Yours Truly (40 page)

“
Tell me more, Mr Hobbs.
”

“
And then the police came and we had to make a run for it. Alan lost his trousers. It was a very good job it was dark, I say!
”

“
No ways!
”
I laugh as Alfred Hobbs tells me another one of his stories of his youth. It turns out that him, Mrs Grimes, Alan, Barney and Morag Braithwaite and Riley's mother Mary were a real gang in their younger days. Alfred Hobbs was the rich kid in a small village and the aforementioned were the only ones not intimidated or envious by his wealth and his family name. Alfred and Alan were even pilots in the RAF together during their twenties. They were best friends. It seems so sad that they haven't spoken in two years.

Jasper has been in a number of times, itching to walk me back to Little Trooley. Each time Alfred has waved him away with a stern telling off.

I really should get back though, not least to find out where Meg is. But I'm having rather a brilliant time, plus as much Hobbs toast as I want, which is just what I need after the day I've had. By the fifth time Jasper comes in looking at his watch and declaring that he has to go to the village so I need to go with him now or else I'll have to walk back on my own and the cold weather means it might be icy and I might slip and die, Alfred suggests that I stay the night instead. He has plenty of spare rooms and it means we can continue with our chat and perhaps have some dinner together.

Jasper is wary. He sighs and looks at me suspiciously as if he thinks I'm going to rifle through his underwear draw or something.

I nod my agreement eagerly. I can easily call Meg from here and I really don't want to go back to The Old Whimsy tonight. I don't want to see any of them right now.

“
I'd really like to stay if I may,
”
I say.
“
To be honest with you, I haven't really another place to go.
”

“
Well then it's decided,
”
Alfred declares, clapping his hands together gleefully.

“
But father, I think -
”

“
It's decided Jasper. Don't you have business to attend to?
”

Jasper rolls his eyes and leaves the room.

After a tour of the extensive and beautiful Hobbs gardens, Alfred's purpose built
gymnasium and - oh my gosh -
his personal aircraft hangar in which he stores his OWN helicopter, we settle down to a slightly unorthodox but lovely dinner of fancy
c
heddar cheese on Hobbs toast with the most wonderful vintage
c
hampagne. When we have finished eating Alfred pats his napkin to his lips and says:

“
I seem to have monopolised our entire conversation. Now tell me dear, why are you so sad?
”

Do I look sad? Is it so obvious? It's such a grand question, it takes my brain about thirty seconds to gather all of the information I need to answer this request. Of course the need to tell all is a strong as ever and the answers float on out.

I tell Alfred all of the things that have happened. He listens attentively and when I
'm done he nods and simply says,
“
It will be okay, my dear.
”

The knowledge that it probably won't be and the hope that it will bring a surge of tears to my eyes.

“
Why are
you
so sad?
”
I ask, the champagne loosening my tongue
“
And why are you a recluse?
”

As soon as I've said it I feel bad. Way to be tactful, Stupidhead.
Why are you a fricking recluse?
My cheeks colour.

Alfred looks sad for a moment and shrugs.
“
I enjoy my own companionship, I suppose.
”

“
But you've enjoyed mine,
”
I say.
“
I'm sure your old friends in the village would love to see you.
”

He frowns.
“
I know that to be untrue my dear.
”

“
Why?
”

“
There was a lot of bad blood after Mary's death. I'm not welcome there.
”

“
But that was so long ago.
”

“
It's quite all right, dear. I'm happy here. Most of the time.
”

Poor Alfred. He doesn't look happy at all.

I'm about to say that he's not really helping matters by trying to turn The Old Whimsy into offices, but then I remember what Jasper had said. Business is a no go topic because of Alfred's blood pressure.

“
Time for bed, I think,
”
Alfred says kindly patting my arm.

“
Yes,
”
I agree.
“
Where should I go?
”

“
It's at the top of the stairs, fourth door on the right.
”

“
Thank you,
”
I say standing up from the table.

We smile at each other, and in spite of the disappointments of the day, I feel like I've made a new friend.

I'm having the weirdest dream. I'm at a wedding. Dionne's wedding. She's getting married to a snowman and Amazing Brian is the vicar, only his jumper doesn't have AB on it. It says HA! instead. I'm a bridesmaid but I've eaten too much bread and my dress won't button up. I'm sumo wrestling with Honey who is wearing a fur coat and singing Duran Duran songs. And someone is laughing; tinkling little giggles that are as irritating as a tap that won't stop dripping. I wake up with a start. Sitting up in the vast guest bed in Hobbs Manor I swivel round and look at the old fashioned alarm clock beside me. It's two in the morning. I sigh. I hate it when that happens. You full on wake up thinking it's the morning and it turns out to be ages until morning and you've got to try to force yourself back to sleep. It never works.

I lean out of the bed and click on the glass lamp beside me. Once again my breath is taken away by the grandness of the room I'm in. When I first saw it last night I danced with delight, though of course that could have been something to do with to the vintage champagne I'd been chugging. The bed is an actual four poster bed. The most mahoosive bed you've ever seen, with thick million gazillion thread count blankets and pillows like feathery clouds. The carpet is this luxurious garnet red pile and all of the furniture is that expensive glossy walnut. I feel like I'm in a castle or something.

I get up out of the bed - having to jump down a bit because the mattress is so high- and groggily pull on my clothes. I totally need a wee. Just as I'm fastening up my trousers I hear a giggle. It's the giggle from my dream. That giggle woke me up! Is that... Meg? Has she come back to perform a secret middle of the night seduction on Jasper? Ew. No. Meg would have told me if there was something going on.

I hear a short sharp shush and a deep, muffled cough. Well, that has to be Jasper. Unless Alfred Hobbs has a booty call coming to visit. I highly doubt it. The man hasn't left his estate in two years.

I wonder who Jasper has with him. If not Meg then it has to be someone from the village. The whole place is snowed in so it's not like it's someone
outside
of the village.

I have a little chuckle as I go through all the women it could potentially be...

When whoever it is has gone I shuffle to the door and pull it open slightly. I
really
need that wee now. I try to remember where the loo is. Alfred told me, but it's so big in this house, and it's so dark and it has more doors than a chuffing advent calendar.

A cold shiver creeps down my back. Shit. Did he say left out of the bedroom or left from the stairs? He must have said left from the bedroom, two doors down. Or was it three? No. It was definitely two.

Okay. I'm just going to go for it. I turn left and feel along the wall for the second door down. I pull on the handle and open it tentatively. It's so dark I can't see a thing. Man, that wee really needs to happen. I cross my legs and feel around for the light. Aha! There it is! I switch it on and almost jump out of my skin when the first thing I see is
not
a lovely expensive loo but a tanned, muscular bottom pumping away on top of a person. The someone underneath is squealing with pleasure.

The tanned bottom is attached to a man. A man who whirls his head around and looks over his shoulder in fright.

It's Jasper Hobbs. He is not happy. Well, he was happy about thirty seconds ago. But he's definitely not happy now.

Whoever he's entertaining has yanked the covers up over their head and has gone stock still.

How embarrassing.

“
Fuck,
”
Jasper shrieks, grabbing a pillow and using it to protect his modesty.
“
Get the fuck out!
”

For some unknown reason I stand still. I'm so mortified that I can't seem to move!

“
Get out you idiot! What are you
doing
?
”
Jasper cries, his eyes bulging, his face crimson with sexual exertion and fury.

“
I don't know,
”
I reply to his question.
“
I seem to be watching you! I'm sorry. I'll go!
”

Oh God. Aaaaargh.

“
I really am ever so sorry,
”
I say once more, my face aflame. I turn to leave the room. I want to find that bathroom NOW, not only for the purposes of weeing, but because I need to scrub my eyes out with soap. But on the way out I stumble, tripping over something soft on the floor. I glance down quickly and notice, trapped under the door, a tight emerald green shift dress.

Meg's dress.

Why hide it from me? I know it's embarrassing when your best mate walks in on you with your legs in the air, but to actively hide? Meg's never been secretive with me before.

I kind of expected her to come to my room shortly after, to laugh about the whole mortifying incident. But I stayed awake for ages afterwards and she never did. She's probably still doing IT with Jasper Hobbs.

I feel a prickle of disappointment. I told
her
about Riley. I mean, I couldn't help but tell her about Riley what with the whole inability to keep ANY secrets. But I still told her. We tell each other everything.

I may not even like Jasper. But if she likes him, which she
obviously
does, then I'm totally happy for her.

I pour myself a cup of tea in the vast Hobbs kitchen. It's crazy early so no one else is awake. I feel like all I do these days is sneak around in other people’s houses, drinking their hot beverages.

I wonder if Meg's still here. I'll give her a bell and find out.

Tut. My mobile is flat out and I have no charger.

I sigh to myself, scratch my head and look around.

After about five minutes I decide that I'll just use the landline here. I'm desperate to find out what’s been going on. And to tell her about my fight with Honey.

I wander out into the hall, looking for a telephone table. There's nothing of the sort. Surely all posh houses have telephone tables?

Oh wait a second... wasn't Jasper on a phone yesterday? In that room down the corridor? I lumber down to the room Jasper was in. I expect it to be locked but it isn't. I push open the door to find a large office. There's an antique looking bureau with one of those green desk lamps like they have in lawyers’ offices and American libraries. On the wall are a number of pictures and certificates. Jasper Hubert Alfred Hobbs BSc Management.

Jackpot! There'll definitely be a phone in here.

I shuffle over to the desk and peer around. It's covered in paper. Wow. Jasper Hobbs is messy!

I move the papers about hoping to God that it's nothing important I'm reshuffling.

Bingo! A phone. It's not the landline I was expecting to find but a sleek, smaller than my hand, silver mobile phone. I turn it on, a frisson of guilt spiking through me. I tell myself not to feel bad. It's probably not a personal phone. Who leaves their personal phone hanging about for all and sundry to find? I pat my own mobile snug and safe in my pocket.

I press the on button of the silver phone. Nothing. Oh crap. The battery on this phone is dead too. I'm having no electrical luck at all today!

I suppose I could just go upstairs and talk to Meg in person...

I get a vision of Meg and Jasper in an even less restrained position than last night and decide against it. I'll phone her first.