William Shakespeare's The Phantom Menace (6 page)

For thy weak instruments, perhaps, but not,

I tell thee truly, Viceroy, for a Sith.

Behold my Sith apprentice: Darth Maul he.

Your lost ship shall be swiftly found by him.

[Exeunt Darth Sidious and Darth Maul from beam
.

Oft double is a thing that one would wish:

A double blessing is a boon, indeed,

A double meaning renders one word two,

A double-edgèd sword may cut both ways,

A double honor is a monarch's gift.

But what is this when evil doubl'd is?

'Tis then that one hath trouble doubl'd, too.

This deal is one that we should have declin'd,

For now we two are in a double bind.

[Exeunt
.

The hero of our quick escape is here:

This little droid, so well and deftly made.

Sans doubt it sav'd the ship and our own lives.

The droid shall have my royal commendation.

What is the droidly number it doth bear?

'Tis R2-D2, Highness.

—All our thanks

And gratitude we bear to thee, good droid:

Thou brave and gallant R2-D2.

—Beep!

Pray, Padmé, clean this droid with all thy skill.

It is deserving of what kindness we

May proffer to it.

—Meep, beep, whistle, squeak!

[Padmé and R2-D2 move aside and she begins cleaning the droid
.

Continue with thy briefing, Captain, please.

I call on Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn to speak.

Your Highness, with permission we shall fly

Unto a planet small call'd Tatooine.

It lieth in a system far beyond

The Federation's harsh and grasping reach.

The Jedi's will and mine do not agree.

I prithee, trust my judgment, Highness. Let

My wisdom make its proof by worthy deeds.

[Exeunt Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Sabé, and Captain Panaka
.

Enter
J
AR
J
AR
B
INKS
.

Hello! Say whosa are-a yousa?

I'm Padmé call'd, handmaiden to the queen.

And meesa Jar Jar Binks, dass meesa.

Thou art a Gungan, art thou not? 'Tis true?

[
aside:
] O, she is swift of mind. “A Gungan,” ha!

Her thoughts already label me as brute.

How didst thou come to be on board with us?

[
aside:
] And wherefore doth she ask? A ship, belike,

Is no place for a Gungan to be found.

She would assume we lurk in swamp and mire,

Not in her precious folly-laden ship.

But soft you, Jar Jar, give the girl your best.

[
To Padmé:
] Ahh, me no know. Me daysa startin'

So okeeday with brisky mornin'

A'munchen. Den de boomy boomy,

And meesa scardee, grabbin' Jedi,

Then powsa, meesa wit you heera.

Now meesa gettin' very scardee.

Indeed, this is a day for fear and doubt—

It seems your cause and mine are well align'd.

[Exeunt Jar Jar and Padmé
.

Enter
Q
UI
-G
ON
J
INN
, O
BI
-W
AN
K
ENOBI
, C
APTAIN
P
ANAKA
,
and
R
IC
O
LIÉ
in cockpit
.

'Tis there, below! The planet Tatooine.

Our scope doth show a settlement nearby.

Land thou the ship beyond its boundary.

I would not seek more notice than we need.

[Exeunt Captain Panaka and Ric Olié
.

The generator of the hyperdrive

Is done and finish'd, Master. We shall need

To make repair ere we depart from here.

This is a complication to our plans.

And there is more: I pray, be on thy guard:

I sense a great disturbance in the Force.

I feel it also, Master. 'Tis as if

Some evil is arising in our midst.

Be certain that they no transmissions make.

I shall go forth to find a hyperdrive

That shall suffice to make the ship's repair.

Stay thou behind, her Highness to defend.

[Exit Qui-Gon
.

Now wherefore am I left to watch the ship

When I too am a Jedi, just as he?

Nay, still my tongue—'tis not for me to guess

At my wise master's thoughts, or criticize.

My master Qui-Gon is a pow'rful man

And hath been more than teacher unto me.

Full fortunate am I—and well I know't—

To be the man's apprentice. Many would

Consider such a post and master more

Than any Jedi should expect. Indeed,

To be with Qui-Gon is to be well serv'd

By the uncertain, fickle hand of Fate.

I shall be dutiful till he come back,

And keep the queen protected from attack.

[Exit
.

Come, Jar Jar, let us find the settlement.

Dis sun is murther for me skinnee.

Enter
C
APTAIN
P
ANAKA
and
P
ADMÉ
.

Kind sirs, a word! The queen doth wish for you

To take her handmaiden along with you.

No more commands shall we obey today;

Her Highness hath already had her fill.

The spaceport we make expedition t'ward

Is not some royal court: it shall be rife

With fearsome, base, and vicious characters.

It is no place to bring a handmaiden.

The queen desires it; curious is she

About this planet and what lies hereon.

This is a course with which I disagree:

A queen's desire's not rationale enough.

[
To Padmé:
] Remain close at my side. I'll see thee safe.

[Exit Captain Panaka as Qui-Gon, Padmé, Jar Jar, and R2-D2 walk toward the spaceport
.

What know you of this land, this Tatooine?

Who are its people, what is their employ?

'Tis modest moisture farmers, in the main.

Some tribes indigenous, and scavengers.

The spaceports such as this are haven to

Those who aren't lost, and yet would not be found.

Indeed, your words describe our company.

O dissen veree veree baddee.

Let us seek out a smaller dealer here—

More likely shall we then be unobserv'd.

Enter
W
ATTO
.

Oo ditta noya? Chuba di naya?

Strange flying imp, I do require parts for

A J-type three-two-seven Nubian.

Aye, Nubian, our strong specifically.

We have full many of those parts herein.

[
To Anakin, within:
] Peedunkel! Naba dee unko!

—My droid

Doth carry all the details technical.

Enter
A
NAKIN
S
KYWALKER
.

[
to Anakin:
] Coona tee-tocky malia, peedunk'?

Mel tassa cholpassa. [
Aside:
] My master asks

What kept me, yet did I not come anon?

Chut! Ganda doe wallya. Me dwana n'bat'.

[
To Qui-Gon:
] The boy shall watch the store, whilst we discourse

Your needs—belike the part outside awaits.

I prithee, thither come with me, my friend.

[
to Jar Jar:
] Thou fool: touch nothing, lest thou mischief make.

[Qui-Gon and Watto walk aside
.

[
aside:
] Though I am young, and burden'd by the shine

Of too much sunlight here on Tatooine,

Still I can tell the presence of a light

Far brighter than e'er I dream'd possible.

O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!

[
To Padmé:
] Excuse me this intrusion, madam, but:

Are you by some celestial body sent?

Did you make home beyond the galaxy,

Whence you did come to bless my little life?

What didst thou say?

—Are you celesti'lly born?

Those pilots who do wander deep in space

Do tell of beings pure and undefil'd:

Such beauty's in their aspect and their song

That all who hear their music 'gin to weep

And long to be forever in the sway

Of their most splendid, perfect melody.

Methinks they live upon the moon Iego,

And there they play their notes for all who pass.

Thou art a droll, audacious little boy.

How comes this knowledge from such youthful lips?

I do but listen: train my ear toward

The traders and the pilots who traverse

This lonely planet. Truly, I do call

Myself a pilot, too, and shall one day

Fly far beyond this planet's stifling reach.

Thou art a pilot?

—Troth, for all the days

I have upon this barren planet dwell'd.

What is the number of those days thereon?

O, since I was a lad of but three years.

My mother and myself were peddl'd to

Gardulla of the Hutt, who did but lose

Her new investment gambling o'er the pods.

Thou art a slave?

—O appellation dire!

Pray, when you think of me think not of slave.

Think not that I am baseborn, made to work,

Think not of one who lives by harsh commands,

Think not of one whose destiny's controll'd,

Think rather of my worthy qualities,

Think of my name, good lady: Anakin.

And so I shall, hereafter. Pardon me,

For I do not full understanding have

Of this strange place, which is still new to me.

[Jar Jar touches a small droid, which begins to walk around and break things. Jar Jar seizes the droid
.

O silly beast, strike it upon the nose!

[Jar Jar touches the small droid's nose, and it collapses
.

[
aside with Qui-Gon:
] The generator for the hyperdrive

For your T-14 … ahh, methinks 'tis close!

Fate smiles on you today: I am, nearby,

The sole possessive of the needed part.

You would do well to purchase some new ship,

For mayhap 'twould be cheaper so to do.

And since we do of money start to speak,

How shall you pay for this extensive part?