William Shakespeare's The Phantom Menace (8 page)

You are a Jedi Knight. Is not this true?

Why wouldst thou think a thing as this, young lad?

I saw your sword bewitch'd with laser beam.

None but the Jedi wield such rare defense.

Perhaps I slew a Jedi, then took it.

It is not so, for I believe no one

Hath pow'r enough, a Jedi for to slay.

O how I wish that such a thing were true.

I dream'd, once long ago, that I—e'en I—

Had train'd to be a Jedi, then return'd

To Tatooine to liberate each slave.

'Twas but a dream, yet, O, how sweet its touch.

Have you, good sir, come to deliver us?

Nay, nay, unfortunately I have not.

You say 'tis so, and yet I think you wrong:

I do believe you have come bearing freedom.

For wherefore else fly here, to Tatooine?

'Tis plain to me thou wilt not be the fool,

Young Anakin. We go to Coruscant,

The central system of th'Republic, on

An enterprise of great pith and moment.

How thither came your company, e'en to

The Outer Rim?

—Our ship was damagèd,

And we are stranded till we make repair.

For certain, I shall lend you aid, for I

Am skill'd and can fix any broken thing.

Indeed, I verily believe thou canst.

But first, we must acquire the parts we need.

We no got nutten mula tradee.

These refuse dealers must some weakness have.

'Tis gambling—all the commerce here doth spin,

In shaky orbit, 'round the sun of those

Most awful, frightful races—e'en the pods.

Podracing, yea. O, greed an ally strong

May be—mayhap 'tis something we can use.

I built a racer—aye, the fastest e'er.

A podrace happens on the morrow, e'en

On Boonta Eve. My pod may be your wager.

Peace, Anakin! Thou knowest Watto shall

Not let thee enter into any race!

He knoweth not that I have built the thing!

You, Qui-Gon, may make him think it is yours,

Convincing him to let me pilot it.

I shall not see't. I die when thou dost race.

Say, wouldst thou slay a mother's heart again?

Yet, Mother, 'tis what I do love to do.

The money to be made upon the course

Would more than pay for parts of which they've need.

Fie, Anakin …

—Thy mother hath the right.

Tell me, I pray: is there none friendly to

Republic's cause who'd rise and lend us aid?

Alas, there's none. Not here on Tatooine.

Sweet mother, hear my words and know my heart:

My love for you is vast beyond compare,

You know that I love naught so well as you.

'Tis you who taught me this: our universe

Is massive, infinite. The trouble, though,

Begins because no one shall help the other.

A universe of beings, and each one

Is too uncaring or afraid to stretch

Their arms out wide and proffer helping hands.

Shall we, in this grim moment of their need,

Do just as others do and turn our backs?

In troth, I know that Qui-Gon willingly

Would not put thy sweet son in danger's way.

Another path we somehow shall seek out.

The boy is right; there is no other way.

What I desire is not the utmost here:

He may assist you in the race. Indeed,

It seemeth he was meant to meet thy need.

[Exeunt
.

E'en as the Jedi fret to find their part,

New enemies do move to work them woe.

The Sith hath come, with evil in his heart,

Equipp'd with might to rise against his foe.

Replete with thoughts dark and insidious,

The Sith, Darth Sidious, doth plan his move.

He—with Darth Maul, apprentice hideous—

Expects they shall their obstacles remove.

So come they now, these men of vice and fear,

Illicitly to make all bend the knee,

Till they've the power, which they hold so dear,

Help'd by this Rumor through the galaxy.

[Exit
.

Enter
D
ARTH
S
IDIOUS
and
D
ARTH
M
AUL
.

The planet Tatooine hath settlements

But few and far between. Thus, if the trace

Hath done its work, I shall find them anon,

Good Master.

—Move against the Jedi first.

That done, the queen thou shalt with ease convince

To sign the treaty back in small Naboo.

At last, we shall reveal ourselves unto

The overcertain, pompous Jedi. Ha!

At last, forsooth, we shall see our revenge.

Thou hast been trainèd well, apprentice mine;

They shall in no wise be a match for thee.

[Exit Darth Sidious
.

What seeds of bitterness the Jedi sow

By their ambition and their errant pride.

Darth Sidious is god; and to his law

My services are bound. Wherefore should I

Stand in the plague of custom, and thus let

The curiosity of galaxies

Deprive me for that I am some twelve deeds

Lag of some honor? Why Sith? Wherefore base?

The path of shadows is my chosen way,

And who shall call me “villain” for the choice?

If 'tis some villainy to search for pow'r,

If 'tis a sin to sing the dark side's praise,

If 'tis an evil, striving 'gainst the wrong,

If this is so, a Sith may be call'd base.

My master with all readiness I serve,

That I may aid the downfall of the vile,

Contemptible and tiresome Jedi Council.

A Sith I'll be, and to my master sworn,

And face the Jedi with mine utmost scorn.

[Exit Darth Maul
.

How shall I silent be with this fool plan?

A queen—and her handmaiden—should speak out.

A queen—e'en her handmaiden—may object.

A queen—aye, too, her handmaiden—must balk

At this idea that hath no merit to't.

So shall this maiden play her hand as 'twere

The queen herself who doth her wishes speak.

Enter
Q
UI
-G
ON
J
INN
.

Are you convinc'd 'tis wise to trust this fate

That weaves for us a boy we hardly know?

The queen would not approve, if she were here.

'Tis fortunate for us she shall not know.

Yet neither doth my maiden's heart approve.

[Exit Padmé
.

Enter
W
ATTO
and
A
NAKIN
S
KYWALKER
.

The boy doth say that you would speckle him

To race? How can you do this thing? Say how!

Methinks not with Republic credits, ha!

My ship—the Nubian—shall be my fee.

'Tis well, 'tis well.

—The ship is well attir'd,

But for the parts of which I have a need.

In what do you propose the boy would ride?

For he did smash my pod in his last race.

Methinks he hath not time to make repair.

In troth, 'twas not my fault. Sebulba flash'd

Me with his vents. I sav'd the pod—well, most.

WATTO Aye, this is true; the boy is deeply skill'd.

Within a rough cantina close nearby,

I gain'd a pod a'playing games of chance.

It is the fastest ever built, they say.

WATTO I hope you kill'd no one I know for it:

Toydarians treat homophones with care.

Yet if you do speak true, you here propose

To offer up the pod and entry fee,

Whilst I supply the boy. If then we win,

You shall have half and I the other, yea?

If I supply two things and thou but one,

And still we split the winnings by their halves,

I must have some assurance: you, my friend,

Shall first provide the entry fee in cash.

Then if we win, you keep the money but

For those few parts I need. And should we lose,

You keep my ship. In either case, you win.

The deal is yours—and may we have success!

[Exit Qui-Gon
.

[
To Anakin:
] Yo bana pee ho-tah, meendee ya, eh?

[Exeunt Watto and Anakin
.

Enter
Q
UI
-G
ON
J
INN
speaking into communicator to
O
BI
-W
AN
K
ENOBI
,
who enters above, on balcony
.

What if this plan doth not succeed aright?

It may be eons till we leave this place.

To call for help is far too dangerous,

And yet, a ship sans pow'r shall not release

Us from this barren planet, Tatooine.

Moreover, there is something in this boy

I would discover ere we do depart.

[Exit Obi-Wan from balcony
.

Enter
S
HMI
S
KYWALKER
.

Good e'en.

—Good e'en. Thou shouldst be proud of thy

Young son. He gives no thought of a reward.

He knows no greed. He hath—how shall I say't?

He hath a power most profound, 'tis true?

Aye.

—He doth see things ere they do transpire.

'Tis why the speed of his reflexes seems

So swift—it is a Jedi quality.

He doth deserve more than a slaving life.

Had he been born under Republic skies,

He would have been identified when young

And then become a Jedi. Yea, the Force

Is strong with him indeed, 'tis passing strong.

Who, prithee, was the father to the boy?

Alas, I do not know. Mistake me not:

View not this tale of mine with a mistrust

Ere you have heard it all: there was no father.

My boy is mine—I carried him until

Arriv'd the very moment of his birth,

Rais'd I the babe into the lad and yet,

I still cannot explain how he did come.

And now I shall ask you: can you help him?

I do not know. In troth, I did not come

To Tatooine to liberate its slaves.

Enter
A
NAKIN
S
KYWALKER
, P
ADMÉ
, J
AR
J
AR
B
INKS
, R2-D2, C-3PO, K
ITSTER
, S
EEK
, A
MEE
,
and
W
ALD
,
working on Anakin's podracer
.

A veritable astro droid! How art

Thou e'er so fortunate, O Anakin?

There's better still shall come: the Boonta race

Shall be my playground on the morrow.

—Eh?

With this most scrap-infested heap of bones?

Na jesko joka, Anakin, ho ho!

Thou hast work'd on the podracer for years.

It never shall give thou the speed thou need'st.

Come, let's be gone unto some other sport.

If he keep'st on, he will soon smashèd be.

[Exeunt Wald, Amee, and Seek
.

I bid thee, Jar Jar, keep thy distance from

The binders of vast energy thereon.

Shouldst thou e'en get a finger caught within,

Thou shalt for hours bear with its numbing pain.

[
aside:
] The little master doth instruct me right,

Yet so that he shall think me quite unwise

I'll risk a moment in the binder's beam.

[Jar Jar bends down, catching his mouth in the energy binders
.

[
To Anakin:
] My tonguee sisso rubba innee.