Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom (136 page)

Stand in front of a mirror regularly and thank your body for all it has done for you. Cultivate the link between your mouth and your ear—and the rest of you—so that you get used to hearing yourself say positive things about your body. Remember always that 90 percent of your bodily functions take place without your conscious input. Who keeps your heart beating? Who metabolizes your food? Who tells you when you need to replenish your fluid intake by drinking water? Who heals your skin when you cut yourself? Who tells your ears to listen to beautiful music? Who tells your eyes to see beautiful sunsets? Acknowledge that your body is a miracle and that its natural state is health and joy.

STEP FIVE: LEARN TO RESPECT YOUR BODY

Almost all women in the United States have a body image distortion because of the millions of images of “perfect” airbrushed women that the media flash at us continually. We begin comparing ourselves with these icons of unattainable perfection even before puberty. Thus, we often relate to our bodies via negative comparisons: “My hips are too fat, my breasts are too small, my knees are ugly, my hair is too thin.”

Instead of bowing to these cultural dictates and feeling bad yourself:

Understand that your wish to have what society believes is the “perfect body” is com pletely natural. Know that you may be powerless over it. (By this, I mean that the desire rises up unbidden. You have no control over it.) But you
do
have control and power over what you choose to do with a thought or desire. This is why it is so important to begin to hear ourselves and our thoughts.

Love the body you have. If you don’t respect, care for, and love your body, no one else will or even
can
. Vow to treat yourself and your body with kindness, especially when put-downs and comparisons come up from deep inside.

Be aware that your thoughts and beliefs about yourself send a powerful signal out into the universe that others can sense. In her book
Life Magic
(Miramax Books, 2005), Laura Bushnell suggests that you imagine a huge mirror in the sky above you. In red lipstick, write the following phrase on that mirror: “I am beautiful and irresistible.” Over time, your body will respond to your thoughts. You will become what you affirm.

Articles in magazines have documented that most media personalities have had or will have plastic surgery at some point in their careers. The models of perfection who beam into our global living rooms every day set up a standard that is impossible for most to aspire to without resorting to measures such as surgery.
⁷
And there’s nothing wrong with using surgery to look your best, either. But even with surgery, the models on magazine covers routinely have several inches airbrushed from their thighs and buttocks and duct tape applied to various areas to pull them tight. They are human, after all— subject to the same wrinkles and sags as the rest of us. But their industry standards demand a certain image, and so they meet it, first by having the good fortune to have the right genes, and then by using surgery and often following a rigorous and disciplined lifestyle to maintain their looks. On a TV or movie set, someone follows them around all day with a blow dryer. On some level, almost all women would look their very best (or at least their culturally determined best) if they devoted the same amount of time, energy, and money to their appearance as our cultural media icons do and had all their photo images professionally manipulated—we’ve all seen evidence of this on the popular makeover shows on television. The enduring appeal of makeovers is that they help us manifest on the outside how we feel inside. (To look your best, I recommend the book
What Not to Wear
[Riverhead Books, 2004] by Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine. It’s very practical, helpful, and fun.)

The ancient arts of adornment are part of caring for ourselves. Nail polish, eye liner, and lip colorings were used by the ancient Greeks and Romans. It seems that the human race has always been interested in style and makeup. I ap plaud the increasing trend toward better self-care through regular massage, pedicures, manicures, and pampering. It’s a step in the right direction!

Our approach to dressing, makeup, hair, and personal care can be well served by the wisdom of Dolly Parton, who said, “Find out who you are, then do it on purpose.” If we can find out who we are on the inside, we can then express it on the outside. As Coco Chanel once said, “Adornment is never anything except a reflection of the heart.”

STEP SIX: ACKNOWLEDGE A HIGHER POWER
OR INNER WISDOM

There is an unseen force, a spiritual dimension, guiding our lives
like a loving parent guiding its child.

—Pythia Peay

Our bodies are permeated and nourished by spiritual energy and guidance. Having faith and trust in this reality is crucial for lasting health and happiness. When a woman has faith in something greater than her intellect or her present circumstances, she is in touch with her inner source of power. Each of us has within us a divine spark. We are inherently a part of God/Goddess/Source. Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven is within, and we can make this spiritual connection through our inner guidance. We need go no further than ourselves to find it.

Learning to connect with our inner wisdom, our spirituality, is not difficult, but neither our intellect nor our ego can control either the connection or the results. The first step is to hold the intent to connect with divine guidance. The second step is to release our expectations of what will happen as a result. The third step is to wait for a response by being open to noticing the changes in the patterns of our lives that relate to the original intent.

Each of us has a guardian angel available for guidance. But we have to ask for guidance and be open to receiving it. Seeing the patterns, how all the parts connect, is a way of looking at life. This is the paradigm shift I mentioned at the beginning of this chapter. Understanding the big picture doesn’t mean getting stuck in the particular moment. Gaining access to spiritual guidance means looking at the pattern of our lives over time. As David Span-gler said, “Dreams, events, a book, the words of a friend: All of this might be one word from an angelic being.”

About two years before I wrote the first edition of this, my first book, I was standing by my bed on a sunny Friday morning, getting ready for the day. I read through my favorite meditations, which I’ve written down in a small book made of handcrafted paper. I decided to say aloud a statement taken from Florence Scovel Shinn’s book
The Game of Life and How to Play
It
.
⁸
I spoke it out loud clearly with sincere intent: “Infinite spirit, give me a definite lead, reveal to me my perfect self-expression. Show me which talent I am to make use of now.” That very afternoon I received a call from an acquaintance who is a lit erary agent. “I think it is time you wrote a book,” he said. It wasn’t until much later that day that I put those two events together. Sometimes the guidance comes easily and quickly. When it does, though, you sometimes have to go through the part of your intellect that tells you you’re making it up and are crazy for believing this stuff.

Though each of us is part of a greater whole, we are also individu als. The unique part of this whole that we each embody must be expressed fully in order to create health, happiness, and spiritual growth for ourselves and others. The way to best express this divine part of ourselves is by becoming all of who we are. Our bodies direct us toward full personal expression by letting us know what feels good and “right” and what doesn’t. Illness is often a sign that we are somehow off track from our life’s purpose. That is why Bernie Siegel, M.D., says, “Illness is God’s reset button.”

Many doctors are open to this realm of mystery, too, but they don’t dare to say anything. A highly skilled intuitive here in southern Maine once said to me, “Someday I’m going to have a cocktail party at my house and invite all the doctors in this area who’ve come to have read ings. You will all stand around and be amazed at how many of you there are—and also at who is here.”

When we invite the sacred into our lives by sincerely asking our in ner wisdom, or higher power, or God for guidance in our lives, we’re invoking great power. This can’t be taken lightly. The reason people are cynical about this and make fun of it is that they are afraid. When you sincerely invite in the sacred (your inner guidance or spirit) to assist you with your life, you are granting permission for your life to change. Those areas of your life that no longer serve your highest purpose may start to disintegrate—and this can be frightening. Caroline Myss says, “Wiping out a marriage or a job is a day at the beach for an angel.” Having been in both situations, I can attest to both the fear and the power inherent in this approach. The key to getting through it is being open to the greatness of your spirit.

Believing in angels, having your astrological chart done, or getting an intuitive reading doesn’t excuse anyone from the work of healing and becoming whole. Remember that anything can be used addictively—even so-called spiritual pursuits. Too many people use their “spiritual practices” to avoid addressing the difficult areas of their lives. Using crystals, New Age music, and astrology or going to church twice a week while drinking half a bottle of wine every night or being abusive to your children will not help you heal. Doing meditation faithfully twice a day and being beaten up by your husband every night will not keep you healthy. All the “spirituality” in the world won’t do your human homework for you. Only you can take the action neces sary to compose a vibrant life. As one of my twelve-step friends told me, “God moves mountains—bring a shovel.”

To reconnect with their innate spirituality, many women have to get past years of religious abuse, particularly if they’ve been victimized by organized cults or patriarchal religions. God has too often been por trayed as a vengeful, righteous being, outside of human ability to understand or know, and so it’s no wonder that being angry with God and struggling with the concept of a “higher power” or “inner wisdom” is a reality for so many. Some women are stuck at a very childlike stage in which they feel, “If there was a God, he would never have let this happen to me.” One of my colleagues says, “If I make God something separate from me and outside of myself, then I get to accuse God of punishing me whenever my life doesn’t go well.”