LUCETTA
What would your ladyship?
JULIA
Is’t near dinner-time?
LUCETTA
I would it were,
That you might kill your stomach on your meat
And not upon your maid.
⌈
She drops and picks up the letter
⌉
JULIA
What is’t that you
Took up so gingerly?
LUCETTA Nothing.
JULIA
Why didst thou stoop then?
LUCETTA
To take a paper up that I let fall.
JULIA
And is that paper nothing?
LUCETTA
Nothing concerning me.
JULIA
Then let it lie for those that it concerns.
LUCETTA
Madam, it will not lie where it concerns,
Unless it have a false interpreter.
JULIA
Some love of yours hath writ to you in rhyme.
LUCETTA
That I might sing it, madam, to a tune,
Give me a note. Your ladyship can set.
JULIA
As little by such toys as may be possible.
Best sing it to the tune of ‘Light o’ love’.
LUCETTA
It is too heavy for so light a tune.
JULIA
Heavy? Belike it hath some burden, then?
LUCETTA
Ay, and melodious were it, would you sing it.
JULIA
And why not you?
LUCETTA
I cannot reach so high.
JULIA
Let’s see your song.
⌈
She tries to take the letters
⌉
How now, minion!
LUCETTA
Keep tune there still. So you will sing it out.
And yet methinks I do not like this tune.
JULIA You do not?
LUCETTA
No, madam, ‘tis too sharp.
JULIA
You, minion, are too saucy.
LUCETTA
Nay, now you are too flat,
And mar the concord with too harsh a descant.
There wanteth but a mean to fill your song.
JULIA
The mean is drowned with your unruly bass.
LUCETTA
Indeed, I bid the base for Proteus.
JULIA
This bauble shall not henceforth trouble me.
Here is a coil with protestation.
She tears the letter and drops the pieces
Go, get you gone, and let the papers lie.
You would be fing’ring them to anger me.
LUCETTA (
aside
)
She makes it strange, but she would be best pleased
To be so angered with another letter.
Exit
JULIA
Nay, would I were so angered with the same.
O hateful hands, to tear such loving words;
Injurious wasps, to feed on such sweet honey
And kill the bees that yield it with your stings.
I’ll kiss each several paper for amends.
She picks up some of the pieces of paper
Look, here is writ ‘Kind Julia’—unkind Julia,
As in revenge of thy ingratitude
I throw thy name against the bruising stones,
Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.
And here is writ ‘Love-wounded Proteus’.
Poor wounded name, my bosom as a bed
Shall lodge thee till thy wound be throughly healed;
And thus I search it with a sovereign kiss.
But twice or thrice was ‘Proteus’ written down.
Be calm, good wind, blow not a word away
Till I have found each letter in the letter
Except mine own name. That, some whirlwind bear
Unto a ragged, fearful, hanging rock
And throw it thence into the raging sea.
Lo, here in one line is his name twice writ:
‘Poor forlorn Proteus’, ‘passionate Proteus’,
‘To the sweet Julia’—that I’ll tear away.
And yet I will not, sith so prettily
He couples it to his complaining names.
Thus will I fold them, one upon another.
Now kiss, embrace, contend, do what you will.
Enter Lucetta
LUCETTA
Madam, dinner is ready, and your father stays.
JULIA Well, let us go.
LUCETTA
What, shall these papers lie like telltales here?
JULIA
If you respect them, best to take them up.
LUCETTA
Nay, I was taken up for laying them down.
Yet here they shall not lie, for catching cold.
JULIA
I see you have a month’s mind to them.
LUCETTA
Ay, madam, you may say what sights you see.
I see things too, although you judge I wink.
JULIA Come, come, will’t please you go?
1.3
Enter Antonio and Panthino
ANTONIO
Tell me, Panthino, what sad talk was that
Wherewith my brother held you in the cloister?
PANTHINO
‘Twas of his nephew Proteus, your son.
ANTONIO
Why, what of him?
PANTHINO He wondered that your lordship
Would suffer him to spend his youth at home
While other men, of slender reputation,
Put forth their sons to seek preferment out—
Some to the wars, to try their fortune there,
Some to discover islands far away,
Some to the studious universities.
For any or for all these exercises
He said that Proteus your son was meet,
And did request me to importune you
To let him spend his time no more at home,
Which would be great impeachment to his age
In having known no travel in his youth.
ANTONIO
Nor need’st thou much importune me to that
Whereon this month I have been hammering.
I have considered well his loss of time,
And how he cannot be a perfect man,
Not being tried and tutored in the world.
Experience is by industry achieved,
And perfected by the swift course of time.
Then tell me, whither were I best to send him?
PANTHINO
I think your lordship is not ignorant
How his companion, youthful Valentine,
Attends the Emperor in his royal court.
ANTONIO I know it well.
PANTHINO
‘Twere good, I think, your lordship sent him thither.
There shall he practise tilts and tournaments,
Hear sweet discourse, converse with noblemen,
And be in eye of every exercise
Worthy his youth and nobleness of birth.
ANTONIO
I like thy counsel. Well hast thou advised,
And that thou mayst perceive how well I like it,
The execution of it shall make known.
Even with the speediest expedition
I will dispatch him to the Emperor’s court.
PANTHINO
Tomorrow, may it please you, Don Alfonso,
With other gentlemen of good esteem,
Are journeying to salute the Emperor
And to commend their service to his will.
ANTONIO
Good company. With them shall Proteus go.
Enter Proteus with a letter. He does not see Antonio and Panthino
And in good time. Now will we break with him.
PROTEUS Sweet love, sweet lines, sweet life!
Here is her hand, the agent of her heart.
Here is her oath for love, her honour’s pawn.
O that our fathers would applaud our loves
To seal our happiness with their consents.
O heavenly Julia!
ANTONIO
How now, what letter are you reading there?
PROTEUS
May’t please your lordship, ‘tis a word or two
Of commendations sent from Valentine,
Delivered by a friend that came from him.
ANTONIO
Lend me the letter. Let me see what news.
PROTEUS
There is no news, my lord, but that he writes
How happily he lives, how well beloved
And daily gracèd by the Emperor,
Wishing me with him, partner of his fortune.
ANTONIO
And how stand you affected to his wish?
PROTEUS
As one relying on your lordship’s will,
And not depending on his friendly wish.
ANTONIO
My will is something sorted with his wish.
Muse not that I thus suddenly proceed,
For what I will, I will, and there an end.
I am resolved that thou shalt spend some time
With Valentinus in the Emperor’s court.
What maintenance he from his friends receives,
Like exhibition thou shalt have from me.
Tomorrow be in readiness to go.
Excuse it not, for I am peremptory.
PROTEUS
My lord, I cannot be so soon provided.
Please you deliberate a day or two.
ANTONIO
Look what thou want’st shall be sent after thee.
No more of stay. Tomorrow thou must go.
Come on, Panthino. You shall be employed
To hasten on his expedition.
Exeunt Antonio and Panthino
PROTEUS
Thus have I shunned the fire for fear of burning
And drenched me in the sea where I am drowned.
I feared to show my father Julia’s letter
Lest he should take exceptions to my love,
And with the vantage of mine own excuse
Hath he excepted most against my love.
O, how this spring of love resembleth
The uncertain glory of an April day,
Which now shows all the beauty of the sun,
And by and by a cloud takes all away.
PANTHINO
Sir Proteus, your father calls for you.
He is in haste, therefore I pray you go.
PROTEUS
Why, this it is. My heart accords thereto,
And yet a thousand times it answers ‘No’.
Exeunt
2.1
Enter Valentine and Speed
SPEED (
offering Valentine a glove
)
Sir, your glove.
VALENTINE
Not mine. My gloves are on.
SPEED
Why then, this may be yours, for this is but one.
VALENTINE
Ha, let me see. Ay, give it me, it’s mine—
Sweet ornament, that decks a thing divine.
Ah, Silvia, Silvia!
SPEED Madam Silvia, Madam Silvia!
VALENTINE How now, sirrah?
SPEED She is not within hearing, sir.
VALENTINE Why, sir, who bade you call her?
SPEED Your worship, sir, or else I mistook.
VALENTINE Well, you’ll still be too forward.
SPEED And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.
VALENTINE Go to, sir. Tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?
SPEED She that your worship loves?
VALENTINE Why, how know you that I am in love?
SPEED Marry, by these special marks: first, you have learned, like Sir Proteus, to wreath your arms, like a malcontent; to relish a love-song, like a robin redbreast; to walk alone, like one that had the pestilence; to sigh, like a schoolboy that had lost his ABC; to weep, like a young wench that had buried her grandam; to fast, like one that takes diet; to watch, like one that fears robbing; to speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walked, to walk like one of the lions. When you fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it was for want of money. And now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that when I look on you I can hardly think you my master.
VALENTINE Are all these things perceived in me?
SPEED They are all perceived without ye.
VALENTINE Without me? They cannot.
SPEED Without you? Nay, that’s certain, for without you were so simple, none else would. But you are so without these follies that these follies are within you, and shine through you like the water in an urinal, that not an eye that sees you but is a physician to comment on your malady.