Woman of Courage (44 page)

“Do not speak to me about the Book of Heaven,” Small Rabbit said sharply. “The missionaries use words from the book to get us to change our ways.”

Yellow Bird clasped her mother’s hand. “The Book of Heaven, as some call it, has many good things to say about God, who I believe is the same as the Great Spirit we have worshiped for so many years. I believe it was God who kept me alive after I was taken from my people. He got me through times when I didn’t think I would survive, and it was Him who brought me home again. It was the cruel Blackfeet who stole me from my family, not God.”

Small Rabbit shrugged her slender shoulders. “We will speak of this another time. Right now we must go, for Little Joe has already been taken to your aunt Shy Deer’s tent so she can care for him. You, my daughter, have a wedding to attend.” She kissed Yellow Bird’s cheek. Then hand in hand, they left the tepee.

“Will you be going to Gray Eagle and Yellow Bird’s wedding with me?” Buck asked his mother.

She shook her head. “One of the women in my tribe is in the early stages of labor, and I’ll need to be close by when she is ready to deliver.”

“Oh, I see. Maybe I won’t go, either.”

“You said Gray Eagle invited you, right?”

Buck nodded.

“Then I am sure he will expect you to be there.”

“I suppose.”

Two Feathers left the pot of herbs she’d been mixing and took a seat on the mat beside Buck. “Is there something troubling you, my son?”

He nodded. Truth was, a lot of things were troubling him these days.

“What is it?”

Buck pulled his fingers down the side of his face, not sure where to begin. “I’ve been wonderin’ about something,” he said. “After all the horrible things you went through when you belonged to Silas Lothard, how could you accept Christianity yourself?” He scrunched up his face. “Don’t ya hate that man for what he did, and aren’t ya mad at God for allowin’ it to happen?”

Two Feathers sat quietly. Then she rose from the mat and moved across the lodge to the place where she kept her medicinal supplies. When she returned, she held a black book. Buck recognized it as the Bible, because Amanda had one, too.

Two Feathers took a seat beside Buck and, placing her hand on the Bible, she said, “While I have not yet learned to read all the words in this book, I know in my heart that what it says here is true.”

“How can you be so sure?” he asked.

“Because when the Spaldings told me that God sent His Son, Jesus, to earth to die for everyone’s sins, I believed it.”

Buck sat, staring at the black book. “So what are you saying—that Jesus died for men like Silas?”

Two Feathers nodded. “His blood was shed for all. We just have to believe in His name and ask Him to forgive our sins.”

“I’ll bet Silas never did that. If he had, he wouldn’t have continued to abuse us, and he wouldn’t have separated a mother from her son,” Buck said bitterly.

Two Feathers placed her hand on Buck’s shoulder. “I do not know what was in Silas’s heart, or why he did what he did, but I know that you must forgive him, just as I have done. Forgiveness is the only way to feel peace and be free from the pain. Reverend Spalding says the Bible teaches that we must forgive others, or God will not forgive us.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Buck said, averting his gaze from the Bible.

“Yes, you can,” she said with assurance. “You can and you must, but not until you pray and ask God to forgive your sins and invite Him to live in your heart. Only then will you feel peace and be able to forgive Silas, or anyone else, who has hurt you.”

Buck’s insides twisted as he fought conflicting thoughts. His mother was right, but he’d held on to his hate for so long, he wasn’t sure he could give it up. Would he really feel a sense of peace if he asked God to forgive his sins? Could he find it in his heart to forgive Silas, who might have died in his sins?

Bringing a shaky hand to his forehead, Buck said, “I have done many things I should not have done, and I do need to ask God for forgiveness. However, I’m not sure I can forgive Silas for what he did to us.”

Two Feathers placed the Bible in Buck’s lap. “Close your eyes and pray. God will give you the strength and desire to forgive.”

Buck did as she suggested, and when he opened his eyes again, a sense of peace flooded his soul such as he had never felt before. If he had known asking for forgiveness would bring him such relief, he would have done it sooner.

Fresh pine needles were spread over the floor of the ceremonial lodge in readiness for the wedding. A great deal of food had been prepared for the feast, waiting to be eaten by the bride, groom, and their honored guests.

It seemed as though most of the village was in attendance, though not all could fit inside the tepee, despite the fact that it was larger than most other lodges. Some stood outside and cheered as Yellow Bird entered the place where she would be wed. She smiled shyly, for she suddenly felt like a young girl again. This was not only to be a wedding feast, but a celebration of her return home, as well.

Everyone inside the lodge formed a circle; then the women took seats on the ground within their half of the circle, while the men sat on the other side. Yellow Bird kept her eyes looking down, as was the custom for a woman in her tribe who was about to become married. She knew Gray Eagle sat in the circle of men directly across from her. It was difficult not to look up and seek out his handsome face.

They were first served steaming bowls of buffalo stew by several of the young, unmarried maidens. Then more girls followed, bearing baskets filled with several kinds of dried fruits and berries.

Yellow Bird wasn’t sure she would be able to eat anything, for she felt too nervous to think about food. Out of politeness to their chief and the other guests, however, she forced herself to take a few bites of everything.

When the meal was over, the chief rose and stood in the middle of the circle. Gray Eagle and Yellow Bird joined him there.

Yellow Bird stole a quick glance at her soon-to-be husband. He was so handsome, with high cheekbones and a straight nose. But nothing prepared her for the joy that filled her when she saw his warm smile that told of his undying love and devotion to her.

The chief spoke a few solemn words over them, giving instructions as to the duties and obligations of marriage. When he finished talking, he tied a leather cord around their wrists, symbolizing that Gray Eagle and Yellow Bird were now joined as one.

The drums began to play, the men chanted, and the women danced in time to the rhythmic, singsong beat.
If anyone deserves to be happy, it is Yellow Bird
, Amanda thought.

Amanda’s throat clogged when she saw Buck standing across from her, watching the festivities. He looked different today. He wore a broad smile, and even from a distance she could see a twinkle in his eyes that hadn’t been there before.

It must be because of the time he’s spent with his mother
, Amanda thought.
I’m happy they found each other. Then again, he may be smiling so brightly seeing how happy Gray Eagle and Yellow Bird are today
.

Amanda’s heart fluttered when Buck looked at her and smiled.
I wonder if he plans to stay here, rather than going back to the mountains. It would make sense if he did, so he could be close to his mother
.

“This is quite an interesting ceremony, isn’t it?” Nathan asked, stepping up to Amanda and leaning close to her ear.

“Yes, it certainly is,” she replied. Amanda had been so caught up in wondering why Buck looked different that she’d almost forgotten Nathan was here.

“I hope it’s our wedding we’ll be attending next,” Nathan whispered.

Amanda shivered. She still had reservations about making a commitment to Nathan. It might make it easier if he would stop pressuring her. Then again, his persistence must mean he really cared for her.

She glanced at Buck again and was disappointed when she saw him walk away. He’d obviously decided to leave the celebrations, and she couldn’t help wondering why.

A
fter Buck walked slowly away, Amanda decided to follow him. He’d been avoiding her long enough, and she needed to know what was going on.

She turned to Nathan and said, “I’ll be right back.”

“Where art thou going?” he asked, looking at her strangely.

“I need to speak with someone.” Amanda hurried away before Nathan could question her further.

Buck walked slowly, so it was easy to catch up to him. “Buck, wait a minute; I need to talk to you,” she said, stepping up to him.

He stopped walking and turned to face her. “What about?”

“Why have you been avoiding me, and how come you left the celebration early?”

A muscle on the side of Buck’s neck quivered. “I didn’t think we had anything to say, but then I …” He dropped his gaze to the ground. “Never mind.”

“Never mind what, Buck? What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Please don’t do this. Tell me why.”

He gave no reply.

“I thought we were friends, but you’re talking to me as if I were a stranger.” She clasped his arm. “When I heard you’d been injured, I was worried and came to see you several times. But Two Feathers, who I understand is your mother, would never let me in.” Amanda paused for a breath. “At first she said you weren’t up to company, but the last time I stopped by her lodge she said you didn’t want to see me. Is that true?”

Buck shrugged.

“Please explain why you didn’t want to see me,” she said, determination welling in her soul. Even though she and Buck could never be together as a couple, Amanda didn’t want to lose him as a friend.

“You don’t need me as a friend,” Buck said with a stoic expression. “You have Yellow Bird, Gray Eagle, the Spaldings, and the yellow-haired man who is heading this way.”

Amanda turned and saw Nathan coming toward them. She wished he had waited. Despite her irritation, she introduced him to Buck.

“I have heard much about thee,” Nathan said, as he shook Buck’s hand. “And I want to thank thee for guiding Amanda safely on her journey west.”

“I can’t take all the credit,” Buck mumbled. “She had another guide before me.”

“That’s true, but you brought me most of the way,” Amanda interjected.

In the midst of an awkward silence, Amanda heard her name being called. “Oh, that’s Eliza,” Amanda said. “I’d better go see what she wants.”

Amanda hurried off, leaving the two men alone. Eliza had volunteered to watch Little Fawn that morning so Amanda could attend the wedding, and she had a feeling the baby might have become fussy.