?’ My eyes burned holes into Luke’s body.

‘What? No! We were talking about someone else.’

‘So you asked these guys to assault someone
else
so you could be the hero?’ I cast my gaze over the group, eyes flashing dangerously from one boy to the next. Suddenly, they didn’t look so big; in fact, they looked pretty damned small.

‘You must have heard wrong. Just ‘cause you’re upset you were so bloody easy to lay doesn’t mean you should take it out on us.’

I wanted to wipe that smug smile of his face. How dare he? How
could
he really be
that
much of a jerk?

To think you fell for that. And you thought losing it to Luke didn’t matter.

I quietly begged my subconscious to shut up. Now was so not the time.

‘I’m not
easy
,’ I hissed. ‘I just didn’t realise we were having sex until it was over.’

It was a good line. And the best part about it? It was one hundred per cent true.

‘Snap!’ one of the guys said, giving a kind of nervous laugh before being stared down by Luke.

‘None of you are any better. So grow up, all of you!’ I spun on my heel and turned toward the front door. I needed to go back inside before I let Luke argue with me again, let him come forward in a better light. ‘Oh, and just so you know?’ I tossed my head back over my shoulder. ‘If you’re still here in ten minutes, I’m calling the cops on you for trespassing.’