You Can't Help Who You Love (11 page)

Carter

I couldn’t believe my father didn’t chose me. What pissed me off was the fact that he didn’t even seem to consider me at all. He threw a funky ass position at me and kept it pushing. True enough, Justin did put in a lot of work, but I believe we did the same. I was fucked up, in a sense. So fucked up that I started really seeing Micheala. She was no Halee, but she would do for now, I guess. Fucking around with her, I was on that white girl. I didn’t know I was on the shit until I started feening for it. The bitch had laced my blunt with it. I was so fucked up; I let the bitch finesse me into going against blood. The crazy thing about it was it didn’t seem too bad of an idea. The more I snorted this shit, the more I wanted to show them that I could most definitely be a boss. My dad didn’t have to see it, but I did. He claimed I didn’t put in enough work, so I would have to settle in a new position. Either that or I was out.

I left the house, not letting him know what I was going to do. I had my mind made up and I already knew wasn’t no coming back from the shit. So, I had to make it count. The more I thought and got in my feelings, the more I was ready to take my own father out. I had no problems doing so. Like I said, when it came down to us, it was all business and nothing personal. So, I was laid up in the bed with Cheala, coming up with shit to bring down what my father worked so hard for. We were smoking a blunt laced with cocaine. I rather smoke it in a blunt instead of doing it regularly; it made me feel like I really wasn’t doing the shit, knowing I was.

“Baby, you got this shit. They don’t have the potential that you do,” she egged me on. She was right.

“I know.” She smirked at me. I was beginning to like her because she supported me, no matter the cause. “Think I should gather some niggas and ride on their asses?” I asked her.

“Damn right daddy. Say the word and I have a whole legit team waiting to be put on.” See, shawty was down for a nigga.

“Aight, I already got a few but still, call them up and let’s get this shit crackin’,” I boasted. I was ready for whatever. I wanted to feel bad but there was no room in this game for emotions. So, fuck it. I’m going to make it do what it do. When I came out on top, I was going to kick this bitch out and get the queen who rightfully deserved to be here. And that was Halee.

*****

I was laid back, smoking a regular blunt and eyeing all these niggas Cheala claimed to be down. I was trying to read emotions and all that good shit. If you looked like a snake, then I wasn’t putting you on. I needed some niggas who was fearless and ready to get this money. The money I made when I was working with my pops was dwindling. Fast. So, I had to make a come up real quick. I eyed this young nigga, Buckz; he looked like he was with the fuck shit and I liked that. When I stared at him, he stared back. No turning heads, just straight eye contact. He passed my test and I didn’t have to say a word. After reading everyone, I came to the conclusion that they were ready to get this paper! I handed out simple instructions and told them to meet on 43th, down the street from Justin’s main trap. I was ready to get shit poppin outchea. Call me sneaky, slimy, grimy, or whatever. In this world, it’s survival of the fittest and I was going to get mine by all means necessary.

Miracle

I was all settled in my apartment and I was loving it. I just had one thing missing and that was Dallas. If he was here, everything would be great. I walked around my spacious place I would call home for the time being and smiled. Everything was how I wanted it. Besides my kitchen, everything was white. My living room, hallway, and bedroom carpets was plush and comfortable to walk on. Anyone who came here would have to take their shoes off at the door; it was just that white. My kitchen was amazing. I was in love with this apartment. Maybe because it was my own shit and nobody else’s.

I headed to jump in the shower. After this, all I wanted to do was get in my bed and watching reruns of Law and Order SVU. I loved me some Benson, Stabler, Fin, and Munch. They were good in everything they did. I jumped in the shower, lathering my entire body with Sweetpea body wash. It smelled so good; it immediately surrounded the entire bathroom. I was in there for so long, my fingers and toes began to shrivel up like little prunes. I climbed out, wrapped my body in the towel, and headed into the kitchen to take out some small party sized chicken wings. I would cook that with some Velveeta mac n cheese, some string beans, and blueberry muffins. Don’t get it twisted; I could do a little something. I was the only woman in my home with my father, so he made sure I knew how to maneuver around the kitchen. I could cook way more, but I didn’t really feel like it tonight. I was too tired and lazy. I dropped the towel and climbed in my bed. Checking my phone, I saw that Dallas had Facetimed me almost an hour ago, so I called him back after making sure my hair and everything was looking decent. After it rung like ten times back to back, I hung up and laid my head down on the plush pillows. Life was perfect right now. School started tomorrow and I was more than ready to started the long but great journey to being a Neonatal Nurse. I laid there thinking about my future, with Dallas included, before I drifted off to sleep.

*****

When I woke up, I had three missed calls and two messages. They were all from Dallas, minus one. Seeing that it was Halee, I called her back. “Bout time hoe, it almost eleven o’ clock,” she told me.

“Girl, I’m tired. Too tired to do anything; you want to come over and cook for me?” I asked her. She didn’t say anything for a minute.

“Fine, hungry ass girl, let me throw on some shoes and I’ll be over in a minute. You better be glad I love your hoe ass,” she told me, laughing into the phone before she hung up. I didn’t move out of my bed to unlock the door, because we both had keys to one another’s apartment. I Facetimed Dallas back. This time, he answered, but the face I saw wasn’t enough for me to hang up. I locked eyes with Danielle’s conniving ass. Imagine the look on my face when the camera turned and Dallas’ ass was laid up in her bed, naked as a damn Jaybird, sleeping. This bitch turned the camera right back around and smiled at me before hanging up. I was in so much shock; I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to cry, but I wouldn’t let the shit she did get to me. At this point, how I see shit was, since he was with her, then he could have her. I no longer wanted any dealings with him. I can’t be in school and sitting here stressing over this man. My education came before any nigga, be it him or someone else.

I was so into my thoughts; I didn’t know Halee had come in the house until she jumped on my bed. “What’s the sad look for sis?” she asked me.

“Oh nothing, Danielle Facetimed me off of Dallas’ phone. He was in this bitch bed, sleeping like he was meant to be there. Like he didn’t have me,” I told her, letting a single tear fall on my bedspread.

“Come on, we taking our asses right back down there. I refuse to stand by and let him dog you out like that,” she fussed.

“Nah, it’s all good. I’m good on him. I mean that. I’m not about to be out here fighting no girl over any man who clearly doesn’t know what he want. But, yeah, I’m hungry. Let’s get to cooking boo,” I told her, changing the subject. She sighed all heavily and everything before finally learning to leave well enough alone. Fuck him. I was fine before him and I would be good without him. I didn’t need a man to make me feel good about myself. I’m better off by myself, that way I could worry more on school, instead of being with him and wondering what he was doing while I’m in school. I could do bad all by myself.

After Halee cooked, we sat around and watched The PJs, while stuffing out faces. “So, what are we going to do; you know you’re not in this alone?” she asked me, lighting a blunt.

“Well, what you mean? I’m going to do me. I know you, so you better not start treating Quis wrong all because of what’s going on with Dallas and I,” I said, looking at her with a raised eyebrow. I knew that was exactly what she was going to do, so I was stopping that before it even started. I don’t believe he would fuck up, though they do say ‘Birds of a feather, flock together’. I don’t think that it’s completely true.

“Ok, ok, you got me, I won’t,” she told me, surrendering her hands. We sat around and talked for the remainder of the night. She ended up staying the night and I didn’t expect anything less. It didn’t make any sense for us to be in separate apartments when we were always together. I laid there thinking before eventually I fell asleep.

*****

I was finally done with my last class of the day and all I wanted to do was sleep.  I was tired as hell, but it felt good to be doing something I loved. I talked to Halee about us sharing apartments and she was with it. She knew I was right about everything I said, so she agreed instantly. She was going to run everything pass her parents when we went home this weekend. Though I was only gone for not even a month, I missed my dad and my brothers. I haven’t really heard from Carter, which was weird because usually he would’ve called me, threatening me about the boys out here. I called his phone as soon as I was walking into my place. It rang out to voicemail and that shit kind of bothered me, so I shot him a text. I would know whether he seen it or not because we both had iPhone. So, if he knew what I knew, he would return my calls.

I shed out of my clothes and headed to the shower. My ringing phone stopped me from hopping right on in. Seeing that it was Dallas, I immediately sent his ass to voicemail. I wasn’t going back to his fuck shit. He made the decision of where he wanted to be the minute he laid in Danielle’s bed. I’m not up to be anyone’s second choice. If you have to choose between me and the next bitch, then you better pick her. Simple as that. The only person I was in competition with was the old me.

I stepped out of the shower, only to see that I had five calls from Dallas. Erasing them all, I grabbed my Galaxy Tab 3 and clicked on Kindle. I was currently reading a good book and I was determined to finish it. Just as I was starting in on it good, my phone rang again. This time, it was also Dallas. Annoyed by him disturbing my book time, I snatched my phone up. “Hello??” I answered. I’m sure he could tell I was annoyed; I made sure not to hide that part either.

“Damn, what’s up with you? I didn’t hear from your ass all day; now, when I call, you’re acting like a nigga bothering you or something,” he replied back to me. Just the sound of his voice made me want to jump in my car and go fuck him good, but it wasn’t going to be none of that at all.

“Oh, ask Danielle if you’re bothering me or not, and I’m sure she can tell you why I have my ass on my shoulder,” I smartly replied, hanging up. I really didn’t have much of anything to say to this nigga. The fact that he sitting here talking like he didn’t do anything made my stomach turn. “Dumb ass nigga,” I mumbled to myself. At this moment, I just wanted to sleep this day away, even if it was just six in the afternoon. I texted Halee and told her if she didn’t hear from me, then I was sleeping and not to panic. She would do that sometimes. I didn’t feel like waking up seeing my dad and brothers standing over me thinking I was hurt or some shit. After she responded, I placed my phone on Do Not Disturb and dozed off.

Dallas

It had been almost two weeks and Miracle hadn’t hit me up yet. I was curious as to what she meant by letting Danielle tell her, but when I asked Danielle, she seemed as if she didn’t know what was going on. Let her tell it, Miracle just see now that me and her is meant to be. HA! Even y’all know that’s some bullshit. I was chilling on my couch, rolling up a nice ass blunt. My mind was lingering on Miracle’s ass like crazy. I wanted nothing more than to be in here breaking her back, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen no time soon. I turned the game off and started flipping through the channels. Once I saw Next Friday, I settled on that and got ready to laugh. That damn Day-Day always did something to me. I lit the blunt and laughed as he fussed about Craig jumping on the top of his car. Chico wasn’t to be fucked with, but I wouldn’t run from his ass. I would’ve probably shot his shit off. Bet that would’ve slowed his ass down.

My phone chimed, indicating I had a picture message. I jumped up hoping it was from Miracle, only to see that it was Danielle’s ass. I opened the message to see her with her fingers in her pussy and that she had changed the ball of her clit piercing. That shit immediately made my dick rock up. So, I responded with an I’m on my way text. I jumped in the shower and threw some clothes on before heading her way. When I pulled up, she was already at the door waiting on me. She had on a purple cami with some dusty ass black suede heels on. It wasn’t everything, but it was something. I walked in taking my clothes off. That was to tell her wasn’t shit happening but sex. I wasn’t here to talk and all that other bullshit. I just wanted to get my nut and get the fuck on.

I laid back on her Lazy E Boy couch before placing a condom over my dick. She didn’t say a word as she straddled me. “Sssssss,” she moaned out, easing down on my penis. She started bouncing all on it, causing my toes to start to bend and crackle in my shoes.  I wondered where the hell she had been learning these tricks because just a week ago, she couldn’t ride dick to save her or anyone else’s life.

“Fuckkkk,” I groaned out. She was really in this bitch doing her thing.

“Oh my gosh, I love you, Dallas,” she moaned out. Immediately, I shot my eyes open and looked at her ass; she was out of her rabbit ass mind talking this bullshit. That statement caused my dick to get soft, so I placed Miracle’s face on hers. Fuck it. I came this far over here, I was going to get my nut. I picked her up and threw her ass on the floor. The look she gave me told me that she wanted to cuss my ass out.

“Turn that ass over,” I said to her. The sight of her ass made me even harder. I don’t know what the fuck was up with me, but she was making me think some other shit. I was fucking her up from the back when I saw a shadow on the wall. I immediately picked up my gun and spun around to face him.

“Mommy,” he said. The look on my face would’ve been one for the books. This bitch had a fucking son. How the fuck I never knew this shit though. That wasn’t what caught my eye; he looked like a little me. She was lying there looking terrified.

“Dalvin, baby go back to bed. Mommy’s coming in a little while,” she had the nerve to tell him. She then got back on her knees, like this shit didn’t just happen. My dick was soft as hell and I immediately wanted to get to the bottom of this shit.

“Bitch, get the fuck up!” I demanded her. I grabbed her up by her weave.

“Ouch, stop Dallas. You’re hurting me,” she whined out. I didn’t give no fucks though.

“Your ass better start talking right fucking now!” I yelled at her.

“Talk about what?” she asked me. I could tell this bitch was running game, so I picked my gun right back up and pointed it at her this time.

“Danielle, stop fucking playing with me.” I glared at her ass. She was really fucking with my patience.

“Ok, he’s yours, ok?” she told me, looking at the floor.

“Bitch, when the fuck were you going to tell me this shit?!” I yelled. I was beyond furious. This was why I quit fucking with her ass in the beginning. She was a hoe and my mind wandered on why she didn’t tell me this shit from the jump. She didn’t say anything, and I was in so much shock that I didn’t know what to do, so I put my shit back on and headed out the door. What a way to find out you had a child. I know one thing for sure though, I wasn’t claiming shit until I knew that he was mine. I do know this though, if Miracle was just in her feelings right now, when she got a whiff of this shit, she really wasn’t fucking with me and this time, I couldn’t say that I blamed her either. In my heart, I knew that I had truly fucked up big time.