Young Annabelle (20 page)

Slap him!
My mind screamed.

I should have but I kept going, kissing him
as he massaged my sides. It felt too good. I knew we needed to stop
before it went any further; we were still at school.

I pulled back reluctantly and rested my
forehead against his.

Mine,
I dared to think as I tried to control my
breathing.

James leaned into my neck and whispered
breathlessly,

“You feel so good.”

He began kissing my neck; I tilted my head to
the side to give him better access. As we shuffled around, kissing
each other’s necks, a small amount of space opened up between us
and I could feel steam escape.

Why does that always happen?

The bell rang.

Wow, fifteen minutes
gone.

It didn’t feel that long, only five at most.
I pulled away. His hands didn’t let go of me as I got off him; they
slowly released as I moved back to my chair. I shouldered my bag
and noticed his black Miami Marlins baseball cap was on the ground.
I picked it up and held it out to him. He didn’t take it from me,
leaning his head down instead.

He wants me to put it
on?

His wild hair was all over the place. That
was all me; my fault. My hands had been all through his hair while
we’d been busy. He still looked good, messy hair and all.

This was different. We weren’t caught up in
each other’s arms yet for some reason it seemed more intimate.

Just do it! Don’t be embarrassed, he told
you he likes you.

I took a step so that I was right beside him.
He sat quietly, looking completely relaxed. I ran my fingers
through his hair, massaging his scalp. His head leaned back, eyes
closed. I smoothed back his hair and put his cap on the way he
liked – or at least the way I’d seen it on him – backwards.

I spun around and ran through the stacks. I
could hear him grab his own bag and, before I exited the stacks,
his hand was on my shoulder, stopping me easily. James turned me
around, moving his hands to hold my face. He plunged in, kissing me
again as if he needed oxygen and only my lungs could provide it. He
melted against me; I felt his lips turn desperate as I tried to
pull back.

I needed to breathe.

I needed to get to class.

He held on tighter and I gave up trying to
pull away.

Fuck it. I’ll go to class late.

I don’t even know…

I needed an explanation… Where the hell was
my backbone?

How could I have caved so quickly?

He gives a little bit and I let go of
whatever I had against him – which were very good reasons to never
speak to him again – and he gets everything on a silver
platter.

I’d even fixed his hair. What was wrong with
me?

Am I the one who’s retarded?

No way. Five times five equals
twenty-five!

I must have been just plain stupid. Stupid
girls were the ones who got played easily. They were the ones who
let boys kiss and touch them for hours, then accept when they
didn’t call for weeks.

Why is it that whenever I’m around him, I
lose everything that makes me not one of those stupid girls?

I didn’t know what was wrong with me.

“Annabelle!” Jenna hissed from beside me and
hit my shoulder.

I snapped out of my trance and turned to
her.

“What?” I said, clearing my throat.

She looked at me warily and pointed to the
empty desks in front of us. “Class is over,” she said quietly.

I blinked back and forth between her and the
empty classroom. I’d been out of it for the entire class. I didn’t
even hear the bell ring.

“Dude, where were you during History?” Jenna
asked worriedly while putting her things into her backpack. “Did
you even take any notes?”

She leaned over to scan my open notebook. It
was blank except for the date on the top right-hand corner. Jenna
straightened, looking dumbfounded.

Damage control!
I shook whatever trance-induced
feelings my body was still experiencing and got busy. I quickly
closed my notebook and shoved it into my bag.

“I told you before at lunch, I’m not feeling
well,” I mumbled as I stood and hoisted my backpack up.

“I can see that, but I think there’s more to
the story than you’re telling me.” She got out of her chair and put
her backpack on. She stood in front of me and folded her arms
across her chest.

“Now!” Jenna demanded fiercely. “Spill
everything or I’m going to have to kill you, right here, right
now.”

I let out an exasperated huff. “Kill me?” I
repeated, bewildered.

“Yeah, that’s right! It’s the penalty for
lying to your best friend,” she explained with an attitude. “Didn’t
you read the rulebook when we first became best friends?”

“Well, seeing as how we were five when we
became friends – and couldn’t read – then, no.” I tried to match
her attitude with my own but my voice came out hoarse.

All that kissing?

Now you can’t speak properly!

“Tell me!” she urged desperately. Any trace
of humor in her eyes was gone, replaced with worry.

I looked away.

How could I tell her? How could I tell my
best friend that for an entire month I’d been having this weird
relationship with a boy she didn’t even know?

She’d never forgive me for holding out on
her. She’d double never forgive when I told her about what happened
in his room two weeks ago and him ignoring me for two weeks, or
when I told her I just made out with him the library for twenty
minutes.

I took a deep breath and slowly turned back
to look her in the eyes. She was waiting with her arms still
crossed, looking like she could wait all day. I scanned the room
for any stragglers. The entire class, including our History teacher
Ms. Lady, was gone.

“I’m sorry,” I quietly said. I sounded
ashamed.

She dropped her arms before spreading them
wide, palms open. Confused. “What?”

“You’re right, I have been holding out on
you,” I explained nervously. In the pit of my stomach, butterflies
began playing tag with one another. I was beginning to feel
sick.

I inhaled a long breath.

“I’ve been kind of…this is weird…I don’t even
know how to explain it…”

Jenna shook her head impatiently and ordered,
“Just start from the beginning.”

I took another much needed breath and spilled
my guts about the last month. As I explained, her eyes grew wider
and her mouth kept lowering in shock – probably at my
stupidity.

“Wait a freaking minute!” Jenna spat, holding
out her hands to emphasize her need for me to stop.

Here it comes. World war-style
beat down, Jenna-style.
I leaned back, sitting on my desk, holding the edges for
support as she prepared to lay into me.

“No! Annabelle, tell me you’re lying,” she
cried, looking horrified. She folded her arms across her chest
again and shook her head at me.

“I’m weak,” I said quietly.

“No shit!” She was looking at me like I was a
fool.

“I don’t know what I can do. It’s like every
time I see him, I want to be strong and shove his charms back up
his ass,” I explained, staring at the ground. “But he just doesn’t
leave me alone. He wears me down, telling me things that make
everything shitty he’s done seem not so bad and I become a
quivering, hopeless romantic that doesn’t give two shits about
pride.”

Jenna remained still, her mouth open in shock
at my candor. I inhaled a long breath; I needed the oxygen
badly.

“I don’t know… I don’t know… I don’t know,” I
whispered to myself.

“Do you…like him?”

Honestly?
I thought before answering. My body knew
the answer before my mind did. My mind tried debating the pros and
cons of liking him, but my body told my brain to shut the fuck up
and stop bullshitting.

“Yes,” I whispered pathetically, practically
whimpering.

Jesus! Hello Lovesick Hotline,
I have issues that are desperately in need of your services!
I felt ashamed for liking him
because he didn’t deserve to be liked.

“Well…shit!” Jenna muttered to herself. She
shook her head at the ground before looking back up at me. “I
didn’t figure you to be one of those girls that liked the asshole
types.”

She gazed at me warily, as if seeing me for
the first time. I shook my head at her reaction.

“I don’t like asshole types!” I urged
desperately.

“He’s an asshole and you like him,” she said
simply. It was what it was.

“Fuck!” I sputtered. “I’m fucked up.”

“No. No, you’re not.” She grabbed onto my
shoulders and gave me a gentle shake. The humor had reached her
eyes again. “You’re just a little bit stupid. Don’t worry, this too
shall pass.”

She tightened her grip on my shoulders before
commanding, “Deep breaths!”

I did as she commanded and took deep, slow
breaths.

“No more! I repeat, no more! James will no
longer be getting a little something-something from Annabelle!
Repeat!” she commanded, holding my shoulders tighter.

“‘James will no longer be getting a little
something-something from Annabelle!’” I repeated, feeling myself
return to normal.

“James’ days in Annabelle’s love garden are
over! Repeat!”

“‘James’ days in Annabelle’s…love garden?…are
over!” I repeated, breaking out into a huge grin. Jenna and her
phrases.

My friend!
The thought warmed my heart. I was so
fucking lucky to have a good best friend like her.

“
And last, but not least, I repeat and you
don’t have to… If James and his
small
baby cousin don’t treat you with respect from now on – Now
on! Like right from this point… No, from the time you left the
library – he will cease to exist for you! Understood?” Jenna
demanded sternly.

I straightened my back and saluted her. “Yes,
drill sergeant!”

She grabbed me from behind and walked
forward, pushing me along. “Now, let’s get the fuck out of here,
empty classrooms give me the creeps.”

I laughed and let her push me out the
door.

I felt much better.

*****

I need to pee!

I shut my locker; Jenna was draped over the
locker next to mine, I turned to her.

“Washroom?”

“I don’t need to but don’t worry I’m going to
stand guard outside your stall in case any assholes try to sweep in
and confuse you when you least expect it. You know, ’cause it
happened so many times before.” She managed to keep her face
serious for a second before smirking.

I shook my head and led the way towards the
bathrooms. I felt her hands push on my shoulders.

“Just making sure you don’t detour, you know,
with you being all up and down,” she pointed out as she led from
behind.

“You’re never going to let me forget, are
you?” I muttered, letting her push me.

“No, not for a while. Besides, I’m having too
much fun poking fun at your dumb-ass mistakes!”

“What’s ‘a while’?” I asked her
apprehensively. I hoped her answer wouldn’t be when we turned old
and gray.

“I’m thinking your wedding day.”

“Gee, I don’t know whether I should say thank
you for not milking this ’til we’re eighty or to shove you for
being a heartless, unsympathetic bitch.” My voice was hesitant as
we walked into the washroom.

“Bitch!” Jenna exclaimed, marching up to the
mirror.

I chose the stall farthest from the door as
Jenna fluffed her hair in front of the mirror.

“There’s no practice today, thank God! You
want to go to my house?” she asked through the door.

“Okay,” I told her as I zipped up my
pants.

The washroom door opened with a bang and a
stampede of excited heels came clicking in. I waited to open the
stall door.

“Hey Jenna!” an abundance of sugar-sweet
voices exuded as their footsteps came to a halt. They were probably
in front of the mirror, alongside Jenna, checking their hair and
makeup.

“Oh – Hey, Latisha,” Jenna said
hesitantly.

I let out a sigh of relief; it was only
Latisha, she was on the swim team with Jenna.

“Sidney, Donna. How’s everything?” Jenna
continued.

Donna!
I began to tense up. I’d forgotten that
Latisha was good friends with Donna and the rest of her hot chick
crew. I leaned my back against the door and closed my eyes in
frustration, why did this girl have to use the bathroom every time
I did? It was annoying! Now I’d have to stay in my stall until they
left, or else face a row of reflected glares at my unannounced
presence, making things very awkward.

Hurry up, please!

“We’re buzzin’,” one of them slurred
ridiculously as if she were drunk. Was it Latisha? “Back to school
party at Peter’s tonight! Are you going?”

“Peter’s parties are kur-azy!” another one
exclaimed excitedly.

Neither voice was Donna’s – I could
recognize that
girl’s
voice
from a million others; there was a certain…whore-ish tone that
always accompanied her valley girl accent.

“Nah, I’m still exhausted from training so
much this past week,” Jenna explained nonchalantly.

“I’m tired too, but there’s no way I’m
missing tonight,” Latisha enthused, bordering on cheerleader-level
pep. “It’s going to be killer!”

Why is that bitch not
speaking?
I fumed
against the door, careful not to make any noise. Even Jenna knew
not to announce me in front of them, knowing the glares I’d receive
from Donna.

“I wouldn’t miss tonight for anything,” Donna
said.

There’s the snake, finally out of
hiding!