Yours Truly (43 page)

“
You take care,
”
I say, turning back to the bar to get served, a small smile of victory on my face.

But I still don't get to order my drink because all of a sudden, Barney takes a fancy looking flip video camera out of his back pocket and holds it up in right front of my face.

Oh my Gosh. He's
filming
me?

“
Stop that!
”
I scold, waving away the camera.

“
Stop what?
”
Barney asks, his eyes glinting.

“
Um. Stop filming me!
”

This is weird. I get a glimpse into what life must be like for Lady Gaga or Jedward, constantly hounded by the paparazzi. It's very uncomfortable. I shudder and shoo Barney away.

“
You're being silly, Natalie,
”
he urges.
“
Yorkshire Tonight is the
big time
. You could be a star. You only need answer a couple of questions. Just a couple.
”

“
That's what you said the last time!
”
I admonish.
“
Anyway, why are you so bothered?
”

“
I'm trying to help you, love.
”
He looks wistful for a moment.
“
Of course I won't deny that it would be nice to have one of my stories in the national press once more. I used to work at BBC Radio 2 you know? I was friends with Phil Collins!
”

“
Yes. You said.
”

“
I was a real somebody. Everyone who was anyone in radio knew my name...
”

His eyes are glassy with the ghosts of unfulfilled dreams. Morag shakes her head and looks at me with an apologetic expression, but Barney shrugs her off and forces the camera nearer to my face. He advances towards me, asking questions, licking his lips at the very thought of snaring his juicy story.

“
What are you most afraid -
”

“
Shut up!
”

“
What are you most afraid of Natalie?
”

The urge ripples through me and before I can get away from him I have to answer.

“
A small life. Never being excited again, always knowing what is going to happen next
”
I squeak.

How embarrassing.

Is that really what I'm most afraid of? I thought it would be poisonous snakes or Simon Cowell’s hairy hands.

Before he can ask me another question, I spin on my heel and frantically push through the busy crowds so that I can get away.

But I don't get to walk the distance of the bar before once again I'm stopped in my tracks.

This time it's Jasper Hobbs. And he looks so angry that I can practically see the steam shooting out from his ears.

Oh Boy.

I should have thought this through. I should have stayed in that bloody greenhouse until the snow melted. It would have been fine there. A bed made of vegetable sacks and enough food to sustain me through the cold snap. A huge skylight just like I've always wanted in my dream house...

“
Thief,
”
Jasper hisses at me, snapping me out of my ill-timed dream house fantasising. He grabs my hand and pulls me into a secluded corner of the pub behind the chubby Christmas tree
.

I should say something to him. But I don't know what to say. He's right. I am a thief. I have no excuse. There is never an excuse for thievery.

“
Give me back those papers at once. Give them back to me and... I won't press charges.
”

Jesus. They really are that important to him.

“
No,
”
I say firmly, surprising myself.

God
. Why am I getting involved in this? It's none of my business. I don't even know why I'm saying no.

“
No?
”
Jasper repeats incredulously.
“
NO?!
”

“
No,
”
I say again.
“
NO!
”
I shout.

We sound like a couple of parents telling off a wayward toddler.

“
You have to tell him,
”
I say, my face going pink with embarrassment at the fact that I am even having to take part in this conversation.
“
What you are hiding is...
fraud!
”

I lift my chin up. Looking at his oily hair and fake tan I feel a wave of repulsion. What the hell does Meg see in him? The mean, sly look on his face helps me to make a real decision about what I'm going to do with the information I am now privy to.

“
He deserves to know,
”
I say with a confidence I don't feel.
“
I have to tell Riley, not because of the money, but because he deserves to know who his father is!
”

Jasper grabs my arm and pinches.

“
You have no fucking clue what you are getting involved in.
”
He bares his perfectly capped teeth.

I prise his hand away from me. He really is a nasty piece of work.

I don't know why I even doubted telling Riley about the papers. It may be none of my business, it might mean that his mum lied to him, but she obviously had good reason. He might be hurt, but he deserves to know that his father is alive and living less than ten minutes away. Also, he's rich. He should know how rich he is.

“
I'm telling him!
”

I dart out from behind the Christmas tree towards my room. I need to get the papers before Jasper. God knows what he'll do. He'll probably burn them. Light a fire and chuck me on too. I half walk half jog as he follows me, hissing curse words underneath his breath but not so loud as to draw any attention to us.

“
Ow!
”
I yell suddenly as someone stamps on my toe.

Jesus
Christ
.

I turn around and intend to give the clumsy oaf a very disapproving look before continuing the dash to my room. But I halt when I catch a glimpse of the toe stamper.

It's Meg. And she's, whaaaat? She's snogging someone up against the jukebox
.

Huh? But Jasper...?

I huff out loud and tap her on the shoulder.

She glances backwards and beams at me, as if Jasper is not standing right here, w
atching her kiss - oh man -
Robbie?!

“
What's wrong with you?
”
she says taking in my expression of horror and confusion.
“
You've got a face like a slapped arse.
”

“
I'm so confuuuuuused!
”
I say, helpless as my mouth does all the work.

“
Natty?
”

S
he eyes me like I'm crazy.
Maybe I am. Maybe the hypnotism has finally addled my brain and turned it into mush.

“
You're kissing Robbie,
”
I say in a puzzled voice,
“
but only last night I saw you having sex with Jasper!
”

“
What?
”
Jasper seethes, as if he can't quite get over how much he hates me for spilling all of his secrets.

“
What?
”
Meg laughs, squinting at me like I'm mental.

“
What?
”
Robbie frowns, backing away from Meg.

“
What?!
”
spits Honey who seems to have appeared from thin air.

Where did
she
come from? That woman is so creepy.

And
-
oooooooh - also wearing a green dress.

A green dress exactly the same as
Meg's green dress
... And then it kind of falls into place. It wasn't
Meg
in bed with Jasper. It was
Honey
. I KNEW there was something off about her! She’s sleeping with all of them!

It seems that I'm the only one who has figured out what the hell is going on because what happens next is an almighty brawl.

Honey dives onto Meg, screeching and pulling her hair, while Jasper tries, unsuccessfully to pull her off.

“
You cheated on me?
”
Honey howls at him.
“
You cheated on me with her?
”

“
Cheated!
”
Jasper spits.
“
What makes you think it’s any of your business what I do and with whom. I’ve only shagged you four times, Honey, and last night was the last time. Nobody te
lls Jasper Hobbs what to do. No
one.
”

Robbie grabs his pint from the bar and downs it in one before resting his head in his hands like a kid who's just figured out that there’s no Father Christmas; it’s actually a drunken Uncle Jim in a Santa outfit.

Meg is trying to untangle Honey's tiny hands from her hair and I can only join the rest of the pub in looking on with befuddlement.

When Honey draws back with a hefty chunk of Meg's hair in her hands I decide that enough is enough. I boldly ignore my quivering insides at the very thought of another violent altercation with Honey, step in and lift her up under the arms. She weighs nothing. Good for her. I carry her through the pub and deposit her outside the doors into the snow.

“
Thanks,
”
Meg says when I return.
“
That girl is a nutter. And strong. Ouch.
”

“
Tell me about it!
”

“
Are you sleeping with Jasper Hobbs?
”
Robbie asks Meg, ashen faced.

“
God, no!
”
Meg says.
“
I promise!
”

“
But Natalie said...
”

“
I was confused,
”
I say to Robbie earnestly.
“
It was actually Honey in the sack with Jasper last night. Honey and Meg have the same green dress. God. I wonder how long
that's
been going on. I wonder if Riley knows.
”

“
Huh!
”
Robbie looks mystified.

“
Don't worry, Robbie,
”
Meg soothes.
“
I didn't sleep with Jasper. I would never do that to you!
”

“
Blimey, I’m glad,
”
Robbie says taking Meg's hands into his own.
“
Because Meg... I know it’s only been a few weeks…
but I think you’re the best person I’ve ever met. You’re so gorgeous and talented and
…
”
he coughs, his cheeks bright red
“
sexy. A
nd I don’t know what I did to deserve you walking through that pub door and into my life but I’m right glad that you did. Right glad.
”

Ohmigosh!

A gasp goes up around the whole room. A few people clap. One person asks whether this is a pub theatre performance that is occurring and how long it's going to go on for.

I fully expect Meg to shrug Robbie off, pat him on the shoulder, and tell him he's a doll. Robbie, with his normal person job and his sweet chubby face is the very opposite of what Meg has always said she wanted. He’s no rich footballer, or celebrity. So what comes next is a bit of a shock.

“
Oh Robbie. I can’t believe it, but think I'm falling for you.
”

She clasps his hands to her chest.
Robbie beams.

“
I can't give you riches and grand houses and clothes,
”
he says, staring deep into her eyes.
“
But you don’t need me for any of that anyhow. I can promise that I'll always look after you. And that life with me will always be an adventure.
”

A collective aaaaaah goes up around the room. Me included. This is super sweet.