You Are a Medium: Discover Your Natural Abilities to Communicate With the Other Side (13 page)

rently living in Alaska, he is planning his next move which is likely take him to China. He is an avid rock climber and wants to go to

Yangshuo, China and climb the Moon Hill and White Mountain

Crags.

His father feels to me to be more of a thinker. He is a quiet soul.

I encourage him to communicate with me. It seems to work as he

suddenly begins to flood me with images and thoughts.

“Your father is telling me that you would be proud of him, He

says that he is exploring and learning new things, things that can-

not be found in books. He is showing me an image of a fishing

boat. You are in it and he is there with you in spirit. He loves the feeling that he gets when he is with you in the open sea. The wind

and sea spray and ruggedness of working on the boat seem to ap-

peal to him. Your father tells me that you would be surprised by

this. He wants you to know that he better understands you now. I

get the impression from him that he was focused on his work. He

was serious and tells me that he took the safe route. His work was

important to him. He didn’t explore and travel like you do.

Ken takes a deep breath and sighs. “It sounds like he is on the

crab boat that I am working on with me. My father was an attorney

84 ~ Conformity and Breaking Free

and partner at a law firm. My grandfather, his father was also an

attorney.”

Ken’s father continues to open up. “Your father is telling me that

he now understands the pressure that he placed on you as a child.

He wanted you to be who he thought that you should be. Does this

make sense to you?” I ask Ken.

“Yes, it makes a lot of sense.” Ken explains. “From an early age

there was tension between me and my father. I liked to play out-

doors. I liked nothing better than to get dirty and trample through the marsh down the street. I was diagnosed with ADD and a learning disability in the third grade. I know my father was embarrassed.

Our relationship got worse as I got older. I wanted to please him. I wanted him to be proud of me. “

Ken’s father in spirit was intently listening to Ken. “I hear your

father saying that he was unhappy and didn’t know why. Not with

you but with himself. He didn’t understand you and he realizes

now how much his negativity affected you. Your father laughs and

tells me that he was full of himself.”

“Really, he understands what I felt as a child?” Ken says and

clearly looks perplexed.

“Your father wants to apologize. When you were young, were

you a Boy Scout or go to camp in the summer? He is showing me a

scene in the forest. It looks like a camp. There are a lot of kids and I think that this is you he is showing me. You are sitting alone. I feel a lot of regret from your father.”

“I loved camp. I think I know what he is talking about.” Ken

tells me. “When I was young I went to a boy scout camp. Our last

day there our fathers were supposed to join us and spend the night.

My father never showed up. I felt very lonely. The next morning he

showed up right before we were supposed to go home. He said that

he was in court. That was the end of it, he never apologized. I was expected to understand. My friends seemed to have good relationships with their fathers. They shared hobbies and interests, even if
Conformity and Breaking Free ~ 85

it was simply watching sporting events together. I wanted my fa-

ther’s attention. But, I never felt that I got it.”

“Did your father not show up for your college graduation, too?

He seems to be apologizing for this or something about a gradua-

tion? He shows me you in a college cap and gown. Again, you seem

to be sitting alone. I get the feeling of anger from him. Not sure

why.”

Ken looks sad and explains. “I had no desire to go to college, but

I attended a community college. I thought that this might make

him happy. It wasn’t easy. But I got through and then went on to

a four year local college to earn a Bachelor’s degree. Of course, my father didn’t seem to notice. I did not get great grades and I certainly did not excel at anything. After college my desire to explore and travel intensified. I knew that I did not have the grades to go to law school like my father and grandfather. I know that this disappointed him. My mother made him go to my graduation. But,

he was silent and looked bored. Afterward when I went home he

went into his study and shut the door. He didn’t come out and he

ignored me. I was humiliated. It felt as if no matter what I did I was not good enough.”

“Your father is telling me that he was not angry at you. He was

angry at his own life. I get the impression from him that he wanted to do other things but did not know how to change. It feels like

there was pressure on him from his family. He shows me images of

tools, like carpentry tools. He says that he wanted to be a builder or maybe a craftsperson.”

“That’s interesting.” Ken states. “He had a workshop in the yard.

It was full of old wood-working tools, big saws and interesting

things. My mother once told me that it was his dream to build his

own house in the country and live closer to the land. I never saw

my father work in his shop. Everything was old and full of cobwebs.

We lived in an upscale suburban neighborhood. It’s hard for me to

imagine him working with his hands.”

86 ~ Conformity and Breaking Free

“Your father never lived the life he wanted to.” I tell Ken. “He

admires you for pursuing your dreams.”

“I thought that he was a sad man.” Ken tells me. “When I went

to Thailand to teach English then travelled throughout Asia we had

little contact. I would come home for the holidays but we had little to talk about. My father seemed to be uninterested in my adventures and I could not relate to the hours he spent behind the desk.

Opening old wounds and talking about his father seemed to be

having a healing effect on Ken.

He continued. “On one of my visits, I opened the door and had

an overwhelming feeling of dread. The next morning at break-

fast my mother, in a matter of fact tone, told me that my father

had recently been diagnosed with stomach cancer. In an advanced

stage, there was little that could be done and he was given just a

few months to live. I was in shock and very sad. I couldn’t believe that he was still working and that they had not told me. Almost

as if everything was fine, my father came home that evening and

continued with his normal routine. This however, did not last long.

Within a few weeks he was unable to walk without assistance. I de-

cided to stay home and help care for him. I wanted so much to

hear him tell me that he loved me. I sat near his bed with him for a few weeks but he said nothing. He refused food and slipped into a

quiet dark place. I didn’t know what to do. He died in his sleep in the hospital about a month later. I stayed and helped my mother

as best I could. But she too, seemed distant and depressed. I didn’t know what to do. I needed to work so I went to Alaska to be a crew

hand on a fishing boat. I can barely believe that this is my father”

Ken looked at me with wide eyes. “Why now? After all of this time

what happened? What made him change?”

I focused my attention on his father curious to hear his reply.

“He doesn’t seem to know why.” I tell Ken. “Your father tells me

that he doesn’t know what happened. I didn’t expect any of this. He says. I thought that I would die and that was it. But that is not what
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happened. I feel things that I never felt, everything is new to me.

A kind man has been helping me. He told me that I could not stay

stuck forever. He coaxed me into this place of warmth and light.

I have been learning so much. I know now that you were sent to

me. You were my opportunity to experience life in another way. I

needed to be encouraged to be myself. I guess I didn’t do too well.

I resisted. I reasoned that I loved you because all parents love their children. I realize now that I did not love you, not the way I could have. You were different and I rejected you. I am sorry. I was afraid to be different. So now this man has encouraged me to spend time

with you. It is never too late he tells me. I am enjoying it. Being with you is fun. Stay free, just the way you are.”

Ken becomes silent and stares at the floor. He wants to change

the subject and starts to ask me about his upcoming plans to go

rock climbing in China. But, after this intense encounter with his

father, he seems a bit dazed and a little spacey. Before we finish the session I ask him if he has any other questions.

“Just one,” I hear him say almost in a whisper. “I would like to

think that my father has changed but it almost seems to be too

good to be true. Can he affect my life in a negative way? I know that seems not very loving of me, but he has always criticized me and I

am worried that he might still do this.”

“I think that is a valid question.” I tell him. “If you do not want your father’s influence all you have to do is send him the mental

thought that you are not ready to have his spirit close to you at

this time. Tell him that you will send him the invitation to return at another time. We have power over who is close to us. Although

it seems hard to believe, once we transition into the spirit realm we are immersed in love. Our wounds and pain heal and we experience compassion and forgiveness. Keep in mind that your father

is learning from you. You are providing him with an opportunity

to experience and evolve and grow. Like his male angel helper told

him, it is never too late.”

88 ~ Conformity and Breaking Free

“Okay,” Ken tells me. Pausing for a moment, I hear his hope-

ful laugh. “I guess we may finally do some of the things I always

wanted to do with him.”

Ethereal Play

Once we shed the physical body we experience a kind of freedom

that often eludes us in the material world. On the other side there is a vast variety of activities, pursuits and opportunities available to us. We can learn new skills, acquire knowledge and develop and express creativity. It is always interesting to hear what kind of things those in spirit are involved in. I have had people on the other side tell me that they go to parties, take cruises, paint, climb mountains, play cards, fish, sew, help others who have recently passed over and learn about every subject imaginable. I have also been told that it is necessary on the other side to develop psychic abilities and learn how to create with energy, vibration and color. Some on the other

side are simply relaxing and healing in the vibrant streams of har-

mony, love and peace. As they do this they are balancing their men-

tal, emotional and spiritual energies which enable them to heal and help those they left behind in the physical realm. It is also common to continue pursuing the same hobbies and talents and interests

from the earth life.

If we did not take advantage of our time in the physical realm

to practice and learn new things, we can make up for this in the

spirit realm. Our spirit guides and teachers motivate us to become

involved in specific areas of interest and encourage us to teach and help others in those matters where we have expertize. We might

need to further specific talents, deepen our knowledge in certain

subjects to enhance and refine our creative potential. The soul is

nourished by experiences and possibilities. In its natural state the soul evolves, grows, develops and advances. In this way we perfect

our individuality. It is only on the earth that we become static and resist change.

Conformity and Breaking Free ~ 89

The following story involves two relatives with distinctly differ-

ent personalities. This was a fun and unexpected interaction that

still makes me smile.

The Beauty Shop Mirror

It is unusual for me to communicate with loved ones on the other

side when I am not working. Years ago I learned how to turn my

abilities on and off. I had to. It is not easy to continually be available to those on the other side. It can be distracting and emotion-

ally confusing. Like everyone I value my time off and I need it. For this reason the following encounter with someone from the other

side was a surprise.

One afternoon I went to get my hair cut at the salon that I usu-

ally visit. However when I showed up for my appointment, they

did not have me on the schedule. My usual stylist was not working

that day and the only person available was Kareem. I did not know

him but I received a good vibe from him, so I went ahead and sat in his chair. Kareem was quite talkative. Sometimes I zone out during

these appointments and take some time to relax. But, Kareem had

so much charisma I just listened.

Kareem began by telling me of his early life. Locally born and

raised he grew up on a farm not too far from the salon. Now a com-

munity of homes and a shopping center he told me of how much

fun he had exploring the then undeveloped woods and streams. At

about eighteen he moved to Los Angeles to pursue his dream of

being in the film industry. For several years he went from audition to audition and took acting lessons. During this time he made his

living as a makeup artist at a film studio. With his lifelong interest and flare for design, make-up and hair styling, the job came easy to him.