Wrestling With Love (36 page)

“That’s perfectly understandable. Can we go into your room and talk?” Elizabeth’s voice was soothing and she stood up, offering Derek a hand to help him stand. He allowed her to support him and opened the door for them. He was surprised to see a love seat against the wall between their two beds.

Seeing Derek’s confusion, Elizabeth explained what had happened. “Scott ordered it and asked if I would wait for the delivery since I don’t have class until this afternoon. Then Ron told me what happened, so I wanted to be here when you got back. Come on, let’s sit down.”

Derek allowed himself to be led to the couch and sat down, placing his elbows on his knees and dropping his head into his hands. “I still can’t believe it. This morning was like watching a movie but I was one of the characters and couldn’t escape the scene.”

Elizabeth laughed, then covered her mouth. “I’m sorry. I’m not making light of this. That’s not a bad description. What Tyrell did was horrible.” Then her smile faded and she peered at him. “I really need to know if you’re okay, Derek.”

“I guess so. I mean I’m not about to jump out the window or anything if that’s what you’re asking.” He let out a defeated chuckle. “But, I’m not too psyched to show my face in public right now.”

“Why? Are you worried people won’t like you because you’re gay?” Her question was delivered in a plain voice without any judgment or discomfort behind her words.

“Yeah, I am.” Derek lifted his head from his hands and looked at Elizabeth.

“Derek, no one cares whether you’re gay or straight. You’re a terrific guy and everyone likes you. All they want to do is make sure you’re okay.” She smiled, placing an arm around his shoulders. “Why would you think people wouldn’t like you for being gay?”

“I don’t know. In high school, no one was out and I always felt like I had to keep it a secret. My friends would use comments like fag or homo all the time in an insulting way and I just kept my mouth shut, feeling like if they knew I was one of those fags they would kick the shit out of me.”

“Well, you’re not in high school anymore and people here have open minds. Also, could you not use the word fag? I really hate it.” She pulled Derek towards her and he allowed himself to lean against her. “Scott’s very worried about you, you know.”

“Fuck.” Derek had hoped Scott wouldn’t find out about what had happened. 171

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“What? Are you surprised?”

“No,” Derek answered honestly, “it’s just that Scott said if Tyrell did another thing to hurt me he would intervene and I’m afraid he might intervene physically. I don’t want to see him get kicked out of school or put on probation on account of me.”

“Well, you’re right in worrying about his reaction. A physical response would not be good. But there are other ways to handle this situation without resorting to violence. Ron told me Tyrell verbally threatened you. Is that true?”

Derek ran through the morning again, trying to remember. “He said I would pay for whatever it was that happened to him after dinner last night. We ran into some of his friends and they confronted me in front of Scott, saying Tyrell was my boyfriend. I set them straight and I guess they gave Tyrell a hard time later that evening.”

“Saying you will pay for something is verbal harassment. You could file a complaint. The school doesn’t tolerate any form of harassment and there are serious consequences for students who engage in that kind of behavior.”

Derek didn’t want to bring more attention to the situation. He was embarrassed enough as it was. “I don’t think I want to do that. It’ll only make things worse.”

Elizabeth sighed. “Whatever you want to do is fine, but I’m going to keep a record of this incident and I’ve spoken to some of the witnesses. There’s no statute of limitations for you if you decide to file a complaint.”

Derek nodded in understanding. “Wait, you said Scott was concerned. What does he know?”

“He knows Tyrell waited outside for you this morning and tried to bully you into admitting you were his boyfriend. He knows Ron intervened and made Tyrell leave and that several of the people in the dorm witnessed what happened.”

“Great. He must have freaked out.” Derek was not looking forward to Scott’s mood when he came back from practice. How many times had Scott warned him to be more careful?

“He was freaked out.” Elizabeth took his hand, rubbing it comfortingly. Derek looked up in alarm. “Oh my God. He was pissed at me wasn’t he?”

The look of shock in Elizabeth’s eyes was unmistakable. “No. Of course he wasn’t mad at you. I actually had to sit him down to convince him not to run across campus to look for Tyrell. Then he wanted to stay here to wait for you until you got back from class, but I finally convinced him to go and told him I would be here when you got back.” She smiled. “He’s a good friend. Anyone would be worried about a friend if that happened to them.”

Derek relaxed. It sounded like Elizabeth had managed to keep Scott under enough control to prevent him from going after Tyrell. He just hoped Scott could deal with the fact people in the dorm now knew Derek was gay.

When he turned his gaze back to Elizabeth, she was looking at him thoughtfully.

“Look. Your private life is your own, but if you’re afraid people are going to reject you 172

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because you’re gay, you’re wrong.” She smiled then stood up. “So, are you going to be okay? I have to get to class.”

“Yeah. Thanks for sticking around. I’ve been freaking out all morning.” Derek looked at Elizabeth with steady eyes. “But I feel better now.”

“That’s my job. I’m here to make sure all of the residents of this dorm are taken care of. I’m glad you weren’t overly upset by what happened. By Scott’s reaction, I was worried you might have been in far worse shape. Come see me later if you want to talk some more.” With that, she headed out, closing the door behind her. Derek lay down on the love seat and closed his eyes. He hoped Scott didn’t try to find Tyrell before coming back to the dorm, not wanting him to take matters into his own hands. He had seen twice how Scott became incensed when defending him. The thought was comforting, causing him to smile for the first time all day. Although he didn’t want Scott to actually do anything, the knowledge that he wanted to made Derek feel safe and loved. Still, he wouldn’t be able to truly relax until he faced Scott and saw for himself that everything was going to be all right between them. 173

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Chapter Fifteen

“You’re here. Thank God.” Scott rushed into the room, and sat down next to Derek, pulling him into his arms and hugging him tightly. “I’ve been so worried about you. Are you okay?”

People had been stopping by his room all evening asking if he was all right and Derek was getting tired of answering the question, still Scott was the one person he most wanted to see and whose reaction he worried about most. “I’m fine. Really. I’m okay. It was very upsetting, but I’m over it for the most part.” Scott surveyed Derek carefully and it was clear he didn’t believe what Derek was saying. “Okay, I’m not over it, but I’m not upset like I was earlier.”

“I want to fucking kill that kid. It took Elizabeth at least thirty minutes to calm me down enough to keep me from running out of here like a madman this morning and even then, once I got outside, I almost took off towards his part of campus in search of him.”

Derek breathed a sigh of relief that Scott hadn’t. “Scott, I’m so sorry. I know you’ve been warning me over and over about him. I just didn’t listen. I didn’t believe people could be so mean and vicious. I’m still shocked Tyrell sat around waiting for me this morning and then…I’m so sorry.” Derek looked at Scott, wanting to see if there were any traces of anger to be found in his face or his body language. There was none, but he needed to vocalize the one thing that he worried would most upset Scott. “People know I’m gay now.”

Scott tightened his grip around Derek’s shoulders. “Yeah, well, what’s done is done. We’ve talked about this before. I’m not going to say I told you so, but I am going to say I think it would be a good idea for you to steer clear of Tyr…” Scott broke off, his arm tensing around Derek’s shoulder. “I can’t even say that fuck head’s name without wanting to run out and pummel him. What I was trying to say is I think it would be a good idea for you to lie low for a while.”

Despite knowing Scott only wanted to help, something in his words didn’t sit right with Derek. “What do you mean?”

Scott stood up and began to pace the room. “I mean, maybe you shouldn’t go to any more of those meetings for a while. Maybe you should just focus on something else. I know you’ve been exploring yourself, but look where it’s gotten you.”

As Scott spoke, Derek noticed that he was averting eye contact. “Scott. Look at me.”

He stopped his pacing and turned to face Derek, still keeping his gaze lowered.

“What is it?”

A wave of panic passed through Derek’s chest. He can’t look at me. Things have changed between us. “I know you told me to be careful and I didn’t listen. I’m sorry. This puts you in an uncomfortable position. I hope you can forgive me.”

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Those words seemed to evoke a reaction. Scott’s head snapped up and he rushed to Derek’s side. “Forgive you? For what? You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“It’s…with people knowing I’m gay…it puts you in a—”

His words were cut short by Scott’s mouth covering his. It wasn’t a romantic kiss, nor was it gentle. Instead, it was more of a needy kiss. One which communicated possession and concern. When he pulled away, he was breathing heavily and rested his forehead against Derek’s. “Derek. I don’t give a fuck what people think. All I care about is protecting you from getting hurt. It’s taking all of my control not to storm out of here and kill that kid.” He lifted Derek’s head until they were locked in an intense gaze. “All I’m saying is that laying low might help cool things off for a while.”

“I’m not about to hide under a rock just because this happened. If I do, then Tyrell wins.” He felt a twinge of aggravation fill him. “What are you really saying?”

“I’m worried about you, Derek. What else would I be thinking? Elizabeth said that Ron saw you take off. I’ve been calling you all day and haven’t been able to reach you.”

Derek instinctively took his phone from his pocket and looked at it. It revealed he had several missed messages and texts. “I was worried that you were really upset and unhappy and there was nothing I could do about it.”

Derek’s anger subsided. “I’m sorry. I’m just feeling defensive.”

Scott remained silent for a moment, then glanced at Derek with a hint of nervousness. Despite the discomfort of the moment, Scott squared his shoulders, as if he were preparing to say something important. Derek sat and waited, realizing that Scott was only there to support him. If the roles had been reversed and Derek had been trying to reach Scott all day, he’d be a nervous wreck by now. Scott closed his arms around Derek’s shoulder, allowing his hand to gently brush along the skin of his upper arm. “There’s one other thing I’m worried about. I just began on the wrestling team and I’ve told you, I’m not ready for everyone to know about me yet. What happened today might force me out of the closet faster than I’m ready. Hasn’t this shown that you aren’t ready for everyone to know about you as well?”

The anger which had dissipated, flared up again with a vengeance. “No. Quite the opposite, actually. Elizabeth was really cool and said no one cares whether or not I’m gay. She said people like me because I’m a great guy.” He stood up, clenching his fists.

“That’s what’s really bothering you, isn’t it?” He was almost yelling now and Scott sat quietly, staring at his feet. “You’re worried people will think you’re gay because you have me as your roommate. Aren’t you?”

Scott winced. “Maybe a little bit.”

“Well, don’t fucking worry about it. Your secret is safe. I haven’t told anyone and I won’t. Other people live with gay roommates who are straight. I guess you can pretend to be one of those.” Derek paced back and forth across the room. Scott stood and tried to put his hands on Derek’s shoulders to stop him, but Derek jerked away. “Don’t. You better be careful or else people might think you’re a homo like me. Your precious 175

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reputation might become tarnished.” Derek knew he was overreacting, but couldn’t stop himself.

“Why are you angry with me? I’m not the one who attacked you this morning.”

Scott looked helpless, unsure of what to say or do. “You asked me a question and I answered it honestly. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I still love you. I’m just not ready for people to know about me yet.”

Derek whipped around to face Scott. “Well, I am so glad you decided to be honest with me, but, maybe it does change the way I feel about you.” Scott looked as if he had been slapped in the face. Although Derek immediately regretted the statement, he was too riled up and this outburst was the first time he had let out his pent up anger, fear, and frustration. “I’m meeting up with some people tonight. Jared, the president of The Alliance, invited me over for a get together. He wanted me to bring a demo CD over to him so he could decide whether or not I can mix for the big dance.”

“Derek, come on. Don’t go.” Scott looked on the verge of tears.

“Why? Because if anyone sees me there, they’ll know for sure I’m gay? Is that what you’re concerned about?” Derek knew he was being mean at this point.