Yearning Devotion (8 page)

A loud crashing noise woke Gwen.
She slowly blinked opened her eyes. It took a few moments for her to remember
where she was.
Oh right, I SLEPT at Cole’s and with Cole.
 Her head was
on Cole’s chest. Her arm was bent on his chest, hand resting on the other side
of his chest. He appeared to still be sleeping as she gazed up at his handsome
sleep relaxed face. She thought of what an oddity this man was. He made her
feel things she had never felt before, not to mention she had never spent the
whole night with anyone other than McKayla. A very angry, very womanly voice
brought these thoughts to a crashing halt. 

“Who the fuck is this, Cole?” Gwen
heard snarled to her left. She sat up and blinked as she took in a fiery little
brunette in the doorway to the bedroom. The brunette must’ve thrown open the
door and that caused the loud noise that had woken her. The raging woman looked
ready to spit fire at Gwen.

Gwen quickly turned her head to Cole,
confusion filling her face. He was slowly sitting up, still trying to shake off
sleep. The brunette was looking between Cole and Gwen back to Cole. She grabbed
something off the dresser next to the door and threw it towards the wall behind
the bed the couple was in. Gwen ducked and whatever it was shattered as the
brunette shrieked, “Cole, WHO THE HELL IS THAT?”

“Um….” Gwen looked between the two
of them. She pulled the sheet up to her chest and scooted away from him.
Looking away from the raging woman to Cole, Gwen quietly asked, “Cole… Who is
that?”

“I am his fucking WIFE! Who the
FUCK are you and why are you in bed NAKED with my HUSBAND?” The brunette yelled
at her. Gwen looked from the brunette back to Cole, a look of guilt on his
face. He didn’t even try to dispute it and the guilty look said everything she
needed to know.

Gwen’s heart stopped, her head
spun. No. No, she hadn’t broken her one and only rule. Cole couldn’t have done
this to her. He would have told her he was married, wouldn’t he? Why would not
have worked so hard to get her to start falling in love with him? Why would he
do this? He was married! She shook her head in disgust at herself. She could
feel the bile rising in her throat but pushed it back. She had to get away from
him.

She slapped him as hard as she
could across the face. Her hand burned from the impact, but it was nothing
compared to the revulsion that surged through her.  He just hung his head as an
angry red mark appeared on his cheek.

“Go to hell.” Gwen spit at him in a
low hate filled voice before climbing from the bed. She left the sheet behind.
It wouldn’t matter anyway, her embarrassment was too much for a sheet to cover
anyway. She snatched up her dress from the ground and walked completely naked
past the petite woman. She stopped by the front door only long enough to slip
her tramp dress on. B
etter than being naked
she told herself before
walking out the front door.

She calmly walked to the stairs
taking them instead of waiting for the elevator.  Her head spun. She was
furious with him and herself. She’d helped him cheat. She had slept with a
married man. She flew down the stairs. The more time these atrocious thoughts
and memories ran through her, the more she felt like her reality was slipping
out from under her feet.

She knew most men only wanted sex
from a woman like her. She’d been paid to have sex with numerous men but she had
never felt dirtier and more used than she did right at that moment. He had
touched something deep within her. She thought he was helping her heal her
internal scars instead he tore open the biggest one yet.

She spilled out of the stairwell
into the lobby of the building. She gathered what was left of her sanity before
standing tall and walking as casually as she could out of the building. There
were people in the lobby and she didn’t want to draw any more attention to
herself than necessary considering she was already doing the walk of shame in a
tiny dress, no panties, no shoes and no dignity.

Gwen walked the whole way to
McKayla’s flat, thankfully not bothered by anyone.  Not that it would’ve
mattered, nothing could be worse than what she’d just gone through. Plus, it
was 6am, most people didn’t even pay her attention.  She had held herself
together so far, not one tear had been shed. He didn’t deserve her tears
anyway. She banged hard on the door. McKayla pulled the door open with a sleepy
expression, wearing a sports bra and a thong.

“Gwen? What the fuck?” McKayla
rubbed a hand over her face. She’d obviously been sound asleep when Gwen had
started pounding on her door.

“He’s married.” Gwen said numbly.
McKayla wrapped her arm around Gwen’s shoulders and pulled her into the
apartment, shutting the door behind them. 

“Let me make some coffee and you
can tell me what’s going on.” McKayla said still trying to wake up and
understand what was going on.  She quickly had her coffee maker gurgling and
steaming out two cups of coffee. She returned to Gwen, who had literally
stopped right where McKayla had left her a few steps inside the door. McKayla
took in the tiny black dress and shoe-less feet. Gwen had her arms wrapped
around herself, shoulders hunched in. Her head was down, her eyes on the floor and
such a sad look on her face, one that McKayla hadn’t seen even through
everything they’d been through. “So, where’d you come from?”

“I went to see Cole.” Gwen
murmured, still chasing the thoughts inside her head.  McKayla put an arm
around her shoulders and led her to the couch. She made her sit before
returning to the kitchen to get the coffee for both of them. 

“Ok. Start at the beginning. Last
thing I knew, you were going to the party with Isaac.” McKayla was trying to
figure out what had happened. She’d last spoken to Gwen around 7pm, it was now
just after 6am, 11 hours had passed. Gwen had never looked this way in the past
so something significant must have happened.  Gwen cleared her throat and took
a sip of the coffee. After taking another long gulp of the hot liquid, she
stood and went to the kitchen.

Gwen poured the coffee down the
drain and set the mug down She put her elbows on the counter, her face in her
hands. She clawed her hands through her hair before grabbing the bottle of whiskey
out of the cabinet and filling the coffee mug ¼ of the way. She swirled the cup
a few times, staring at the liquid swishing around in the cup before taking a
big swig. She swallowed once then shot back the rest of the contents. Feeling
the burn down her throat that was no worse than the burn from the pain in her
chest.  

McKayla watched from the doorway.
She’d never seen Gwen act this way.  She was so completely lost in her head,
she doubted Gwen even knew McKayla had joined her in the kitchen. Gwen went to
fill up her cup again.  

 “Let’s chat for a bit before you
drink the whole bottle.” McKayla took the bottle and put it back in the
cabinet. She leaned back on the counter across from Gwen, bracing her hand on
the counter behind her. Gwen leaned on the counter across from McKayla with her
arms wrapped around her stomach again. Gwen’s eyes focused on the cabinet on
the ground in front of her.

 “I went to the party with Isaac.
It ended up being at Cole’s apartment. Cole and I danced, chatted and laughed
for a while. Then I remembered where I was and why so I went back to my date. Cole
stayed away from me until I went to the restroom where he waited for me so that
he could kiss me.  I told him we couldn’t do that and left shortly thereafter
with Isaac. When I got home, I couldn’t get Cole off my mind so I decided to go
to him. He’s been slowly worming his way into my head and heart. God, I wanted
to believe that he only wanted me for sex, I WANTED that to be it. Just being
around him fucks with my head.” Gwen sighed deeply before continuing. “So, I
found my smallest skimpiest dress and to prove to myself that that’s all he
wanted. I showed up at his place at midnight, all ready to be used and tossed
aside like I’m used to so I could get my senses back about this guy. But then
he made me eat left overs with him because he knew I hadn’t eaten all night. I
tried once again to get him to have sex with me, but once again he deflected me
and instead suggests that I help him clean the mess from the party. Which I
actually did. I cleaned the kitchen up and walked into the living room to see
him waiting for me. He hadn’t actually thought I was going to. It was supposed
to be a joke. Finally, he took me to his room to make love to me, there is no
other word for how it was for me. Something about the way he stared into my
eyes. He fucked me so tenderly, staring deep into my eyes like he wants to
touch my soul and keep a piece of it for himself. I can’t exactly describe it.
He is just so different. It’s not just the way he looks at me, but the way he
speaks to me and jokes with me. All of it made me believe he thought I was more
than the piece of shit I am. Then, this morning we got woken up by his wife,
who was raging about finding her husband in bed naked with another woman.”

 “You aren’t a piece of shit, don’t
talk that way about yourself. Gwen, we know life is hard. I wish it wasn’t, but
it is. We learn when we are suffering just how strong we are and what we need
to make ourselves happy. Cole is the piece of shit, not you. You need to forget
him and his sweet talking ways and lies. You have me and together we will get
through this just like we’ve gotten through everything else.” McKayla pulled
her into a hug while rubbing a hand slowly up and down her back. “I wish he hadn’t
broken your heart, I wish I could take the pain from you. But at least you
found out now instead of later.”

“You don’t have to admit it. I know
what I am. The only kind of person that lives a life like the one I’ve lived is
a horrible person. No matter how much I try to do good things, it always turns
to shit.” Gwen nodded but pulled away. “I just need to… I don’t know. Just…
think.”

Gwen didn’t know how else to phrase
it, her head was a mess. She kissed McKayla softly while running her hand over
her cheek before heading to the bedroom. She quickly slipped into a pair of
black sweat pants and an oversized t-shirt that slipped off one shoulder.  She
grabbed a pair of flip-flops out of the closet and returned to where McKayla
was waiting in the living room. “I’m going home. I just need some time alone to
sort through things.”

Gwen didn’t wait for a reply, just
left without another look at McKayla. She didn’t know how she got home,
everything was just in a haze, but she found her way out to the patio
overlooking the city. She put her headphones in, turned music on and tuned out
the world to let her mind sort through things.

After two days of not hearing from
Gwen, McKayla showed up at her apartment and banged on the door. Gwen didn’t
answer. McKayla used her key to enter the apartment.  She found Gwen sitting on
her patio listening to music. She was still wearing the clothes she’d put on at
McKayla’s.  McKayla stood there watching her, thinking back through their past.

McKayla and Gwen had been through a
lot in the time they’d been together. They’d met in a survivors group for rape
victims. Both of them had been brutally raped and bonded through it.  They both
used a physical means to help release the pain they’d endured during their past.

McKayla had been captured and held
captive for three months by her rapist when she was 16. She’d been found by a
regular inspection done by law enforcement because the man that had abducted
her was a convicted sex offender and was checked in on every few months. On the
other hand, Gwen had been held captive for five long years.  She’d been taken
by two brothers when she was only 12 years old.

Gwen had endured tortures and
horrors that she still wouldn’t share with anyone. Even after 10 years of
knowing her, McKayla still didn’t even know the whole story. She did know that
Gwen had been beaten severely a majority of the time while they had her. She
got pregnant a few times and they had forced her body to abort by starvation
and focused their beatings to her stomach area. Gwen had never enjoyed
penetration by men. She’d been a virgin when they grabbed her and now she
related it back to when those nasty bastards had held her down and forced it
upon her.

When they’d first met, it had been
about year since McKayla had escaped her rapist. Gwen had less than one month
out of captivity. McKayla had issues to get over because of her own situation
but Gwen had been a complete mess. McKayla had watched and supported her as she
slowly pulled herself together and found a way to beat back the demons.  They
never talked about how Gwen escaped from her captors, not once. It was one part
of the story that she wouldn’t talk about at all. McKayla knew there was more
there but Gwen had to be the one to tell her what had happened and when she was
comfortable with sharing it.

While Gwen used her body to make
money, she donated half of what she made to rape and abuse victims. The rest of
what she made was spent on school and rent. She loved jewelry and clothes. It
made her feel worthy and pretty to have something that not everyone else could
afford to have.

McKayla would give anything to make
Gwen happy. She knew she had to give Gwen her space to do it on her own. She
knew that music helped Gwen find peace. She just hoped once Gwen regained her
footing in life, she would get back the happy mostly carefree Gwen she loved. 
They had worked hard to dig out from the troubles men had inflicted upon them.
They turned the pain and suffering into a way to make a living. Most
importantly, McKayla and Gwen had come to love each other more than anything
else either woman had loved before. McKayla needed Gwen in her life. She hoped
Gwen didn’t use this as an excuse to completely push her out of her life.

McKayla laid on the couch as tears
rolled down her eyes. She watched as Gwen sat motionless in the chair looking
unseeingly out at the city. Eventually, McKayla dozed off on the couch and when
she awoke a few hour later, Gwen was gone.