Yours Truly (48 page)

And Meg! There's Meg at the front of the room, looking windswept and happy, Robbie by her side. She made it! Behind her sit Alan and Alfred. They must have flown her over in the Hobbscopter. Haha!

I spot M
um. My
m
um. Who truly believes that Olly is the right man for me. Who has a frail heart and has been looking forward to my wedding for so very long.

And finally, there's Olly.

Lovely, sweet Olly. Who forgave me my behaviour and
still -
after all this shit - wants to settle down with me.

Settle down.

Settle down

SETTLE DOWN.

But. But.

I'm not ready. I haven't lived! We're not sexually compatible. He wants me to lose weight and stop dreaming about being a chef when being a counter assistant is perfectly fine.

I
can't
settle down yet. I can't settle down when I’ve never ever been up. I can’t settle down for the rest of my life when I haven't lived!

I halt. Right there on the aisle. Dionne bumps into me.

“
Natalie?
”
Olly says, eyes narrowed.
“
Come on!
”
He laughs nervously and rolls his eyes at the crowd as if I'm being silly.

Silly Natalie.

From behind I feel Dionne push me a little further forward. I stand my ground.

I have to tell the truth.

I glance
at M
um, fully expecting her to have a face like thunder, or worse, another angina attack. And though she looks disappointed, she shrugs and smiles sadly at me.

“
I love you,
”
she mouths.

Her blessing gives me a fresh burst of confidence.

“
I can't do this,
”
I say to Olly, quietly.

His face crumples.

“
What the fuck?
”
he hisses.

“
Mind your language,
”
the vicar frowns, tugging uncomfortably at his bedazzled dog collar.

“
I'm so sorry, Olly,
”
I say, as clear and calm as the frozen waterfall in Little Trooley.
“
But...
I'm not in love with you.
”

Oh goodness, I feel awful. But surely it's
more
awful to lie and to let him marry someone who doesn't want to be spend their life with him?

His eyes water and he furiously blinks away angry tears.

Oh God. What have I done to him?

“
You selfish bitch.
”

He spits it with such venom I have to take a step back.

“
Now now
,
”
Alan from Little Trooley stands up
,
“
you do not talk to a lady that way.
”
Alfred pills him back down.

“
Olly, I’m so -
”
I start.

“
You know how lucky you are to have me?
”

“
I kno-
”

“
You think you can treat me like this after all I’ve done for you?
”

I start to cry.

“
I can’t lie to you Olly! I just couldn’t
-
”

“
You’ll never find anyone else like me, Natalie. Someone who’ll put up with your fat arse and your fucking battleaxe misery guts mother and
-
”

“
Olly stop this!
”
I plead.
“
You’re being horrible!
”

“
No wonder your Dad left. Maybe you’re actually doing me a favour.
”

I look at him shouting , his face red and suddenly, not quite as handsome as I always thought it was. He’s mean. Olly is mean. And weak. And controlling. And he is too short. And BAD in bed. He’s sooo
not
the one.

“
I’m sorry Olly. I am. I’ve got to go now.
”

“
You what? You’re not actually going to leave
-
you fucking
-
”

“
Oh do shut up Olly!!
”

It’s my mum. She stands up from her place in the front pue. Alan from Little Trooley rushes over to take her arm and hold her steady.

“
Natalie.
”
She turns to me and does her most stern teacher voice.
“
If you don’t bugger off on out of this church right now I will be very upset indeed. Do you hear me?
”

I smile at her. I never could argue with my mum.

And so I do as she says.

I go.

I spin around and, ignoring the shocked murmurs and wailing echoing around me, I leg it out of the church and into the sunshine.

I stop my escape jog when I get out into the church grounds. Partly because I need to catch my breath but mostly I just want to look around to see if anyone has followed me out. I kind of expected that they would, but no one has.

“
You didn't go through with it then?
”

It's Riley.

Whaaaaaat?

He looks like a bloody mess. He's panting and red faced like he's been running. He’s wearing a thick green snow suit, there are scratches on his face and his hair is all over the show. I don't understand.

“
What are
you
doing here?
”
I cry, my knees wobbling precariously. How the hell did you even get here?
”

“
On Wonky Faced Joe's tractor,
”
he says.
“
It kind of took me all night.
”

“
I thought it was broken?
”
I say, fighting an ill-timed urge to laugh.

“
It is. Hence the all night thing. I broke down four times and got stopped by the police twice.
”

“
Why are you here, Riley?
”
I ask.
“
What do you want?
”

“
I. Um. I was kind of coming to stop your wedding.
”

What the fuck?

“
Stop my wedding?
”
I echo disbelievingly.

“
Yes. I was going to break in and make sure you didn't marry Olly.
”

“
Well, you're too late. I've already not married him.
”

I stalk off across the grass of the church grounds and then stop and turn back.

“
You didn’t reply to my text message,
”
I say grumpily.

“
I’m replying to it now.
”

“
Oh?
”
I raise an eyebrow. It’s probably both eyebrows.

“
I wanted to tell you in person.
”

“
Wanted to tell me what?
”

He edges closer, takes my hand and leads me to a quiet corner of the church grounds shaded by shrubs and trees.

“
Natalieeeee,
”
he starts to sing,
his voice cracking with nerves.
“
I want you to come back with meeeeeee…
”

“
To Little Trooley?
”
I interrupt.

He nods and stops singing. His voice becomes serious.

“
I like you. A lot. A very lot. Pretty much more than I’ve ever liked any other thing in my whole life.
Even more
than I like Colour Me Badd.
”

Oh my gosh.

I can’t help the grin that stretches across my face. It makes my cheeks ache.

“
I like you a lot too,
”
I murmur, my heart leaping with pleasure at his words.
“
Even more than I like bread.
”

He laughs gleefully, pulling me to him. He places his lips softly on mine.

Zing!

This is how it should feel. It should feel amazing. It should feel
unquestionably
right.

“
But -
”
I say, reluctantly breaking the kiss.

“
But?
”
he asks frowning.

“
I'd love to come to Little Trooley with you, Riley. I would. But... I kind of have to do something first. And it might take a while.
”

“
What is it?
”
he asks, looking really, really confused.

I take a deep breath and exhale steadily.

“
I want to live a little,
”
I say simply, truthfully.

And then, not entirely sure whether running away from the man I AM in love with is the new most ridiculous thing I've ever done in my life - I hitch up the skirt of my wedding dress and I run out of t
he church grounds and far away.

It feels like flying.

Two Months Later

I’m in Paris. Can you imagine? Me. Natalie Butterworth the homebody of all homebodies, in Europe's most exciting city!

After the wedding of disasters I decided I needed to get away from everything. Figure things out. Figure me out.

I went straight to M
um’s from the church, packed a suitcase and headed straight to the airport. From there I called the Braithwaites. Morag was only too happy to lend me the use of their holiday home here for as long as I needed. Her way of apologising for Barney, I suppose. So, still in a daze, I booked a ticket, got on a plane and I’ve been here for two months.

“
Natalie! Le cheese
cake pour la table d
e
u
x!
”

The voice of Maurice, my boss at the restaurant I’m waitressing in, interrupts my thoughts.

“
Oui, chef!
”
I call back, picking up a slice of cheesecake from the counter and taking it over to the customer.

Working at Le Café de Maurice is great. My French isn’t wonderful, but I’m learning, and the people here are nice. We socialise and it's fun getting to know everyone. Despite the language barrier, I’m starting to make some new friends.

“
Merci, Natalie,
”
Maurice calls from the kitchen, his caterpillar eyebrows knitting together in a grin.
“
Dépêchez-vous maintenant ou vous serez en retard.
”

He just said: ‘Thank you, Natalie. Now hurry or you will be late.’

See? My French is getting rather good.

I smile back at him and untie my apron, before collecting my bag from the cloakroom.

“
Au revoir!
”

“
Au revoir, Natalie! Bonne chance, good luck!
”

I wave and leave the café, setting off down the Rue St Honore towards Avenue de la Opera, which is where I need to be.

I take off my cotton scarf, enjoying the chilly February wind against my face. It’s refreshing after the hot atmosphere in the café. I walk at a steady pace, in time with the queues of people going in the same direction as me. We all have places to be.

I get back to thinking.

I’ve not heard from Olly at all. I tried to call him a few times when I first got here but he won’t answer. It’s still raw, I suppose.

I understand that.

Dionne tells me that he’s started seeing a girl called Bunny, a personal trainer at his gym. I hope it works out for him.

Dionne married Bull, by the way! After I left the church Olly told them that they might as well go ahead and get married instead of us. The food, flowers, cake, people were all there. Of course Dionne and Bull obliged. They called a few of Bull’s friends, all of them computer geeks, none of them gangsters and took their vows.

I’m sad that I wasn’t there, but apparently an amazing day was had by all.