After The Snap (5 page)

“Baby, I love you. I know it’s hard. We need to just make it through the next few months. You’ll be drafted and you won’t be a student. Samantha is leaving me. I just don’t want her to know about us because she might give out your name and your career would be ruined. It’s been stressful on me. I need you to realized how hard I’ve had it.”

Seth froze. What had Channing just said? “I thought—wait, what do you mean Samantha is leaving you?”

“I meant she left me. She’s been so evil. We spent twenty years together and now this. She keeps coming back for more money and she’s threatening me with all kinds of stuff. You can’t imagine the stress I’ve been under.”

“The divorce is final, right?” Seth feared the answer because he knew that no matter what words Channing said, the trust was already gone. His heart slammed hard and it all began to make sense.

“Of course the divorce is final. She’s just figured out that I like men and she’s going to use it to ruin me. She’s threatening to go to the dean of students and turn me in for being a pervert if I don’t give her more money. She wants too much.”

The demons whispering in Seth’s ears didn’t quiet, taunting him with the words Channing had actually said,
Samantha was leaving him,
not left.

Oh good God, what have I gotten myself into?

Seth shook his head, trying to force the negative thoughts out of his mind and focus on the real problem at hand. Channing loosened his hold and Seth straightened. One second ticked by and then another. Channing lifted his brows and then leaned in, nuzzling his neck.

“Really, she’s just being awful. I had to make sure she didn’t follow me here. I can’t imagine how much damage your career would suffer if she talked.”

Seth felt terrible because he was being selfish. Channing
had
given so much. He was whining and complaining, and he hated how much of a dick he was being. Channing was doing all he could with the issues he was dealing with. For Samantha to treat him so badly was ridiculous.

Seth slumped to the mattress and put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to complain. I just wish sometimes you would give a little more.”

Channing sat beside him and placed his hand on Seth’s back, rubbing small circles. “Babe, I’m trying.”

Seth looked at him, his heart squeezing as thoughts of his request wound through him. His immaturity was in full force as he opened his mouth to make his demands known though Channing really was giving so much already. “Next time could you…God, this is so embarrassing.”

“What?” Channing rubbed Seth’s back more, then leaned in and kissed his shoulder. “I love you, I’ll do anything I can for you.”

Seth bit his lower lip, wondering if he was being stupid. He almost didn’t ask but Channing lifted his brows and looked like he wanted to know. “Could you maybe suck me?”

Channing laughed. “Is that what this is about?”

“I just—”

Channing stood quickly and brushed at the front of his shirt. “Sure, next time we’re together I’ll suck you. We need to leave now because I’m running late. But yeah, baby, I’ll do that. I’ll do whatever you want. I just didn’t think you wanted that. We could do it now if we had time. I really love you. Just hang in there. It will change once everything settles.”

Now Seth felt ridiculous. He was complaining about stupid stuff and Channing was being so good. Seth knew he had to be more understanding. He didn’t know why Channing put up with him. The next time they got together, he’d make sure Channing knew how much he cared.

Channing gave him a quick kiss on his cheek before straightening his clothes. “Hey, I have to head back. I’ll contact you when we can get together again, and don’t worry about that question. I just really thought you didn’t want that, but it’s okay that you asked.”

Seth nodded and watched Channing walk away yet again. He felt empty, his body trembling with fear that he’d pushed too hard. He shouldn’t have said anything about being sucked or any of the other stuff about Channing not giving, but as more time flew past, he felt more and more off about everything, including if he should even be in a relationship with Channing.

Seth sat on the edge of the bed, his heart breaking once again. Channing didn’t know how much Seth hurt when they were apart. It was almost like he couldn’t go on living. Everything dimmed and he was left with nothingness when they weren’t together. He hated the distance and the silence. Maybe they weren’t supposed to be together, but if that were the case, why did he feel so freaking good when he was in Channing’s arms?

Chapter Three

Colby Larsen picked up Neil’s jeans and stared at the stain on the front. He knew what it was, didn’t need confirmation. Did he dare sniff the spot or should he leave it alone? What if he was wrong? What if Neil wasn’t cheating? Colby glanced around the room, taking in the rumpled sheets, the shirts tossed on the floor, the dirty socks and the red pair of Diesel underwear shoved in the corner. Deep down he knew Neil was fucking around on him, had known for a while. Two months ago he’d suspected and questioned his boyfriend, but Neil had acted offended, hurt that Colby had even brought up the subject.

Colby’s business trip had ended two days early because the CEO’s son had been in a car accident at college and the man had to leave town in a hurry. Colby had come home, catching a late flight without telling Neil. Maybe it was his fault for coming home early from his trip, but this time, he knew he wasn’t wrong about the cheating. This stain was proof enough, but the red underwear sealed the deal. They may, under some weird coincidence, be a pair Neil had recently purchased, but he knew from experience that Neil only wore Calvins. Hell, even from the arms length he was holding Neil’s jeans he could smell the scent of sex and the strange cologne.

“
Fuck, Neil
,” Colby whispered. His heart ached and his head hurt. He curled into a ball on the floor of their bedroom, too disgusted to lie on their bed, and cried, bawling like a baby for almost an hour. How could Neil do this to him? They’d been a couple long enough for him to trust Neil, at least he thought he could trust Neil, but obviously he never should have.

Once he could stand without the need to vomit, Colby placed the jeans back where he’d found them and moved to the bathroom to wash his face. The man staring back at him in the mirror looked hurt and lost. He barely recognized himself. How had it come to this? He and Neil had something, or maybe they’d never had anything and he’d been delusional, believing that their
something special
didn’t include cheating. He’d been a fool and was paying the price for trusting too much.

Colby made sure the bathroom didn’t look like he’d been in there before he moved to the room they used as an office and set up his computer. Normally, if Neil wasn’t around during the day and he was working from home, he would sit at the kitchen table, but he didn’t want Neil to know he was home. If he stayed in the main room he may not put up his computer quickly enough, possibly leaving something out.

Around midday he moved his car around the corner to a store parking lot that was busy enough that even if Neil stopped to pick something up, he wouldn’t necessarily see Colby’s car. It was a dick move, but he wanted to know the truth, and he could make up some excuse for his car being at the store if he were totally off base and Neil wasn’t cheating.

Colby didn’t take a break except to grab a soda close to three. He’d wanted a beer, but being drunk when he confronted Neil wasn’t a good idea. Once he finished the soda, he tossed the can in the recycling bin, burying it under the newspaper so it wasn’t obvious he’d been there all day.

Then his hunger was too much though he was still upset about Neil. He fixed himself a sandwich, making sure not to create a mess. Instead of using a plate, he employed a napkin to hold his food. By five, and long before Neil usually made it home from work, the kitchen was spotless. He looked around, knowing that Neil wouldn’t even be able to tell he’d been home. After he gave the kitchen one last look, Colby moved through the house, making sure the place looked like it had when he’d arrived home that morning. Maybe he was making a mistake. What if Neil didn’t bring anyone home with him tonight? Perhaps he shouldn’t sneak around. Being open and honest, asking Neil about the underwear and the stain might get him the answers he needed. But being honest hadn’t worked so well the last time.

He tried to work after cleaning and tidying his mess from eating, but every few minutes between five and five-thirty he stood up, wondering if he was being too deceptive. Was it wrong to lie in wait, hiding his presence from Neil?

Eventually, Colby opened an email and got lost in answering the questions. Close to six he jerked straight when he heard a noise at the front door. His heart hammered and his hands shook. It was time to decide exactly what he was going to do. Very quietly he closed his computer, worrying that he was being too much of an asshole hiding like this. Over the last few hours he’d gone from being pissed to feeling guilty for suspecting Neil of cheating. The fears of Neil having an affair were probably overblown, and once again he would end up looking like a fool. The stain on Neil’s pants could have been anything, even food. The underwear could be new too. Accusing Neil of having an affair might just push him away. And maybe Neil had jacked off. Just because the room smelled a bit like sex didn’t mean Neil had cheated. What if Neil was just getting off and hadn’t done anything wrong?

The front door opened and it didn’t sound like anyone was with Neil. Colby breathed out a sigh of relief. He was angry at himself for blowing this out of proportion. Hopefully Neil would forgive him. Colby shoved his computer into his bag and was ready to step out of the room when a knock sounded at the door. He froze, his heart pounding hard as he heard Neil open the front door and begin talking.

“Hey babe, I missed you today.” Neil’s voice was loud and clear and for a second Colby thought his boyfriend was talking to him. Then Colby’s heart squeezed as he realized Neil couldn’t see him, so there wasn’t any way in hell he was talking to him.

Colby lifted his hand to his mouth and bit down on his knuckle to keep quiet. He was pissed that he’d been duped. Sad that he’d lost something, and angry with himself for not doing something about it earlier. Above all he wanted to know how Neil could be doing this to them?

“Missed you. So when does he come home?” The question was asked by someone who’s voice he knew. Colby shut his eyes and thought about who could possibly be at his front door calling on Neil like they were a couple when he and Neil were supposed to be exclusive. Faces whipped through his thoughts and he flashed open his eyes, knowing exactly who was fucking his man. The jerk was none other than Deshaun, their neighbor. Maybe that’s why Deshaun was so nice to him, he was really fucking Colby over, screwing around with his boyfriend.

“Tomorrow,” Neil mumbled like he was coming out of a kiss. They both laughed, the sound a stab at Colby’s heart.

“That really sucks man,” Deshaun said. “I wanted to spend the night again.”

“You can. He won’t be back until late. Then we’ll just be creative again until he takes another business trip. We can do this. He’s gone all the time and doesn’t catch on to stuff anyway.”

Deshaun laughed, the sound muted by what, Colby didn’t know but he could guess. Something or someone knocked into the wall and moans followed.

After a long moment of moaning and groaning Deshaun spoke. “Well, we do have tonight.”

Colby’s anger twisted even tighter when he heard the smacking sound of their lips. He almost marched out right then and demanded an explanation, but he needed more evidence. Kissing could be passed off. Neil had blown off his accusations before, this time he would have to have undeniable proof.

Listening to Neil and Deshaun make out and chat about their day had been excruciating. He fucking hated Deshaun and now he hated Neil. They were eating his food, drinking his beer, and about to fuck in his bed. He heard them talking, kissing, laughing, and it ripped his heart to shreds. He was angry and hurt and wished he could make this end, but he needed real proof. He wasn’t okay with Neil cheating on him at all. He wanted a guy who actually loved him, not some asshole who treated him like shit but said he loved him. Cheating wasn’t love.

Minutes turned into almost an hour and he was about to give up until he heard Neil say something about going to the bedroom. When Colby was sure they were in the other room and about to fuck, he gathered his things and quietly moved them to the main room by the door. The last thing he wanted to do once he confronted Neil was stick around.

As he approached the bedroom door his head started to spin. This was possibly the worst idea he had ever had. He should just run out, not discovering the full ugliness of the truth. But to get some closure, he needed to see this through. Before he even put his hand on the doorknob he made a vow that after confronting Neil, he was leaving as fast as he could. There was no way he could stay here and not lose his mind. Neil would beg. Colby knew how Neil operated, and he couldn’t withstand the pressure, not today.

In the morning, or later in the day, once Colby knew Neil would be at work, he would get his things. He had his computer and that was more important than anything else. He owned the TV in the bedroom and he had his clothes, but most of the other stuff, like the furniture, was Neil’s.

The door to the bedroom was closed but Colby could hear their moans and grunts. Just the thought of Neil buried deep in Deshaun made him dizzy with anger, and thinking of anyone else fucking Neil’s ass made him pissed as hell. Fuck, were they even using a condom? How many times had he and Neil gone without one? He’d trusted Neil, and now he knew he shouldn’t have.

“Fuck, Neil, so fucking good,” Deshaun cried out.

That was his cue. Colby pushed the door open quietly, wishing he could leave without seeing the truth. The lights were on and there wasn’t any way to avoid seeing Neil’s ass clenched, his balls tight as he slammed into Deshaun who was face down, his fingers clutching the pale gray sheets Colby had bought last month. Fuck, he really liked those sheets; Egyptian cotton, one thousand thread count. He’d paid good money for those but there was no way in hell he could ever sleep on them again.

Heat washed over him and tears filled his eyes as he realized he cared more about the fucking sheets than he cared for Neil. All of the excuses, the lies, the times Neil had told Colby he was imagining things, it all came back to him. Neil had pulled one over on him and it fucking hurt.

Colby stepped into the room, his hands trembling as he watched Neil rock into Deshaun, both of them gasping as Neil swayed his hips. He knew how it felt to have Neil behind him, rocking just like that. It felt damn good and it looked like both Deshaun and Neil were enjoying themselves.

Deshaun was moaning and grunting so loudly Colby doubted either of them could hear him step closer. Anger and bile filled his stomach as he watched the two of them fuck. He’d never really been dramatic, but this might just push him over the edge and bring out his internal bitch which would give these two and anyone in hearing distance a real show.

Neil must have sensed or heard something because he turned his head, their gazes connecting. At first Neil didn’t stop, then confusion filled Neil’s face followed swiftly by panic. He pulled out, his hand on Deshaun’s ass. It was almost comical watching Neil try to hide his quickly shrinking erection that was thankfully covered by a condom. At least he didn’t have to worry as much about getting an STI from the bastard.

One of the most un-Neil-like sounds he’d ever heard came out of his boyfriend’s mouth as he squawked and shook his hand. Neil’s eyes were wide and his face going from red to almost purple. It took Neil a few tries, but he cleared his throat and opened his mouth again, this time words were said.

“C-Colby, God, I didn’t know you—”

Colby flipped his hand up as he stomped his foot, getting Neil’s attention. “Just answer this one question. Why?”

“I didn’t—It was an accident,” Neil whined.

Any other excuse might have held some water, but the total lack of responsibility for his actions pushed Colby over the edge. “An accident?” Colby threw his hands up, not caring that he probably looked half-crazed because he felt totally out of control. Deshaun and Neil jumped when he rushed forward and slapped his hands together.

“What? Deshaun was walking past, you tripped, then bam, your dick fell in his ass, then you couldn’t get it out so you shoved it back in before pulling it almost all the way out again and again? Because that’s what you were doing, you know, in out, in out. If it were an accident, don’t you think you could have just pulled it out and stayed the fuck out of his mangy ass?” He screamed the last few words, spittle flying from his mouth, landing on the light gray sheets, snapping him back to himself.

What was he doing? He wasn’t going to get in a physical fight and he sure as hell didn’t want Neil to think he was going to beg him to come back, because he wouldn’t. There wasn’t enough between them to fight for. Slowly he lowered his hands, fisting them at his sides as Deshaun scrambled to the other side of the bed, his hand over his dick which looked as limp as Neil’s now looked.

Colby felt oddly detached, like he was watching everything on the TV and wasn’t a part of the scene. He searched the corners of his heart and his mind for something, a sliver of love, or maybe concern, but he had nothing. He felt…dead. Any love, any caring he had died as he’d listened to Deshaun and Neil from the second bedroom and then again from the den. Neil was with Deshaun, not like in a onetime thing or an
accident
, but they were a couple. They had private jokes, they laughed, and talked like he and Neil had in the beginning. Humiliation spun through him as he realized Neil had left him a long time ago but strung him on for some reason Colby couldn’t fathom.

Neil covered his dick, his eyes wide, his lips turned down in a frown. “Listen, Colby, this doesn’t change a thing. We can still be together. You know I love you. It’s just you’ve been traveling so much. I needed—”