Woman of Courage (38 page)

During the visit they’d discussed what Amanda’s duties would be, and it was agreed that she could teach some of the younger children and help out wherever was necessary. That suited Amanda just fine. She looked forward to settling in at the mission when she returned there with Little Fawn in the morning.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Buck said, halting Amanda’s musings. “Are ya havin’ second thoughts about helpin’ out at the mission?”

She shook her head. “I’m just reflecting on everything the Spaldings told me today.”

“Think you’re gonna be happy living there?” he questioned.

“I believe God sent me on this journey and He helped me make it here, so that makes me happy,” Amanda replied, without really answering Buck’s question. The truth was, she’d be much happier if Buck were staying, too, and would agree to help out at the mission. But that was just wishful thinking. He’d made it clear that he would be heading back to his home in the Rockies soon, and Amanda was sure that, short of a miracle, Buck would keep true to his word.

“How is Little Fawn?” Amanda asked when she and Buck returned to Laughing Wolf’s lodge in the Nez Percé camp.

“She is fine,” Mary replied, motioning to the mat where Little Fawn and Little Joe lay sleeping. “How it go at mission?”

“It went well.” Amanda smiled. “They want me to teach the small children, and I’ll begin as soon as I get settled in there.”

“When you plan to go?”

“Tomorrow morning.” Amanda paused. “Would you go with me, Mary—I mean, Yellow Bird?”

“To see mission?”

“I think she wants you to live there with her there,” Buck interjected, before Amanda could respond to Yellow Bird’s question.

Yellow Bird’s dark eyebrows shot up. “I belong here with family. We have much catching up to do.”

Amanda nodded. “I understand that, but I was hoping you would continue to feed Little Fawn until she is weaned. I know it’s a lot to ask, but …”

“She will come,” Gray Eagle spoke up. “We both speak English, and we will come to mission and help where we can.” He looked at Laughing Wolf and Small Rabbit. “Wouldn’t you like to go there, too?” he asked in their native tongue.

There was a long pause, and then Laughing Wolf nodded and said, “We will go see what it is like, and maybe we can help.”

“What did your father just say?” Amanda asked.

“He say they will come, too.” Yellow Bird looked over at Buck. “You come also?”

Buck shook his head. “I’ll be leavin’ for my place in the mountains tomorrow, and I probably won’t come back this way.”

Yellow Bird noticed the look of disappointment on Amanda’s face before she cast her eyes downward after hearing Buck’s plans. It was obvious that she was in love with Buck. Yellow Bird was pretty sure Buck cared for Amanda, too, so it didn’t make sense that he’d be leaving. She wished there was something she could do to keep him from going, but it was Buck’s decision, and she would not interfere. Maybe when he woke up in the morning he would change his mind.

When Buck awoke the following day, he gathered up his gear. It had snowed during the night, but had stopped, and he wanted to get an early start, before it began snowing again. Travel could be grueling in the high country once winter set in. If things got too bad, he might have to hole up at one of the forts until spring.

Buck felt a sense of regret as he looked at Amanda sitting near the fire, holding her daughter.
If only things could be different
, he silently fumed.
How many times have I said that to myself? Amanda is a Christian, and I am not. She’s a proper-speaking, beautiful woman, and I’m a half-breed, rugged mountain man. We don’t belong together, and it’s better that I return to what’s familiar to me
.

Even though Buck hashed out the reasons with himself, he knew that if he stuck around even for another day or so, it would be that much harder for him to leave. No, he had to go now, before he gave in to his desire to stay near Amanda.

“I’m headin’ out now,” he said, moving to the center of Laughing Wolf’s Lodge, where Gray Eagle, Yellow Bird, and her family had gathered.

“You will be missed,” Yellow Bird said with a catch in her voice. “Don’t you want stay and eat breakfast first?”

He shook his head. “I’ll eat on the journey. Your mother gave me some pemmican, and I have dried berries and meat, so I’ll be fine.”

“I will pray for safe travels,” Yellow Bird said.

“Thanks for that.” Buck glanced at Amanda. “I hope things go well for you at the mission.”

She smiled, although it seemed to be forced. “I hope things go well for thee—I mean, you, too.”

“Thanks.” Buck hesitated a minute, then turned and rushed out of the lodge. Thunder sat next to his horse, as if he knew Buck was soon to leave.

After securing the rest of his gear, Buck hunkered down to pet the dog’s head. “You take care of everyone, ya hear?”

Thunder responded with a lick to Buck’s hand. The dog was as faithful as any animal could be. Buck would miss his four-legged friend.

As if waiting for their travels to begin, a lone
kree-e-e-e-e
… sounded, as Buck’s winged brother circled overhead. Buck looked up and saw the reddish tint of the hawk’s tail as it soared in the morning’s light, and he knew without a doubt that the hawk would accompany him home.

“Well, Thunder, ol’ boy, time’s a-wastin’.” Buck had to leave now before he changed his mind.

Yellow Bird sang one of her favorite Nez Percé chants while rocking Little Joe to sleep. For the past week since her family had moved their lodge to the mission site, she had spent time getting reacquainted with both family and friends while preparing for her forthcoming marriage to Gray Eagle. She was thankful everyone had accepted her and Little Joe, as well as Amanda’s Flathead daughter. Yellow Bird was also happy to learn that her brother, Little Bear, had married Smiling Squirrel during her absence, and that they were expecting their first child in the spring. It would be nice for Little Joe to have a cousin to grow up with.

The time spent waiting for the wedding day, which would also happen in early spring, was a good chance for Yellow Bird and Gray Eagle to become reacquainted. Yellow Bird prayed daily that she would be a good wife and not disappoint her new husband in any way. It seemed that she had waited all her life to become Gray Eagle’s wife, and while her thoughts were a mixture of apprehension and anticipation, she thanked God for the joy in her heart. She would always miss Jim Breck and the love they had come to know, and she would be certain that Little Joe learned about his real father when he was old enough to understand. However, nothing ever had, or ever could, come close to what she felt for Gray Eagle. She was certain he would make a good father for Little Joe, as well as any other children they might be blessed with in the future.

When Yellow Bird wasn’t taking care of Little Joe and Little Fawn, she helped Amanda at the Spalding mission, acting as an interpreter, since she could speak both the Nez Percé language, as well as English. Two Feathers, another Nez Percé woman, also spoke English and did some of the interpreting, but she was new to the tribe since Yellow Bird had left, and Yellow Bird hadn’t had the chance to get to know the woman yet.

Much to Yellow’s Bird surprise, Rev. and Mrs. Spalding recognized her, and also she recognized them, because it turned out that Rev. Spalding had been the preacher who had performed the ceremony when she and Jim had gotten married. Little did she realize back then, that this was the same couple who were heading west to start a mission to teach her people about God.

Yellow Bird’s parents, as well as Gray Eagle and his family, helped out with chores at the mission and seemed to enjoy the pictures from the Bible stories Eliza Spalding drew, as well as the songs that were sung during the worship services. Amanda seemed pleased and had told Yellow Bird that she hoped her family would come to know the Lord personally, just as Yellow Bird had done.

Yellow Bird looked down at Little Joe, snuggled peacefully in her arms. As she sang the babe a song, she thanked the Great Spirit one more time for giving her this special son.

Sitting on a mat inside Yellow Bird’s tepee, Amanda smiled as she observed the tender moment between Yellow Bird and Little Joe. She enjoyed hearing Yellow Bird’s song. It reminded her of a lullaby. Perhaps it was a Nez Percé lullaby. It had certainly put the baby to sleep.

Little Fawn, now a little over three months old, was also sleeping. She’d fallen asleep after her last feeding. She was a contented baby and seemed to be doing well physically.
Of course, that’s because of Yellow Bird
, Amanda thought with gratitude.
Little Fawn would not have survived without the nourishment Yellow Bird provided from the day I first found my precious daughter
.

Amanda glanced around the tepee, feeling grateful she and Little Fawn had a place to stay. Since there wasn’t room in the Spaldings’ log home for extra people, Amanda and her daughter had been staying with Yellow Bird and her parents in the tepee they had erected on the mission grounds. It was a good opportunity for Amanda to learn more of the Nez Percé customs, and Yellow Bird continued to teach Amanda some Indian words.

During the day, while either Yellow Bird or her mother kept an eye on Little Fawn, Amanda helped out at the mission, teaching the younger children, and doing whatever she could to make Eliza’s life easier. The poor woman had her hands full, taking care of her little one, as well as instructing the Indian girls who had come to the mission to learn how to sew and do several other things. About one hundred children came to the mission every day, and Amanda enjoyed teaching them Bible verses and songs. Having no books to teach with, Mrs. Spalding had printed some books by hand and often drew pictures to depict some of the Bible stories. This took a good deal of time, so Amanda knew her help was appreciated.

Amanda liked keeping busy. It felt good to be doing something worthwhile, and it helped to take her mind off Buck, for she often found herself thinking of him and wondering how he was doing. It had snowed off and on the last couple of days, adding several more inches to the ground. Amanda could only imagine what it must be like as Buck ventured higher into the mountains. She hoped he would make it safely to his cabin, for the things she had learned about winter in the Rockies let her know how challenging it could be. She shuddered, just thinking about it.