Who Moved My Blackberry? (31 page)

Dearest Mummy

I've got some very big news for you. Jens is pregnant … I am totally over the moon, obviously. I think it means that I'll be moving back home soon, though Jens wants to take it very slowly. We are going to see a counselor next week to sort out a couple of issues, but should be for the best.

Your loving son

Martie

From:
Faith Preston

To:
All Directors

Everyone congregate in reception at 6:45 in your best 70s fancy dress, and we'll go together to the London Dungeons!!

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Great party last night! I saw you ogling that new trainee on your team—she can't be more than 21!!!

Odd turnup for yours truly—this must be the first Christmas party on record where I spent the evening trying to get off with my ladywife. Didn't altogether succeed; she said that my vintage 1970s lilac ruched shirt and brown velvet jacket made her feel sick. But at least she is talking to me again.

Martin

Hair of the dog later?

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Jenny Withers

Jens, darling—I've been thinking … let's have our usual Yule party. It's been an amazing year, and we've got a lot to celebrate. What do you think? It needn't be that much work. In view of your condition, let's push the boat out and get caterers in. I'll look after the booze, but they could do a seasonal finger buffet. How about doing it on the 22nd?

Love both of you (!) M x

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Pandora@CoachworX!

Hi Pandora

I'm happy to say that won't be necessary to prolong Executive Bronze as things have taken a turn for the better chez nous—most surprising turnup is that we're having another baby!

I've also been offered a job here which I think I'm going to accept. I've been thinking about my core values, and I think it plays to all of them.

As a combined “thank you” and a “meet and greet” I wondered if you'd be able to attend our annual Christmas Party on Wednesday night? For obvious reasons it's all very last minute, but I do hope you can make it. It'll be very informal—just a few really close friends. 37 The Avenue, Wimbledon. Finger buffet, champers and Martin Lukes' famous lethal mulled wine! Any time from 7pm—hope to see you then!

Cheers, Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Katherine Lukes

Hi Katherine

Sorry to hear that you're still feeling so low after the breakup with Fiona. It's been quite a year for that sort of thing. Are you sure it's wise to go ahead with the adoption on your own?

Looks like Jens and I are back together, and we're having a party to celebrate. Do hope you can come. You'll meet the whole family in one go. Details and map attached. Hope you see you then!

Best, Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Very short notice, but we've decided to have our traditional Yule knees-up after all this year. 22nd. Hope you and Lynne can make it.

Mart

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Glad you enjoyed it! Am feeling v rough this am, but I think everyone had a good time.

Was it the hallucinatory effects of my punch, or did you disappear upstairs at one point with Svetlana? She certainly doesn't believe in playing hard to get!!! Even Jake had a go at her at one point …

Cheers, Martin

PS What did you think of my speech? Went down like a lead balloon with Jens, but I was pretty pleased with it.

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Thanks, yes I thought you'd get the joke! Jens has been giving me a v hard time about it—when everyone had finally gone home last night she went ballistic that I had announced the impending birth of our little one—she says that she hasn't told anyone at work yet, that it's all early days etc etc. She also didn't think my comparisons with the virgin birth were at all funny.

Btw I think it's a great idea for Pandora to coach you next year. Did I overhear her saying that she's your #1 fan?? I should warn you she says that to all her coachees!!

You'll find that although some of what she says is bullshit, basically she's very sound. On balance, she's been cathartic for myself over the past year but now is the right time for me to move on. I've signed up with Steven Roberts from 4-Dimensional Leadership, who specializes in coaching people at the chief exec level. He's a bit more expensive than Pandora, but hopefully worth it to me at this juncture in my career.

Have a good one

Mart

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Katherine Lukes

Hi Katherine

It was great to see you last night after all this time. You haven't changed a bit. Once I got used to your new hairdo I could see you are just the same little sis! Obviously there's a bit more of you than there used to be, but then I'm spreading out a bit myself!

It was good of you to spend so much of the evening chatting to Jake. Most adults have difficulty in seeing the positive side of him. Not sure you should have been encouraging him with the mary jane though!!

Great that you got on so well with Pandora. Did I ever tell you that it was she who suggested that I make contact with you, as she said you'd benefit from closure with me? Hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of telling her that you had just come out of a long-term relationship, and that she might be able to help you work through some issues on rejection. I've found her very useful on matters personal.

Actually, it was very weird for me meeting her, as until last night I had never clapped eyes on her. I've been e-mailing her all my innermost thoughts for the past year so there's very little about yours truly that she doesn't know intimately!!!! I couldn't get over her appearance—I was expecting her to be petite and forceful and sexy. So you can imagine how shocked I was at the reality!

Have a terrific Crimble. Let's meet up in the new year a deux to have a natter about old times.

Cheers, Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Phyllis Lukes

Dearest Mum

Sorry you couldn't make it to the party. It was a huge success. Weird seeing Katherine after all this time. At first I didn't recognize her at all. She's aged a lot and put on weight. The red spiky hair is a mistake.

It was also very odd meeting Pandora. She's hugely fat and was wearing a pink shell suit, and kept on nipping out onto the loggia for a fag. It's very hard to believe that she was ever a ballerina … She was all over Katherine, and the two of them shared a cab home afterwards. The thought occurred to me that she may be inclined that way too. Which would make a lot of sense. I suppose neither of them, for different reasons, ever met the right man.

Jake and Katherine really bonded, and as I said to Jens afterwards, there are a lot of similarities between them. Both of them have lived in the shadow of brilliant siblings, which has definitely left scars. K's asked Jake to go and stay in Brighton in the New Year at her place and experience some of the counterculture there, which was nice of her.

As for Max, his new religious jag is really getting to me. He stood on the sidelines looking disapproving as we all got merry. Drinking is what Crimble is all about. I'll drive down and pick you up tomorrow morning. Really looking forward to a lovely family Christmas xx

Your loving son

Martie

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Hi Graham

How was yours?? Ours pretty good, though Jens feeling sick and very bad tempered. Jake and I went for a long Boxing Day walk, and although he's still monosyllabic I think relations between us are improving. Max spent most of the morning at church, and the afternoon doling out soup in some hostel. And mum was happy as Jens let her cook the turkey. Slight friction when Mum said Jens should stop work and 43 was an unnatural age to have a baby. I could see where she was coming from, but it wasn't exactly tactful.

Still I was allowed back into the marital bed—though no hanky-panky as yet due to the nausea. Jens gave me the South Beach Diet for Crimble, and I've said I'll start in the New Year. I think it allows me to drink but only red wine. Pint of Guinness in an hour?

Martin

PS Did you read in the papers over Christmas that it looks like BSM may get locked up for some time? Serves him right.

From:
Roger Wright

To:
All Staff

Re: Staff changes

Martin Lukes is to become Director of Special Projects and Strategy, effective immediately. This is a main board position, reporting to myself. Martin will be in charge of a broad range of projects and will work closely with other directors and members of staff. He will continue to be responsible for our right-shoring project. I wish him every success in his new role.

Thelma Dowd has been appointed his assistant.

Roger Wright

Chairman

From:
Pandora@CoachworX!

To:
Martin Lukes

Hi Martin

This is the last day of Executive Bronze and the last day of our journey. I have said many words to you over the year, and I have only two left.

Martin, I want to say: Thank you. Thank you for making the journey. Thank you for growing. It's been an incredible year. Thank you for sharing it with me. You have come a long, long way and I now can officially declare you to be 22.5 percent better than your best! As your Number One fan I would like to say:

Martin, keep striving and keep thriving!

Pandora

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
All Staff

Dear friends, co-colleagues, mentors and mentees,

After some gut-wrenching soul searching with family and friends, I have come to an important decision re my career at a-b glöbâl. Over the holiday season I have pondered whether to pursue some exceedingly interesting opportunities in the “outside world,” or whether to stay here at a-b glöbâl.

You will have seen from Roger's announcement what my decision has been. However, I'm sure that you will all be curious about the thinking that went into this decision, and so I have decided to share it with you.

I'm staying because I've been given the freedom to be the creovative™ genius I aspire to be

I'm staying because the people I work with are uniquely talented

I'm staying because I never have to say, “can I be frank?” I just always am

I'm staying because I continuously want to see “what's around the corner”

I'm staying because I think we can make this company a better place to work, and I want to be part of that

I'm staying for these reasons and many more. But, most importantly, I'm staying because when I meet someone on an airplane or at a dinner party and they ask me what I do for a living, I'm extremely proud to tell them that I am a Director of a-b glöbâl.

All my very bestest

Martin Lukes

From:
Cindy Czarnikow

To:
All Staff

Hi everyone!

Wow! Thank you Martin for your honesty in sharing something so personal with us. I know that many hundreds of a-b glöbâl employees will be so grateful to you for expressing—so eloquently—exactly what each of them was feeling.

Next year is going to be a great one for all of us. I can just feel it.

I'm smiling at all of you

Cindy

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Meet you downstairs now. I've got a raging thirst. M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Thelma Dowd

Hi Thelma

What's this urgent message from Sebastian Fforbes Hever? Did he say what he wanted?

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Thelma Dowd

Off for a drink with Graham. Happy New Year. Have a good one.

If Sebastian calls back, I've got my mobile, pager and BlackBerry with me.

Martin

At the end of the day, a book is basically all about teamwork.
Who Moved My BlackBerry?
was no exception.

First up, we would like to celebrate the contribution of Jasper McMahon, who brainstormed, thought outside the box, and sweated the small stuff. Kathryn Davies and Sathnam Sanghera had many key inputs to bring to the party, as did Edward Lucas.

Juliet Annan and Clare Alexander gave 120 percent all the way.

And above all, sincerest gratitude to my coach, friend, and mentor, Michael Skapinker, for his unstinting creovative assistance each week for my column in the
Financial Times
. Credit is also due to Richard Lambert, who had the guts and vision to see that
FT
readers would be interested in the weekly antics of one Martin Lukes! It is no exaggeration to say we could not have done this without any of you. Cheers.

Last but not least, we would like to thank our loving better halves, Jenny Withers and David Goodhart, who helped by reading the chapters, and for being there for us 24/7. Thanks to our children, Jake, Max, Rosie, Maud, Arthur, and Stan, for sharing in the tears and the laughter and for pushing the envelope until it almost fell off the table.