Your Brain on Porn (16 page)

quit internet porn. There are also self-run 12-Step groups, both online and off.

If you are struggling with additional issues, such as childhood trauma, sexual abuse or family

problems, which naturally make emotional attachment challenging, a good counsellor can be a sound investment.

Again, if you think you may have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), you may need

medication for a bit when you attempt to quit pornography to ease the anxiety of withdrawal. See

a doctor. An OCD sufferer said:

The antidepressants have really helped. They kick me in the rear and force me to look at

my situation positively and not get so wound up in it all.

Keep a journal

Support yourself by keeping a record of your progress. Rebooting is not a linear process.

There are good days and bad days, and on the bad days your brain will try to persuade you that

you have made no progress and there is no hope that you ever will. Often by reading earlier entries from your journal you can swiftly put things back in perspective:

When the cravings were bad, I would look at my journal and see how I’d come too far to

quit. Put a password on it if you don’t want someone else to find it.

Journals also allow you to get things off your chest that you would not feel comfortable sharing with anyone else. Alternatively, you can share those things in an anonymous online journal. Various forums allow you to journal for free (NoFap.org, RebootNation.org,

YourBrainRebalanced.com). The added advantage of an online journal is that you and your peers

can offer each other support and advice based on journal entries.

Managing Stress, Improving Self-control and Self-care

Exercise, beneficial stressors

Of all the techniques rebooters experiment with, exercise seems to be the most universally

beneficial. It's an excellent distraction from urges, also improves self-confidence and fitness, and is even associated with better erectile function in men under 40
.[164]

Exercise is a solid mood regulator. Scientists surmise that it can help ease addiction because

acute bouts of exercise increase dopamine concentrations, and regular exercise leads to sustained increases in dopamine and related adjustments.
[165]
This helps counteract the chronically low dopamine signalling that haunts recovering addicts before their brains reboot.

[166]
Here are comments from two people:

I cannot overemphasize the importance of push-ups. They are always accessible, and take

only thirty seconds or so to do a good 20. They will get your heart pumping, and will divert

your body's attention away from those urges almost instantly. If urges still linger, do sets with
a few seconds break, until your arms feel like they'll fall off. Then you'll be in the clear.

*

Lift weights. It helps. If you’re feeling self-conscious use the machines instead of free
weights. The staff at the gym will help you if you have no idea how to use the machines.

Exercise is known as a ‘beneficial stressor’. That is, by stressing your system slightly it causes it to respond with enhanced feelings of wellbeing. Some rebooters report that beneficial—

stressors, in general, can be very helpful in resetting the brain's sensitivity to pleasure. Visit www.gettingstronger.org for articles and research about the physiology behind exercise,

intermittent fasting, daily cold showers, and so forth.

The latter were once laughed off as a mainstay of Victorian theorists of manliness, but daily

cold showers get rave reviews from many who seek a quick route to restoring lost willpower and increasing emotional equilibrium. Cold showers have even been proposed as a potential medical treatment for depression
.[167]

I'm on an 81-day streak right now, taking the coldest showers I can. My desire to escape is

strong, but I resist, and walk out of the shower like I'm the king of the world.

Remember, it’s about finding what works for you. If a cold shower improves your mood, and

makes you less tempted to waste time slumped in front of a computer, then it is useful, especially when your body is struggling with withdrawal. It’s not a good idea to overdo anything, but you

knew that already.

Get outside

Researchers have found that time in nature is good for the brain. It boosts creativity, insight

and problem solving
.[168]
Rebooters have noticed this too:

There's something very, very powerful about being away from technology and in a natural

environment that accelerates rewiring in my experience.

*

I go out each morning before sunrise, jog to a hill, climb up it, sit and watch the sunrise,

and thank the Earth and creation for my existence. It feels like a big cuddle, so there you go...

If you live in a city, walk to parks. According to researchers at the University of Sheffield,

tranquil, living environments can positively affect human brain function.
[169]

Get outside into the natural light and breathe fresh air. We weren’t meant to look at
glowing rectangles and breathe recycled air 24/7

Socializing

Humans evolved as tribal, pair-bonding primates. Our brains cannot easily regulate mood on

their own, at least not for long. It’s not unusual to feel anxious or depressed (or self-medicate with an addiction) when isolated.

By the same token, connection is some of the best health insurance the planet offers. It helps

reduce the hormone cortisol, which can otherwise weaken the immune system under stress. ‘It’s

much less wear and tear on us if we have someone there to help regulate us,’ explained psychologist/neuroscientist James A. Coan in the
New York Times
.[170]

When recovering users force their attention away from their habitual ‘relief’, their reward circuitry looks around for other sources of pleasure. Eventually it finds the natural rewards it evolved to find: friendly interaction, real mates, time in nature, exercise, accomplishment, creativity, and so forth. All ease cravings.

Connection and companionship don't have to be verbal to be soothing. If you've been feeling

anti-social, start simply. Here are comments from three recovering users:

There are a lot of places where you can get used to being out and around people that are

pretty nonthreatening. Hang out and read in a library or bookstore, or take a magazine to a

coffee shop or park bench. Or take long walks outside. Making this a habit helps get me out

of my own head and makes me feel more like of a member of society.

*

I just smile every time I feel awkward, haha. And it works.

*

I am building new platonic relationships with people I have met at networking events,
clubs, and so forth. I have been doing some volunteer counselling work once a week, and try

to do at least one ‘random act of kindness’ each day for a complete stranger. This definitely

helps bring a bit of balance.

Another easy option is to attend meetings that have a set structure, such as Toastmasters.

Whatever you choose, practice eye-contact with those you pass. Start with older people.

Make a game of it. See if you can improve your score each time. Once you're comfortable, add a

smile, nod or verbal greeting until your natural charisma kicks in automatically.

Meditation, relaxation techniques

Daily meditation can be very soothing for anyone struggling with the stress of withdrawal.

Research also shows that daily meditation helps the rational part of the brain, called the frontal lobes, to stay in the driver's seat
.[171]
Meditation thus strengthens what addiction has weakened, even as it quiets the primitive parts of the brain that drive impulsive behaviour.

Forum members' thoughts on meditation:

I heard that you should not think about quitting your addiction. Instead you should learn

how to meditate. The more you meditate the stronger your mind becomes and the weaker your

addiction gets. So I have increased my meditation time. My thoughts about porn have reduced

drastically.

*

When I meditate consistently, the part of my brain that knows that I have to leave porn
behind (the prefrontal cortex) has much more influence. And when I don’t meditate regularly,

the part of my mind that comes up with rationalizations to use porn as way to deal with
boredom and stress has more sway. It seems that the battle to overcome porn is literally a
battle between the rational, planning functions and the more emotional, reactive parts of the

brain. Meditation is probably the best tool for putting the prefrontal cortex in the driver’s
seat.

Creative pursuits, hobbies, life purpose

The first few weeks are primarily a battle of distraction. Put all your extra time, energy and

confidence to use on other efforts that keep you preoccupied. A rebooter explained the importance of filling your time differently by exploring and learning new things:

You can't expect to live the exact same lifestyle you've been living, (i.e., get up, do a little
work, surf web, do a little more work, surf web, surf NSFW, do a little work, surf web, etc.)

and expect anything to change. That pattern won't magically disappear without conscious
effort.

Your brain will thank you. And, just like learning new things, creativity is both a great distraction and inherently rewarding because of the anticipation of achieving something important to you:

I enjoy music, and quitting has helped both my creative ability for music, as well as my

enjoyment of listening to it. I've probably ‘composed’ about 20 songs in my head in the last

few months since quitting. Also, I've found I'm much more creative with my jokes and
conversational threads. All of a sudden conversations feel like playing music. It is both
enjoyable and impressive, actually. I am planning to join the Improv club at university, and

see where I can take this. Stage-performance doesn't seem daunting at all, anymore. Exciting,

if anything.

*

I'm a writer and musician, though I have let my art fall by the wayside over the past few

years as I retreated farther and farther into porn. I thought that I was dealing with writer's
block because I could not allow myself to put words on paper or notes on strings. Since I
started this journey, however, I have recommitted myself to my art and am now working on
three songs with a fourth starting to work its way out of me.

Many people report taking up hobbies, new and old, as they reboot. Here are comments of

three guys:

I've taken up cooking and baking. It's a great distraction, it's fun, and I get a reward when

I'm finished.

*

Yoga gets me out of the house and helps me burn off some steam. Lots of beautiful women

there too. Very beautiful women. Mmm...women.

*

I started playing my guitar again, going to the gym, learning how to eat more nutritiously,

and how to dress more stylishly.

Tip: Limit activities that cause 'empty' dopamine highs, such as frequent, intense

videogaming, junk food, gambling, trolling Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Yahoo, meaningless TV, and so forth. Instead, steer for activities that produce more lasting, sustainable satisfaction even if they aren't as rewarding in the short-run: having a good conversation, organizing your work space, receiving/giving a therapeutic massage, goal-setting, visiting someone, building something or gardening. In short, anything that gives you a sense of connection or moves you toward longer-term objectives.

A powerful distraction like internet porn can be a form of self-medication for boredom, frustration, stress or loneliness. But if you're reading this book you probably realize that chronic use of a supernormally stimulating distraction is a Faustian bargain. Eventually, it can take a toll on your goals and wellbeing.

The better you feel, the less you need to self-medicate. Getting fit and learning to eat healthily are a start. For thousands of years humans had to wrestle with the challenge of maintaining brain balance without today's drugs. Many left insightful, inspiring solutions that are now available to all via the internet. There's no need to reinvent the wheel. Dig around. Think

big. Take the time to develop a philosophy of life. Act on it.

Attitude, Education and Inspiration

Be gentle with yourself

Those who reboot with relative ease keep a sense of humour, accept their humanness, love