The Two Gentlemen of Verona
1.1
Enter Valentine and Proteus
VALENTINE
Cease to persuade, my loving Proteus.
Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits.
Were’t not affection chains thy tender days
To the sweet glances of thy honoured love,
I rather would entreat thy company
To see the wonders of the world abroad
Than, living dully sluggardized at home,
Wear out thy youth with shapeless idleness.
But since thou lov’st, love still, and thrive therein—
Even as I would, when I to love begin.
PROTEUS
Wilt thou be gone? Sweet Valentine, adieu.
Think on thy Proteus when thou haply seest
Some rare noteworthy object in thy travel.
Wish me partaker in thy happiness
When thou dost meet good hap; and in thy danger—
If ever danger do environ thee—
Commend thy grievance to my holy prayers;
For I will be thy beadsman, Valentine.
VALENTINE
And on a love-book pray for my success?
PROTEUS
Upon some book I love I’ll pray for thee.
VALENTINE
That’s on some shallow story of deep love—
How young Leander crossed the Hellespont.
PROTEUS
That’s a deep story of a deeper love,
For he was more than over-shoes in love.
VALENTINE
‘Tis true, for you are over-boots in love,
And yet you never swam the Hellespont.
PROTEUS
Over the boots? Nay, give me not the boots.
VALENTINE
No, I will not; for it boots thee not.
PROTEUS
What?
VALENTINE
To be in love, where scorn is bought with groans,
Coy looks with heart-sore sighs, one fading moment’s
mirth
With twenty watchful, weary, tedious nights.
If haply won, perhaps a hapless gain;
If lost, why then a grievous labour won;
However, but a folly bought with wit,
Or else a wit by folly vanquished.
PROTEUS
So by your circumstance you call me fool.
VALENTINE
So by your circumstance I fear you’ll prove.
PROTEUS
‘Tis love you cavil at. I am not love.
VALENTINE
Love is your master, for he masters you,
And he that is so yoked by a fool
Methinks should not be chronicled for wise.
PROTEUS
Yet writers say ‘As in the sweetest bud
The eating canker dwells, so doting love
Inhabits in the finest wits of all.’
VALENTINE
And writers say ‘As the most forward bud
Is eaten by the canker ere it blow,
Even so by love the young and tender wit
Is turned to folly, blasting in the bud,
Losing his verdure even in the prime,
And all the fair effects of future hopes.’
But wherefore waste I time to counsel thee
That art a votary to fond desire?
Once more adieu. My father at the road
Expects my coming, there to see me shipped.
PROTEUS
And thither will I bring thee, Valentine.
VALENTINE
Sweet Proteus, no. Now let us take our leave.
To Milan let me hear from thee by letters
Of thy success in love, and what news else
Betideth here in absence of thy friend;
And I likewise will visit thee with mine.
PROTEUS
All happiness bechance to thee in Milan.
VALENTINE
As much to you at home; and so farewell. Exit
PROTEUS
He after honour hunts, I after love.
He leaves his friends to dignify them more,
I leave myself, my friends, and all, for love.
Thou, Julia, thou hast metamorphosed me,
Made me neglect my studies, lose my time,
War with good counsel, set the world at naught;
Made wit with musing weak, heart sick with thought.
Enter Speed
SPEED
Sir Proteus, save you. Saw you my master?
PROTEUS
But now he parted hence to embark for Milan.
SPEED
Twenty to one, then, he is shipped already,
And I have played the sheep in losing him.
PROTEUS
Indeed, a sheep doth very often stray,
An if the shepherd be a while away.
SPEED
You conclude that my master is a shepherd, then,
and I a sheep?
PROTEUS I do.
SPEED
Why then, my horns are his horns, whether I wake or sleep.
PROTEUS A silly answer, and fitting well a sheep.
SPEED This proves me still a sheep.
PROTEUS True, and thy master a shepherd.
SPEED Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.
PROTEUS It shall go hard but I’ll prove it by another.
SPEED The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the shepherd. But I seek my master, and my master seeks not me. Therefore I am no sheep.
PROTEUS The sheep for fodder follow the shepherd, the shepherd for food follows not the sheep. Thou for wages followest thy master, thy master for wages follows not thee. Therefore thou art a sheep.
SPEED Such another proof will make me cry ‘baa’.
PROTEUS But dost thou hear: gav’st thou my letter to Julia?
SPEED Ay, sir. I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to her, a laced mutton, and she, a laced mutton, gave me, a lost mutton, nothing for my labour.
PROTEUS Here’s too small a pasture for such store of muttons.
SPEED If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her.
PROTEUS Nay, in that you are astray. ‘Twere best pound you.
SPEED Nay sir, less than a pound shall serve me for carrying your letter.
PROTEUS You mistake. I mean the pound, a pinfold.
SPEED From a pound to a pin? Fold it over and over ‘Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to your lover.
PROTEUS But what said she?
SPEED (
nods, then says
) Ay.
PROTEUS Nod-ay? Why, that’s ‘noddy’.
SPEED You mistook, sir. I say she did nod, and you ask me if she did nod, and I say ‘Ay’.
PROTEUS And that set together is ‘noddy’.
SPEED Now you have taken the pains to set it together, take it for your pains.
PROTEUS No, no. You shall have it for bearing the letter.
SPEED Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear with you.
PROTEUS Why, sir, how do you bear with me?
SPEED Marry, sir, the letter very orderly, having nothing but the word ‘noddy’ for my pains.
PROTEUS Beshrew me but you have a quick wit.
SPEED And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.
PROTEUS Come, come, open the matter in brief. What said she?
SPEED Open your purse, that the money and the matter may be both at once delivered.
PROTEUS (
giving money
) Well, sir, here is for your pains. What said she?
SPEED Truly, sir, I think you’ll hardly win her.
PROTEUS Why? Couldst thou perceive so much from her?
SPEED Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her, no, not so much as a ducat for delivering your letter. And being so hard to me, that brought your mind, I fear she’ll prove as hard to you in telling your mind. Give her no token but stones, for she’s as hard as steel.
PROTEUS What said she? Nothing?
SPEED No, not so much as ‘Take this for thy pains’. To testify your bounty, I thank you, you have testerned me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry your letters yourself. And so, sir, I’ll commend you to my master.
⌈
Exit
⌉
PROTEUS
Go, go, be gone, to save your ship from wreck,
Which cannot perish having thee aboard,
Being destined to a drier death on shore.
I must go send some better messenger.
I fear my Julia would not deign my lines,
Receiving them from such a worthless post.
Exit
1.2
Enter Julia and Lucetta
JULIA
But say, Lucetta, now we are alone—
Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?
LUCETTA
Ay, madam, so you stumble not unheedfully.
JULIA
Of all the fair resort of gentlemen
That every day with parle encounter me,
In thy opinion which is worthiest love?
LUCETTA
Please you repeat their names, I’ll show my mind
According to my shallow simple skill.
JULIA
What think’st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?
LUCETTA
As of a knight well spoken, neat, and fine,
But were I you, he never should be mine.
JULIA
What think’st thou of the rich Mercatio?
LUCETTA
Well of his wealth, but of himself, so-so.
JULIA
What think’st thou of the gentle Proteus?
LUCETTA
Lord, lord, to see what folly reigns in us!
JULIA
How now? What means this passion at his name?
LUCETTA
Pardon, dear madam, ‘tis a passing shame
That I, unworthy body as I am,
Should censure thus on lovely gentlemen.
JULIA
Why not on Proteus, as of all the rest?
LUCETTA
Then thus: of many good, I think him best.
JULIA
Your reason?
LUCETTA
I have no other but a woman’s reason:
I think him so because I think him so.
JULIA
And wouldst thou have me cast my love on him?
LUCETTA
Ay, if you thought your love not cast away.
JULIA
Why, he of all the rest hath never moved me.
LUCETTA
Yet he of all the rest I think best loves ye.
JULIA
His little speaking shows his love but small.
LUCETTA
Fire that’s closest kept burns most of all.
JULIA
They do not love that do not show their love.
LUCETTA
O, they love least that let men know their love.
JULIA
I would I knew his mind.
LUCETTA (
giving Proteus’ letter
)
Peruse this paper, madam.
JULIA
‘To Julia’—say, from whom?
LUCETTA
That the contents will show.
JULIA
Say, say—who gave it thee?
LUCETTA
Sir Valentine’s page; and sent, I think, from Proteus. He would have given it you, but I being in the way Did in your name receive it. Pardon the fault, I pray.
JULIA
Now, by my modesty, a goodly broker.
Dare you presume to harbour wanton lines?
To whisper, and conspire against my youth?
Now trust me, ‘tis an office of great worth,
And you an officer fit for the place.
There. Take the paper.
She gives Lucetta the letter
See it be returned,
Or else return no more into my sight.
LUCETTA
To plead for love deserves more fee than hate.
JULIA
Will ye be gone?
LUCETTA
That you may ruminate.
Exit
JULIA
And yet I would I had o‘erlooked the letter.
It were a shame to call her back again
And pray her to a fault for which I chid her.
What fool is she, that knows I am a maid
And would not force the letter to my view,
Since maids in modesty say ‘No’ to that
Which they would have the profferer construe ‘Ay’.
Fie, fie, how wayward is this foolish love
That like a testy babe will scratch the nurse
And presently, all humbled, kiss the rod.
How churlishly I chid Lucetta hence
When willingly I would have had her here.
How angerly I taught my brow to frown
When inward joy enforced my heart to smile.
My penance is to call Lucetta back
And ask remission for my folly past.
What ho! Lucetta!